The first porn experience?
Well,

like many kids who grew up in a certain era, 'things' could be found in the extensive woods and bushes in the park that backed onto my house.

It would have been about 1983/84, which would have made me 8/9 years old.

My friend Ben arrives, telling me of grapevine rumours of some fresh bounty under the bushes.

Mounting our BMX's, the tents in our jnr sized trousers pointing us in the right direction.

We get to the area, and sure enough, under the bush was something way beyond the reach of two chaps of our age.

A state of the art video camera.

Although initially unwilling, Ben was soon acting like a seasoned cine-whore.

It wasn't easy though. The logistics were a nightmare, I mean, 8yrs old and I had to arrange a 1000W lighting rig, Set Builders, a catering truck and fluffers willing to perform on two such fresh faced stars.

Still, it sold well.







Going to hell now.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 19:02, Reply)

My father was an amateur artist
and used to keep a stash of 'art books' in a cardboard suitcase. I know this because one day, when my brother was 8 and I was 10, he opened the case and showed them to me.

My mother caught us looking at them, I got a severe belting for 'being the oldest and not stopping it' (presumably my brother was beyond reproach) and we were threatened with dire trouble if we ever mentioned the incident again.

Pron - just say no, kids.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 18:31, Reply)

Operation: Buy Porn
Buying porn mags from newsagents was one of the scariest things a young man had to go through. You internet-generation kids will never understand. It had to be planned meticulously, and executed to perfection.

When I was about 16 I grew tired of waiting for the raggedy second-hand porn mag currently doing the rounds at school to finally reach me. It would cost about £6 by then, half the pages would be missing, and I didn't even want to think about all the spermy fingerprints. It wasn't acceptable. I wanted my own. I wanted a fresh copy. A virgin copy. And I didn't want to give it to anyone else afterwards. I needed to plan the operation. Here I will try to break down the process of buying porn from a newsagent:


CHANCE OF BEING SERVED:
I was a big lad and I looked 18, so there was a good chance of being served, but it was still a gamble. Should I try to act big and manly when I walk in? Do certain shopkeepers have a reputation for being tough about such matters? I had to plan my reaction if challenged about my age. These techniques apply equally well to the purchase of alcohol.

CHOICE OF NEWSAGENT:
Perhaps the biggest single choice in the operation. Large chain stores were out of the question for two main reasons: they were always occupied by customers, and had only a small selection of pornography. Small corner-shop newsagents were by far the better choice. They had a much wider selection of magazines and smaller customer traffic. So which shop to choose? You had to use a newsagent where you couldn't be recognised, but within walking distance. I compromised on this issue due to physical laziness. I chose a nearby newsagent where customers could have recognised me. It was a risk.

Secret Spies were a big problem. Often a complete stranger would stop me in the street to say, "Hey, you're [SqueakyG]! I know your mum! I can see the family resemblance." Then the next day my mum would say, "Oooh, so-and-so from work said she saw you in town..." As you can imagine, my paranoia over these Secret Spies threatened to destroy the entire operation. They could be anyone. They would know me and I would be completely unaware. Therefore, the newsagent would have to be completely empty of customers when I made my purchase, just to be safe.

RECONNAISSANCE AND TEST-RUNS:
I visited the newsagent several times to purchase other items, such as sweets and the NME. This was valuable for checking out the following factors: The layout of the shop; the placement of porn magazines on the top shelf (quick glances, no staring); the members of staff, their general shift patterns, and a quick assessment of their peronalities (likely to question my age? etc); customer traffic at different times of day, how often the shop is empty of customers.

MALE OR FEMALE STAFF?
This question went though my mind. Obviously I would ABORT if it was the young girl behind the counter. She would have had ties to my secondary school, perhaps even know my sister, and the whole concept was disturbing. So it was a choice between the middle-aged gentleman or the middle-aged lady. Would one or the other judge me badly? Was it better to let the man serve me, because he'd understand male needs and not judge me? Or perhaps it was more intimidating for the man to serve me? I decided that I could be served by either of them equally.

PLAN OF ACTION:
By analysing these things I devised my plan of action. I would go to the newsagent on a weekday daytime, my day off school (A-levels by then). 2pm was the sweet timeslot, when kids are back in school after their lunch break. I would walk around the block until a perfect time when the shop is empty and no other customers are approaching. I would walk in, grab a copy of Escort (the only mag I had familiarity with, no time to waste choosing another), pay for it swiftly, and leave. If any complications arise, ABORT. If it's the young girl behind the counter, ABORT. If another customer enters, ABORT.

TRANSPORTATION OF CARGO:
They always put it in a thin transparent plastic bag, don't they? That was no good for my needs. I chose instead to wear my big thick coat, despite the hot summertime weather, as it had a big inside pocket that could fit a rolled up magazine. The time of day had to correspond with my parents not being home, because if they were home they may ask questions like, "Why are you wearing your big coat?" or "Why are you taking your coat up to your room?"

CONQUERING MY FEAR:
Fear is the mind-killer. It threatened to destroy all my efforts. Fear was the cause of several aborted attempts. I had to convince myself that my fear was illogical. I presented myself with several logical arguments: "The newsagent *wants* to sell you porn. That's why they have it for sale. Why would they make you feel uncomfortable about buying it and risk losing your custom? These small self-owned businesses need to sell porn to stay afloat, they depend on it. And hey, everyone has sexual needs. Don't worry."

FIRST AND SECOND ATTEMPT: FAILURE.
Chickened out.

THIRD ATTEMPT: SUCCESS.
Scoped the place. In. Grab Escort. On the counter. Paid. Got change. In the coat pocket. Out. Home. Wank. Nice one!

EPILOGUE:
It got easier as time went on. I became bolder. I was able to look around the top shelf for a while, and naturally realised that Escort wasn't the bastion of pornography. I found Mayfair, Men Only and Club International. Later on I found the £3.99 American ones that did spread-open fanny flaps. Then the internet came along, and made this entire story obsolete.


This QOTW makes it way too easy to apologise about length.
( SqueakyG, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 18:24, Reply)

Speaking of which
that crap cable channel that got banned? "Live TV", god that used to be a laff...."Topless Darts" were a regular schedule on my diary, and no mistake.

Although that "Lunchbox Volleyball" sequel just didn't do it for me (thank fuck)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 18:10, Reply)

probably like a fair few people
eurotrash, probably the shittest progamme on tv, but the most crappest pornlike programme on tv, but thats what you get for watching channel 4
( epiphany coming live from sweden, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 17:49, Reply)

Was About 7
Looked Under My Brother's Bed And Didn't Have A Clue What The Hair Between The Legs Was All About. Oh How I've Grown.
(Livi70590 Did not vote Conservative on:, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 17:41, Reply)

"So who are these people who throw porn away in the woods?"
You're all asking. It certainly seemed to be the way many of you first "came across" porn. It makes me feel a little guilty, because one time, back in the day when magazines were still the preferred format of depravity, I was a woodland porn-disposer.

My collection of porn mags was getting embarrassingly big (40 or so, which is *nothing* compared to what's on my hard-drive now, but innocent times, eh?). I selected the 20 "least favourite" ones for disposal. But of course I couldn't dispose of them in the dustbin in case my parents found out.

So I snuck the mags out of the house under my big coat, walked about a mile with them, and found a nice secluded footpath next to some woodland. I just had the throw the mags over the railing, where they would arc through the air and fall all the way into a gully, where nature would decompose them before human eyes could ever find them. Good plan.

Except I throw like a girl, so the magazines pathetically flopped onto the other side of the railing, all laid out with their pages open right next to the footpath. I couldn't be bothered climbing over the railing to gather them up again, so I legged it.

Walking home, I remembered that the footpath was one of the main pedestrian routes home for at least two local schools in the area.
( SqueakyG, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 17:12, Reply)

Roundabout
Got my twelve-year-old hands on some premium jazz mags in the morning at school. Spent the next three hours imagining all the naughtiness inside. At dinnertime was too randy to eat and decided to slink off and find somewhere to practice my ever improving self love technique. So, as you do, I decided to go and have a wank in the middle of a roundabout near my school. I should stress that the roundabout was one of those massive ones with a ring of bushes and shrubbery and other such twatage round the perimeter. So I'm thinking I cant make it too far on accounts of all the blood rushing from my legs and settling in my young rod of power at the though of getting stuck into a nearly new copy of fiesta, so I'll nip over there and be hidden by the topary. After dealing with the maniac Northampton dinnertime traffic, I found a nice secluded space in the centre of said roundabout, spread the few mags out in front of me, and proceeded to pound my pud like my life depended on it. A few minutes later, spent and feeling quite pleased with myself, I had a bit of a revelation... People at street level couldnt see my proclomation of self love, but... I looked up and off to the right of me to the offices of British Timkin (big building, make ball bearings or summit else a bit dull), and on the third and fourth floor were about a hundred office workers gathered at the windows, about five people to a window, just sort of... frozen there. Each and every face had a look of horrorified amusement. Personally, I was quite happy with my lunchtime performance. But it was a pretty long walk zipping the wee fella away, gathering up my nudie lay-dee mags, and pretending like nothing had happened.
( SpankyHanky, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 16:54, Reply)

Nothing to do with Porn, but....
I just skinned back my Spam Javelin in the gents and got a distinct whiff of Vanilla.

This public service announcement ends.....
(LunarJim, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 16:35, Reply)

Damn the Police
I don't think it was my first experience but I definately remember it for the embarrassment. The Sun did a big exposure on sex and drunkenness in the police force and the on the front cover were a load of police women on a sofa obviously bevied up and in uniform skirts hitched up showing stocking tops and milky thigh and what did I do but nuzzle my young face into fittest ones thigh and ass. Imagine my terror later in the day when my mum asked why I had black smudge marks on my face, Shit!, nowdays I am much more careful but still have an overly active love for pron and scarily also uniforms.
(CarlosTheJackal wants some tissues, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 16:08, Reply)

mmm
my mum told me that my aunt has been in a few blue movies. She has been around quite a bit, and used to do kissograms etc - pretty tame in comparison.

what really shocked me was my cousin debs (the same aunts daughter) has also done a few films.

Now Debbie is not fit, part time smackhead and even if she weren't family (legally ok but morally very wrong for me) i would never see the attraction to watch her perform. Nor what anyone else would see. She has had some boobs added recently, as she was a bit pancake like. Her Mum paid. Mmmm.

I can't go looking for films now as i might just get more than i have bargained for.

She (my aunt) has recently been arrested for making movies at her house (amongst other things) , as they weren't very discreet and was visible through the windows. And had actors/actresses turning up for shoots.

PS my aunt was in Fiesta mid eighties, and so was her friend Rita. A lot of you have lost your load to member of my family or her mate.

Life in Essex is always fun.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Fri 26 Jan 2007, 16:04, Reply)

montyzuma
are we all hiding our porn? i used to keep mine on the shelf with my vibrator til a guy i was living with asked if i kept it there to keep people out of my room.... ok i'd hide it from my family, but i dont feel the need to let them know about my sex life either, its not shame, i dont think theres something wrong wiht it,its just too much information!
and porn probably isnt the real cause of the problems in those marriages, its lack of communication, the porn user not making sure their partner is reassured of their own sexual appeal and causing them to feel threatened by the porn (unless they're just disturbed by it cos its goatsex or something i suppose.....)
(skankgirl, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 15:53, Reply)

If I fell into a barrel of tits..
I was brought up in an fairly asexual house hold, zero exposure to sexual imagery...until I went to primary school.

My earliest porn memory was in art class, aged about five or six. We were encouraged to bring in old newspapers to line tables with, so we could potato print like mofos.

Some copies of the Sun and the Star were brought in, and I can remember surrep-tit-iously pilfering the page 3s from them, and looking at them on my own at a later date, far too early to elicit any physical reactions but overly compelling never the less.

At the age of eleven, I went to France on a camping holiday, to the Loire valley. They had fireflies down there, and I went off into the long grass alone, entranced, chasing them.

The path got thinner, the grass higher, until I stumbled upon a clearing. It took a while for my naive mind to make sense of what I was seeing - a picnic rug laid down, and rather surprisingly, two bronzed lithe young women in their mid 20s, writhing around on top of each other, covered in oil. They looked at me, I looked at them.

I wandered off in search of more fireflies, images of hot lesbian sex seared indelibly into my subconscious.

Later, porn santa, benefactor, purveyor of quality filth, frequenter of railway sidings and woods, provided educational copies of Knave, Escort and Razzle.

The Mull of Kintyre rule was still in force - soft porn was literally that - it was quite a while from then (my childhood was preinternet) till hardcore sex made its presence felt.
(Countryslicker, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 15:37, Reply)

Gosh the first porn both me and my younger brother came across (no pun here, move along please)
was hidden in a bin in the back garden of a house that had been empty for some time. We went in for an explore as the house had vines growing over the door and we wanted to try and eat the grapes, we couldn't have been older than 8 (he would have been 6^1/2 so it must've been in '83) and he came over to me with some grotty looking pages in his hands. And my! the grot was astounding! I may be one of the few people who saw bumsex before i even really knew about real 'special cuddle' (as my mother called it) sex

Some who know me will be nodding their heads and saying ah, that explains it.
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 15:05, Reply)

The Grot Mag Auctions..
Boot was our Porn mogul. He and Maggot used to go to the newsagent and smuggle bongo mags out in a copy of The Times.

He worked on a bidding system, so dependant on how much you wanted a sherman, depended on how much you bid.

I always put a ceiling of a quid on it. I suppose in reflection he was the lo-tech ebay of his day.
(LunarJim, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:58, Reply)

Damn Youtube
I've seen the usual things growing up - Mothers boyfriends hidden mags - ex stepfathers photo's of mistress giving him head - later on, gay mates showing me their men on men videos. Nothing could however have prepared me for finding a women fellating a horse on Youtube. I swear to God that I thought it was a black man's dick at first until the picture panned out. Jesus! people put films of their babies on that site next to this porn.

You may however be wondering why I clicked on the film - It did look unusually.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:57, Reply)

1995, aged 14 . . .
In the summer of '94 my friends and I discovered the wonders of smoking, then at Chrimbo we discovered the wonders of alcohol and drugs. In the spring of 1995 I realised that if I could get served for Cigs and Booze, why not pr0n? More to the point, why hadn't we thought of this before?!

It started as a dare, I bought a mag, everyone else had to buy a mag, if you didn't come back with something, you were laughed at, that was the rules. I remember one time my scrawny friend was refused a copy of Penthouse and came out of the newsagents clutching The Sunday Sport! We laughed!

I have found pr0n in a number of hedge's, woods, on golf courses, along the canals, the whole countryside is littered with the stuff!

The first Pr0n movie I ever saw (aged 9-10) freaked me out, it was a French Pr0n/Horror Flick, late one night on channel 4, the storyline consisted of a party for 3 couples in an old chateaux. I can't remember anything from it other than one of the ladies, had eyes in her nipples and they blinked!

I remember a kid at school had a load of Playboys his parents had bought every week for him aged about 8-9, he turned out to be gay, maybe too much too soon!
( 42 Loves Teh Funphenschnaffles, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:54, Reply)

Had to break cover for this question.
First experience of Porn was the bog standard crumpled pages found in the park*, age 8.

This was then followed by my sister and some of her friends renting Rosie Dixons Night Nurse and me getting to watch. They'd have been 14 and I was 11. One of them loved it so much, I actually got to play "Dirty Photos " with her a few times during the rest of the summer holiday. Basically, she took her clothes off, and I took photos with an old camera with no film in it. Boss.

When I was 14, I got to become a Porn Baron, and would be the person who Broker'd the first Porn experience to the youth of South Cheshire. The guy who ran our local newsagent let us paper boys browse the Porn. He then went a step further, and let me have anything that didnt sell.

Once a month, I would go into school armed with 20+ copies of club, fiesta, men only and razzle. At a pound a mag, they'd all be gone by lunchtime. Even sold to one staff member.

You cant beat a razzle stack.

*Porn in public places. Worked in the building trade for a bit. Men in vans buy porn, and realise they need to get rid of it before heading home to the wife, so it just gets thrown out of windows, left under flyovers, or down the park where the builders eat their lunch.
( Dr Nick Riviera, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:51, Reply)

My first
experience of porn resulted in a heamoraging ringpiece due to being repeatedly buggered by a chap while his friend filmed the entire event for posterity.


I no longer accept sweets from strangers
(Gomi No Sensei, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:47, Reply)

what rot, monty
Whilst I'll accept, in difference to others, that porn isn't always entirely healthy the root cause is usually elsewhere. Porn no more breaks up relationships than a violent film makes everyone into psychopaths. I rather suspect the 40% figure is a convenient scapegoat as admitting that you didn't work on your sex life or the attraction was mostly physically based and faded as you let yourself go isn't something people will admit..

*Do* expect your partner to be comfortable with porn. If they're not comfortable with it and you find porn a necessary part of your sex life, find someone else - a partner should satisfy your sexual needs in additional to your intellectual and emotional ones.
(EssY, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:46, Reply)

First purchase
I'd just bought a very rusty, white Ford Transit with bullbars, primarily for moving my universe of shit to my first London flatshare with a mate, but also to help him out moving gear around for gigs. On one of the drives to the big smoke, we stopped for fuel and my friend decided that as I was now a white van owner, there should be a dirty mag sitting face up on the dash under the windscreen.

My virgin experience of actually buying Club (always better quality in my view) wasn't at all seedy until the 'whipper-snapper' cashier proclaimed "Ooh, that's fucking nice that is, cor look at her...", before rubbing the cover vigorously on his crotch. Nice.

The magazine never really moved from the dash until I had to visit the reclaim yard it was sitting in after being wrecked in a police chase (some little tikes took a fancy to the bullbars for ramraiding motorbike shops). Oddly it was missing. Never could decide if the mag or a crusty 4x12 Marshall guitar cab was the worse loss...
(Good old boy just like yer grandma!, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:43, Reply)

page 3 - agreed- not really porn...fuckyouanyway.
At about 7/8 years old I found a big pile of old copies of the Sun my Gran had, I cut out all the page 3 girls and made a sticker (or should that be "sticky") book. I then decided than rather than being an observer I wanted to get into the production side of the business so drew a picture of a naked lady holding a sign that said "I love King Baldie", with lots and lots of detail. My mum found it which, at the age of 8, actually turned out to be more embarrassing than being violently raped by a tweezer cocked sparrow in front of the school assembly. (Less ticklish though, to be fair, and he did give me a cuddle after which was nice)
(King Baldie, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:39, Reply)

SINS!
I remember it well. I was about 11, home alone for an hour cus by older sister was at work and my parents had gone shopping. I was a trustworty sensible kid ya see.
Anyhow, I had gone for my coat out the cupboard a few weeks earlier and saw a huge, black VHS case neslted under a few blankets. Memory served me well, and low that night I did open said box and drop it into the VCR...
Private Video presents...PRIVATE SINS.
Pure Germanic porn filth.
I watched in bemused fashion as two birds in PVC took it it turns to mash there lady parts into some lucky fella's face before going two up on him and having a good old snog at the same time.
Over the course of a few weeks I watched the whole vid, using counter reset 0 to take it back to the exact same point where I had found it. No body ever knew. Rar.
When I was 16 my Dad actually told me where he kept his Porn stash and told me I could copy it if I wanted. I was the Porn King of my college. Yeeeehaw. Made a small fortune.
(Damn_you_Cillit_Bang, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:38, Reply)

hacking compuserve for free porn
when i was about 13-14, one of my more dodgy friends gave me a program to interpolate credit card numbers from existing ones. This was in the halcyon days before internet sites even asked for expiry dates.

when my parents were out i would shift the whole weighty 486 into the kitchen where the only phone line was (for some reason i never thought to buy an extension cord) and sign on as a new compuserve member with one of my new credit card numbers, jostle one off, then return the computer back to my bedroom.

compuserve would work for a couple of days then they would realise the credit card number was fake (or possibly someone else's)

looking back, i'm stunned at how stupid this was. i was probably lucky i never got done for credit card fraud.

i also used the credit card program to pay for an adultcheckID which worked for years. I guess whoever's number it was, just paid his bill without reading it.
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:33, Reply)

Youth orchestra trip to sweden
A hotel room in Sweden, summer of 1996, age 17.

The room got very crowded after somebody discovered the free porn channel on the tv.

The film of choice was "Aladdin and his Lamp", in which the lucky boy rubbed his lamp (calm down boys and girls, it's not a euphemism) and his wishes came true. First one girl, then two, then another boy joined in, every time he rubbed the lamp somebody joined the fun until there was a full blown orgy going on. With about 15 teenagers pissing ourselves laughing at the whole thing. The internal cameras on the women were a particularly "nice" touch...
(Eldred, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:27, Reply)

Well
My mate showed me a load of mags that his mum had been keeping under her bed,
they were all right but there was always something lacking.

Shortly after, he showed me her "sex torch" which weirdly was broken in half,
but i didn't count that as weird when i was 5.
(alwyn Professional Whittler since:, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:27, Reply)

PRON
JUST SAY NO KIDS, iTS THE COCAINE OF THE GLOSSY MAG

Its insidious and can cost you your relationships and your self respect.
40 % of people in marriage counselling say the prob is down to the husband with net porn.
its easy to think of it as victimless but it aint.

dont expect your partner to be confy with it

if you arent ashamed of it why hide it?

steps off soapbox and goes for a lie down
(montyzuma, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:26, Reply)

not me but
my mate who still lives with his dad. As a young lad with a paid for roof over his head, he uses his dads pc for interweb and all the other associated stuff you need one for. One day whilst looking for a .wmv of a particularly amusing bike crash, he did a search for said suffix. Came back with all sorts of interesting muck, which he decided to browse through. Apparently most disturbed to happen upon the edited collection of his dads new girlfriend busily pleasuring heself with various enormous objects. Shes a complete pig, and whilst I accept that even ugly people need to have sex, i don't want to think about it, and he very definitely didn't want to see it. poor lad was traumatised. not so much first experience of pron, more first experience of parents homemade pron. she has a reputation for being offensively noisy, and once kept a rally awake most of the night biffing some random stranger in a tent. apparently it sounded like a massacre in a farmyard.
(kaptinkurtz, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:22, Reply)

I think my first experience was...
getting some playboy and penthouse mags off one of my mates - who worked out an art of shoplifting from my local newsagent.

The walk home from school wasn't quite as boring then....
(mudslinger lives in a house surrounded by pussy....... cats!, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:11, Reply)

more weird stuff
I am a lucky girl. I have seen much of the porn world.

I went to the Adult expo in Brighton a couple of years ago with a friend of mine who was working as a Pee model. She got paid about £500 for peeing infront of a camera. I was lucky enough to have a back stage pass which meant I was able to have lunch with a Dutch porn importer called Jacko. Nice guy, couldn't speak too well though, or see come to that!
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 26 Jan 2007, 14:10, Reply)