.
I figured it was pretty much over when I got a letter from my fiancee posted from Rwanda saying that she wanted to break up.

I'm not kidding about the Rwanda thing.

Yeah, I thought it was kind of harsh, too.
(parm, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:40, Reply)

My girlfriend was the jelous type.....
I came home from work one day and logged onto my PC and then hotmail using the same password for both. As my better half used the pc too she also knew the password and had been reading my e-mails, im reading a reply sent to my hotmail adress from an e-mail i sent in work and the jist of it was this "I've had enough of that possesive psychotic bitch, im gonna leave the slag, ive had enough." just as im done the front door slams shut, she's early and i know why. She comes in shouting at the top of her voice "YOUR GONNA DUMP ME, YOUR FUCKING DUMPING ME!!!! YOU WANT TO FUCKING DUMP ME EH?!!!" I took a deep breath, sighed and said "Yes" in the most deadpan way i could muster under my hilarity and walked out of the flat. My shit got trashed but it was worth it.
(skitzo, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:34, Reply)

well, i had a girlfriend...
who:
1) completely tidied and re-arranged my living room,
2) managed to get rid of ten years' woth of limescale in the bathroom, and
3) asked me to marry her; not by proposing, but asking if i had enough in my savings to afford the dowry.
all in the space of four days, a mere month after meeting her.

fucking loon.
( nowhere.elysium Exploder of cats, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:24, Reply)

I THOUGHT it was over
Me and my then girlfriend broke up cause i was off to uni. we agreed to stay friends (HA!) I came back for Christmas. Saw her in my club. She comes over, starts slapping me, kicking me in the bollocks then tells me its over.

Hang on...

Got my own back though. that very night i got with the hottest girl present right in front of the psycho ex. she storms off in a rage, i go back to hers for a bit of the old ee-ay-ee-ay-oh.
tasteful.
(Grizzly, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:18, Reply)

bleurgh
After waiting patiently all night for he umpteenth time for the bloke to come home after staying "at a mates" I knew it was over when my response to the obligatory "You're just like my mother" was:

"I do not have three broken marriages and kids with varying surnames. I do not dress like a 16 year old. I am not like your mother because I am not a raging slut."

Whenever I need cheering up I just remember the look on his face.
(psykit, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:17, Reply)

I didn't realise it was over when ...
1. He told me, "You're not the kind of girl I thought I'd end up with." Repeatedly.

2. He repeatedly suggested a threesome with my best friend.

3. He would make me wait outside in the car for ages while he talked to one of the girls on the cricket team he coached. Allegedly about cricket. No real woman talks about cricket for that long.

4. I would arrange my schedule so that I could visit him, and he would spend 2 or 3 hours on the phone with her.

5. He told me about how some girl at uni kept cracking-on to him, how she would put her head on his shoulder, touch him etc., and tell him that she hoped I would walk in and "catch them", so that I'd dump him.

6. I would travel for 4 1/2 hours home from uni to see him, every weekend, for 3 years, and he visited me about 4 times.

7. I would go home on the weekend, and he'd go out with his mates, and I couldn't go because it was a "boy's night". But then my (female)mate would ask me, "Why didn't you go?"

8. When he kept pestering me for anal *for 3 years*, and I refused, and he finally just slipped it in "accidently".

9. All the other times he treated me like a piece of shit and made me think it was my fault that I was unhappy, when it was actually because he was a wanker.

10. When he told me he thought it was time we ended it, because we had nothing in common - after 5 years.

11. When I asked him if he still loved me and he said, "Uhhhh ..."

12. When I asked if he had "somebody else lined-up", and he said, "Uhhh ..." and smirked.

I realised it was over when he called me *for a chat* 2 weeks after he dumped me, and ended the phone call by casually mentioning that he was pretty busy packing his stuff, because he was moving-in with the skanky cricket chick.

Best thing he ever did for me was buggering-off with her.

Yeah, he had the length & girth, but didn't have a clue how to use it ...
(Celerydemon, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:13, Reply)

I knew it was over...
when someone asked me what the opposite of "under" was.



and for some reason I`m about to click 'post this message' now...
(widdy, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:08, Reply)

two for you
1st, 2 days into freshers week at university, never lived away from home, and met this girl, all going well until on the friday (2 days into her) afternoon she told me we were going to london (from nottingham) to meet her parents at that point it went the shape of the pear. I quite rightly ran a mile.

2nd Last summer I was going out with a nice young lady (fnar). When I told her I was returning to Nottingham for uni in sept, that when I knew it was over, or was it the screaming at me and the general emotional blackmail?
(Bored, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 15:04, Reply)

my then wife and I who were "seperated"
chose the moment that I was bollock deep up her younger sister on the kid's trampoline, to come over and have a chat.
(peewee13, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 14:46, Reply)

i knew it was over with my 'first'..
..when i was told they were in love with another woman




i'm a bloke



and i didnt get a 3some either :(
(5lab, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 14:25, Reply)

Smiths!
Track three on "The Queen Is Dead", right?

/coat
(Vulpine or something, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 14:25, Reply)

When they ran out of beer at the North Pole
That's when Inuit were sober.
(><(((">, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 14:00, Reply)

Namby Pamby
I knew it was over when my boyfriend began straightening his hair and started taking longer than me to get ready. I think the final straw was when he started frantically searching the web for 'heat protection' products for his hair.

I knew it was over with my other boyfriend when he told me he had been asked for a threesome with another couple, and asked if I could ring him at a certain time that night to see if he was ok. I did, and he'd run out of there because they were doing too much cocaine and had an S&M dungeon.
( neonpinkish, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:40, Reply)

I knew it was over
When I found out my ex had been swapping my coke for ketamine. Great fucking parties they were. Three times I feel for that little trick!

Danish girls it seems can be just as twisted as their UK cousins, despite was the Lurpak adverts may suggest.
(Gomi No Sensei, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:39, Reply)

Over
I knew it was over when the R dropped off my cars name badge
(Keyser Soze, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:23, Reply)

FUCK YOURSELF AWAY
she screamed and being the cryptoracist she was she couldn't hold from adding remarks about my italian family and it hurted even more because she was right but no I hadn't shagged her friend and she was the fucking bitch that was going out "talking" to that idiot guy so ok, this time I'll really fuck myself away I thought and began collecting my stuff huge heaps of books and clothings and stuff and the bitch kicking my stuff around the room our room and me fighting back tears but hey I won't let that bitch have my fucking LPs these I won't leave behind so I get my rucksack and there you go you pretty racist bitch come get these if you dare I care more about them than about your extra white cunt and giggling and crying trying to call someone to get a place where to sleep and slam goes the door and forget that bitch it won't take long before she's forgotten and I hurry to the tube comforted by the weight of all my vinyl and my fury sweats out of my skin and my eyes and I try lo laugh the thing over and I really must look miserable every body looking at me while I get into the station and that guy that looks annoyed fuck off you well-dressed dickhead no I won't stop for you leave me alone just leave me alone leave me alone.

And then he gets out a huge gun and I can't stop crying and giggling and just while I was lifting my hands up I saw he was in panic and wouldn't stop and that's when I knew it was over.
( frox, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:14, Reply)

Bo Selecta
Me and my ex broke up last year, he was a good bloke but compared to me he was just too quiet! I know alot of the times what I said or did he didnt approve of.

On new years eve I was watching the deleted scenes on Bo Selecta with my friends, the Gareth Gates Character with Tourettes that they couldnt put on telly cos it was too risky is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Me and the girls came up with a plan that we was gonna pretend to have tourettes to anyone who tried to speak to us whilst being out that night celebrating new years (can I just add that my ex wasn't coming out with me that night cos and I quote from the man himself 'getting drunk is neither worth it or funny')

When my ex came home I said to him all excited "hey guess what, tonight when we're out we are gonna pretend to have tourettes"

The look of disgust on his face was a picture, I wish I had a camera cos seriously it was one of the biggest looks of disgust I have ever seen! "And why do you want to do that" he asked barely able to hide his anger..

"cos I think it will be funny OK"

Cue said boring bastard walking away shaking his head...

Since that day our relationship was NEVER the same! I was dumped a few months later!


And before anyone else says it I know its not very mature pretending you have tourettes but we had such a laugh that night, my friend exceeded herself by running up to a policeman and shouting "WANKER" in his face but cos she had tourettes she got away with it ;-)
(Fran, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:07, Reply)

i know it was over when i acted like an ass.
i'd just finished the last stage of a clinical trial at surrey uni, i was a student and i needed the cash. missing my birthday returning on valentines day (which is a few days after) still not able to drink for a week, with a probe thermometer up my arse and caring around a recording device to monitor my core body temperature for the following week. the test involved sleep patterns so i couldn't have tea, coffe or any caffine.

my ex had made a nice effort, we were living in halls at the time, but i rebuffed all the effort she had made as i was secretly trying to crack onto someone i'd met at surry uni, i then acted like a total ass which upset her and made me into the bad guy (which i deserved) kept nailing her for a while after, but could see it wasn't going anywhere. she got together with another guy straight after we finished for the last time, which is what happend when her Ex finished with her last time she went with me straight after. lives and learns, i'm now happily married.

the bloke she got together with after me was a nice bloke and he got me a job at a local place behind the bar and we had a right laugh, especially after the local beer festival when we could help ourselves to any of the open barrels on the last night. i had a stonking hanover the next day, but we did manage to nick 2 barrels and had a party the following weekend.

P.S. I never managed to date with the girl at surrey uni.
( Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Keeping it in the family

I knew it was over when my now ex GF caught her mum and a man that was not her farther shagging like Alsatians in the kitchen of the family home, any body want to guess who the mystery man was?

PS the mum was better anyway
(hullygully, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:01, Reply)

There seems to be a bit of a theme this week.
It's all over when you realise she/he's mental.

In my case, the final straw was when she faked cancer.
(BeerPoweredNoiseFrenzy, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 13:00, Reply)

re. niceandwarmandhot
Limonata... Evil brew that stuff is.

The stuff I drunk was called limoncello. Sounds pretty much the same though.

It tasted as potentially alcoholic as dandelion and burdock.

I was 20 and invited to our next door neighbours italian garden party. I ended drinking a few bottles of wine and prosecco and then drinking that stuff by the glassful. Needless to say I ended up eating backwards, blocking the sink up in their toilet and falling down the stairs breaking my ankle and an ugly as sin ceramic cat(family heirloom).
(decidedlyaverage, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 12:23, Reply)

Those three words
Now i'm only 20 and about 2 months ago came out of my most serious relationship to date, and recently met a girl at a friend's house-party, thought she was cool, got off with her and started seeing her, things were going great, really interesting and funny girl and we'd been going out a couple weeks, seein each other once every 2 or 3 days and then 4 days ago she turned around and said "i love you"... uh-oh!
(welsh_dude, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 12:14, Reply)

On way back from france
on the ferry, after a really lovely holiday, I saw the white cliffs and i knew it was Dover.










What?
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 12:12, Reply)

I knew it was over
When I opened that bottle of Tequilla and got sick.
(albator, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:49, Reply)

After the sixth ball was bowled
I knew it was over.
(Ed Can Do, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:41, Reply)

The server crashed again
That's when I knew IT was over.
(NihilisticPenguin, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:38, Reply)

cut out of the will
I knew i had no chance of any inheritance from my grandparents when i wore a "funeral for a friend" t shirt to dinner with them, not realising my Grandma had just suffered the loss of both her golf partners......
(cap'nj, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:37, Reply)

It was all over when ...
During my then girlfriend and my first attempt to dance the naked mambo, my parents decided to have an argument in the garden about the fact that my mum had left the sausages on the grill too long and charred them.
This was 1993. Shortly after David Careshs lot burnt themselves in Waco texas.
The noise was distracting enough.
But when my my dad then in a fit of rage started throwing sausages around the garden and screamed: "Angela, What the fuck is this supposed to be?? David Caresh's dick?" the lady insisted she wanted to leave.
Had her two years later though, and she was pants.
(decidedlyaverage, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:30, Reply)

I knew it was the end*
When I heard "May God have mercy on your soul."

*Or maybe it's just the beginning?
(Kitsune-chan I'm not a bunny I'm a grownup girl, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:20, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
...the missus sent me text message to end our wonderful marriage. Still, now happily married to someone she accused me of having an affair with. Ahhh...Karma
(bigquack, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 11:19, Reply)