My Dad
tries to make conversations with my girlfriends. But fails miserably, leaving me embarrased and the girlfriend uncomfortably but politely answering all kinds of random questions.

The most bizarre example was bringing a new lady friend to meet the parents I leave the room for a while and when I come back I find my dad talking to her about cat litter trays.
(tufty, Sat 21 May 2005, 0:38, Reply)

I knew I was in
For days, my other half had been warning me about her dog. "He's only little, but he's part terrier. Any time my last Boyfriend came over, he'd sit between us and growl at him. And he bit a plumber once."

Suitably warned, I went and sat down with Teh Fear of Teh Dog... Who promptly trots in, jumps up on my lap and falls asleep. Instant acceptance by family.

Eight years later, I blamed my eggiest christmas fart on the same dog.
( Argh-wrath ... is a very lame Glorantha joke, Sat 21 May 2005, 0:20, Reply)

He wasn't my boyfriend at the time
he was just a shag buddy & the first time I met his family, I was nekkid.
He had rolled over in bed taking all the blankets with him, & he was lying on my arm so i couldn't get up. His mum walked into the room & I had NOTHING to cover myself up with. We just kinda stared at each other for a few seconds then she mumbled something & walked off. Few minutes later his brother walks in to wake him up for work, he sees me lying there & says 'SHIT!!' really loudly so his dad wanders in to see whats wrong.
The guy slept through it all.
Ended up going out with him for a while, pretending we'd been together for a few months already so his parents wouldn't kill him.

They didn't like me very much.
(deadly, Sat 21 May 2005, 0:09, Reply)

the damn chairs
Well, I had a problematic relationship with the chairs of my former parents-in-law. One of the first times I came there I sat at the kitchen table and they had these chairs with one weak point in them. You can guess it, the chair I sat on cracked which lead to many jokes about my weight. Hmm, no fun.

But the 'dad' fixed them by putting a lead pipe in the broken leg. Some time later I came over again. I sat down quite carefully, but I still really had no idea. It went fine for a while, until wanted to sit in a different position, moved my ass and...CRACK. Second chair with a lead pipe in the leg.

Hmm, okay, so I went allright for a while. Until I broke another leg of a chair which already had a lead pipe in one the legs. *sigh* I really couldn't sit at the table anymore, so I tried sitting at the bar. Kept that up some time. Until the weather got better. And we sat outside...and I went through the damn outside chair as well. Well, the relationship is over now and I blame the damn chairs.
( kingjay umpfh, Fri 20 May 2005, 23:40, Reply)

Ooh, a mushy success story this one
I met my boyfriend at Christmas time, I got on with him Mum straight away, almost like a house on fire. We went our separate ways for Xmas day. Later on I was watching a video they'd recorded when I wasn't there (one of the very few moments) and I'd heard practically everyone say things along the lines of 'yeah, I reckon he'll marry her'. :D Awww.
I went on a school trip (as a volunteer) with his Mum shortly afterwards, which made me really comfortable around the 'mother in law'.
It's worked out great, we are getting married too ;).

Ah, I feel better for sharing.
( dub-girl, Fri 20 May 2005, 22:21, Reply)

I didn't have
an eventful first meeting with my last girlfriends parents and they loved me from the start (got invited to several BBQ's and got many a "we totally approve" talk, before i even set foot in their house and her mum actually cried when we broke up)

But along the way we had some great stuff happen. Her dad was partially blind, so at my g/f's brothers birthday paty, he tried to give me the cake thinking i was his son.

It was a bit odd when my mum found out we slept together for the first time (i'm still innocent in her eyes) and for some reason my g/f felt compelled to phone her mum and say "guess what..." Fair enough, but all of us had to go out the next day...

Thankfully i had built up points for things like noticing mothers newly dyed hair and according to her gran i was apparently "the nicest 19 year old she'd ever met" (which earned me a lovely jumper, from sainsbury's...)

But i think the winner has to be when her parents came to pick her from something we were doing, where they met a friend of mines parents...well i say 'met'... because they had actually known each other years, as my friends mum had had an affair with my girlfriends dad before he met his wife, but while she was married to her husband...who was friends with my g/fs dad...hehe...fun night...
(left-handed-monkey, Fri 20 May 2005, 22:14, Reply)

Unexpected success
This was only a couple of months ago, but I'm still living off it. New lady's folks are fairly middle class, but enjoy a giggle. They were talking about her sister's geographical ineptitude and how in order to get anywhere around the town, she used to walk to the station and wait at the taxi rank. But apparently building work's meant they moved the taxi rank a bit, so she just stood there lost waiting for a taxi at the old rank, which was fenced off and had no connection to any roads.

I said 'was she pining for the fords?'

Much mirth.

Best joke ever. 100% of fact.
( Tone Depear fucking rocks, Fri 20 May 2005, 20:57, Reply)

My son was coming through town
on a flying visit so we arranged to meet at the railway station.
I would collect his and his friend's luggage and keep it for them while they bussed off to the next town for lunch with friends.

I politely greeted Son's friend, shook his hand, hugged Son, arranged to meet them later and left.

Son's friend looked terrified. I thought, 'he's in a state. Travel sick perhaps.'
At our later meeting he seemed even more nervous, grabbing his rucksack from the boot and setting off acros the busy road at a gallop. Son was trying hard not to laugh.

Turns out that the 'friend' was Son's new boyfriend, who hadn't long come out, and certainly wasn't up to meeting Mother.

What a shame they didn't tell me. I'd have given him a BIG friendly hug. Welcome to the family, Son!
(A kind of wild justice, Fri 20 May 2005, 20:08, Reply)

Projectile Orange Juice
After meeting my current g/f (stunning I might add) in France a year ago, we decided to head to the beach for what inevitably followed.

Nine months later we managed to get back in touch and decided that we should meet up again. With me having a car, she suggested I'd stay around her house for the night so off i went on the 40min trip.

Once there I was treated to a full BBQ by her parents who I got along with instantly. As we sat down to eat I discussed my plans for uni next year. Without even a look of concern they told me how my g/f was predicted all A* for GCSE's next year.

"15!!!!!!". You have never seen Orange Juice come out someones nose so quickly. Fuck me if I ever remembered to ask a girl that stunning her age.

Well we are still together because guess what.... we love each other...and shes fit... and her parents dont mind. So there

I make no apologies for lenght or moral objections.
( Spam Filter Formerly known as Superdude, Fri 20 May 2005, 19:29, Reply)

something to make you go AAHH
My boyfriend's parents and I have got along wonderfully right from the start. When I met his parents for the first time I was nervous but it turned out fine. We were all smiles, chatting away but his father and I kept looking at each other. "Where do I know you from?" we both kept asking each other. After about 20 min I asked if he used to come into the hardware store that I worked at many years ago. Yes, that was it! He was the lovely old gentleman that came in so frequently buying this and that for his woodworking hobby. Who would have known he was going to be my father-in-law a decade later. Being both hobbyists and handy types, he loved picking out and buying me great tools for Xmas. He passed away a few years ago. He was a great guy and 'Mum'? couldn't ask for better.
(OGH, Fri 20 May 2005, 19:29, Reply)

Foot in mouth
My ex-girlfriend was quite well spoken, whereas I swear a lot. After a while it rubbed off on her. Once she said "fuck", so I said "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!"

Her mother died of cancer the year before.
(davefromkent, Fri 20 May 2005, 18:20, Reply)

when i met her mother
it was about eight in the evening and she didnt even know who i was ... add to that image me being a seventeen year-old brit, with 25 kilograms of luggage in a ninety-litre rucksack, a ski jacket, hat and leather gloves, complete with some bullshit story about how i got lost from chicago which was 90 miles to the east, and you can probably see why i got told not to come back to america again ...

*afterthought: when she's 18 i am so going back*
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:57, Reply)

I haven't really had a 'first time I met the parents'
My current bf (of almost 8 months now) still lives with them (hurrah for being a bum :D ), yet I only really see them when coming or going or getting lifts with said bf. I've only ever had one proper conversation with his mother...
I think his mum is a little weird about me as she still won't leave me in the house on my own... even if I'm asleep O__o

Eh, they're intimidating...
( Hohum21, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:18, Reply)

Nothing cringeworthy at all
My ex's parents were really nice people. very accomodating. First time I met her father I went to the pub and proceeded to get quite pissed on rum. Lovely fella, good laugh as well.

Sorry for wasting your time
(Clivicus, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:15, Reply)

first
time i met my now mother-in-law was when i came out of her daughters bedroom at 7am.
(robotrobotROBOT, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:09, Reply)

4.5 years and we still arent talking.
I first met my girlfriends parents only a couple of weeks after we starting going out. Four and a half years later, and he Dad still wont even acknowledge me =D
(drviagra, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:05, Reply)

current girlfriends parents
My current girlfriends mum is the best, I met her a few weeks ago and one of the first things she does is offer me a joint, she then proceeds to invite me to stay each night for almost a week whilst giving me booze, weed and take-aways. I’m hoping this relationship works just so I can meet her mum more often!
Oh, and her little brother proceeds to give me the "if you hurt her i'll kill you" speech... which i probably shouldnt have laughed so hard at, but it is a bit funny to hear coming from a skinny little 16 yr old
(Voidedge, Fri 20 May 2005, 17:02, Reply)

First girlfriend
First girlfriend, on first meeting her parents, I told her dad the following story:

"In the American Civil War a woman was injured when a bullet came through the wall of her house. She proceeded to get pregnant. After the child was born, she found out what had happened. A soldier in a nearby battle had been shot in the testicle, and the bullet had gone through the wall of the woman's house and lodged itself in such a position that the sperm on the bullet could impregnate her. She tracked down the soldier, who married her and had lots of other children with her. However, the one that was produced by "unnatural means" was the one that looked the most like him."

He wasn't impressed.
( Detrius521, Fri 20 May 2005, 16:44, Reply)

Waltzing Matilda
Meeting husband's entire family for the first time (obviously in Scotland must meet ENTIRE family, not just parents, and yes, they are all drunk on Morgan's Spiced and Irn Bru). So we get to the now-familiar sing song bit of the night (about half an hour in) and, bizarrely, in between the we-hate-the-english songs they keep returning to Waltzing Matilda. Eventually, Mr thecatsapprentice asks why (I am too traumatised to do more than burrow into chair) we find that the rumour has gone round that I'm Australian. They are corrected and thus revert to the anti-english entertainment. I am english. Yay.
(thecatsapprentice, Fri 20 May 2005, 16:41, Reply)

Chav Family
I went out with a chavvy bird for a few months in my distant past.
Met her parents..... her Father was a long distance truck driver, he just sat in the chair staring at me with manic eyes.
Her mother, brassy sort with a short skirt on, flirted with me incessantly.
The more she flirted the more he stared..
My girlfriend seemed to think this was all quite normal, maybe her mother and she liked to share blokes, I didnt hang round long enough to find out.
(LunarJim, Fri 20 May 2005, 16:04, Reply)

My penis...
My girlfriends dad walked into her bedroom unanounced and to his utter horror he found his little darling with my penis in her mouth.
He then proceeded to phone my house and explained in great detail what he had found.

I thanked him, hung up, drove around there and retrieved my penis.
The worst part was when I knocked at the door and greeted him with "Hello sir, your daughter tells me you are an abject cunt" - but due to a translation mix up it transpires that I had actually said "Hello sir, your daughter telled me you are an abject cunt".
I'll never live that faux-pas down.

That was the only time I met him and I never saw her again either. I'm just glad she didn't swallow, but we did laugh about it later.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:58, Reply)

i haven't met them yet
but i'm marrying a nice brazillian girl so the first time i meet them it'll be at the wedding in brazil.

where i'll be a foreign country a million miles from home and i don't speak the language.

no pressure

oh and they strongly dissaproved of all the living together and premarital sex.

eep.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:54, Reply)

More Cantonese mispronunciation
My Dad lives in Hong Kong, and is married to a lovely chinese lady who looks about 12, whose parents don't speak English at all. When his mum - my Grandmother - went to visit, she was taking a short walk, and bumped into her mum. Intending to say "good morning", she somehow managed to say something more like the equivalent of "dogs cocks" with a big insincere smile, which was quite clever. It took some explaining, apparently, as they thought she was trying to insult them.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:52, Reply)

Meet The Parents? Not Likely
Most of my girlfriends are OK for the first few years then the nagging starts:

"I wanna know your name!!!"

Time to ditch them.

/gets coat.

I remain. as usual,
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:42, Reply)

The mother-in-law rocks
been married for nearly 3 years and only just been able to start speaking to her in last 3 months, being as she's Turkish, and I'm not. However me and the missus did live with her for 3 months and I remeber me and the mother-in-law watching 'Bottom', drinking extra strong beer, and laughing at the fart gags, class. The wedding though

- First my drunk mates are all lining up to dance and generally purve at her. She's 50-smthing, but looks good for it.

Then my mate gives the best man speech, rather rude and quite bizzare, didn't mind though my family are quite chilled and the new mum doesn't understand English.

The new missus asks the new mum if she understood anything from the speech,

'I understood 'hotel room' 'Hokey team' and 'lesbians'' she replied then looked at me suspiciously.
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:41, Reply)

not me, but my best friend
used to enjoy his young girlfriend when her victorian-stlye parents were out shopping. He met the parents one time when they came home early and found him and their beloved angelcakes naked on the living room floor. Victorian dad just looks and stares, then walks out saying nothing. Angelcakes and my best friend sit there in shock and fear, not knowing what to do.

Three minutes later Victorian dad re-enters to see Angelcakes and friend sitting shell-shocked on the sofa. He then bellows "I AT LEAST THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE THE DECENCY TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" The result is the sight of my friend running naked across the garden by Victorian dad brandishing a rolled up copy of The Daily Telegraph.
(bloodydoorsoff, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:25, Reply)

Holiday video
Not me or Weazal (weazal has his own personal scaring the parents story) but weazal's navy mate Cats.
Weazal, Cats and Jas (another fellow matlock) had gone on a 3 week leave roadtrip round Cornwall and Devon, and Weazal being well minted at the time had treated himself to a video camera to record it as they were planning a fairly large alcohol intake and would need electronic memories to fill in the blanks.
Holiday went well, beer was drunk, lassies pulled and memories lost.
They decided to return to the base via Cat's girlfriend's family home, where a copy of the tape was pulled out and inserted into machine by said girlfriend to show her parents, how cool Cats was (his car, his skateboarding abilities, his gentle and nice nature etc).
This started with the boys doing the introduction to the chaos, which unfortunately, when it came to Cats, consisted of Jas shouting very loud "this is Cats, he's a C**T and he'll shag anything"
The now exgirlfriend left the room in tears and the boys fleed the house shortly after.
( Not just a hatstand inflamed in the membrane inflamed in the brain, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:11, Reply)

only time, not quite catastrophic. just scary
We weren't quite going out at the time, but that was to change that night. I'd just turned 17, and it was her 17th Birthday party that night. I hadn't seen her in a while since she lived about 30 miles away. (not fun).

ok, here's how it went...

got off the train, bout 3 miles from her place. had to wait an hour to be picked up at the train station, in a distinctly scary place. (Note: this was set to be the first time I met any of her family.)

Got picked up, met her step-dad and twin brothers (15). Took the short drive back, keeping quite quiet while they all talked about hockey (what have I got myself into?)

Get back to her house. Walk in the door to find the following people waiting to meet me....

Mum (and stepdad came in from the car)
Dad and (pregnant, making groaning sounds all day)stepmum,
the twins, and her other 3 brothers.
both sets of grandparents.

Needless to say, i was brickin' it.

That night, i went on to get her twin brothers pissed for the very first time, and received a grilling from both of her significant Ex's.

Went to bed that night at around 5 after a few decent hours alone. Slept til 8, then went upstairs to wake her up. After a couple more hours of "good clean fun", her stepdad walked in. Fortunately, he was ok, and I was punished to make breakfast for 6.

If that was her dad, I would be stapled to a tree right about now....

O, and when she first met my dad a few weeks ago (parents separated, live ith my dad because he isnt engaged to a wanker), he spent the whole time pretending to be "glad that I wasn't actually gay". And my brother kept calling her Brodie.
(acharps, Fri 20 May 2005, 15:03, Reply)