I referred to someone this afternoon
as a Slag of a Cunt.

True story.
(Uncle Comrade, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 19:59, Reply)

my friend is a web monkey
with a very plainly spoken (stroppy) boss, on one particular occasion said boss was having a particularly fine rant about nothing of consequence when the office Christian decided to try calming him with some biblical wisdom, to which stroppy boss replied "Go fuck Jesus in the cunt!". An instant classic.
(brainmeat ... and that's why it burns when you pee., Tue 9 Oct 2007, 18:23, Reply)

Perennial glaswegian Favourite
"Yer Maw's got baws and yer Da' loves it!"

Wholly ineffective north of the border, but works a charm in England. See also:
*holds out two fingers* "smell your gran"
(Rushy, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 18:20, Reply)

My mate rachel doesn't take shit.
We went out in Reading dressed as robots for my mate's birthday (im on the far left and rachel is the one in the aviators) and ended up in a club, dressed as said 'bots. Although I wasn't. I'd had my box/robot body confiscated as it was a fire hazard, but i was allowed to keep my silver ironing board cover/cape and colander/helmet, and thusly just looked like a mental. But I digress.

Rachel and her big silvery box (insert your own pun) go to the bar and has some guy trying to push in front of her so (naturally) and loudly enough for everyone to hear yells "FUCK OFF YOU CUNT!" Simple, classic, concise. The response has become the stuff of legend. For the wrong reason entirely.

Genuinely, the best he could come up with was "Yeah? Well, see you later... er... you... microwave!"

The night was futher improved on the way home when we accidentally discovered our taxi driver (called pops) kept a massive dildo in an asda bag in his glove box. But that's a story for another day.

actually that's pretty much just the story
(Rushy, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 18:13, Reply)

Turkish un-PC
I used to have to work with a Turkish guy who sat right behind me. He was nice enough, but I just didn't like him.

One morning my PC was freezing badly and completely unconsiously I shouted "You stupid fucking Turkey Turk!".

He was 2 feet behind me. I didn't turn round and it was never spoken of.

That memory is one of the only things that can make me smile however miserable I am.
( Carlossus, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 17:39, Reply)

We had a guy at work
who we nicknamed Thrush...he thought it was cool until somebody told him it was because he was an 'irritating cunt'....Other good insults are knobjockey, uphill miner, pillowbiter ,bap-pig(nice baps shame about face i.e Jade), bobfoc (Body Off Baywatch Face Off Crimewatch), nanakornikova or my fave from obscure 1980's science fiction drama First Born- 'Gore'
(archstanton The gold is next to me....leave me be, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:57, Reply)

I call him Cock-hole
He calls me Cunt-bubble

Now there's love for you.
(rubberballoons, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:50, Reply)

Checking
out a proxy
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:47, Reply)

Fartknocker
Dunno why or what it specifically means.

But Fartknocker.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:42, Reply)

Spanish
Me cago en la leche - I shit in the milk

Me cago en la puta - I shit on the bitch

Me cago en tu madre - I shit on your mother

Me cago en tus muertes - I shit on your dead relatives

Me cago en tus cojones - I shit on your balls

And my personal favourite...

Me cago en la hostia - I shit in the communion wafers
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:39, Reply)

sweaty baboons bollox
a recent exchange between myself and my foreman,
"bloody electrician, you are the cum your mother should have swallowed"

my reply, "shut it, bumslave, u remind me of the sweat on a baboons bollox"


current favorites are
"uphill gardener"
"shitdigger" and
"cunt-ox"
(ManToe all he learnt in sex class was 2 clean his armpits, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:37, Reply)

An old flatmate of mine at uni...
...slept with a different flatmate on the first night she was in the house. She was that type of girl, and went on being that type of girl with as many different men as was physically possible for a good few months.

She dropped out of uni, and left. One drunken night, talk turned to our dearly departed flatmate. Obviously, we had to take the piss out of the flatmate that had slept with her.

He turned to us, shrugged, and replied, "Yeah, but I had her before she went commercial."
( gone, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:28, Reply)

You know...
I find the term "Butt Pirate" tends to lower someones bravado.

Or for that matter "Rump Ranger" or "Dirt Road Bandito"
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 16:08, Reply)

I'd call you a cunt but cunts can be useful.
(Beeryman, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:57, Reply)

At Uni....
I lived with a rather hairy lad called richard, and he was a gimp, an absolute rem of the highest steel, so to cut out all the bits that explain why this makes me laugh so much

"Monkey Richard sucks horses for money to pay for his red jacket"

Come to your own conclusions.
That is all
(Formaly Over say's hello, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:57, Reply)

Midgets
I quite like calling them People McNuggets
(TheNumpty last touched you at, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:56, Reply)

TWUNT....
...is always useful when somebodey is behaving worse then a twat but hasnt yet merited being called a cnut!
(babyjak, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:55, Reply)

A friend of mine.....
Used to reply to his Dad, whenever he said anything, saying:

"Shut it, Specky Spice"
or
"DJ Randecky" (Specky)
or
"Nil-Nil" ( 0-0 )

Recurring theme?
(The Boy Blair, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:51, Reply)

pop
Insignificant little butt nugget always shuts people up.
(chrismoo, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:50, Reply)

Bucket
Years ago heard a mate describe a young lady of his acquaintance who wasn't too particular about who she would drop her knickers for.

His comment was.....'She's got a cunt like a bill poster's bucket.'
(Sir Les Patterson, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:49, Reply)

SpacedDJ
Go suck a fuck.
(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:49, Reply)

Has
"Sweats like a peadophile in mothercare"

Made an appearance? im not reading all 42 pages to check
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:47, Reply)

poodlepoker
that is all






sorry about the length- I'll make it up to you, I promise
( MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:46, Reply)

One of my all time favourites
"Fuck sake, shes got an arse like a bag of lego"
(The Boy Blair, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:45, Reply)

a couple more
I hope you wrap your piles around the back axle of the train when you take a dump (seems highly unlikely but Christ,Bet it would hurt)

And one for women with loose morals:

I bet you have a c*nt like a bill poster's bucket!

He was as "camp" as a row of tents.
(frightfullybored, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:43, Reply)

Why must i enter a subject
Flangeypants

My mate called me it once, which entertained his flatmate to no end. the flatmate changed my name in his phone to this, and was v confused when 6 months later i texted him about something random
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:40, Reply)

Using fudge
"fudge off motherfudger!"
usually stops them. =^_^=
Also
Bum fudge
fudge fucker
and " You look like your mam licked
Ass fudge and kissed you with it"

*pop* Ahhhhh much better
(Leoninus "Never lick a fresh turd on a hot day.", Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:39, Reply)

Donnie Darko Quote
"You are such a fuckass"

Simple, yet elegant.
(SpacedDJ, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:38, Reply)

'Twas on the good ship Venus
Wasn't really.I think it was called the Sunbird. On board a cruise in the Med in 2001, Lady P & myself were standing near the Pursers counter waiting to book a coach trip at the next port of call. From within an adjacent office came the loud voice of someone who we later found out was a very senior member of the crew, talking to one of her underlings. She roared - 'I'm going to rip off his head and shit down his neck.'

She obviously hadn't reckoned that dozens of passengers were within earshot. There was quite a lot of stifled laughter from many of the stuffy old fuddy-duddies nearby who obviously were not used to that type of language, but found it funny just the same.
(Sir Les Patterson, Tue 9 Oct 2007, 15:36, Reply)