someone
i would have skipped across red hot coals and crawled naked over broken glass and shaved my head to shag once upon a time walking down the strand in front of me today complete with bald dyed ginger mullet and enormous beergut...





that harlequin thing... oh my god. why the fuck aren't people working on cures for shit like that and other awful diseases instead of using 2000 year old manuscripts as transparent excuses to financially rape and bomb the fuck out of each other?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 16:27, Reply)

From my time in the operating theatre:
- A man who'd come off his bike wearing no leathers, just jeans and a t-shirt. His left leg was broken and bone was poking through the skin in no fewer than five places. And his face looked like he shaved with a cheese grater.
- A man who'd been kicked by a horse: I walked in to see them removing what looked like his liver (a very large organ), turns out it was his spleen, very very bruised and swollen.
- The woman who insisted on watching her carpal tunnel surgery. You know that bit in Star Wars where Luke waggles his fingers and you see the gizmos move in his wrist? Think like that, only with real body parts
- Burning off someone's ingrowing toenail. Enough said.
But the worst, by far? The removal of a tumour from someone's sinus. They cut down one side of his nose and literally peeled it back across his face. Then got out the bone drill.
*pukes*
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 16:23, Reply)

V festival 2006
ok this was my very first, and last, festival. the camping i can tolerate but not for more than 1 night. The toilets were fucking horrific! how on earth can any one use them. they fucking stink!i queud up for nearly 40 mins to have a piss, open the door and upchukced my guts all over the floor just from the smell! and the fact that you can see other peoples turds is just wrong. wrong i tells u!. the showers (ok you may think, why the fuck does he want a shower at a festival? well i just do ok, I cant walk around unshowered all day and smell like shit like the others 50,000 people there) were rancid and the cherry on the cake was that those who did'nt want to wait in the 2hr queue for the horrifc bogs ended up shitting in the shower! fuck me!

I have no urge to ever go to another festival, and I do not envy anyone that goes to glastonbury. no band is that good that I would brave the horrid toilets and disgusting showers for. i sound like a snob, dont i. is it only me that cant empathise with the ridiculous designer wearing wellie wannabe's and hippies?
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 16:22, Reply)

4 suzeefloozee & any1 else who is curious about harlequin babies but doesn't want pics
go to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlequin_baby

in a nut shell it's a skin disorder, which causes extremely quick turnover of skin cells, leading to very dry scaly skin which looks the diamonds of a harlequins costume and give the person very red skin. it also has unfortunate side effects - deformations of the face, skull, arms, feet, and fingers with a 'common' feature of a permanent clown like grin.

most suffers in the past failed to either reach or complete adolescence. the oldest living british person with this disorder is lucy betts @ 18 y.o.
(trainee mad doctor is currently trying to build a secret laboratory, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 16:13, Reply)

teh bag o' shit
a few years ago at a party in a small flat..we were about 20 people drinking, smoking and ingesting various recreative drugs.
some chicks were dancing to some average grunge rock played on a shitty stereo. pretending to do the PO-GO dance..until one of them lost her balance totally and crashed onto a guy who had fallen asleep on the sofa..strange noise, strange smell..guy opens an eye and suddenly gets up with shit litteraly flowing from his shirt..colostomy bag exploded.
it took a good month for my mate to get rid of the smell in his flat..(that was a convertible sofa he used to sleep in)
( olivier8 (euroloon), Mon 25 Jun 2007, 15:59, Reply)

my granny's vagina
walked in on her(by accident) whilst she was drying off after a bath. I had almost pushed that to the back of my mind, but it has now resurfaced. thank you b3ta.
(CaptainFellatioNelson is trying to kill me, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 15:55, Reply)

Pigeon pinata
When I was at university, there was a covered walkway. For some inexplicable reason had netting on the underside of the roof.

Once, I noticed a pigeon (clearly dead) hanging from the net. Poor bastard must've got caught up in it and starved to death.

Fully 7 days later, the same pigeon was still hanging from this net, looking pretty much the same as he did a week before.

He was soon about to look a lot different.

Cue a group of chavvy types. I watched from a fairly safe distance as they investigated the bird, and poked it with a stick as kids do with most dead things. Then, one of them grabbed the stick and starting hitting that thing like it was a piñata.

I guess you could say it was piñata of sorts. On the third hit, the pigeons head literally came off to raucous laughter of the group.

The fourth hit? The belly of the bird takes the full swing, it splits and thousands of maggots gush forth from head, arse and belly. I've never seen anyone move as fast or scream as loud as those kids.
(TheJacksonSixth, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 15:37, Reply)

The day that Prince Charles married lady Diana
They had a large street party with various entertainers doing their bit and one of the climax acts was an escapologist.

His finale was to escape from a straight-jacket whilst hanging upside down from a burning rope 30 feet above The Guildhall Square Portsmouth.

Trevor Revell was his name, and he was the father of a girl I went to school with.

He was only 35.

This being 1981 crowd control consisted of a length of rope being handed to the people at the front (which included me and my best friend) and the police telling everyone to stand behind the rope, which they did.

He was strapped into a straight-jacket then hoisted 30 ft in the air on a burning rope before a crowd of 3,000 people celebrating the wedding. But the trick failed and the rope burnt through too quickly and he plunged head-first onto a concrete paving slab.

I was at the front.
I saw him hit the ground head first.
I heard his skull shatter; I heard his skull crack like a boiled egg being hit with a spoon.

I saw the puddle of blood and brain he left behind after they loaded his still twitching body onto a stretcher and into the ambulance which rushed him to QA hospital where he later died.

I thought at the time that this was the most horrific thing I’d ever seen until, as the crowd dispersed a group of rowdy skinheads who had been standing behind us pushed their way forwards and began jumping and dancing in the pool and blood and brain.

That was, and still is the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen.
( Darryn.R, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 15:37, Reply)

Seed pod tits.
*shudder*
(fuckitall out of here, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 15:19, Reply)

dissection!
As an ex GCSE/A-level Biology student, I have dissected quite a few things. The grossest incident occured suring a marine biology session. We had to dissect a fish, starting with the eye.

The feeling of a scalpel cutting through a slimey, watery eye is hideous, and the thought still sends shivers down my spine.

Worse still, my mate was horrified to have been allocated a mutant fish - it was discoloured, lumpy and had one *huge* eye and one tiny shriveled one. She duly plunged her scalpel into the good eye, only to see smelly brown gunk seep out of its eye and mouth.

*blech*
(littlebunnyfoofoo, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:58, Reply)

Soooooo many...
In my time I've worked in a hospital's morgue /pathology lab, in a mental hospital, an abbatoir, and also dealt with forensic photographs (Piper Alpha, 'incidents on the line') and medical record photos (really horrible deformed foetuses, embryos, babies etc. - see the harlequin stuff for an idea, 'though they're pretty tame. Seriously.).

As such I'm pretty much unshockable.

The one that made me gag the most was in the loony-bin.

I had to extract the partially-digested remains of a thrush from a patient's bumhole. (He had a penchant for swallowing strange things).Feathers, beak, bones, all covered in shit, and falling apart as I fiddled about.

As I tugged the last matted chunk free, all the stuff it had been holding back gushed forth. It was the worst smell / sight ever. Maggots were involved, also a ping-pong ball and what might have been a mouse once.

I had to SAVE all this stuff for later inspection. Not a pretty sight.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:58, Reply)

Things i've seen this week thanks to this QOTW
Harlequin babies
Goatse
Tubgirl
Lemonparty
Harlequin babies (again)
Scat
Corpses
Infected eyeballs
Dead rabbits
The awful montage of images you get when you search 'Pain' on EncyclopediaDramatica
My vomit.


Thank you b3ta
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:45, Reply)

Probably in Romania
We had stopped just outside Bucharest to fill up the vans, the road the petrol station was on(it only sold Diesel nothing else) was marked on the map as a motorway but in fact was a 2 lane road in such bad repair that cars just drove on whatever side of the road that had the least pot holes at that point.

I was stood outside the van watching the traffic meander past at 20 miles an hour when an old, large beat up saloon with about 8 people inside it drove past and purposely swerved into a pot hole which I couldn't understand until I heard a yelp and realised that the driver had in fact aimed for and successfully hit a stray puppy that was crossing the road. The puppy survived but in a country where a dead dog furnishes the roads every half a mile or so I knew it wouldn't receive any care and would die sooner or later.

The car pulled into the station and a large, burlesque man of about 50 years and a huge bristling moustache emerged from the vehicle brandishing a cudgel thinly disguised as a walking stick.

I don't know what was more horrific: watching a puppy get mown down on purpose or the man's terrible moustache.
( Marty McFly can't grate cheese without getting angry, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:38, Reply)

Marathon mishap
In any big event like a marathon the throngs usually turn a blind eye to participants stopping for a discrete pish behind a bush. During the Edinburgh Marathon 2005 though I saw a bloke stop right beside the route for a jedi knight (making no attempt to conceal himself). If that wasn't bad enough as he adopted the continental squatting position he failed to pull his shorts forward sufficiently to afford his waste product the required clearance. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had all landed in his pants, he could have disposed of them and gone commando for the rest of the race. But no, as it was less than solid half ran into his pants and half down the back of his shorts and legs. All in full view of the many passing runners and massed spectators. I wonder if he's lived it down yet ... probably not.
( Ramsay Tupper, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:37, Reply)

Me too...
I saw the posts on harlequin babies and took every ones advice not to go there. PurpleGod said it would make me cry so I didnt look. I'm here on my own and temptation got the better of me and I wish I wasn't so nosy cos now I'm grossed out. Its not pretty, dont google it and certainly dont look at the youtube one.
( randomwomanwholikespink, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:30, Reply)

Sheep are thick
I went to New Zealand when i was 8, and having a great day on the beach, when i noticed something white and fluffy at the base of the cliff.

I just had to look, and found, a dead sheep, The site of the dead sheep wasn't to bad.

The smell of the dead sheep was disgusting, I almost puked.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:29, Reply)

I fucking hate you guys
It was so tempting, and then I got to see harlequin babies, Great, really really great.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:26, Reply)

Can someone please
...explain to me what a harlequin baby is? I'm too scared to google it, plus I'm on a work compy.

On topic, when I was younger I found my cat run over at the side of the road one day when walking home from school. It wasn't the guts and stuff that was nasty, but the look on its face - it looked like it had seen the car coming. Poor Pusskins :(
(petite chaussure, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:16, Reply)

Last one for now...and I'll try to make it short.
We were in Liverpool on a girls weekend. We had a chinese to finish the night off and soak up the alcohol. We were staying in a hotel and had only been back for half an hour before I started to feel really dodgy. I tried not to make a noise as I didnt want to wake up the other 3 I was sharing with. The sight and feel of partially chewed spare ribs coming out through my nose is something I'll never forget. It didnt put me off ribs though, and I woke the girls up any way, just to tell them that I had been sick through my nose so I wouldnt make a noise and wake them up!!
( randomwomanwholikespink, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:06, Reply)

My local swimming baths.
After much pestering from my step son and nephew, I give in and agree to a family swim session. So, the whole clan - myself in all my pinkness, purpleGod, miniGod and neph all trudge down to the local leisure centre. Im not known for my fitness, just change the i for an a and ask anyone who knows me, so I havent been to this centre for a while (ok, years) and as purpleGod isn't from these parts (I forced him to move to chav central) he has never been here either. Knowing the area well though, I had the brains to leave all valuables at home, including wedding rings, toe rings, wallet, purse, keys, coats, shoes (honestly, its that bad we all had to wear cheap flip flops). Nothing could have prepared me for what we were about to see. We pay ok (yep, they had the cheek to charge) and divvy up for our respective changing room. I take neph with me as he's only 6 and theres no way purpleGod can deal with 2 kids and himself. Changing rooms were gross, soaked in what smelt like piss but hopefully was dripped off swim water. We decide not to risk the cubicles that didn't lock and looked like some-one had shat all over the walls of them, as we had our cossies on under our clothes. We put all our stuff into a bag and went in search of a locker. We found some, but would have been walking home in our wet cossies if we had used them as they had ruffians hanging around them. We found the one locker that actually had a key and reluctantly left our stuff. I should have stayed in the locker rooms as it only gets worse. The showers were full of hairy, smelly, sweaty men, and kids pissing down the drain. (This is the womens changing rooms dont forget) Met up with Purple and MiniGod and hit the play pool. Which was littered with tissue, pubes, hairballs, plastic bags. Lets try the main pool suggests I, maybe adults will be less gross. Again, littered with the same yukness but the kids are moaning so I get in, and see that the sides are grimy with yellowed crusty sweat/piss/puss. Im freaking at this point but the kids are loving it so I stay in this hell hole for two and a half hours, the kids still didnt want to get out, but I insisted after brushing past something that looked disturbingly like a turd, We got out, by-passed the showers, put our clothes on wet bodies and came home and all showered and scrubbed til we bled. I still smell of bleach now.

Apologies for length- you need to be warned never to go to st*ch!ord swimming baths.
( randomwomanwholikespink, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 14:01, Reply)

My sis...
I could leave it there as she is pretty horrific, but that isnt the full story. When we were ickle, we lived in a house with a glass front door (in the times before safety glass) and, as mentioned, my sis is horrific. She also has a horrific temper. In one of her many temper tantrums, she pummelled (one l or two?) the afore mentioned glass door rather vigorously, putting her arms straight through. Cue white, horror filled faces from 3 small children, one mother completely frozen to the spot, one child with both arms stuck in a glass door and blood arcing through the air as far back as 12ft (stopping only because the back door was closed, as we found out later when we were cleaning up) and - luckily for us all - a little old man, on his way back from collecting his paper, neatly dressed (as old men tended to be) in suit and tie. Said little old man sees the nightmare in front of him, whips off his tie and chucks a tournique around my sis arm. Sis severed her arteries but was fine after an operation and a couple of days in hospital, but proudly bears the 7inch long, 1 inch wide, 1/2 inch high, snake-like scar to all who doubt her temper. (I say doubt because she hasnt learned her lesson, she's still a loon, but is such a great actress no-one would ever know except us closest to her!
( randomwomanwholikespink, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 13:31, Reply)

More rabbits
A mate at uni is something of a dab-hand with a shotgun, frequently competing and hunting whilst at home (living in the lovely Cornish countryside, near Bude).

He informs me that when shooting rabbits in winter, it becomes necessary to take them home and skin/gut them immediately.

He also informs me the sudden smell of mown grass this procedure fills the room with can easily put a man off fresh rabbit.
(Cheesecake Like a cake...But cheese, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 13:27, Reply)

Horrific
Seeing somebody step in front of a tube at King's Cross was pretty bad. If you're going to commit suicide, do it at home where it's not going to hold up 10,000 people and traumatize the poor tube staff who have to pick up your entrails scattered over 100 yards of track...
(DrSoloManiac, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 13:23, Reply)

Not a pretty sight at all....
My Ma flirting with Mr Goddess, and my brother-in-law, and also any other male in sight. Ew, ew, ew.
( randomwomanwholikespink, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 13:15, Reply)

Click 'I like this' if you think who ever put this as the QOTW topic should share a bath with tub girl

www.sodall.co.uk/mindbleach.jpg
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 13:00, Reply)

One of the worst
I'm ex British Army and during a tour in Bosnia I had to take photos to assemble documentary evidence of war crimes. Probably the worst I saw was a children’s ward in a hospital. Every child had had its throat slit (some were only a few weeks old) and then been either urinated on or smeared in excrement. Some other chaps had to remove the bodies for burial and were having to snap limbs to fit the hideously contorted carcases into body bags. I distance myself from religion now.
(Euan Oos-army Josh, dad's found your scooter!, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 12:59, Reply)

Thanks a feckin' bunch b3ta
I was reading this QOTW before I went to bed last night. I woke up this morning having dreamt that this guy I really like had been going to kiss me but instead vomited into my mouth. I can still feel the texture of the chunks as I bit down on them. Blugh.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 12:57, Reply)

*Humpty googles Veronica Moser*
One of my colleagues just walked past and shat himself laughing when he was what was on my screen.

A surprisingly apt "Tribute" reaction I think. =)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 25 Jun 2007, 12:12, Reply)

I wasn’t there, but…
Saturday night just gone, we were all smashed in the local boozer. My mate Gaz on his walk home with another one of the lads Jay, was dared by him to eat two snails he found on the ground. I believe before he swallowed them, he bit their eye-stalks off and ate them first as a starter.

Was told about this last night (Sunday) and I could have thrown up on the spot at the thought of it. Thank God I never saw him actually do it.
(jaymierobber, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 12:11, Reply)

The inside of my own foot.
While digging with a metal shovel on Cleethorpes Beach I aimed badly and hit my foot. I hobbled down to a pool of cold water the try to numb the pain (This is the days before the Humber became full of nappies and condoms, so it was quite clean) and noticed that two of my toes, instead of lining up nicely side-by-side, were kind of... diverging.

I'd managed to split my foot cleanly between two toes and could see all the musculature and tendons. It was bloody painfull and I had to hobble two miles to the doctor's, with my mum cursing me for ruining her sunbathing all the way.

Weak by some standards, but what can you do?
( Biggus Dickus , it was like that when I found it, Mon 25 Jun 2007, 12:09, Reply)