I was popping three Omega3 fish oil capsules a day in the months leading up to my finals
I passed the exams but there were some nasty side effects, namely stray cats following me home and butch women winking at me.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 14:17, 1 reply)

Dope, not dole
A while back I had the misfortune to spend a few years living in the midlands. Before I went I made sure to buy myself a couple of nice big blocks of hash in case it took me a while to become acquainted with the local black market.

I went to the midlands for a reason: I had a grant to do some research at one of the big universities up there. Sadly my partner had no better reason to be there than her desire to be with me, and she didn't have a job to go to. There weren't many jobs in the midlands, as it turns out, and after a few weeks looking she had to sign on.

Unfortunately the rules for allowing people the dole are not at all clear when it comes to being the partner of someone on a postgraduate grant. Had I been an undergrad, fine, no problem. But because I wasn't no-one seemed to know whether we were allowed any unemployment benefit or not. The result was many miserable hours spent waiting in queues at the job centre to no particular effect.

Eventually they decided to harken to our plaintive cries and sent someone out to interview us in the flat where we lived. Before the hallowed representative of the welfare state arrived we cleaned and tidied like there was no tomorrow and by the time she knocked on the door the flat was as clean and shiny as a new pin.

So we made some tea and the three of us settled down around the dining table for a nice chat. And as we sat, my eyes meandered across the table to the centre, where there was a fruit bowl containing a heart-warming display of healthy food: some shiny apples, a couple of ripe bananas, zesty oranges and a fucking great lump of cannabis.

Momentarily speechless, I then panicked and glanced up at my other half. The look on her face told me she'd spotted it too and that she'd realised like me there was nothing we could do about it and that there was no way our visitor was going to spend much time at the table without spotting it as well. So we sat and chatted politely for an hour: me, her, the lady from the job center, and an a couple of ounces of dope.

Every second of that conversation was agony. At any minute I expected her to realise there was a huge stash in the middle of the table, jump to her feet and call the police. But she stayed silent on that subject, discussed our situation and eventually got up and left. Thank fuck for that we thought - what a nice lady.

But she wouldn't give us any dole money. Bitch!
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 17 Sep 2010, 14:12, 1 reply)

A good prank to pull on someone off their tits...
Back in the day me and my mates would get twisted on whatever was doing the rounds at the time and just chill out in one of our houses.

One weekday before one of our blowouts I was helping a mate tidy his place and came across a packet of those stickers you got with blank vhs tapes, including little square numbers and letters.

I had the idea of taking the numbers and sticking them over the buttons at the bottom of the TV used to change the channel. So instead or reading 1,2,3,4 etc. the numbers were now random. I knew full well that we would be getting mashed at the weekend and this would no doubt catch someone off guard.

The weekend rolls around and as expected we're all sat in my mates getting properly twisted. Then I remembered the prank I'd set up the day before and proceeded to casually ask the victim of the group to change the channel.

Now at this point me and the other lad are being as casual and straight faced as possible and are carefully watching the victim out of the corner of our eyes.

He leans forward and freezes, sits back rubs his eyes and goes forward again. He freezes again. He looks around the room and back at the TV. He's now getting a little distressed and asks us what’s wrong with the TV to which we reply 'nothing! Stop dicking around and change the channel'.

Now his face is going white, he looks at the TV and then at his hands, back at the TV, at us, the rest of the room, the TV. The lad is now having a proper meltdown, he's white as a sheet and is really starting to go down a dark, dark road. Panic and fear have taken him and he is on the verge of losing it.

Now I like pushing the boundaries of practical jokes, even more so when I’m under the influence but at this point I was so worried for my mates health, he was that visibly falling apart, I had to tell him.

It's a pretty simple prank but is testament to the power of hallucinogenic drugs.
(tedalaki - Like Purple Aki but better, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Never trust a northerner
Everyone knows someone who is spectacularly useless at everyday life, often thanks to repeated drug use semi-permanently screwing with their brain. Our mistake was to repeatedly try and make someone like this do something worthwhile.

Quite the silliest thing my friends and I ever did was to give him about £100 and send him to the pub for an ounce of hash (this is about ten years ago - I'm sure it's more expensive now). Considering this is a man to whom I'd lent money for an airfare only to see him miss the plane not once, but twice, and never pay me back, to this day I have no idea why I chipped in. But there we go.

We waited at home for our drugs, skinning up the pathetic remnants that we had left.

And waited.

And waited.

Eventually we followed him to the pub. Whereupon we found our would-be mule in the far corner of the upstairs room, slumped over a table, totally unconscious with half-empty pint and shot glasses in front of him and a rolled up paper tube up his nose. When we moved him, we found the remains of the line of coke he was trying to snort when he passed out. He had no money on him, neither his own nor ours.

We never gave him any again.

Amazingly this guy is now a primary school teacher. Thankfully he also moved to France.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:58, Reply)

whoa!
Once, right, I was really blaaargh! And then I did this gear and everything went "ting!" and all of a sudden there were mooses... ... or was it mices? ... ... ... yeah... anyway, so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway... so I had a bit of a crisis and had to call Spud. He was like "yeah!" and I was all over it and then this thing happened. It wasn't a normal thing. It was, like, a really weird thing. Yeah, weird! Oh man, you should have been there! If you had seen the size of that turtle, you'd have laughed. Fucking hell! Spud couldn't believe it when I told him what happened on the way down to his place. I ended up with a beer after that. I'm not sure how I got it, but I remember there being very bright lights. I managed to get Spud one too but he told me he already had some in his fridge. So I put mine in the fridge too. Then I had to go and get it out of the fridge again because I wanted to have a drink of it. I said "Yeah!" and so did Spud. Not long after that, Spud said "Yeah!" and so did I. When the lights went out, I had a little sleep and then the following day I found a packet of spangles down the side of Spud's sofa. I told Spud all about it and he was like, "Yeah!!!!!". So we munched those and went down to the beach. Oh man, you should have seen the turtles! Fucking EVERYWHERE! Yeah! (well, that's what Spud said, anyway). I just stood and stared at the mooses... or was it mices? ... ... yeah... anyway...
( emergency_pants Today I smell of... tea tree, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:57, 6 replies)

Last week, I ate shrooms for the first time.
I intend to again.
( charlie?, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:55, 8 replies)

Gatecrasher
I once cleared the dance floor with the vilest smelling fart I have ever produced. It was like a pathologist had just cut open a fetid corpse full of eggs and cabbages.

I apologise if I was responsible for your instant come down in the year of our lord 2000 A.D.

Actually, I'm not sorry in the least. That was some of my finest work.
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:52, Reply)

In primary school
a friend and I went through a short lived phase of smoking rolled up coloured paper. stickytape made the flame turn green which made us extra cool to the girls.
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Ketamine.
It has a bad reputation but it really is the most beautiful experience if done right. And by right i mean in very large amounts, on your own, somewhere comfortable.

I have explored the corners of my mind that would usually be inaccessible or untranslatable.
I have been part of a orbital group of superheroes overseeing the earth, and responsible for protecting it from evil by communal force of will alone.
I have discovered that i am in fact nothing more than a cramped, naked figure trapped in a tiny pocket of air deep within the earth's crust, and that all my past experiences have been nothing more than an elaborate imagining, to keep myself sane.
I have been on the conveyor belt of life, waving to the people traveling the other way, each one in their own little room, surrounded by the possessions that tipify them.
I have woken to find everyone else around me comatose, the room around me destroyed by some type of holocaust.
I have reached out and touched every other person on earth, enabled by the invisible neural web that links us all.

The multiverse is within us all.


Sorry for the pretentious post, but it is sincerely written, and this topic was always going to attact some of those!
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:43, 6 replies)

Cheesing
(Bit of a pea, I'm afraid...)

---

We'd walked for miles on legs made of jelly.

From the wilderness we'd traveled, sighting the lights of town and trudging through it, we'd shared many adventures, the warming thought of tea keeping us going as we swam through a thick mist inside and out.

We shared stories which stretched back many years to the night before, trading tales of half remembered conversations with our new, temporary best friends, cursing the DJ we were still deeply in love with for our broken legs.

Just one more corner, then it would be the last few corners, then tea, perchance to smoke and welcome the dawn from a more relaxed and sleepful perspective.

Then I saw it. Whether it had been lost, carelessly discarded, or had placed itself there deliberately to be found, I did not know, I did not want to know.

I circled it several times, barely daring to believe. I picked it up, holding it with both hands to make it real.

"What have you found?", my friend asked me

"It's a tin of cheese.", I breathed

His eyes widened: "It comes in tins?"

"It comes in tins."

"May I see?", he asked. "Sure", and gently handed it over.

"I wonder what it tastes like, out of a tin?", he mused. I quickly took it back.

It lives on the top shelf of my cupboard now, my tin of cheese. Sometimes it catches me by surprise, and I gaze at it, wondering if its contents are a lie.

I can't decide if I'll be buried with it, my tin, my Tin of Cheese. Maybe I wont be, maybe it will be opened at my wake, served, as it should be, on small sticks, possibly with some pineapple.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:39, 4 replies)

Ground to a halt
When I was but a teenager, I had a pet tortoise (which for some reason I called 'Neville'). One afternoon, I found it in the middle of the lawn doing not much at all. I wondered if it had actually gone into hibernation, but that couldn't be right as it was July. I then thought that it might have died. I picked it up and looked closely, but I noticed that one of its feet was moving ever so slightly, so I took it inside and put it in a box with some food.

Later that day, my brother came in from the garden holding a plantpot with a scraggly bit of stalk in it. It turns out that Neville had been munching on his little cannabis plant. My dad thought it was hilarious and Neville barely moved for almost 24 hours.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 13:39, 1 reply)

chasing sunsets...
Acid does silly things and makes you do sillier things.

Episode 1: Mate1 and I were at his house, suddenly the background in the film we were watching started pulsating, we had no clue why. And then we remembered we were on acid. I decided it would be good to go to the nearest city on the bus - after staring and laughing at the men under the lino/ice in the kitchen for a while, Mate1 decided to go put his contact lenses in... if you've had acid you will know that looking at yourself in the mirror is a bad idea. I cannot begin to imagine what trying to put contacts in on acid is like, but I watched and laughed a lot. We then went off to the city... we had a very nice day out and prolly made utter twonks of ourselves but we got in no trouble. The day ended with the pair of us, on lots more massive drugs standing looking away from one another in a field. Naked.

no idea what we were thinking, it was quite cold.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:54, Reply)

first mong out experiance
One day meany years ago a friend and I desided to get a bag of weed rather then smoking solid as normal, A rather enjoyable night out. As i returned home I desided to watch a harry potter film. I collected some items of munch climbed into bed and put the film on. about five min into the film I heard a bag on my window, a bit paranoide I turnt to look to see what it was, staired for a few mins and tunrt back to carry on watching the film, to my suprise it was rolling thought the credits... Best Night Ever,
(seejay2010, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:52, 3 replies)

jesus fights a mong.
spent a whole day banging it like a champ. pot, plant food, coke, mdma, etc. neither proud, nor ashamed, it is what it is.
00:00, we took a stroll back to the VIP campste with some friends whose band was playing there. the party continued apace. then i broke out what had been sold to me as mdma.. clearly wasn't. something VERY fucking hallucinogenic, sky breathing, tents opening and closing like fish mouths, everything was painted like a monet watercolour. being no stranger to the odd bit of haluucinating, i was ok with most of this.

03:00 monolithically fat dude turned up, obviously a downs but reasonably high functioning. insisted on trying to wrestle people (ever tried wrestling while surrounded by a shoal of tent-fish, in a monet painting, giggling your tits off, with a supersized mong? don't.) at this point, i was still reasonably ok, i wasn't getting the fear. things were getting somewhat kooky though.

04:00 jesus arrives.
long hair. crown of thorns. white robe. big beard. friendly demeanour. shared a joint with jesus. arguing with him about the best festival food. still reasonably ok at this point. he responds to every question with 'yes my child?' getting a bit weird.

05:00 BIG line of ketamine. probably a bad choice. retreated inside a tiny popup tent of unknown ownership due to rain. am now being referred to as 'tent'
getting a bit strange.

08:00am.
pouring rain. jesus is outside the tent wrestling with a giant mong. surrounded by shoal of tentfish on a backdrop of monet trees and clouds. executive decision is made that this is now entirely too fucked up to handle. walk back past endless security guards, get bag searched, bad noise. try futilely to consume burger, which undulates far too much to be appealing. is that a mouth?

09:45 finally collapse in tent. miss entirety of the sunday. feel like death.

now positive or negative, that right there is some once in a lifetime shit. how many people can say they watched jesus fight a spacker while off his tits on ketamine, in the rain?

the best part of this is that it actually happened. obviously the tents weren't breathing, and the guy wasn't really jesus. i've since found him on facebook, he's a nice lad called lance. i still see him as jesus though.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:50, 4 replies)

When I was a youth
I used to burn collie weed in a rizla.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:48, 11 replies)

I pretty much used to survive on Pro Plus...
At college, time management wasn't exactly my niche, so I used to make up for it with many sleepless nights and trips to the 24-hour garage for said wonder-drug.
I had an induction assessment at college one day, and the night before I was on something of a razz at a mate's house round the corner.
After a not inconsiderable amount of JD, my mind elected to inform me that the only way that this was going to work would be by finding a certain white and red box and getting my pill on.
'Moderation' was not in my vocabulary at this point, and I proceeded to take 36 - a frankly industrial quantity.
There used to be an advert on for a women's weekly magazine with the tagline; 'No Lassie, I can't come and save the town, I'm Taking a Break!' which proceeded to turn into the most hilarious thing I could ever imagine - I was flicking through television channels specifically to find this advert.
I then thought it would be a grand idea to try and touch the ceiling of the room I was sleeping in by jumping.
I'm 5ft3, this room was at least 13ft.
That aside, I wanted to try, and try I did.
Unfortunately I was sleeping on the laminated floor in a duvet - I took off from said duvet and it slipped under my foot, causing me to jump more forwards than upwards, fell straight on my face, then got up and tried again.
Much to the bemusement of my mildly tipsy mate. We haven't quite spoken the same since.
Quite how I'm not dead is beyond me, and I got a distinction for my performance at college the next day.
Odd times.
(MessFX, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:41, Reply)

From Dahab to Damascus in five spliffs, two taxis, one bus and a kilo of kebab.
Not quite massive drugs, but in a fit of stupidity caused by a drought of smokables one winter, I managed to smuggle an ounce of the Sinai's finest bedu-grown into Syria. It turns out that a police-surplus overcoat is ideal for that sort of thing - that, and an absence of sniffer dogs.

(The kilo of kebab happened in some sort of roadside cafe between Aqaba and Amman. I was hungry.)
(Mr. W. K. Kellogg's Anusol Flakes (TM) is the other Special K, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:41, 2 replies)

where to start...
...the beginning?

My 1st wrap of speed was at Fantasy Island in Ingoldmells, I was particularly happy and had randomly bumped into one of my best mates from uni and someone from school that I hadn't seen in years. Life was awesome and soon I would get to watch Westbam...

But I needed a wee.

So I went to the bog.

What I saw there was to this day the most terrifying episode of my life, and I've had a gun pulled on me in NYC.

I emerged from the toilet, white and not looking very cheery any more...
My mate M saw the look on my face and realised that he'd forgotten to tell me about the physiological changes one undergoes as a man on amphetamines. He immediately ran to me and said 'Shit! I never told you about speed dick did I?'
'Will it ever come back?' says I with a look of desperation on my face.
'Give it a day and you'll be back to normal'

I could have hugged him, well, let's face it I was on drugs - I really really hugged him and proceeded to get on with being superdupercheeryted.

Later on that night he tried to make me eat some fries from KFC... that didn't really work.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:40, 1 reply)

of crack whores, and ninjas (shameless pea)
my old housemate, love him as i do, shall remain nameless.
one night he rbought round this girl.. spoke entirely in a horrendous polish/english bo selecta-esque accent... right up until i asked her something, when she became briefly, and clearly unintentionally cockney. but i digress. she was, to coin a phrase,as mad as a bag of wasps in a salad spinner. she was also jacked up to the eyeballs on speed, which she was feeding him.
this resulted in the two of them, fucked off their asses on speed, making an unholy row until about the time i got up for work.
this happened a couple of times.
then he moved out.
he came back to visit and she showed up. once again much mashedness occurred. the difference this time was he became somewhat.. paranoid? was absolutely stone-cold serious that there were people in the back garden on the roof of the extension, shining torches at him.
despite our protestations that due to the layout of our street, short of climbing over a rooftop and navigating a bunch of cluttered, high fenced gardens, or flying in, this was a complete impossibilty, unless we were beset by a gang of 40 foot ladder-carrying ninjas (who had managed to disappear without trace, we even got on the roof in question and checked the neighbouring gardens) nevertheless, he decided the police should be called.
three
fucking
times.

the fourth time he called them, they asked to be put on to one of us, and said in no uncertain terms, if he rang again he was coming in.
we confiscated his phone at this point, and this stopped him calling the police.
it didn't however, stop him bursting out into the yard periodically wildly waving a hammer and staring accusingly at shrubbery.
when i got up that day i found him huddled in a doorway, half under a blanket, STILL clutching the hammer, drifting off to sleep in little fits and starts, and waking, jumping half out of his skin, half-heartedly waving the hammer, then dozing off again.
the mad bastard
the spice of life, that boy.

the craziest bit is that days, weeks even later, he was STILL convinced it was real.
it was only a few months later, in a moment of clarity he admitted he 'might have been going a bit funny'
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:35, Reply)

Mixing alcohol with drugs....
I once mixed drink with Head-B-Clear and woke up in a coffin!

Luckily I had a chisel which I could use to get out of the coffin, only to find myself in a crypt. Then I met my old friend Stan who tried to sell me life insurance.

What an ordeal, I won't be mixing booze and drugs again... Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!
( greg_evigan is possibly deceased on, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:32, 1 reply)

Bit of a pearoast, but as a student...
...I was fortunate enough to find myself sharing a room in halls with the most popular dealer on campus, so as a result I spent my first year getting quite comprehensively monged, mashed and spazzed up without paying for any of it. Result!

Anyway, this story chronicles one such evening. I'd been out doing MASSIVE BONGS and a little bit of acid, and was wending my weary way home through Victoria Park in Leicester, when I caught a snatch of live music through the trees. Looking over, I could see a sort of glowing point which looked to my fuzzy eyes like the entrance to a big marquee, and it was from here that the music was emanating. Feeling kind of stoned and wrecked, I started to have doubts about my sanity - Vicky Park wasn't known for its late-night music festivals - and I honestly wondered if I was having some sort of hallucinogenic flashback to Glastonbury. So naturally I ambled over to investigate, because what would be the point of having a hallucinogenic flashback if I just ignored it and went home to bed?

Getting closer, I saw that this glowing point wasn't the entrance to a marquee at all, but a free-standing, slightly translucent, illuminated, three-sided pyramid. Sat in the grass around this pyramid were a bunch of people drinking from paper cups and nodding appreciatively at the music, and looking closer I could just about make out a band inside the pyramid who were playing Stairway to Heaven.

At this point, I must have looked a little lost, as a guy approached me and gave me a cup of tea. He stood there, watching the band, and as I sipped at my tea I had to ask: "Sorry mate, but what the fuck is going on?"

He replied: "Oh, this is a marketing exercise for PG tips - we've got ten of these giant pyramid tea-bags and we're using them to play a 24-hour gig in cities around Britain."

I stayed for a bit, then left with my head reeling. The next morning I went past the park, but apart from some flattened grass there was no sign of the previous night's weirdness. I asked my friends who lived near the park if they remembered anything untoward, but no-one had seen anything. I was beginningto think I'd imagined the whole thing when I spotted a copy of the Leicester Mercury on the way home from uni. There on the front cover was a picture of the giant pyramid with the caption: "Have the aliens landed? No, it's just a tea bag."

I cut it out and kept it by my bed as a reminder: no matter how many drugs you take, there will always be someone in advertising who is taking more.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 12:02, 2 replies)

TOP ONE NICE ONE GET SORTED

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:59, 11 replies)

This one time at university
Quentin and Rupert got some drugs from a drugdealer to take in the toilets at the Hilda's bop.
We all took the drugs, it was really mental! I got totally high!

I got so high, right that I thought that instead of being at the bop, dancing I was at the centre of the earth fighting a giant badger! How mad is that right! Then the drug dealer came becuase we hadn't given him the correct change and he started to chase me but I thought he was a bong and tried to smoke him lol!

Then I was sick everywhere but I was so high that I thought the sick was money and tried to use it to pay the bong, it was like my mind was melting.

The police came but they let me off becuase my uncle is Kavanagh QC and my Dad is Judge John Deed and it wasn't drugs just sherbert and it made my nose hurt.
( WormuIus, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:51, 5 replies)

Oh what fun to tell him the next day
I'm in the club toilets, and decide to take annother pill to top up my head-state. For some reason I'm not too coordinated, and manage to drop it into the toilet. "Aww shit," I mutter, and my mate sticks his head around the door to see. "I'll have it!" he exclaims, and before I can say anything he plunges his hand into the fetid water, extracts the vitamin-wibbly, and throws it, still dripping, down his neck.

He had no memory of doing this the next day. Until I reminded him, at great length, being sure to dwell on the likely state of the bogs in a fairly grotty but strangely popular and well-visited nightclub...

Good times...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:50, 5 replies)

Supply difficulties
My ex was very poor at buying the drugs.

Once she arranged to meet a guy in a car park. As soon as she arrived he drove off. Apparently he got nervous.

On the way to a festival she arranged to stop off at some guy's house to buy some weed. She called before she set off to make sure everything was still on. Shortly before she got there she got a call to say that he couldn't sell her anything. Because his mum had popped in for a visit.
(teebie jeebie, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:50, Reply)

2.
Crushing an entire pack of pro-plus tablets into powder then mixing into a strong cup of coffee is NOT substitute for sleep.

It just makes you shake and sweat a lot.

I failed my exam as I couldn't hold the pen.
(Pat_Gash, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:48, 3 replies)

I'm not really into anything other than nice wine.
But in my days as a student smoked weed like the chronic (aha) stereotype I was...(baggy jeans, bad attempt at beard, piercings, beads, dyed hair...Oh dear)...

One time we got some 'lovely' pollen that had been dipped in LSD or similar, I recall it was doing the rounds known as Northern Lights. Anyway, it was very very strong. We made some cookies out of the 1/4 lump and shared it between a group of 5/6 of us. Interestingly it bcame clear the speed and strength of peoples metabolisms after about 30 minutes.

Friend 1 (Now a policeman btw) spun out and decided the room wasn't safe, so went and drew a detailed map (He was a geography student) of the university campus, covering about 20 pages of A4 in one of our rooms. He was gone for the night, so down to 5.

Myself and my girlfriend (Now wife) made a lot of sandwiches, and made some cherry tomato 'puppets' by slitting them on one side to form a mouth, and then put on voices not dissimilar to Reeves and Mortimore doing Otis Reading. This amused us no end, then entered Friend 3, who watched us with a monged out look for about 5 minutes before collapsing and then having an epileptic style fit in front of us whilst we freaked (the fuck) out. My mrs ran to get help from the medical centre, Once the fitting stopped, I tried to just call out my friends name whilst she lied on her back with eyes open, but still unconscious, screaming, obviously having some kind of hallucination....

Horrible, scary stuff it was. Luckily she woke up and we got her taken to the medical centre to spend the night.

Then the paranoia began, after seeing our friend have this episode, I decided it was 89% likely that we were all about to die. So sat in bed shaking for the next 7 hours, waiting to die. I convinced my girlfriend she was going to die too. We didn't die. No one died.

Friend nunber 5 just fell asleep unaware of all that happened.

Good night all in all then. Bloody students.
(Pat_Gash, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:46, 27 replies)

My first jack + jill.
We smoked quite a bit of dope back in the day. Normally at the weekend I would take a wonder round to my mate's who lived down the road from me. We'd have a few joints listen to prog rock and jazz with a few brandies. Sometimes there would be a bit of coke about.

This one particular evening another old friend came down to visit us who also liked his drugs at the time. So the session started but finished short as we run out of dope. So we all decided to head in to the village to try score some weed for the evening. We stepped into a pub that we were regulars from time to time and bumped into another old chum. We went up to him and asked if he had any weed as he was a smoker back then too. He replied excitedly in a loud voice "No, but I got some pills though, only a fiver each!” Well that was it the other guys were game and I wasn't. Always been a bit scared of pills and acid and my mates had done loads in the past. Anyway the boys had bought some E's. They just popped them in the local pub. One of my mates said are you going to do one? I said I'm not sure… never tried one before... and with that he stuck one in my mouth. I thought well fuck it! well that’s that then.

We left that boozer and walked to another livelier one. By this time I started to become really chatty and lively...I was coming up. One of the things I could remember was a girl playing pool with her boyfriend and his mates. She was fit as a fiddle and huge norks and I could not stop starring. I just kept on saying wow look at her tits they are massive, over and over again. I looked over at my mates who were now absolutely bolloxed. One of the guys said you need to shut up about her tits otherwise your going to get your head kicked in. I realised how I must have been acting and started to calm down a bit. Then the calm turned into paranoia. I think we all started to feel uncomfortable in out surroundings so we decided to head on back to my mate’s house where we had started the evening. We were waiting in the cab queue and there was some guys who trying to push in which made me feel quite uneasy I thought if any trouble starts the way I feel I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag!

We eventually got back home back to the comfort zone. I remember saying to the guys how the fuck do people go out raving on this stuff? Which they replied yeah they seem to be quite strong these ones. Spent the rest of the evening/early hours guzzling water. Never again!
(Headsbollockskuntz, Fri 17 Sep 2010, 11:44, Reply)