Southend on Sea has
Mr Traud who is opften refered to as Jeremy Beadle, the Cricket Hat Man and the troll. Who smells hangs arround in libraries and will threaten to write to tony Blair (or another government official) as soon as you cross his path.

He is a loony. I think there is even a website devoted to him.
*edit no its part of a website. www.surreal-southend.co.uk/content.asp?id=47# one in to the left top row
(el_meerkat, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:29, Reply)

Cambridge
I know of the same Mill Road nutter Sionnach speaks of (a few posts below). He'd sit on a bench by the railway bridge on Mill Road with a tin of Campbells tomato soup on top of his head, tied on with a scarf, or similar.
Every time a bus would come along he'd get up and salute it.
Mind you, there was the other guy, the black fella who'd constantly talk to himself up and down Mill Road, just as if he had a mobile phone, but obviously didn't. He also had his head cocked to one side in a no-hands-holding-the-phone sort of thing.

Oh, and there was Alan the complete psycho-nutter on teh number 11 bus route in Birmingham. He used to sit on the bus all day long swearing at the school kids (in the olden days before the cunting school run). He beat up my mate, who blubbed.. well, like a spazz. He told his parents who; called the police.
Interestingly the bus driver stopped the bus allowed Alan the nutter to get off and give him a kicking then let him back on again.
Maybe the bus driver thought my mate was a cunt too.
( Monkboy, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:29, Reply)

When I was growing up...
I lived not far from a mental home thingy.
Apart from one guy called Mad Alan who we were scared shitless of, cos he was a vicious little bugger, there was also another one, who used to march everywhere.

He walked with his arms straight, hands open stretched, and just walked/marched everywhere all day.

One day he was walking towards me so I said "Do you want a crisp?"
The reply? "Fuck off I'm walking". To an 8 year old too. I was heartbroken.
(Bodski, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:26, Reply)

Bournemouth - world's worst busker (and a nutter)
A few years ago - an old bloke known as 'one string' stood in the street and played a guitar with - surprise, surprise - one string. Made out of string.

Hmmmm . . .

I've just realised how boring this post is. Sorry - I'll get me coat.
(>NARF! Quality WTF chimp action, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:24, Reply)

Karen
Well known to the courts, licensed premises and gutters of York. On being ejected from a pub, refused service as she's a known prossy, she proceeded to drop her kecks and curl one off on the pub's doorstep. Always a fun night on town when Karen's about.
( alexr, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:23, Reply)

In my village theres very fat man
theres a seemingly jolly fellow who looks harmless enough until he looks at you, then you can see the demented eyes, the wild hair that hasn't been combed in years. Then you know, you know hes singled out you for todays question.

Thinking hard, the wrinkles on his forehead clenched tight in concentration he picks a subject. Then he prepares his expressions for the question.

"DO YOU LIKE NOTTINGHAM FOREST?"

...

Standing there, looking bemused, just hoping that he'll look away soon and choose another hapless victim. But no, nothing but the eerie silence and his evil stare.

"I LIKE NOTTINGHAM FOREST"

He would then offer to show his collection of "badges"

Politely refusing, sidling on by, once again managing to escape from the horrors of SLIGHTLY MENTALLY RETARDED BUT HARMLESS ALTHOUGH STILL QUITE SCARY MAN
( anythingbutthisactually, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:22, Reply)

What's pink, hard and makes ...
Oh.

Nevermind. Maybe it's me.
( xandmi, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:19, Reply)

we've got the Bus spotter around here (portsmouth that is)
now you can spot him right away, even without knowing he's a nutter. he just looks odd. bright orange T-shirt (even in winter) grey trousers and grey dirty coat.

one day i'm on the bus going to uni and i down near the bus spotter - not really wanting to be noticed i pull out a text book and start to look busy. after a few mins i glance up and notice his hands are on his groin and stroke him self(its like a train crash - you jsut cant help but look). i guess the vibrations are just to good to waste...!

he recently got baned from the busses for stalking two women bus drivers!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:17, Reply)

When I was at Greenwich University
They used to do a weekly "night club" affair where the Union was open until 2pm.

There was a weird plump guy who used to come every week on his own, wearing black stonewashed jeans and a Sepultura / Pantera / Megadeth / Maiden t-shirt. We used to call him Barney.

Every time the DJ played ANYTHING with a guitar in it, he used to fly around the dance floor in a circle doing the Angus Young / Status Quo air-guitar dance until he was knackered and then he'd stop and walk around muttering whilst flicking his head in this weird nervous twitch.

In the end, the DJ's would always just say "here's one for Barney..."
(Nefarious Tim, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:16, Reply)

In Nottingham
there was a small Indian guy who used to go around groping people and telling them he wanted to be a doctor. However, sightings of this chap abruptly stopped a year ago. Nobody knows why.

On an unrelated note, apparently for about a year now there's been a small Indian guying walking around Prague groping people, demanding cheese & green pepper baguettes and telling them he's going to be a doctor.

Strange...
( manwithunderpantsonhead older than a Time Lord, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:16, Reply)

Cambridge.....
....has many strange beings, noticeably around the Mill Road area.

There used to be this guy who walked around with various items on his head. I have seen him with a fish, brussels sprouts and a small christmas tree (not at the same time of course)

There's also this haggard old lady with a blue wooly hat who wanders around picking up rubbish everwhere. I frequently see her in the Grafton Shopping Centre.
(sionnach, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:15, Reply)

I recall getting on a tube carriage
That was completely empty apart from one other occupant, an old rastafarian man who was conducting a conversation with his reflection on the other side of the carriage.

I say "conversation"; one half was venomous Jamaican patois, the other consisted of one word - "warlord". Thus:

"Who yuh look at? I cut yuh rass, bloodclaaat!"

"Warlord."

"You tink yuh hard, yuh fuckin' bumbleclaart?"

"Warlord."

I got off at the next stop. Double quick.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:15, Reply)

The Heather woman
Up in aberdeen there used to be this well know woman who was obviously homeless, who would go around offering you "Lucky Heather" (the the scottish flower, not a lucky woman called heather) anyway, she would hand it to you, and if you took it, she'd put her other hand out for money.. Now...and if you didn't give her money she'd start shouting at you and scream about putting a curse on you...mad as a hatter!
(Jamsie, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:14, Reply)

Oh, I have a good one.
There is a guy that walks around my village who me and my dad nicknamed Sweeties. One cold morning we were walking down the train station and we heard a loud clumping sound behind us. This boss-eyed, cottle bottle be-glassed nutter came thundering up to join us and just started rambling on. (Imagine him talking in an extremely thick Brummie accent for this)

Sweeties: Morning!
Dad: Oh god, you again (under breath)
S: Cold out innit!
D: mutter
S: I'm going to the shop
D: mutter
S: I'm going to buy sweeties
D: mutter
S: I like sweeties I do!
D: *smirk*
S: In this weather you need a good suck!
Me and dad: *fits of suppressed laughter*

This bloke will accost anyone he sees walking when on his travels, old ladies, kids, the lot. There are too many stupid conversations with him to list but that is the original and best. Other than talking bollocks to strangers, he drags around a little Scottie dog, wears a huge blue anorak in all weather and will stop at random while walking to giggle to himself and do a crossword.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:10, Reply)

when I was growing up in Blackpool
there used to be this oldish guy who would stand outside the shops in the town centre being really still. Suddenly he would sprint backwards into the shop and shout something. I saw him do it a couple of times but was never in the shop to hear what he shouted :¬(

(He had a pan in his hand on one of the occasions that I saw him)
( swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad., Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:09, Reply)

Moses
There was a guy in my grandads home town of Amlywch (I think thats how it is spelt) called Moses and due to cars insisting on crashing into his front room he used to stand outside his house directing traffic from morning till night dressed in mac and wellies. He was a strange character and my parents said I was not to talk to him.
( juliogeordio, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:08, Reply)

A number around these parts
There's this black lady who goes around wearing about 10 hats ! - I think she wants to be THE tallest lady.

There's also this woman in Cheltenham who steps to avoid the cracks in the pavement. It is very funny to watch her walking like John Cleese doing the funny walk thing.
( koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:08, Reply)

York Lune
When I was at York Uni, we sometimes had visits from a patient at the Retreat, which is just round the corner. The Retreat is a place for people with mental illnesses. Anyway, this bloke claimed to be a Lord, or something, and we just smiled and said politely "really?"

It later turned out that he *was* a Lord!
(Wrecked Tums, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:07, Reply)

Oh.
That was me. I mutter to myself. Openly masturbate. And fuck handfuls of my own shit.
(temper_temper Salmon, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:07, Reply)

I remember one
who used to sit around outside Sainsburys in Chislehurst all the time randomly talking at passers by. He used to collect cigarette butts from the floor and stick them in a Golden Virginia tin he had, for use later as "Black Rollies". One time I took pity on the mad bloke and offered him a cigarette from my packet. He took it, threw it on the floor, trod on it a few times and put it in his tin. Then he sat down without saying another word.
( youknowyouloveit, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:06, Reply)

there is a "lollypop"* man near my street
who walks around muttering to himself.
He is shaped like Paddington bear, so I call him Paddington.

He actually talks to himself, and whenever I pass by him I smile at him and he never responds.

I think he's not actually a real lollypop man, but just a nutter who likes to wave stop signs at morning traffic.

He's fantastic.
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:06, Reply)

The Cowboy
I went to uni at Wolverhampton, and there was a bloke who wandered around in a full cowboy outfit (big hat, leather chaps, waistcoat, guns, holsters, spurs, boots - the lot).

Whenever I saw him, I'd shout "DRAW" and he would spin-around and draw his guns at me, while I made pointy-finger guns back at him and had a mock gun fight.

A couple of years later, he was arrested.
They were real, loaded guns.
eeeeeep.


He reappeared on the streets a year or so later in the same outfit, but he had to carry bright pink water-pistols. hehehe
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:05, Reply)

Camden has tonnes
Beside the Best of Luck guy and all the self-conscious freaks that hang around the market the best on has to be the Cowboy: the straw hat bloke who wanders around getting pissed and swearing at people - I've seen him as far afield as Southwark, so he gets about a bit.

Only trouble is, since he uncovered the Camden Ripper a couple of years back, and had the good sense to carry the severed leg he found in the rubbish to the nearest authorities, I reckon he might be faking it...
( TV's Nosemonkey, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:04, Reply)

Cheetah
There was once a guy who stayed near where I live who had a pet cheetah. He used to take it into town and tie it up outside the shops like a dog.

I don't think this sort of thing is allowed these days!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:04, Reply)

Mmmmm Bearded Lady
We really do have a lady with a beard in Guildford
zwn.arqz.com/guildfordbeardedlady.html
(OldGregg Wanna Go To A Club Where People Wee On Each Other, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:03, Reply)

Tourettes man
In Finsbury park. He wanders around shouting at girls - "Slut! Cunt! Fucking slut!" - or sometimes just mutters "bitch" as they walk past.

My brother was standing next to him waiting to cross the road and he turned and winked saying, "They're all sluts, innit?"
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:03, Reply)

the mole in hackney
hes a propper nutter, tunnels under the road, under neighbours gardens and stuff. The local authority had to block off the road outside his house because it was in danger of collapsing.
pretty sure the road is called englefield road - its worth a visit to see his house.
( ferret charmer, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:02, Reply)

i remember
a guy hitting a bus-stop sign with a steel pipe repeatedly - kept doing it for at least 15 minutes - had to leave for school. i'm sure he continued.
( bumblebee.. I am not a number! I am a free snail!, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:02, Reply)

Ooh! Am I first?
There was a guy who used to go around the ASDA in bedminster, who used to make loud shouty noises like stoppit/tidyup* from stoppit and tidyup.

*delete as appropriate, I can't remember which is which
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 16 Sep 2004, 12:02, Reply)