Another one
When I was about 11, my borther and I were dragged on holiday with our father to Newquay, to stay in what was essentially a big trailer.

Nearby was a beach, so off we went to play in the sand and piss in the sea, as you do. Then we walked a bit of a way round the beach, and came face to face with the most tempting cliff you have ever seen. Not fully realising the implications if we fell off, we set about climbing round it. Yes, round it. A lot of it was narrow ledges and fingertip stuff, but the fact that there were always little safe bits just ahead kept us going for about a mile.

Christ only knows how we made it without dying to the end, where there was a tiny inlet. Waves crashed below us, and as the water level changed we could see that the area was lined with jagged rocks, just to make things even more interesting. There was no way across, but the jump from one side to the other looked possible if we got a bit lower, so I foolishly edged my way along a ledge about 6 inches wide, made out of slate, to a boulder from which I could get onto a lower level and make the leap.

First near death experience that day was when the slate broke beneath my feet, leaving me hanging by my fingers and scrambling for something to stand on. Eventually made it across, as did my brother (he was only 8 at the time, brave little tyke). From the boulder I could see a small ledge below that I could us to jump, so down I went, arse to the jagged rocks and waves.

About half way down I became aware of the fact that I could feel the rocks moving beneath my fingers, and knew that if I dropped to the ledge it would either break, or I would be thrown off balance and tumble jacksie first into the aforementioned deadly swirl.

"For fuck's sake, help!" I screamed, thrusting a hand out to my brother. He almost took it, then pulled away, uttering with a grin that almost killed me there and then-

"What's in it for me?"

"TAKE MY HAND UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO DIE!!!"

Second near death experince of the day. Reluctantly he helped me, and I proceeded to beat the snot out of him for fucking with my life in the first place. Cnut.

So, we went back the way we came (almost) and soon came to a section that was impossible to cross, having jumped down on the way there. So we backtracked a bit and found a dirt slope (similar to the one in my previous post, only a LOT steeper). Being light, he made it up no problem, but I had a hard time of it (it was about 40 metres of scrambling and praying). One time I slid about 15 metres on all 4s, and could see the edge of the cliff coming at me. Third near death moment in 10 minutes. Made it to the top, and spent half an hour walking back through eerily peaceful fields.

Never climbed a cliff since then.

Apologies for length
(youthink, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 20:13, Reply)

One of my
'strange' Hobbies Is Visiting quarries and mucking around on the machinery thats left there, You know those BIG UGE belts that go from the ground to about 70 foot up into the air? Or in this case to a Crusher.. (8 foot plates of Titanium) Been up there plenty of times to know whats in it and how it works... So as a dare one day I get the pleasure of climbing up one of these belts, INSIDE! which is about a foot tall, Me being a lanky bastard can just about fit inside. My mate in the meantime has found the electrical room and somehow restored all power to the remaining equipment that was left on the quarry! Some twunt had switched the conveyor and the crusher on (me when I was cocking around in the control room) and I found myself being shifted at a slow rate, but I was shitting myself as I could hear a thump, thump THUMP THUMP! THUMP!! - you get the picture, I was on my way to certain death by crusher.... With me yelling between the thumps of my soon to be grave... My mate heard me and knocked the power off! Safe? nope, the belt and crusher kept going, but slower and slower, It was about 1 foot away from the top when I finally stopped and bricking myself Shot out of the belt to a rusty gantry, which gave way seconds later! landed in a big Dust pit 6 foot down! 2 near death expieriences there and we still fuck about in there! Penhow Quarry If your interested... Frequent Summer camping trips there every year.
( Goriath, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 19:38, Reply)

Motorbike moronics
Racing some guy on a Suzuki away from a traffic light on my Yamaha 650. I was beating him, too, when a female in a pickup truck abruptly turns right in front of us. Other guy hits his brakes and stops successfully. I dump the Yamaha, but not quickly enough. I describe a perfect arc across the hood of the truck, skid on my front for 50 feet or so, and come to a stop.

Jump to my feet immediately, feel no pain. Excellent - I've gotten away with it!. Police arrive - officer looks at me and suggests that he call an ambulance. "Just to be sure?" says I, still feeling perfectly fine. He simply points to my left knee which appears to have detached itself, and is sliding down my shin. Bone is curiously white, and there's very little blood. Unlike the backs of my ankles, where I've nicked both achilles tendons, and grated off most of the skin.

It's a great way to become a chickenshit biker with full leathers instead of just a bomber jacket and dress pants. And it still hurts in humid weather.
(Just a stub, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 19:22, Reply)

Instant justice
I was 17 and I’d been in town during my Lunch break shoplifting an Aerosmith t-shirt from Andy’s Records. I had made myself late my History class at College with my behaviour and decided to take the bus back to Campus. As soon as I got off the bus I ran across the road and straight into the path of the oncoming traffic. I was twatted into the air and just remember spinning like I was in a tumble dryer and thinking “Oh my god, this is it!” then landing in the road with little more than a scuffed hand. I stood there briefly in shock then realised that I was STILL late for History so I ran off and ignored the situation. Someone ran after me and made me speak to the driver and go to the hospital, where I was thoroughly checked and found to be absolutely fine. Apparently the driver had killed a cyclist on the same stretch of road the year before so I guess it was a near death experience seeing as he had genuine form as a killer.
(mudflaps, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 19:09, Reply)

i dared to post images made using paint
*shivers* i will get decent software soon i promise!!

on a minor note, when i was younger i was drowned and died, fortunately there was somone there who revived me. it was rather dull near death/death expierience
(Voidedge, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 19:04, Reply)

Mad Drug Paranoia
A year last October my other half was away & I decided to have a sneaky little meeting with my mate Charlie (as she doesn't approve of him).

Anyway, I got the Fear REALLY badly. I was convinced that I was under surveillance - easily done when you're banging-up solutions of Bolivian Marching Powder at 1/4 g's per hit. God knows what kind of strain it put on my heart, but I was literally 'seeing red' from the rushes. Now I know what a Berserker must have felt like.

So I'm convinced that there's some sort of camera in the bathroom light fitting watching me. RIGHT! We'll soon sort this out! thinks I & took a screwdriver & started unscrewing & poking about in the live light socket with bulb still burning brightly. With luck it just shorted out with a flash plunging the house into darkness & I ran away and hid in the bedroom quietly intoning "ohmygodinearlykilledmyself!" over & over again.

So kids: don't play with cocaine & electricity together. In fact avoid them both - I have since then.
( Dunks, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 18:32, Reply)

..only the other day
in the space of 10 minutes. Firstly on busy road, a motorbike going the other way decided he wanted to share my side of the road too and nearly went into me, causing me to badly swerve.

10 mins later, on a motorway, a woman in the middle lane wanted, and then proceeded, to come into the fast lane, needeless to say, where i was. Fortunately there was a gap between the road and the barrier so i had to swerve (again.

I could have easily been wiped out in either. Thinking about it i have had quite a few car near misses in my years of driving. A long time ago was in a bad car accident (i wasnt driving) but i always think that when i have these near misses that someone (not sure who, possibly BB) is looking down on me and saving me.

*crosses fingers and hope nothing bad happens*


*shit, now thats done it.*


*hits send anyway*
(posion ivy, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 18:26, Reply)

I once nearly drowned in the river they filmed Deliverance on
but for the purposes of this question I feel it more appropriate to invent something like:

blah blah stupid teen snigger snigger hot hatch chortle fucking chortle cider and paracetamol ho diddly cunting ho nearly killed a busload of schoolchildren

what a bunch of utter cunts

and for once I really do mean that
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 17:44, Reply)

When I was 7...
I lived in the middle of nowhere, on a farm, and used to take my BMX all over the place. My parents were really cool, but said 'NEVER GO ON THE MAIN ROAD!' and mostly I listened - there were plenty of other places to go. But eventually, I got bored of those other places, and one day, I ventured out into the road, and our lane-end was just on the brow of a blind spot. I turned to look to the right, and saw a grey car speeding towards me, coming over the brow of the blind-spot, and felt strangely calm, with 'this is it then...' going through my head. I shut my eyes....











and nothing happened. Nothing. No car, nothing.

Bah, sensible sub-conscious or what?!
( kitty_cat, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 17:33, Reply)

we don't even live in a dangerous place
So my best friend and I have got into many situations to where we should be dead, but two in particular stand out.
One, when we were about 12 or so, we were out walking by where she lives and all of a sudden this white car pulls up and these three guys come out and ask us if we need a ride. We of course said no, then they asked where we lived (we look exactly alike) so we just pointed and went back to our walking, well the car took off and went down the street a little further stopped and asked us again. We still said no, they pulled up a little further, stopped and got out. Needless to say we ran away from them, her house was about two blocks away so we ended up hiding in someones shed for about an hour. They went up and down by where we were for awhile.
The second was with her neighbor, when we were 10. He was in a fight with his girlfriend and was just sitting outside on his porch with a baseball bat. We went to talk to him but he freaked out and started yelling at us, about how horrible we were. He later apologized and invited us in for cookies, we declined. About a week later we turn on the news (he had recently moved) and he had just been arrested for killing his entire family on the day he invited us in.
I guess he really did hate us.
(hairspray_queen, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 17:28, Reply)

Dodging trees...
I was walking through a wood, in Canada, full of trees which had been partially devoured by beavers. All very lovely until a freak wind storm hit and the trees starting falling over all around me...each of the trees were landing about a foot from my head as i had to run, indiana jones style, through the wood. Eventually got to the car park to find people hiding under their cars, squashed cars and blocked roads...all very exciting really. I was by myself at the time though so noone even believed me.
(Smartie, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 17:25, Reply)

Not clever or proud of this but...
21 years ago (yes I really am that old) out meeting mates in the pub. I had a couple of pints, then a couple more. I left, jumped on my motorbike and rode off into the cold dark night. It was about 11:30 pm and I was just *so* tired. The drone of the bike was singing to me like a lullaby and I was struggling to keep my heavy eyes open.

You know when you are really tired, but must stay awake, like when there is a late film on and you want to see the ending? It was like that really.

So I made a deal with myself. Instead of blinking, I'll shut my eyes for just a tiny bit longer, for surely it won't hurt. Its a quiet, straight stretch of road, and dark anyway. Just an extra blinks worth, and I'll be refreshed for the rest of the ride home. Right?

Wrong. Next thing I know, I'm being thrown around like I was riding a bucking bronco, a full 2 metres off the road and on the grass verge, with assorted undergrowth and ditches. I had managed to get up and over the 4 inch kerb without falling off (may have been a drop kerb, I had my eyes closed and was pissed remember) and remained upright. Quite how, God only knows. That or the spinning wheels of the bike were acting as gyroscopes.

I never blinked the rest of the journey home, and have never drunk and drove again.
(Smiffy, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 17:23, Reply)

exciting plane flight
I was on a plane going up to Scotland, and all the lights flickered and went off. Not much to worry about I thought, since the lights are always flickering on a plane. Unfortunately, the air hostess ran the whole length of the plane and into the cockpit. I looked around the plane and had never seen so many people that were simultaneously crapping themselves. Apparently we had lost one of the "generators", but there was nothing to worry about. I did notice that we landed straight away on the first runway at Glasgow when we arrived though.
(thrain, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 16:11, Reply)

Pre-A level jitters
Picture the scene - feeling a little bit worried before my mock A levels wheverupon I was sure everyone was going to find out how I had paid very little attention (read: none) during the past however many years at school - Strange stomach cramps start happening a few days before which I dismiss as me staring to brick it. A few days later said stomach pains render me unable to walk or stand up straight - Symptoms dismissed due to me thinking I am a double hard bastard, and better get on with revising. Day later, having a shower, double over with pain, adopting the foetal position on the floor, decide it's probably something more than just nerves - down the doctors, with my parting words to brother & dad 'See you in the hospital' - Jump forward me waking up four days later after a burst appendix feeling like someone has been playing rugby in my abdomen and puking due to a very bad reaction to the general anasthetic - still, at least I missed the mocks!
(tpp, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 16:06, Reply)

Not Me
But my cousin.

He was riding pillion on a motorbike. A powerful motorbike.

His friend was driving. His speed-demon friend.

As per the usual Darwinian process of separating good motorbike riders from bad, a crash ensued.

Both were thrown from the bike and through a nearby fence. My good cousin narrowly missed one of the fence posts. Had he hit it, he would even now be adorning the pages of Bizarre magazine in their "Shit! Look at the plight of this Guy! He's got a Fencepost in his SKULL!"

Anyway, he's prostrate on the ground, groggy and badly injured. A mate who had been following them pulled over (as mates are wont to do upon seeing their friends smeared all over a fence) and rushed to their aid. Whilst waiting for the ambulance, the mate asked my cousin if he could get him anything.

The only response?
"Um...you couldn't get me Cindy Crawford's phone number could you?"

And from thence to unconsciousness.


You have to admire a man who uses a near death situation to come up with a line that guaranteed immortality had they been his last words.
(Light, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 15:59, Reply)

A few come to mind...
I was young (don't remebmer this one has been recounted to me by my mother)

I reached for the handle of a saucepan on the stove, it had boiling water in it, 2 seconds later I was covered in boiling water. Don't blame me mum, she loves me and me brother but has been living as a single parent with little income since I was 2 (I'm 21 now)

I was in foster care (oh my troubled life) we were playing with petrol, we decided (me and a group of 'friends') to take some to the local woods and burn a tree, long story short don't carry a plastic bucket full of petrol whilst a twunt is flicking the flint on a lighter. I have a scar on my leg where I dropped the bucket in shock as flames lept around my hand and tried to run away from the flames attached to my leg.

last one, I was a teenager, being young and quite agile I climbed onto a roof of a mobile toilet for a caravan park, to get a football down. unfortunately when I tried to climb down however I though I was a monkey swung down with one hand and managed to slice my forearm so deeply that I could see bone, spent ages showign the other kids that I was like the terminator then remembered it hurt and had to get stitches, I still have that scar too.

sorry for length but is my first post and I wanna make an impression!
(lokiy2j, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 15:59, Reply)

leaving work one cold cold windy january
received a phone call on my mobile, could barely hear, so i sheltered in a shop doorway, spoke for about 20 seconds, then continued.

In front of me a 6 storey scaffolding detached itself from a building on the opposite side of the road, totally destroying a passing car and smashing into the pavement where i would have been walking had i not received said phone call.

Suffice to say I went to the pub.
( pregnantfridge, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 15:15, Reply)

White Spirit
A long time ago I suddenly felt I needed to know what white spirit tasted like. It tastes like months in hospital and the American Poison Department being flown in. That, and lemonade.
(Burb Lulls, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 15:12, Reply)

beer
not so much a near death experience but still scary. i was at a house party a couple of weeks ago and i was fucked out of my head on beer anyways i decicded to grab this nice looking girls arse and her reaction was not one that i expected i nearly got the shit beaten out of me but luckilly one of my mates stepped in for me and told her that i was fucked out of my head and she left with a pissed of look on her face.
(fwack bang on it, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 14:33, Reply)

No my death
I was out in my new car, (Lancia Delta if anyone cares!) and decided to have a go at that rally lark. I found a really good strech of gravel road, and proceeded to fly along it at stupid speeds. All going well, until i come around a corner totally sideways, to see an entire class of school children in the middle of the road. They were doing some kind of fieldwork i guess. Anyway, i took avasive (sp?) action, and managed not the squash them all. oops.
(ibloodyhatework, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 14:26, Reply)

Human Candle
A few years ago, I was suffering with very heavy clinical depression, and took some nice sweeties that the doc gave me. I spent a good few weeks wondering wether I should just kill myself and save some long term misery, but stuff got rosier, and I decided to get on with enjoying life.

A friend of mine sorted me out with a blind date, but it was back home in beautiful cheshire. So, on a friday afternoon, I got on my obscenely fast motorbike, which due to the necessities of medication, I hadnt used for about a month.

Eager to be on time for my date, I went down the motorway at naughty speeds. 20 minutes away from my intended destination, hurtling through rush hour traffic at about a ton, I noticed a trucker looking at me in sheer horror. It was then I looked behind me, to notice I had a ten metre comet tail of fire shoting out the back of the bike.

On further inspection, it appeared the whole bike was on fire, and the only thing stopping me getting roasted was my excessive speed.

I found it ironic that after weeks of thionking about how to top myself, my bike was going to do it for me.

Anyway, by a mixture of bravery and sheer dumb luck, I managed to get the bike on to the hard shoulder, and jump of it at a sensible speed. As it groundto a halt on the shoulder, it went pop three times, and turned into a ginormous fireball. I caused huge tailbacks, got on radio 1 travel time, and even into some of the papers....

linky

When I phoned my date to tell her the reason I would be late, she thought I was bullshitting, and told me where to stick, my date.

How rude.
( Dr Nick Riviera, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 14:07, Reply)

not so much near death
as near shat-on

I was walking along the road when for no reason at all I stopped. A moment later a massive birdshit landed exactly where I would have been if I'd carried on walking.

Well I guess it could have killed me. If it was an evil acid-shitter bird, for example.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:42, Reply)

Asthma Attack
Last december I ended up having a major asthma attack (still have the marks on my throat where i was clawing at myself in a desperation for air). Cutting the story short, once I was safely tucked up in the back of the ambulance with an oxygen mask on (but still couldnt breath) i finally decided to admit defeat and I closed my eyes. The next moment I was sitting beside my friend (who was in the ambulance with me) and I was telling her I was sorry for being a pain and so annoying as she had work the next morning and being very angry that she wasnt turning around to look at me.

Then everything went like it was in slow motion.

Then black.

Then i had a gorgeous doctor looking down at me in the A&E ward looking relieved!

Best ending ever!
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:40, Reply)

Slo-mo
I was in a car with 3 of my friends a couple of years ago, when the girl driving decided that as we were on a nice long straight country road that she'd weave back and forth across the road for a bit, just for fun....

Turns out it was a bit windy.... The car fishtailed, hit the bank at the side of the road, rolled over 7 or 8 times, went *through* a tree, then ended up upside-down in a field full of stinging nettles.

The most bizarre thing was that it all went in slow motion and none of us in the car can recall hearing anything at all - obviously we had some kinda sensory shutdown as part of the instinct not to die, but although we easily could have, the worst bit of the whole thing was having to crawl out of the car through the field of nettles. The pain of thousands of stings was indescribable.

I thought I'd just been a bit winded so didn't actually go to hospital, but turns out 3 weeks later when I went to see my GP with chest pain she thought I might have got a PE (blod clot in your lung, often = death)... Sent me off to hospital where thankfully I only had a couple of fractured ribs and pneumonia. Nice.

Woo, first post!
("Doctor Doctor...", Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:39, Reply)

hitch-hiking as a young man
this bloke who picked me up kept putting his hand on my leg. I pretended to ignore it, just moving his hand away every time.

Then, because he wasn't concentrating on the road, he had to slam on the brakes so hard he went into a spin, and landed in the hard shoulder.

I didn't get a chance to jump out, but he was totally freaked out after nearly wiping us both out, and he noticed I was completely calm. I told him God was looking after me. He started to ask what would happen if he "did something" to me, and I told him God would sort him out.

The guy somehow became convinced I was an angel(?) and started asking me lots of questions about God. He left my leg alone, and instead of driving me from near Sheffield to near Birmingham, he went as far as Exeter to hear what I was saying. And in the services there, he burst into tears and repented.

Hoorah! I wasn't raped and murdered and dumped in a ditch.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:36, Reply)

Rally of Doom...
Myself and flatmate find ourselves signed up to take part in the Plymouth-Banjul Rally next month. We're doing nearly 4000 miles in a knackered old left-hand drive Golf. Thing is I've only just passed my driving test and so has he. We have NO mechanical knowledge either.

I'm preparing for a near-death experience. I can almost see my life flashing before me just thinking about it.
(DrGonzo, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:34, Reply)

Having the Super Furry Animals on your cd player
while crashing (and possibly rolling, it all went pretty fast) front first into a ditch, bouncing off and reversing into a ditch at 40mph, not only makes it even more surreal, but somehow a lot calmer. Thank you Gruff and the boyos.

three weeks ago this was.

ps. christ, pikey, bummer dude.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:28, Reply)

When I was twelve
A guy who lived across the road from our house dragged me into his hallway, locked the door and started beating me with two iron bars about the back and head.After a while he rang up his wife(who had left him that day) and told her that he had me in the house and it was intention to kill me if she didn't come back to him.He fractured my skull and two lower arm bones and completely broke my upper arm bone.I was there four hours.If he hadn't have rang his missus,nobody would have known I was there.

I know it's hardly fluffy and there is no punchline.
(pikey, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:24, Reply)

near death ride through the trees
Whilst at college doing day release from work, many years ago, a classmate whose name escapes me was a little wayward. He mostly came to work on a battered off-road bike as he was not yet licensed to drive. He rode this bike like a complete loon most of the time. One day he strode into the classroom pleased as punch and told us that he had passed his driving test and that he had bought a car, and would anyone like a lift home in it. Well, I thought as he was reasonably young and a brand new driver he would be a lot safer especially as his first car was bound to be something small and underpowered like everyone elses first car. Oh no, he had bought himself a Ford Capri, not just a bulk standard one but a 3 litre behemoth. I nervously got into the passenger seat and he started the engine which roared into fire-breathing life. He then proceeded to launch into a series of wheelspins and slides around the college car park as I held on for dear life. At this point he informed me that he had disconnected the power steering so that he could get a few extra BHP out of the V6 lump. Almost as soon as he said this, we made for the exit of the car park which was around a sharp right hand bend in the road. At this point the rather heavy steering become too much for him and the car, instead of turning right, it careered on straight and was only stopped by loads of vegetation and eventually a chain link fence. I was quaking with fear and so was the driver who sheepishly reversed his now slightly mangled and poo filled car back through the undergrowth and onto the road where I am glad to say he calmed down and drove me home at a more sedate speed.
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:22, Reply)

mountain biking is not my sport....
As a student I crashed my bike doing about 40mph. The back end locked up and skidded around to the side, I tried to bail out but as the bike hit the grass it slammed me into the ground. Missed a concrete drainage ditch by inches (would've smashed my skull and broken my neck), but:

As I'm a jammy bastard, here's the results:

As I crashed, a family who were out cycling nearby saw it happen. From their vantage point they could see a police car outside the park and rushed over to me and the cops. The police called an ambulance right away and as luck would have it, the police helecopter was nearby so guided them in.

In the ambulance I was joking away (that's adrenalin for you and I'm unstoppable and giggly when wired on it) as the ambulance guy wrote: Suspected concussion, suspected fractured skull, suspected broken arm (both), suspected broken nose, suspected broken elbow, suspected broken ribs, suspected fractured leg, Abrasions "Everywhere", suspected internal injuries and severe blood loss.

As I walked into the hospital (Damn that Adrenalin) they didn't treat me for 4 hours when at that point I collapsed in A+E as the adrenalin wore off.

what did I end up with?

Cut and scrapes on nose and leg, mild headache due to surface bruising for a few days, grazed chin, grazed leg, compressed wrists (still troubling me 10 years on) and a deep abrasion on my forearm.

Worst bit was the sprayskin. I took a big friction burn to the chest. Not good, as the nurse sprayed it with this antiseptic plastic stuff, it stung like a bastard and I almost passed out at that point...

I remember though that really wierd grey-out feeling that I got. All the colour drained out of the world as I was lying there on the ground bleeding away. Sound faded as well. Not nice...

since then, I've been pitched off riding on flat smooth tarmac (and got a broken elbow out of it), then 2 weeks ago a dog walker with an extendable lead got in the way, I went over the front and landed on my face and knee. Still got the scars...
(Mr Joe Bangles, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:11, Reply)