AND I BEG OF YOU!
PLEASE can we have a new QoTW.

I have lots of work to do and I've actually been doing it as there is no distraction from it what so ever.

Do you realise how AWFUL this is?

Help me.

Edit; Am I being to rude? I'm sorry, I think I'm going craaaaaaazy.

I think it's the b3ta masterminds that should be apologising for the bloody length of this QoTW.
( Argh. There be scallys in the ranks., Thu 15 Sep 2005, 9:57, Reply)

My ex-girfriend's mother
Ran a restaurant. She used to make the vegetable soup with beef stock and tell the vegetarians it was completely meet free.
( wupwupwup wupwupwup, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 9:20, Reply)

My mother-in-law
Started a blog and told everyone on b3ta to read it.
(Mabel DelTaco, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 3:53, Reply)

My father in law...
...is a nice bloke with a really crap sense of humour.
I am pretty sure he chose this topic as the current Question Of The Week.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 2:29, Reply)

Father in Law; Armed & Dangerous
First, I must say that I get along swimmingly with my in-laws. They are dear people and I truly love them.

My in-laws live several hours north of us in a small town in our northern U.S. state, but own a piece of property in the middle of no where. The first time I met them was on a weekend vacation to their house in the middle of deer hunting season. On Saturday, my father in law turns to me and says "I need to go to the property and check the fence. You're coming with me." I'm thinking WTF? but it's a way to earn brownie points with the future in-laws so agree to go along.
After driving out to the property and through a long two-track to the very back of the property where there is no way to be seen or heard by any of the neighbors, he stops the truck, opens the console between us, pulls out a revolver, puts it in the back of his trousers, and says "let's go check that fence." "Oh Shit" I'm thinking, not only is it hunting season when you hear gunshots all the time in the woods, but this man is on the Sherriff's Posse. He could tell the police whatever he wanted to and they would believe him. Never have I been so polite. I was all "yes sir" and "how can I help, sir?"
I survived that day. I think he just wanted to show me my place in the pecking order. Now we even go shooting together. He loads his own ammunition so it's real cheap to blow through 1000 rounds in an afternoon. This is real fun at the in laws.

This QotW isn't really that shite. It got me to finally sign up for a username after lurking for two years. BTW the fence was fine.
(bicycle bandito, Thu 15 Sep 2005, 1:12, Reply)

christ
jesus where to start?! esp after a whole day on the lash.

well. i wish someone would start a "single men for rachelswipe club". best idea i've heard all bloody week, in fact all year.

also v good advice from mabel dt. am working on it. and at least the next guy has got to be charming by comparison.

as for the beer swilling coke snorting joke of a so called man, beast and boss, sadly i've no idea what happened when he got back into bed. alone. but if you'd seen it [and thank god for all of you that you didn't] i called him a "fucking incontinent fucking fuckwit" during a screaming match but he just said that he'd hoped i would have more manners than to mention it. er - who the fuck would!? mother teresa maybe and that's about it. and she'd have had better taste than to fuck him in the first place.

legless - feel free to make good your offer only it's london not manchester these days... non hairy backs always a good start...

oh and 5lab? not so fat i can't run after you and kick your ass so quit it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 23:38, Reply)

close enough for all practical purposes...
My fiancee's mother (future MiL, I suppose) had me sussed as a rapist from day one, figured I had only one interest, and that was shagging her daughter. Horrified to hear that her daughter would be my bride, said she would not attend the wedding, she'd disown her daughter, etc etc etc so much noise. She really didn't like me one bit.

Anyway, fiancee bowed to pressure and broke it off, just to keep peace in her family. Needless to say, I don't speak with her anymore.
( ronin9026, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 22:39, Reply)

My girlfriend's mum
She's completely mad on horses. The family albums are full of pictures of horses (she used to have a farm and breed them), and none of her kids...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 18:57, Reply)

MoFo in Law
She is a vile acid-belching harpie of the highest order. No words can do justice to the evil she unleashes on a daily basis, e.g.
Me - 8 months pregnant and feeling crap and knackered, dragged out to a restaurant 100 miles from home to celebrate the year of her unholy birth, she looks to my other half (41 years old and treated like a 5 year old) and says in her loudest squalk "either get a ring on her finger or your name on the deeds dear".
Told my said other half to hide his valuables from me until he was sure of my intentions.
She lives in a small in-bred cornish village and has alienated herself from everyone - called the lovely woman in the local shop a "coloured ward sister" type??? what does that mean?
She's coming to visit in a couple of weeks to let us know how wrong we are about everything, so if anyone sees large gatherings of crows and a ring of blood around the sun in the Derby area - that'll be why!
She has one redeeming feature though, she's 76 and she won't make 77 if she keeps pissing me off. Better get some Benelyn extra strength cough mixture in to slip in her soup this time.
( Ethel Le Crisp, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Orange County
My ex-boyfriend's mother was a manic-depressive alcoholic and, although to talk to she was nice enough, she had times where she was just a complete nightmare.
Thses include:

1. Hitting ex-boyfriend with the car when he was 14 years old, on purpose, when he tried to stop her driving when she was drunk. She broke his leg. Although to be fair I'd like to hit said ex-boyfriend with a car too so maybe thats not so weird.

2. Ex-boyfriend had a party when mother was on holiday with boyfriend. Mother comes back early crying hysterically because boyfriend has run off and left her. Mother then gets drunk and screams and bawls at everyone to leave, even though we were in the middle of the countryside. Ended up with people having to drive drunk simply because it was too far out for any taxi company to show up.

3. Mother's boyfriend stole £2000 from her bank account. She lied to the police and blamed her son (said ex-boyfriend) who was then interviewed about a million times and nearly arrested till his dad came in and told them about Mother's boyfriend. Mother gets charged with wasting police time.

Also, if youve ever seen the film Orange County, you'll remember the bit the Head of Admissions comes to their house and the mother gets pissed and humiliates everyone. Similar things happened like a hundred times at the ex's house. She is very like the mother in Orange County.
(SanDimasHighSchoolFootballRules, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 16:42, Reply)

I rule with a iron fist.
Sister is getting married. Big family dinner. Invited all his family, and obviously, all of my family. My family have never met his family.
After the starter, we go round the table introducing our selves. " I'm Blahs Dad, and I’ll soon before the Father in-law, Hhahahah" he said in a low, loud, DOOM voice. Yes very funny.
Next is my maw, " I'm Sandy, and I’ll soon me the dreaded, MOTHER-IN-LAW" again in a stereotypical, unfunny mum way. I was next.
" Hi, I’m T-BONE, and.................
I AM THE LAW!" I jumped up, and slammed my fist down on the table, hard, making the spoons jump out of various soup bowls. I stood for 7-10 seconds, staring at each and every one of Blahs family, right in the eyes, twitching my head.
After a while, I sat down. My job here was done. They knew who the real problem was going to be at the reception.
Some one finally broke the silence by stating, " Judge Dread. Now there was a shit film."
Laugh? I nearly lost my hard on.
(Jeeves, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 16:39, Reply)

Well,
Seeing as my longest relationship was shorter than the amount of time I've been a b3tan (3years+, c'mon!), I have nothing of value to add to this QotW....
But, take my Dad. His M-I-L (my Gran) was a lunatic, which I can attest to as she decided to dive, head first into senile dementia.
If she doesn't recognise her own daughter, thinks her grandson is a girl (this would be me, and nope, I have male geniltalia so deffo not true) and talks to the "elves building on the Tv", then he could do no wrong.....

Enough of girth, who's the longest member (on b3ta).....?
( -:Coop:-, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 16:31, Reply)

Well, my own mother won't make good mother in law
Not least because I'm not planning to tell her if I do get married*. She'd be telling stories of ice cream vans and their music to any possible spouse**

*Completely true
**May not be true
( Brown cow, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 15:48, Reply)

stunningly pointless yet effortlessly brilliant
I have a slight problem. I live in China (come from the UK) and until recently, so did my girlfriend (she comes from the UK too. Her mother (my potential mil, who naturally is also from the ....drumroll....suspense....yes....could it be?....the UK) came over to visit us, bringing with her gifts and candies galore. We went for dinner with two of my friends. Dinner went fine and a couple of days later, GIL and MIL toodled off back to sunny Wales.
Problem being, my two mates haven't shut up about how great the MIL's breasts were. Not a conversation you want to be hearing in the pub after a hard day's work.

It cannot hold a candle to dear Legless yet but for all those looking for something to read, my blog is at jadedmenhir.blogspot.com Feel free to leave comment.
(chrisdalby, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 15:43, Reply)

*dons flame-retardant suit*
I found this QOTW to be rather therapeutic, but I'm a bit frustrated that I can't think of any of the other crazy shit she comes out with.

*runs away*
( Goldfish_, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 15:05, Reply)

It's rare...
...that I go off topic. But this QoTW is indeed slow. And so I feel justified in posting the only funny mother-in-law joke ever

My mother-in-law opened the door in her nightie

...funny place for a door



/tugs forelock in obsience to Tommy Cooper
(clapper, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 14:47, Reply)

Japanese
My M-I-L s japanese and cant speak english, I cant speak very good japanese, so Its hard to say much to each other, so therefore i cant say much wrong :)

+ she is on the other side of the world so i've got it easy.

* smug mode
(waxdart hello., Wed 14 Sep 2005, 14:12, Reply)

Shhh! I see dumb people......
Does anyone think there may be a conspiracy by the B2tan Gods to slowly kill off the QOTW by continulely posting crap questions? I mean, there's an entire board just for question suggestions - we can vote for the ones we want but has there *ever* been a question from there? I think not.

And, for those of us who are seriously bored there's this site:

www.motherinlawstories.com/

Don't bother. It's crap. An entire site devoted to MIL stories and I couldn't find one that even raised a titter.

There's always my blog for self-obsessed ramblings.

www.livejournal.com/users/legless123/

Maybe I should nip over to Manchester and give Rachel one and write a tale about that. I've an unhairy back so I must be in with a shout....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 13:57, Reply)

no mil for me..
current gf is scottash, her mum sounds (from her description) like a witch so i'm staying well clear..

re : rachelswipe.. perhaps she's just fat? *runs*
(5lab, Wed 14 Sep 2005, 13:51, Reply)