What did Noel Gallagher say after kindly fitting a hearing aid to a deaf insect?
"Bee hear now"
( rob, Fri 30 Apr 2021, 12:53, 3 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

How does the protagonist in The Shining download movies?
Jack torrents
( rob, Fri 30 Apr 2021, 12:53, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What happens if you eat too many plums?

I am LEAD to believe that you will develop PLUM BUM!!!!!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 29 Apr 2021, 15:10, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre
(eightb4ll, Wed 28 Apr 2021, 22:17, 4 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

What sort of lettuce does John McEnroe have trouble with
Iceborg
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 22 Apr 2021, 13:45, 4 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

kid's birthday joke I just heard:
what lives in the ocean and is good in maths?

an octoplus!
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 20 Apr 2021, 13:56, 6 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

how do you know the theory that most scientists prefer parsley over oregano is likely to be true?
It's the most parsleymonius explanation
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 6 Apr 2021, 9:56, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Q: What's the worst pantomime?
A: Poop in boots.
( Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Mon 29 Mar 2021, 21:27, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Which Thundercats villain got stuck in the Suez Canal?

Mumm-Ra the Ever-Given!!!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 29 Mar 2021, 11:54, Reply)

The canine
previously acquired through financial transaction by the parent of male lineage of the deceased comedic talent mostly associated with Knotty Ash arrives at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says 'Is this some kind of joke?'
(Covid69 Boris variant., Fri 19 Mar 2021, 20:17, Reply)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
There can be no ultimate cause in a meaningless universe, to search for one is futile, we simply witness a fragment of the space-time continuum that contains both us and the fowl crossing event, and then we die and the entity we think of as ourselves witnesses no more as it entropically decays, as does all matter until the heat death of the universe and the infinite nothingness.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 18 Mar 2021, 13:04, 8 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

You walk past your favourite pub.
It is closed.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 10 Mar 2021, 21:24, 4 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

My Dawn Penn's got no no nose.

(dribble, Sat 6 Mar 2021, 9:57, 9 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

What is Mrs Doyle's (from Father Ted) favourite type of curry?

Goan!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 2 Mar 2021, 8:33, Reply)

How did the Werewolf get its meal?
Deliveroo00oo00oo
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Mon 1 Mar 2021, 20:18, Reply)

What did Thom Yorke say to the Indian restaurant waiter?
"Korma, please"!!!
(dribble, Mon 1 Mar 2021, 17:33, 7 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

Which child-molesting popular figure from the 70s and 80s is quite useful in the winter?
Gary Gritter!!!
(dribble, Sun 28 Feb 2021, 22:01, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What do you call a duckling that lost all its baby feathers after being infected with Covid-19?

Lackdown.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 26 Feb 2021, 12:21, Reply)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the whole ship was on spockdown
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 25 Feb 2021, 9:12, 13 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

A Englishman, and Irishman and Scotsman tried to enter a bar but the bartender told them it was closed. When they asked why the bartender told them
Im sorry but the whole ship is on spockdown
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 19 Feb 2021, 12:01, Reply)

Billy Idol once did a Misfits tribute act, but the posters for his first gig had a typo and no-one showed up.
Undeterred, he was Danzig by himself.
(dribble, Thu 18 Feb 2021, 17:41, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Why couldnt Captain Kirk go to the bridge?
Because the whole ship was in spockdown
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 13 Feb 2021, 23:03, Reply)

Which former FA chairman was known for his abrupt manner?
Sir Curt Millichip!
(Martin Anus, Wed 20 Jan 2021, 11:12, 12 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

What did the Hollywood heart-throb say
when, after finding himself in a bit of bother with allegations of drink/drug problems and abusive relationships with women (rather like his co-star in a 2013 flop), he decided to take a break from acting to retrain as a pirate - but, on his first day on his new ship, he bashed his thumb with a carpentry tool while trying to reattach the foremast?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 14 Jan 2021, 15:45, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

Which Plantagenet king was so hairy that he was often mistaken for a bear?
Richard the Furred.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 3 Jan 2021, 15:36, 28 replies, latest was 4 years ago)

Nigel farage popped round earlier to pick up his copy of the Ian Curtis biopic he'd lent me over Christmas
He was taking back control
(Martin Anus, Fri 1 Jan 2021, 16:27, Reply)

What did Vincent van Gogh's friends say to him when he got home from the plastic surgery hospital?
Happy New Ear!
(Covid69 Boris variant., Fri 1 Jan 2021, 13:10, 1 reply, 4 years ago)

What did God say on the 24th of December, 2.8 million years ago
as he watched the formation of a land bridge between the continents of North and South America?

"It's beginning to look a lot like isthmus!"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 15 Dec 2020, 13:10, Reply)

What colour are debts in aquariums?
Eau de nil
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Sat 12 Dec 2020, 19:27, Reply)