Big George.
Bloodstock festival 2004. Some lonely chappie had left a message on the bog wall reading "Cock fun wanted. Boys 12-16 only. Ask for Big George."
Underneath this an irate metalhead had put. "Fucking die you gay fucker. Satan will fuck you" then drawn an enormous fist throwing the horns. Succint.

Big George presumably does not apologise for length.
(Big D, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:25, Reply)

Crude poems are common here in bathroom stalls
"Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their turds in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of shit."

"Here I sit amidst clouds of vapor
Some S.O.B. done stole the paper.
Well I a'int got no time to linger
Look out ass here comes my finger."

"Here I sit all broken hearted
Came to shit but only farted.
Later on I took a chance
Tried to fart but shat my pants."
(evil_penguin_17 Robots of Doom... Attack!, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:25, Reply)

Best PLACE I've seen graffiti?!
On the Welsh evening news a few years back they were doing a story about some tree-hugging hippy protester types. Camera is on one soap-dodger being interviewed, and behind him his dog slowly walks past...

... in large letters shaved into the dog's side, the word "TWAT".

(just typed "twat dog" into Google Images, hoping there might be a visual - don't do this)
( Guy Incognito was last seen SLAM DUNK'N HOES on, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:24, Reply)

Highlights
of graffiti around my town include "Steve is a basted" and "shit happiens".

If you're gonna do it, at least do it properly.
(ZOMFG! LOLLER ROFLCOPTOR LMAO etc, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:24, Reply)

On a wall just outside my junior school
someone had scrawled in white paint "pigs will fly"

Underneath in different handwriting was "(if I kick one)"
( thistle, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:20, Reply)

Directly opposite an infants' school playground...
... on a wall in Cardiff:

Somone's sprayed a large (rather good) Roger Mellie, the man on the telly out of Viz, complete with "Bollocks" speech bubble.
( Guy Incognito was last seen SLAM DUNK'N HOES on, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:18, Reply)

keighley
in keighley the sign on the way in saying "welcome to keighley" had been changed to "welcome to dodge city" brilliant
(wardie-slcm, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:17, Reply)

this supreme display of wit recently caught my eye...

(wrigglesworth, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:11, Reply)

Nik, yes you're right, that Elvis sign always makes me laugh!
Another one -

"Uri Geller is a bender" - Aberystwyth train station bog cubicle, next to "I h8 Muslims"
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:06, Reply)

not exactly graffiti but...
on the wall above the urinal in our local, some attention-grabbing advertising from the gas showroom.

(spook, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:02, Reply)

2 good graffiti's
In a social club i used to work at, there was a label on the johnny machine saying 'This Machine is Alarmed', someone wrote underneath 'So Am I, She's 3 months pregnant'.


Also, on the way to Aberystwyth, about 10 miles out, is a large rock at the side of the road, for at least 20 years now, it has had 'ELVIS' painted on it. Everyone in Aber knows it as the Elvis rock, and every couple of years it gets a fresh coat of paint. I presume the students from Aber are keeping it prestine, otherwise it may be Elvis himself keeping the legend alive. Click this link for Elvis rock photos www.bbc.co.uk/wales/mid/sites/history/pages/elvis_rock_photos.shtml
( nikdude, Thu 3 May 2007, 20:00, Reply)

Someone needs to repost this one
www.b3ta.com/board/6953947
( thistle, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:57, Reply)

I must say this is looking like my favourite QOTW in a while.
I also have the feeling of déja vu.

www.b3ta.com/board/2259975
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:55, Reply)

On a wall in Scunthorpe for a very long time while I was young...
"I Love KP, She's Nuts."
(Whiskeyklone, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:55, Reply)

On the road to No-ware
On a sign on the A10 near Ware some mong tried to make a political statement.

The sign used to read "Ware" but they decided to change it to No War by crossing out the E. But they made a spazzy job of it so it reads "No Ware" nowhere! see geddit, ah sod ya.

Apoloigse for the length? Ok then but its the girth that provides the mirth!
(YellowZed, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:51, Reply)

"FREE ASTRID PROLL!"
In 1978, when the Baader-Meinhof terrorist-munter-lezza Astrid Proll was captured in UK while on the run from West Germany and banged up in HMP Holloway awaiting extradition, pinko commies like Tariq Ali were trying to lobby for her release. On walls across London were sprayed the words "FREE ASTRID PROLL!"



Underneath one someone had scrawled "No thanks! I don't like lager!"
(Roger Darce sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:50, Reply)

On the M40 approaching London

( NomDePlume fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:48, Reply)

Oxford graffiti Part 2
Re: the original story - there are a lot of loos in Oxford are like that. The girls' toilets in the bottom of part of the university library were legendary. You could spend hours in there reading old bits of scribbled wisdoms ranging from smart-arse limericks to Latin jokes (yeah) to big fat obscenities in elegant handwriting.

My favourite was the poem that covered the whole of the toilet door (it can't be the one our Fuhrer was talking about, or if so, what was he doing in the ladies, like?) It lasted six months, and yes, in that time, it did get covered in other people's helpful criticisms/corrections. If anyone has a burning desire to know what it was you can pm me - before I left, I wrote it down for posterity. (No responsibilty for wankiness shall be accepted.)


Oh yeah - There was also a very large list on one wall that had grown over the years and was constantly being added to. It was a guide to Oxford men - who had the biggest willy, who was secretly gay, who to avoid at all costs, and so on. Underground female conspiracy. There were some real gems there - my personal pick was one in great big black letters saying DAVID UNDERWOOD GAVE ME PUBIC LICE!!! underlined several times. Poor old Dave.


Length? One does not apologise in Oxford...
(jennymnemonic, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:48, Reply)

My Gran's Shed
When I was a little scrote, just learned to read, I remember stepping into my Gran's shed...well i say shed, it was actually half a barn that my uncle used to use for doing up his motorbikes and stuff when he was a teenager etc, the other half was walled off and part of the stables next door.

On one wall of the barn were the immortal words:

"ADOLF HITLER ESQ. INVITES ALL JEWS TO A BBQ"

On one of the others

"HAPPY EASTER TO JESUS"
(presumebly one of my uncles wrote them when they were youg..I have a good idea which one..)

I still find both funny to this day, and I don't think what Hitler did was big nor clever, and shouldn't have ever happened, but they say the best way to deal with tragedy is to laugh at it? Maybe I just have a twisted sense of humour.

-edit: If I get time before this QOTW ends, I'll nip up my gran's with me camera and grab some photo's of the above, as I am sure it's still there over 25 years later hehe -

My cousin Sharon, who I am sure frequents b3ta either lurking or posting, I dunno, will probably finally realise that another member of the family posts here now :D Now guess who it is Shaz :D
(Asharin Stabby stab stab, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:48, Reply)

!!!!
In the City where I live, there is an underpass and as your walking under you see this in little black letters.

"ENUFF LIES!!!!"

Giggled my ass off.

In the same city there is this temp agency(lots of those here) It's banner for months was

"Get your Foreign Worker Here!"

I can't believe it took them MONTHS to change it.
(Nihlistic_Alchemist Brand the Herd with Fashion, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:46, Reply)

Street signs
I live in San Francisco. One of the major streets here is called Dolores Street, named after Mission Dolores:



But apparently someone preferred to call it by a nickname:


(tellum0 is spelled with an 'o', Thu 3 May 2007, 19:45, Reply)

Always made me smile as I went past
"Rupert Bear is a plum"

Followed a few days later by

"R Bear is unamused"

Then
"Welcome to Rupert Bear Street"
( Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:44, Reply)

Done by Mr Man on my car

( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:42, Reply)

Plymouth, City of Disco
Till not along, as you entered Plymouth, somebody had covered the "very" of "Plymouth, City Of Discovery" Theres also this nice chappy around Plymouth:

(Seanus, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:42, Reply)

toilets
My favourite piece of graffiti is in the toilets of a pub called Bonds in a large chav town called Tamworth near Birmingham. In the right hand cubicle scrolled upon a wall in 1 ft high letters is the proclamation of the author "I am the Christ!" to which some drunken bum replied "His not the messiah his a very noughty boy" the next blurb reads "Grammatical errors observed its He's not his and noughty is spelt naughty you silly chav" another branch like some drunken brain storming sessions reads "I’m so sorry dictionary boy" needless to say this kept me entertained for the duration of my urination in a busy toilet.
(Retow, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:40, Reply)

"ABANDON WOG SLUM!"
Was what it said for years in letters 4ft high, along the wall of an disused factory overlooking the Liverpool Street to Cambridge railway line at Seven Sisters.

Me and thousands of others used to look out the window of the train every morning and evening and think: "Yeah, time to get out!"
(Roger Darce sold his birthright for a mess of pottage, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:40, Reply)

Button Moon
In my neck of the woods, a sign pointing people in the direction of a small village named "Hutton Roof" is regularly altered to read "Button Moon".

No matter how many times the council change it back, it's usually changed within a few weeks and it still makes me piss my pants with laughter every time I drive by.
(Speet1 knows at least 69 love songs, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:40, Reply)

Can't believe I didn't think of it before.
I live in a town called Pool, which has a huge sign saying ''Pool Is The Future''.

Drove past it one morning to find someone had ripped the ''l'' from the word ''Pool''.


Poo Is The Future.




You heard it here first.
(Harold Bishops Love Child www.haroldbishopslovechild.com, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:38, Reply)

As seen on the back of a lorry in Hull

"Shhhh! immigrants sleeping inside"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:35, Reply)

On a shop shutter in North Shields -
Free Spencer Mandela
(egon spengler, Thu 3 May 2007, 19:35, Reply)