FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. when we were students, we got caught fare dodging on the driverless miracle, the DLR
it seemed very unfair to us. it was quicker to nip out to zone 3 and pick up the central line than to piss around changing to get to zone 1 on the DLR. but one particular day, the DLR had a conductor on board. we saw this nemesis coming, so we slipped out of the carriage and ran down the platform to get on at the other end.

unfortunately he saw us and made a beeline for us. in front of everyone. my friend, who was studying law, gave him a great eloquent speech that would have wrung tears of injustice from a brass monkey. but the conductor was having none of it. he simply handed us a fine each and booted us off the train.

when we checked the fine, he'd written on the back: STROPPY TEENAGERS DODGING FARE.

"fare" play really...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:36, 210 replies)

I bet the overworked and abused conductors love getting speeches from fucking home counties law undergraduate twats who "know their rights".

They should have de Menezes-ed the lot of you.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:56, closed)

YES!
*VOTES BAGGENFOCK!*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:57, closed)

she was from romford
and there were only 2 of us
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:14, closed)

Must be lost on you that Essex is a Home County and so is Cheshire, nearly.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:20, closed)

if you think romford is "home counties" then you have never been there. now off you pop and write some more doctor who teenage boy wank fanfic, there's a good little pissflap.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:22, closed)

How can you not understand what the Home Counties are, you thick cunt?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:30, closed)

simmer down clagnut

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:34, closed)

might have been easier to say "whoops I was wrong" here
just sayin like

or ... you know ... just keep digging
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:43, closed)

oh dear
i'm disappoint to have to put you in the same "thick cunt" box as quinchy.

i don't think a bleached blonde white high heeled essex girl was what baggensock had in mind when he described a law spouting privileged undergrad annoying a poor beleaguered DLR worker.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:45, closed)

That description gave me a bit of a chubby.
just saying
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:51, closed)

Because you're imagining someone under the legal age of consent

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:53, closed)

i always, always, ALWAYS get caught out.
fuck.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:54, closed)

Is 'i'm disappoint' a new thing. You being so hot on spelling and shit.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:52, closed)

sigh
b3ta.com/search/posts?q=i+am+disappoint
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:53, closed)

It must be interesting to see her 'perform' in court.
She presents a 'fact', the opposing bench points out where and how she's wrong and so she ripostes with 'yronner I put it to you that my opposite number is a big smelly poo'.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:53, closed)

it must be interesting to see you with a patient that's writhing in agony
the patient screams, the sympathetic nurse ignores it but instead enters the symptoms into a carefully updated "wail archive"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:01, closed)

We tend to call it a 'pain score' and use it to give out the correct analgesia, I think you'll find.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:04, closed)

don't tell lies
you must be exactly the same in work as you are on here. EXACTLY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:04, closed)

It is often the case that strings of characters actually have specific, unambiguous meanings.
Familiarising yourself with these meanings can help prevent embarrassment - I recommend a dictionary or an online search engine.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:31, closed)

you talked about a "home counties twat". not a home county. the point was that my friend was a real essex girl, not a home countries twat in the sense that you clearly meant it. not whether essex is in the home counties or not.

i recommend a trip to romford to check this out. then bumming quinchy to do penance for your sins.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:36, closed)

^upset

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:39, closed)

^ has never posted anything funny, even by mistake ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:39, closed)

Romford is in Essex. Essex is a Home County. Is this lack of attention to detail the reason you sleep
with the boss? As much as I appreciate your fixation with Skagra, we are not the same person. Now why not go and coil a nice turd out to play with, perhaps you can smear it on your pissflaps and use it as lube make it easier to insert your head.

dreary fucking bitch.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:33, closed)

yes dear
but not everyone in essex is a "home counties twat". now stop being dull and pissy and whiny, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:37, closed)

^bloo bloo
Although I bet your panties are wet at the thought of that coiled turd.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:40, closed)

i think you're trying to displace your pederast bumming tendencies

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:41, closed)

A pederast, yes go the whole hog with your underlying homophobia. Eating shit is something
that is not illegal, being a pederast is. Are you accusing me of carrying out unlawful acts with children?
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:44, closed)

Well, you are gay, so yeah I reckon so.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:45, closed)

^ UPSET ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:46, closed)

Answer the question.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:47, closed)

^piss and vinegar ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:49, closed)

Lovely. I see your law training has come to some use.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:53, closed)

and i see a pissy little dullard.
which is what everyone sees, whenever you post your pissy little dullness.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:54, closed)

good lord, now you speak for the people. Barely able to speak for yourself but now you speak for the people.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:57, closed)

remember all those times your stories topped the populol page
or all those times people posted about how funny you were?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:57, closed)

I don't even know what a populol page is nor care. I only care about being accused of being a pederast presumably from
a member of the Law society and who works in law.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:05, closed)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:12, closed)

dog fucker

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:15, closed)

^forgot how to troll

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:18, closed)

THREATEN TO EMAIL HER BOSS!!!

THAT'LL SHOW HER!
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:12, closed)

Why would her boss be the person to email? This is not Fathelme shit.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:14, closed)

That's libellous.
You might want to rethink that post.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:16, closed)

fair's fair ... you did point out a very minor gap in her knowledge and inadvertently pour petrol on her massive insecurity bonfire

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:46, closed)

didn't get any of those degrees in spelling, did you now?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:47, closed)

I did a couple of years of English as it happens.
But it was mostly Anglo-Saxon verse so probably not relevant to whatever feeble diversion tactic you were attempting there.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:16, closed)

cunt

(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 10:52, closed)

Did she mean "grammar"?
Did you mean "grammar", love? Bless, it's awesome that you post on the normal internet, makes me feel like we're helping you live a life outside of your disabilities.
(SlantedScience, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 23:09, closed)

Wait, so Essex isn't one of the Home Counties any more?
Is it still legal tender though?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:37, closed)

better ask dozer
but be warned, he's second only to quinchy in terms of boneaching dullness
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:37, closed)

Dozer's LOVELY, you spiteful Ginge.
Stop bullying him.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:05, closed)

well this is most odd
i don't think anyone has ever called him that before. not even his grandmother when she first saw his wee little face.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:06, closed)

How the hell do you get allowed into a court when you're patently shit at presenting any kind of sensible case?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:51, closed)

how the hell do you get allowed near a patient when you have no semblance of decency or pleasantness?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:52, closed)

It's OK to admit you're wrong, here.
That's me being nice here, a true cunt would suggest you keep arguing the point and stropping despite it making you look a teeny bit dim.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:55, closed)

genuinely i find it bizarre that anyone could think this was a debate about where essex is
rather than a comment about assumptions about the type of person who would spout law at someone trying to give them a penalty ticket. but it's hardly important. it's just given old quinchy a break from writing complaints about birds singing too loudly or children enjoying themselves in the park.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:56, closed)

So, let me get this straight.
You're actually getting a strop on because, when someone is accused of being a 'home counties twat' and it turns out they actually live in the home counties despite you trying to claim otherwise?

I'll ask again - how the hell do you keep in work?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:00, closed)

no, that's not straight
i could have put "haha, yes, she was from a home county but she was actually from romford, which isn't very much like you'd think when you hear the phrase 'home counties'" but i didn't think it was necessary. i can't say i'm sorry either, this has amused my afternoon.

now, how the hell do you adminster drugs when you can't read?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:03, closed)

Lock down your flickr accounts folks, she's going Full Fathelme.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:05, closed)

nah, you're all way too ugly

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:07, closed)

projection

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:33, closed)

god no
i'll freely admit my ugliness
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:36, closed)

I think we'd all very much prefer if you kept it hidden.
Thanks.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:02, closed)

i'll wrap it up in an orange cagoule
just for you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:04, closed)

Sexy as fuck.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:16, closed)

orange cagoules are sexiest of all the cagoules
but i had a pink and green one as a child that would have made you stand up like a chapel hat peg
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:16, closed)

I am member of the RSPB, just one of my many charities. As for children playing in parks, I probably
have more healthy, normal relationships with children and their parents than you do or will ever have. Would not want that jeopardized by some fucking prick on the internet accusing me of being a pederast. Imagine the emotional damage that would cause to me.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:01, closed)

^^ upset ^^
also, thinks he owns a charity. somewhat disturbing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:04, closed)

If you can interpret things, then I am sure you know I meant charities that I contribute donations and not claim ownership.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:09, closed)

Giving money to charity is quite a normal thing
Bringing it up doesn't strengthen your standing in an argument. It makes you look self-righteous and conceited.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:10, closed)

Yes, It went well with swipes imaginings of my letter writing to complain about bird song, just to prove
yet again she knows fuck all about fuck all.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:12, closed)

I think we have now reached what we call 'special olympics event horizon' point in this Online Argument..
…whereby it doesn't matter now who wins, they'll both look like spastics.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:16, closed)

So what do we do until next Thursday?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:19, closed)

YM.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:22, closed)

Hitler

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:19, closed)

stop spoiling things, you dirty little spoiler

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:20, closed)

CRIMINAL!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:57, closed)

next time get a little army-surplus peaked cap
and stand at the front, claiming to be the driver
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:58, closed)

Glad you are keeping it real by continuing your stroppyness into adulthood.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:46, closed)

i'm sweetness and light, me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 14:50, closed)

this thread is easily heading into the 100+ Fairholme club
and all because a ryvita muncher was too proud to admit she didn't know what the Home Counties are.

Splendid stuff. Splendid.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:18, closed)

AND it's only the first one of the week as well.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:23, closed)

Albert and Rob will be furious when their new sock puppet accounts are enabled on Tuesday
FURIOUS
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:40, closed)

i thought you and albie were pizza bezzies now?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:41, closed)

He got upset again when people pointed out that his imaginary holiday to Miami would be 100F and pissing with rain.
:(
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:50, closed)

oh man
you'll have to lend him a cagoule clad shoulder to cry on
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:51, closed)

I love the word "cagoule".

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:01, closed)

this will come as a surprise to nobody (who has actually bothered to read this far down, so in fact, nobody)

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:04, closed)

cagoule, oboe and clotheshorse
Sadly, I don't own any of these things.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:13, closed)

you don't own a clotheshorse?
how do you dry your clothes? and what do your kids use to make dens in the bathroom??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:17, closed)

I have a tumble dryer and an "outdoors".
I'm not some pleb in a damp shared flat.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:19, closed)

i have outdoors and a tumble dryer
but sometimes it's raining and you don't want to tumble dry stuff because it's delicate. or the environment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:38, closed)

not sure there's room for two backtracking sessions in one thread but go for it

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:41, closed)

whoa. all your stuff can go in a tumble dryer
and I'M the pleb?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:51, closed)

lol shit dryer
100 POSTS
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:06, closed)

lol m&s pants
101...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:10, closed)

yerr ... my wife's French ... it's not like we have any shortage of foolishly delicate fabrics in the house
I'm sorry that your household appliances are 20th century hand-me-downs and you can't afford dry cleaning and you dry your stale cashmere over a rack in your shared bathroom like a student.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:14, closed)

you forgot to mention that she didn't know Essex was a Home County

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:15, closed)

yeah ... soz ... distracted by her bedsit washing situation

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:16, closed)

lol spastic
Did you accidently type that into the wrong browser window?

Now I'm trying to work out who you were meant to be.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:30, closed)

*belm*
not all of us are desperate sock puppets, petal
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:41, closed)

... it's not like we have any shortage of foolishly delicate fabrics in the house
I'm sorry that your household appliances are 20th century hand-me-downs and you can't afford dry cleaning and you dry your stale cashmere over a rack in your shared bathroom like a student.

so she never washes anything anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:19, closed)

mmm
garlic crotch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:19, closed)

your grasp of national stereotypes is as strong as your grasp of Home Counties

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:23, closed)

^ likes plaited arm pit hair ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:28, closed)

armpit hair doesn't really bother me
what with being an adult

always strikes me as odd that some supposed adults are so uncomfortable with the reality of human bodies ... it's not like waxing and shaving will magically cure being an ugly spinster
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:31, closed)

^ is worryingly immune to armpit sweat by now ^

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:33, closed)

see ... squeamishness and prudery ... I genuinely don't get it
it's like the dreary cunts who whine about people being 'too old' for stuff when they're barely into their thirties ... what a fucking catastrophe of a life
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:37, closed)

most of me wants to agree with you, which makes me feel dirty
but i do think armpit hair looks fucking hideous
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:43, closed)

imagine suckling yesterday's Old Spice talcum powder out if it.
Go on. Imagine.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:44, closed)

blimey
what comes after dirty? sick and ashamed?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:45, closed)

everybody loves vomit
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:47, closed)

i don't think we're going to get this to 200 by ourselves
did you know that southend-on-sea is also in essex?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 17:50, closed)

we need an Albert or a Fairholme to take this to a double century

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 18:08, closed)

Quinchy's just said his most intelligent thing ever
He might get it there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 18:59, closed)

You sure are pretty and so intelligent.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 19:02, closed)

There are chimps in zoos that could type more intelligent things than you do, pissy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 19:56, closed)

I am sure the more intelligent chimps know that Essex is a home county regardless of ones
interpretation of the socio-economic status of people from the home Counties.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 20:37, closed)

Imagine thinking there was only one way to interpret something. How narrow minded and dull that must be.
You have the brain power and cognitive abilities of a cupboard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 20:40, closed)

Are you two
still at it?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 20:46, closed)

Just helping her validate her life via achieveing 200 posts. Keeps her out of the bosses bed.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 21:04, closed)

and I meant bosses, as in many.
talking of chimps, yet again. Is it the bonobo that uses sex to improve its social status?
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 21:06, closed)

Sexist prick - how typical of you to value a woman so little and think she could achieve nothing. Guess none of "your" charities are about promoting fairness.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 22:34, closed)

You were never asked to interpret. Simple statement, Romford is in the Home Counties. How you
personally choose to define the original comment is your doing and fuck all to do with me or my very poor cognitive abilities. I still detect through those retarded abilities that you are a cunt with little moral substance.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 21:12, closed)

And who asked you to interpret my post, you nasty sexist whining sack of piss?
Piss.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 23:10, closed)

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGG





belm
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 18:39, closed)

Wait. I want to know how the canary copped it.

(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:25, closed)

repost
as those of you who have done d of e may know, you have to complete 4 sections: a 2 day trek, physical, skills and community service.

so my friend and i chose care for animals. she worked in a petshop at weekends. one day, the owner left us alone for 5 mins. my friend, whom we shall identify correctly as sam, decided she could cope with cleaning out the canaries.

she could not and one made a desperate bid for freedom.

there followed about 10 mins of benny hill-esque panic as sam chased the poor terrified feathery little twat around the shop with a net. eventually i told her to leave the poor thing alone. at which point it perched obligingly on the top of the display board in the window. sam could not resist. she pounced once more with the net...

... and shoved it, beak first, into the window, where its poor little neck snapped. there it was, for all the world to see, stuck between the glass and the display board, a dead bird with a broken neck. that only works for a butcher, not a pet shop.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 15:32, closed)

I shouldn't laugh, but....
Anyway. As a responsible adult ( a label for anyone over 30 with a child for some reason ), I've been on a few camps with DofE kids before, one group didn't like me that much, I think it may have something to do with me waving goodnight to them grinning from my campervan as they crept into their wind and rain battered tents.
Or it could have been something else, who knows?
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:13, closed)

the woman who ran the shop was fucking furious
the rest of us may have lol'd. poor canary though.

i suspect it was your grinning face. do you think it could have been your face?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:18, closed)

Sob
Yes, yes it was!

DON'T LOOK AT ME!!
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 9:07, closed)

I wonder
How long this thread will keep going before
a. A thread deleting cunt fucks it up.
b. A dog fingerer mod throws down a ban hammer
Or c. No one replys anymore out of spite
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:01, closed)

Oh, I don't know
I'm currently a happy little camper and feel free with my replies.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:14, closed)

Don't the tickets state "By any reasonable route"?
OK, looks like that's only some kinds of ticket.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:41, closed)

yer
but she's a long way from reasonable
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 16:47, closed)

I've not bothered reading replies, but 123 is a lot fot qotw, has something interrsting happened?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 19:43, closed)

Yup
It turns out that new B3ta user 'Baggenfock' is AMAZING
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 19:51, closed)

I am a pederast gay for pointing out that Essex is a Home County. However, in context
the interpretation is that Swipe is right because she read Home Counties to mean Hurrah Henry and Jolly Hockey sticks types of people and chose to ignore the simple fact that Essex is a Home county. Plus she still literally and not metaphorically fucks the boss to break through the glass ceiling. There was some more angst and now she wants 200 posts so that she can beat Sob Carehome and look really cool to her mates. Because I feel pity for her I am continuing to assist. And that's what happened on Glee.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 21:57, closed)

Essex is still shit

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 16:47, closed)

No you are thinking of the residents. Essex is lovely and one of our glorious Home Counties.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 19:58, closed)

Carrying this on here.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 7:00, closed)

no need ... when the fat gay and the office clerk wake up from their post-fuck nap they'll be straight back at it

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 8:13, closed)

Pissy Pederast Fat Gay, thanks.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 8:55, closed)

soz Gary

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 9:05, closed)

I like Take That and as such you should retract your view on Mr. Barlow.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 9:11, closed)

what's a home county?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 11:20, closed)

it's a rigidly defined geographic area
and the term can have NO OTHER MEANING, IMPLICATION, INTERPRETATION OR ANYTHING ELSE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 11:42, closed)

You should have given up ages back.
You're only confirming everyone's low opinion of you now.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 22 Aug 2014, 15:47, closed)

shut up
everyone loves me. except quinch, because he hates women..
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 16:11, closed)

^Delusional

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 22 Aug 2014, 16:34, closed)

this is not very LOVELY of you :(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 17:23, closed)

Just pointing out that you secretly hope that Quinchy only acts that way to get chicks.
Also, I AM being LOVELY, I'm only trying to help bump the post count to 200 for you Needyswipe.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 22 Aug 2014, 17:27, closed)

Oh good
I quite like you, you're one of the GOOD ones
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 17:50, closed)

Pity it's still got about 18 posts to go.
NEVER going to make it.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 22 Aug 2014, 17:53, closed)

yeah
its been pushed off the end of the page now and that scottish lunatic kind of stole the thunder

oh well, we can dream of what could have been.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 18:05, closed)

Haven't been on b3ta in about 4 years...
and I come back to this little beauty! As you were, ladies/gents, I'm sure you can hit two hundred posts by home time.
(brainmeat ... and that's why it burns when you pee., Fri 22 Aug 2014, 13:40, closed)

Its all irrelevant
Essex is a bloody awful place
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 16:37, closed)

my brother lives in old leigh, that's v pretty
in a kind of enid blyton shrimping on the mudflats and swigging ginger beer way
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 16:48, closed)

If he wears white stilettos and has bleach blonde hair he is from Essex. If not, then he cannot live
in Essex. Is he in a home county or not, questions questions.

From your sexist, pederast, murdering, kitten drowning, gay, pissy, billy no mates, hated by all, complaining fucking dullard.


Okay Princess.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Fri 22 Aug 2014, 20:10, closed)

Well this makes as much sense as your usual whining
But you forgot to shove in that you once managed to have sex 30 years ago, like all the rest of your qotw "stories"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:18, closed)

None of which involve sex with alcoholic, incontinent bosses.
Princess.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:19, closed)

10 years ago I started dating a man who was one of the qualified solicitors when I was a trainee, so not really a boss. Call it simplification for posting on a comedy message board, if you will.
We dated for 4 years, but only worked together for 2 months of it and then moved to separate firms. But don't let that stop your revolting sexist assumptions that it's how all women do better than you, eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:55, closed)

how is this sexist, you thick twat?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:00, closed)

If he can make wild leaping nasty assumptions, so can everyone else, dr unemployable
But also see his earlier shit about breaking the glass ceiling etc
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:02, closed)

Oh like nonce and pederast. You simpering twat.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:08, closed)

No
That was based on your cringeworthy posts to skagra
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:10, closed)

may as well go for 300.
what the fuck are you banging on about now?
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:14, closed)

you do seem to be taking that particular snipe very personally ... one could be forgiven for thinking there might be more than a grain of truth in it

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 10:51, closed)

I just want to record the fact that I was here and witnessed this thread.
195.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:29, closed)

You bandwagon-jumping BAWBAG.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:39, closed)

Damn. Got me - though I maintain that it's a perfectly reasonable bandwagon to jump.
And at least it's not DLR jumping, eh? Amirite?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:48, closed)

Also: 200.
Soz.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 9:51, closed)

Since we're all here...
It seems like somebody has me on 2.0 and while I don't care enough to log out to see who it is I wouldn't mind knowing. So if everyone could ask everyone else to stop ignoring me that would be great.

Plus it would get this thread a bit closer to 300 replies.
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 12:26, closed)

it'd be easier all round if everybody just put you on ignore

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 12:42, closed)

It would make this week's stories more interesting.
But then no one would be able to see how upset I am. I would be forced to make a puppet account and send pictures of people's kids to their boss.
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 14:29, closed)

What's 2.0?

( heyrudi has just found this setting, Tue 26 Aug 2014, 13:09, closed)

Ignore 2.0
It's as effective as putting your fingers in your ears and shouting "Ner ner ner I can't hear you!"
(Thor McLegend FUCK SHITPANTS PAC MAN, Tue 26 Aug 2014, 15:36, closed)

The salty tears of upset here could easily fill Robs pool.

(Your name: Board Sig:, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 15:38, closed)

Turned out nice again.

(SlantedScience, Sat 23 Aug 2014, 23:42, closed)

Can
we start deleting posts yet?
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 10:43, closed)

deletion is for the mentally unstable

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 27 Aug 2014, 17:28, closed)

221 Replies?
What kind of a hornet's nest could you have stirred up with that post?

I quite liked it.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Thu 28 Aug 2014, 14:10, closed)

desperate internet warriors looking for someone to smite with their mighty swords of upset

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Aug 2014, 14:18, closed)

What the fuck is all this about? Does anyone remember?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Thu 28 Aug 2014, 17:20, closed)

ballbags I think

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Aug 2014, 17:39, closed)