Gurnox
I sat opposite your fave friend Michael Winner in the VIP lounge of the Bellagio in Vegas. He had a dollybird all over him that looked about 15. His wife was nowhere to be seen. He was a smary-looking fat cunt.
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Wed 31 May 2006, 0:41, Reply)

The one from Casualty
Being from Bristol as I am and being a lazy, hate to go to work type that I am, I always used to sit in the coffee shop outside my work until 8.59.59 before running over the road and starting work. One mornign I was admiring, yes, that's the word, not oggling, pictures of Claire Goose in FHM or somesuch. Looking up as the door opened straight at her. Then at the open magazine pages of her in her trollies, then back at her.

Give her credit though, she laughed and signed the pictures. (Which I then laminated)
(fower.thief, Wed 31 May 2006, 0:33, Reply)

Fat barstid
When i was around 10 or 11, I went to the Dublin motor show with my dad and my brother. After enjoying a days events such as, changing the whell of a Ferrari F1 car and sitting in all sorts of movie cars, me and my brother were standing looking at some new proto-type quad-bikes. Across the room about 10 yards or so away, we could see what we thought was a fat Michael Shumacher look-a-like, dressed top to toe in Ferrari F1 boiler suit. I took little notice and didnt want one of the phoney autographs he was sighning. A few weeks later I found out on the internet that it was the real Schumey. My dissapointment was immence, not because I didnt get an autograph, just because he was such a ;its true what they say, your hero is a fat shit.

I also met a guy twice who toured with supertramp for over 5 years, Carl Verheyen. Meeting him was far from a dissapointment, he was great. I did get his autograph and he wasn't a fat shit.
(popcorndude81 witness of the http://b3ta.com/talk/5000000, Tue 30 May 2006, 23:05, Reply)

You will hate me
I never had a hero until one day I met a man who told me who my hero should be. I instantly realized that he has shown me the way and he became my hero. Hence the disappointment for he said my hero should be that guy with a fork and a whistle.

I did meet some guys from a musical TV show. They looked lame and their singing wasn't good.
( Mr. Bell Division, Tue 30 May 2006, 22:53, Reply)

my hero is rob manuel
yes i am an brown-nosed arse licker
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Tue 30 May 2006, 22:20, Reply)

Was a hero back in the good old days
When i was around 9 or 10 and a huge Man United fan, i met David Beckham. It was just after he had broken into the first team, but before he was romping Posh up the shitter.

My da had blagged VIP tickets for a United-Arsenal game at Old Trafford, complete with dinner in the stadium before hand. Anyway, after dinner Davey-boy emerges to sign autographs and shake hands with the kids.

That was it. He didn't say two words the whole time.

But he did smile nicely and i managed to touch his jacket.

That was rather boring, apologies and what have you.

VFM
(Viscous Fridge Magnet Used To Be A Cha-Cha, Tue 30 May 2006, 21:20, Reply)

I'd love it!. . . . .
Met Kev Keegan and newcastle sqaud at Newcastle Airport just after the famous season where Newcastle blew big points lead at top of table kev keegan did rant blah blah! anyway were at passport control behind Keegan and guy next to desk asks Keegan if im his son? (dont no why im stood with me mam and dad!) Keegan replies with that shirt on no!(im wearing man utd top)i was young at the time and was short of a come back good job dad always handy with a bit of quick wit duely obliged, hes reply " i'd love it if he was your son, love it!" guy at passport control was amused, Keegan wasnt!
(oxfam-glamour-model, Tue 30 May 2006, 20:49, Reply)

stereophonics
I was in a pub in Reading and my friend pointed out that the reason why there was a big croud of people around some little runt was that it was actually Kelly Jones from the stereophonics. Having had a few beers, i bet my friend 20 quid that he wouldn't go and stroke his face. Having had a few more, he went off and tried. There was a bodyguard type tough wanker there so my friend tried to chat subtly for a bit. Seemed to work so went for the kill. Didn't work. So he explained the bet and even offered to split the winnings. The answer was no.
The cunt.
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Tue 30 May 2006, 20:42, Reply)

That Fruitbat bloke again...
He's got jolly popular suddenly hasn't he? Well back in the day I was part of the team that openned the 'prestigious' 300th Our Price store in Brixton. In order to drag in the punters we contracted a number of area-friendly celebs to do personal appearances that day. They were:

Carter USM. The lads had filthy hangovers from a previous binge and wouldn't drink any of the beer we'd laid on for them. Hurrah for me!

Some bloke from Loose Ends. ('Seminal soul group'.) Had to spend thirty minutes in the toilet powdering his nose before facing the public. Wouldn't share!

Omar, the curiously coiffured chappie. Basically sound bloke, by far the nicest of the guests. Ego the side of a train mind.

'Dangerous' Dave Pierce, at that time a Capital or Kiss DJ. Frankly the only things he endangered were the chairs he sat on and the buffet, both of which would never be the same again. Big fat lardy bastard.

Only Carter qualified as heroes, and to be honest they still do. My mate Will (who introduced me to B3ta) bought some obscure Carter product off ebay recently, only for the vendor to turn out to be the Fruitbat himself. Now that's trading on your laurels I reckon!
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Tue 30 May 2006, 20:14, Reply)

Prince Phil and da Queen
One Friday morn, about 7 or so years ago, I was quietly working in a computer store just outside Swansea Train Station. It was a clear sky, and High Street was sunnily lit up, with not a care in the world. Also, this morning was made all the better special as the Queen and His Gaffness Prince Phil were visiting Swansea for a meeting to do with some Welshy Government thing (fuck knows, I'm a waster).

So we hurry outside the store, just as the Queen and Phil drive past (well, sit in the back, anyroads). Phil is looking at us, and he's actually waving more than we are while smiling like a madman. Good man.

The Queen however, was unfortunately watching two tramps squatting over a bush taking a shit about 50 yards down from us, with a look of realisational horror emerging on her royal chops as the car was drawing near to them.

Still, Phil's great :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 30 May 2006, 19:48, Reply)

Mr Wimpy
Every young child down our way in the early 80's wanted a Wimpy party, as they were always brilliant social events. On such event a poor bastard YTS "Wimpys William" would be designated to wear the elusive Mr Wimpy suit. Red tights and exposed ankles included.

I swear to god at every party there were about 20 of us polishing our shoe tips, ready to kick this poor fucker's ankles to oblivion.

My hero-image was shattered though when the bastard retorted on one of the kids by slapping him a beauty with one of his swollen plastic hands. And also got promptly fired.


We all kicked extra hard at the next party. The cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 30 May 2006, 19:40, Reply)

After an
enrapturous performance by Mr Boom, Edinburgh's premier kids' parties performer, every child there was on a little sing-song high. That was until I looked out the window and saw him walking away from the house, his pay in one hand, and a roll-up cigarette in the other. Purity shattered.
( Christian Bale of Hay in a field, Tue 30 May 2006, 19:06, Reply)

oh
i also met peirs morgan in a W H Smiths at 5am in gatwick airport. no one else had spotted him, he looked like shit, and wasnt there to sign books (he was buying an FT and a couple of other papers, but not, interestingly, a Mirror). I grabbed his book off the shelf and asked him to sign it for me, he seemed shocked i had recognised him, and signed it happily. when he left i put the book back on the shelf and brought Maxim. Although nice in person, i find the bloke intollerable, unfunny and put him in the pile of useless red top paper editors (wankers).
( Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Tue 30 May 2006, 19:00, Reply)

she was never a hero, but i was a fan
when i was about 7 or 8, my family took me to a nintendo roadshow to celebrate the release of the SNES. It was a brilliant day, lots of video gaming and shows and 'famous people'. while out in one of the snes caravans, i was happily playing street fighter, when from nowhere appeared a giant black lady in a lycra/spandex outfit. It took me a second to realise she was 'The Deadly Nightshade' from legendary british TV show Gladiators.
"What are you playing?" she asks,
"erm, streetfighter" i said, quite whimsily.
"Can i play?"
i just nodded and then preceeded to pound her for 2 rounds. "your just too good for me" she boomed and then walked away. I must say, i'd rather have played shadow, and then watch him destroy the joypad when he lost, but i dont think he was there (possibly when he had just been sorted out for taking steroids).

that day will always be the day i beat up a gladiator. i wasnt disapointed in the least, i smiled for days (or a few minutes)
( Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Tue 30 May 2006, 18:54, Reply)

Didyoumissme1
Move.

I've been Walsall-free for 8 years now. Currently in San Francisco. It gets much better once you leave.

Although I did once meet a pissed-up Jim Bowen by the Hippo, and he was a top bloke.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 30 May 2006, 18:23, Reply)

I met Bill Oddie twice
I was in Walsall, where I live, and I saw Bill Oddie get out of his car, and post a letter. He then drove back down the road, and I saw him leaving Lidl, just before I entered. I was disappointed because I'm pretty sure he got the last pack of sausage rolls. My friend who was with me at the time tells me that it wasn't Bill Oddie, just a man with a beard.
( Didyoumissme1, Tue 30 May 2006, 18:12, Reply)

Rugby player cock shock
I went to a rugby 7's tournament when I was a kid and after seeing the Welsh legend JPR Williams and getting his autograph I then spotted the Australian captain David Campese and thought his signature would go nicely against the picture of him in the program. So did hundreds of other kids who swarmed him. I held back while he signed a few signatures and then followed him when he walked off. After about 100 yards I shouted "Mr. Campese can I have your autograph please?" "Fuck off runt!" (I'm sure he said runt) came his retort. I must admit I liked him even more after that.
(Weebop, Tue 30 May 2006, 18:08, Reply)

Sorry Rick
Victoria Station, early nineties, me rushing to catch a train to Brighton while not really looking were I was going.
Look up, see someone in front of me.
Instinctively dip the shoulder to protect myself.
Stop and look down.
Rick Parfitt is spreadeagled on the floor, some distance from his luggage.
He apologises.
I make my train.
He keeps on rockin'.
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Tue 30 May 2006, 17:47, Reply)

Blue - everything you can imagine is true.
Was on a plane back to London from Glasgow one Saturday morning, surrounded by the cream of the teeny bop scene, who had just finished filming CD:UK.

To my shame, I recognised most of them, except for four really small young lads sitting in front of me, behaving like Viz's Spoilt Brat. They spent the first twenty minutes whining that they could smell piss, wanted a sandwich, had to sit with everyone else, and trying to suck up to the crusty fella in the Stereo MCs.
When the shortest and whiniest one - I believe he is called Duncan - had finished ramming his chair into my knees, he shoved his mullety head over the chair to tell me to move. He was clearly unused to being told to 'Fuck off, cunt.', though I suspect he is now. Crusty Stereo bloke winked at me. Which was nice.
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Tue 30 May 2006, 17:25, Reply)

College
To my shame I had never been to the National Theatre before I was 17. So it's a College trip to see some rubbish or other as part of my drama course. Myself and 4 friends decided to go together. We left the wrong entrance at Embankment and instead of walking over the conveniently placed bridge we ended up walking down to the next bridge. We cross said bridge and now have no idea where to go. So my friend Hayley decides to wander up to the first person she sees and ask them for directions. She approaches a group of older men who by all accounts are very apologetic but they don't know where the NT is either. It's only when she walks back to the group and I take another look that I realise she's just asked the Archbishop of Canterbury where the NT is!
( Joliet, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:56, Reply)

ooh - i've got a couple of these!
one very early morning after a chaotic party, feeling very worse for wear and shuffling about in the newsagents, trying to find the coke and failing miserably. all of a sudden there is this 'alright lads?' and i turn around to meet a larger than life les dawson. scared the life out of me.
i met roy walker in a pub a while ago - we were all shitfaced and my boss took a picture of him with his phone. he had the bloody thing on 'multiple shots' and had the sound on full. result - eleven pitures of roy walkers brogues. nice.
bumped into - literally - dr. fox in london while i passed him outside of costa coffee.

moral of the story - i meet crap celebs.

met ray mears too, he is a genuinely cool and interesting bloke. he's exactly the same as he is on the tv. tv is good like that.

lh
(localhost, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:28, Reply)

Craig David's crack
Oh yes and a friend of mine 'allegedly' smoked crack with Craig David on a boat in Southampton harbor during a New Years Eve party...I bet he was singing as he inhaled...cock.
(Weebop, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Famous people = twats...sometimes
I've met many famous people over the last five years and except for a few they are nearly all coked up alcy's arseholes.

The exceptions are the older ones (Midge Ure, Peter Gabriel, Robert Plant), geeks (7 Seconds of Love:-) and crack heads (Pete Doherty...yes he does get everywhere but is too mashed to be an arsehole...many of his 'friends' are cunts though!).
(Weebop, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:22, Reply)

Dave Grohl in 'not nicest man in rock' shocker
Everyone loves Grohl don't they? With his cheeky face and reputation as 'the nicest man in rock' etc etc

A mate of mine was with a couple of friends and went to see Nirvana in Glasgow. They were having some beers and playing some pool before the gig when 'Wee Davey' spotted the band playing pool a few tables away. Being a massive fan, he walked over, utterly star struck, to speak to them

He asked Dave Grohl if he could get an autograph. Grohl rolled his eyes, grabbed a bit of paper and quickly scribbled something down, then thrust it into Davey's hands and turned his back on him

The guy walked back to his mates, overwhelmed with excitement. "So what did he write, Davey?"

He opened the bit of paper, and Dave Grohl had written "The reason I'm in this band is so I don't end up being a loser like you. Dave Grohl"

Hmmm, must have been having an off day then
(fried gold, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:19, Reply)

...
Pretty Sure Of These Ones...

Ashley Cole - Smoking Drugs In Eros Nightclub.
Rio Ferdinand - Snorting Drugs In Toilet In Chinawhite Nightclub.
John Terry - Urinating In Nightclub.
So Solid Crew - Smoking Drugs In Trap Nightclub.
Sophie Anderton (x8 or so)- Snorting Drugs In Corner (including last week on her birthday which was reported that she has quit).
2 Members Of Westlife - Snorting Drugs At Racecourse.
Mike Skinner - Smoking Drugs Outside KFC.
Many Famous DJs - Dealing Drugs In Nightlcubs.
Kiefer Sutherland - Drinking Excess Amounts And Taking Drugs (most likely) In Hotel Bar.
Heath Ledger - Walking Into A Glass Door In Canadian Restaurant.
Jordan - All Of Above.
Jodie Marsh - Scrathing Her Arse And Smelling Her Finger.

there is more but i have to go now...
( MagicallyInept Bored Sig., Tue 30 May 2006, 16:11, Reply)

Neil Kinnock
Neil Kinnock is the only person of semi fame i have ever bumped into twice.

The first time he was eating alone at a chinese restaurant in Leister Square and he told my ex how much he liked his (blue) hair.

Second time I was 'shroomed to the hilt having just been to a Lemon Jelly concert. Neil was with 5 or 6 younger women and using the classic line "Yes I know Diana Rigg, I could get you an introduction to her if you like". Needless to say this experience combined with my fragile state of mind pretty much sent me over the edge.
(moogster, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:01, Reply)

Neither are heroes but..
Timmy Mallet came to my Uni a couple of years ago, and he wasnt too impressed when i asked him to sign my chest, or when i tried to hug him in the bogs (I was v drunk). Then a couple of months ago the Uni decided to get the once popular rapper Coolio to come visit and sing a few tunes. I spent the day enjoying a few light ales in the sun and cant remember the actual four fucking tracks he sang, but apparently I rushed to the front of the stage and for the entire time he was there called him a cunt and told him he "wasnt as good as Coolio", I dont pretend to know what I was on about. I'm told he looked confused.
That is all.
(Formaly Over say's hello, Tue 30 May 2006, 16:00, Reply)

Steve Collins
At a boxing dinner last year in London, I was waiting in a crowded bar area for the event to start and was trying to make my way through the crowd to where my friends were sitting at a table. As I squeezed round a pillar I bumped straight into a bloke and knocked some of his drink over him. Looking up I recognised the form of the man who had twice beaten both Nigel Benn and Chris Eubank. I nearly shat. Fortunately he was perfectly OK about it and turned out to actually be a very pleasant man, but for one second I was wishing that I had never met this particular sporting hero- or at least not under those circumstances.
( Lord Gnome, Tue 30 May 2006, 15:59, Reply)

Hey...
'You're Mani!'

'Yeah, I know.'

'You're a legend!'

'Yeah. Well...'

And then he walked off. I felt like such a twat.
(spangledonkey I've got a mouse. His name is Gerald., Tue 30 May 2006, 15:56, Reply)

Lucy Liu
My mate Mark was out having a few drinks with some of the guys from work, including his boss. His boss's husband is involved with movies and often gets to meet and work with many hollywood stars.

Well, during the evening Mark is getting hammered and the conversation turns to which actors/actresses people like. Mark mentions that, amongst others, he likes Lucy Liu.
"Really?" says his boss.
"Yeah!" says Mark.

His boss then proceeds to phone her husband. After a brief conversation, of which Mark was not listening to, she hands the phone over to Mark and says
"Mark, there's someone on the phone who wants to say hello to you."
"Hello?" says Mark.
"Hi Mark. This is Lucy Liu. How are you? I hear you're a bit of a fan?"
Mark then shouts down the phone "F*ck off! You not f*cking Lucy Liu!" and hangs up the phone.

His boss then grabs the phone off of him and immediately phones back and starts apologising profusely.

It turns out that Mark had genuinely told Lucy Liu to f*ck off. WHAT A LEGEND!!!!1!one
( Hownumbsyabutt numbing things down, Tue 30 May 2006, 14:42, Reply)