A few years ago, the boss took us all to the pub across the road.
In our lunchbreak. He wouldn't let anyone drink anything, and made us pay for our own meals.

I was earning the company about 25k gross per week, and there were 30 of us.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 23:12, Reply)

re: ken3005
I work with a bloke called Ken... you're not he, are you?

At our office, we've been made to wear Santa-hats with flashing lights since December 1st. The office happiness-Nazi also plays a continuous stream of Christmas-y songs on random play, which means you often get to hear "Christmas in New York" by the Pogues, followed by the SugaBabes murdering "Oh come let us adore him" (possibly the shittest carol ever, before they got their theiving scouse hands on it) followed by "Christmas in New York" being covered by somone-or other, followed by two similar versions of "Walking in the air".

The Sugababes stuff actually makes me angry it is so bad! Whenever I hear it, I feel the need to stick pencils in my ears.

So I got myself a set of headphones so I could play something decent to drown out the nonsense. The happiness-nazi actually confiscated them when I was having a pee!

He gave them back when I told him that I was not watermeloning well working here if I had to listen to this shite all day.

Did he apologise? Did he watermelon. Fat powerfreak watermelontard.

[edit] : hey! Who turned on the swearing-censor again? Cnut-y balled spunktard! I like swearing!
(weedom, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 22:33, Reply)

Just heard
That at my old job, they are only going to serve light beer at the xmas breakup. Makes me appreciate the new job even more so especially as our xmas lunch starts in 2 hours with real beer!!
(Gordon Shumway, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 22:16, Reply)

The English are mental
ok ok so I dont mean that to every English person, in fact most of you are dead on. But your country must have factories churning out analy retentive managers and since 1996 I encounter one each year in my watermeloning jobs!

It all started in Sainsbury's in N.Ireland, we are rather laid back over there but things get done. Couldnt tell that to the english managers though, oh no! they got so worked up at our 'lacking interest in touching base with the customers' or our 'Lacking skills in shopfloor assistance' (shelf packing!) they cancelled our X-mas bonus! watermeloners!

The next year however at the x-mas dinner they felt guilty at depriving us of our £100 they gave us an extra 15 MINUTES FOR LUNCH!!!!! that really made it all worth while. cranberrys. Stuff like that went on for over 6 years. Cancelling x-mas bonuses or firing people on x-mas eve was my personal favourite. Our manager who was from south london fired all the temp staff at 4PM x-mas eve. Nice eh?

There was one however who was dead on, about 2 years ago I worked in a bingo hall and the manager gave me a £50 bonus. Turns out he was stealing thousands from the till though! Ha ha! good lad! (not that i condone stealing from the till but if someone else wants to steal it then give it to you, hey who cares!)
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 22:14, Reply)

bloody cheffing
Spent the last two years working as a chef in a 4star hotel.

From late november until New year we had at least 400 people a night to feed. Had to work xmas day, with 500 for lunch, then 500 for dinner, from 9.30 in the morning until about midnight, with an hours break, Standard pay.

The party was in mid-january, and we had to make all the food ourselves. They made us go up to get food table by table, and left the kitchens table until last, so we got the leftover shite. Then the "disco" in the ballroom had steps, s-club7 and other teeny-shite. I just gave up and went to bed. Didn't even bother last year and went on a night-time bike ride. Far more fun!
(Smelch God says I'm a Pirate now. Yarr!, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 22:00, Reply)

Christmas
My employer isnt so much a Scrooge but a Happines-Nazi control freak.

We have "organised" fun at Christmas, planned down to the last minute, with "manpower plans", "SMART obejectives" and a "post christmas review meeting" to "feed back" to the "centre" our "benefits and concerns" re; fun at Christmas.
And if you dont want to join in, heaven help you....
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 21:46, Reply)

I remember...
... one year we had a new Director arrive shortly before Xmas. I happened to be taking the minutes of a board meeting when he raised the question of what the usual procedure was regarding the forthcoming Office Christmas Lunch.

"Well, usually an advance raiding party leaves at around quarter past 11 and start getting the drinks in, then everyone else leaves at mid-day. Dinner's booked for 1pm"

"And what time does it all wind up?"

"Oh, usually at around 4"

"Very good... well, make it known that I don't expect people to come back to work then unless they want to, and certainly not if they're intoxicated"

(silence)

(whispers)

"Sir, I think you misunderstand. We're talking a.m. not p.m."
( Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 21:36, Reply)

the bastards
last christmas i worked in a 24 hr garage.now i was lucky enough not to be caught for christmas day but plenty were.stand by for queues out the door.people buying 6 loaves of bread, 12 litres of milk and up to 160 fags! wtf??? like the shops aren't open on christmas eve AND stephen's day?!! they acted like there was a war on! i mean who goes out on christmas day to the garage? and if this was not enough they only got paid time and a half for these eight hours of constant queues.that totals to 84 euro. and if THAT was not enough they did not receive this extra cash until march! meanwhile...my sister was paid double time for every sunday she worked in december in a department store. aaargh!
not really christmas parties but still christmas related...besides everyone else is moaning about work.
no apologies for length (obviously)
(evil_beetle, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 20:20, Reply)

Hmph
Christmas trip to the dog track was two Saturdays ago. Didn't get invited. Didn't even hear about it until the coach pulled up outside.

Wouldn't drink with them anyway.
(underachiever, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 20:16, Reply)

Xmas Eve : 10:45 AM
The entire department walks out and heads to the pub 15 mins up the road. We've been known to stay there till at least 8pm. Some of us heading into the town centre and some returning home. Hungover christmas mornings are becoming the norm for me.

As for this years christmas do, those wanting to go had to foot the bill for the meal... £25 and then transport home... £15 at least.. Needless to say attendence wasn't amazing, I opted to have a night in with my girlfriend.

There were a few corporate Amex's doing the rounds though... and the last people left the residents bar at 5am.
( beefandcheese, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:54, Reply)

We are going to our boss's tiny little house
and we all have to cough up £4 for the privilege. Sadly we are all so intrigued as to what kind of porn dungeon he lives in that we are actually going.
Plus there is suggestion of a dancing competition which could be quite horrifying.
(BadKittyDirtyKitty, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:45, Reply)

but that said ...
when I was working in the kitchens of an airport we celebrated a very busy year. Lunch was from the first-class counter where choices included lobster, inch-and-a-half thick steaks, duck ...
At the end of the day-shift our bosses organised a free bar for 6 hours (I think, I'm a little hazy on this bit), a top nosh buffet and two excellent bands. And I got to shag the very pretty and very randy french lass from the cold-counter in the toilets. It must have cost them an absolute fortune. It was brilliant*.

Thought I'd tell ye, in the interest of fairness. I won't hear a bad word against the kitchens in Shannon airport.

*The piss-up cost a fortune and was brilliant. The french lass was free and was also brilliant.
(badger bollocks, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:43, Reply)

No rest ...
Every Christmas I'm worked off my arse delivering PlayStations made from Nordic pine by skilled (and highly expensive) workmen to spoilt ankle-biters who don't even know their born. And what do I get? - a glass of feckin milk and two stale ginger snaps.

Oh, and a carrot to share.

At least there's Mrs Santa's sister.
(badger bollocks, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:34, Reply)

Last year
I used to work for telecoms company before it got bought out by another one which i work at now.

Anyhow my old one had always had a reputation for good partys and this was no exception, the owner had arranged for us all to finish work at 3pm and had organised 2 coaches to take us to Leeds from Manchester.

Not only that but he paid for 100 staff to have a room each at the radisson SAS hotel and he had hired out the hard rock cafe bar for the whole night and paid for all the booze and food you could eat. To top it off we had a elvis tribute band for entitainment.

Last weekend it was the christmas party of the company that bought us out. It was in barca in manchester and there was a free asda buffet, no free drinks.

Cashback
( Gaz, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:28, Reply)

Pffft.
Once we were going full tilt towards having a Christmas party, until one person in the office was like, "Yo, what about da Jews?" We didn't have any Jews, but for some reason the question and its terrifying unspoken answer won out over my delectable cheesecake and we didn't have a freaking party. Now my boss is Jewish and she gives me Hanukah gelt AND Christmas presents. And Kwanzaa pears. And Solstice beaver steaks.
(ZugZwang refuses to update his profile., Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:12, Reply)

last year, our christmas bash was in june
the year before there wasn't one at all
( MrSanity has maybe kicked the WoW habit forever, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 19:02, Reply)

'Charity' collection
Well last year my boss decided to have a collection tin saying he was donating it to charity in the name of Christmas I put in about £100 or so as I was a bit off my head on free champagne.

All in all he must have had a few thousand as we are in a big office and everyone was feeling generous.

Somehow the next week a few days before Christmas he got a brand new Rolex watch which he got from his 'sister'.

Much to my amusment he broke it the next day without any insurance, after getting completly hammered and falling down the stairs.

/We found out the next year he had spent the money from the collection on it. He still hasn't paid me back... Well he hasn't got a job to get any, HA...
(Trogdor Teh Burninator, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 18:54, Reply)

If you want to call it a party
The extent of our Christmas "party" is a catered lunch on the premises. So that means no alcohol and back to work when you're done eating.

Christmas bonuses or gifts? Bah. We do a "Secret Santa." Once I had to get a gift for someone from another department that I didn't know. I chose not to join in the "festivities" since then.

The bright side is that I run our department and we're left to our own devices. For the past two years for the Christmas "party" we've gone out for lunch and I've told everyone in my department to take the rest of the day off!

A few years ago our department got several bottles of wine from a supplier. (I didn't let anyone know.) I called a safety meeting. Once everyone was gathered around I passed out the bottles and told everyone "Have a safe Christmas. Now GO HOME."
(StinkyCheeseMan, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 18:27, Reply)

_______@__@____ ( Tumbleweed.)
I work for a famous multi-national. I could mention their name, but you'd think "Luxury Cars", but you'd be wrong. This year they official books show UKP200+ Million Profits, ( about 50% due to the group I'm in...)

And when it comes to Chrimbo. Nothing. A few days off, but other than that. Nothing.

Decorations are tolerated, and we're permitted to organise our own lunchtime buffet/fuddle/thing (no booze tho') but anything involving he company spending money ? Forgetaboutit.

Ten quid a second profits...but stingy as Funk. (They even (gasp) blocked access to B3TA.com for few months. The Horror, The Horror )

I need to take my medication now...
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 18:14, Reply)

A couple of years back
They never got around to organising our Christmas dinner. So we had it in April. In a Pizza Hut. The buffet.

And I missed it because I had to go to a funeral.
( Bad Horsey Bring back Dr. Ubes Rub!, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:55, Reply)

Hmmm....
My boss is a complete and utter zeppelin. There's no Xmas party, no time off, no bonus... nothing!

But then again, I am self employed.
(the_hammerhead_tart -- In love with a strict machine, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:52, Reply)

My boss is making me work all through christmas.
The bitch is a proper slave driver and no doubt she'll have us doing all the usual chores of lugging heavy stuff around.

No christmas for me and certainly no christmas party! The pay is bloody terrible too!

Mind you, I am an ant...
( Spunkmeyer, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:39, Reply)

This takes me back... again...
In 1984 I was working in a shoemakers shop. Business was bad, so I dressed up as an elf and stayed up all night making the finest pair of shoes you have ever seen. We sold them the next day for £1,000,000 to the king of an African tribe. However, the soles wore through within a fortnight. The African king brought them back after he trod in a puddle, complaining that the soles were made out of chewed up tissue papaer and Bourneville chocolate. The boss (a pre-lost boys Keiffer Sutherland) told the African king to clear off as the shoes were sold as seen. It was at this point that he noticed that the shoes were a cut and shut.

The next day, he returned with his witch-doctor who started a ritual dance to put a curse on us. Luckily I was still dressed as an elf so I had a shot-gun with me. I carefully took aim, shouted "Look at me! I'm Michael Caine in Zulu!" and blew both their heads off.

We used their hides to make three more sets of shoes for elephants, which naturally sold instantly for a further £1,000,000 a set.

And what did I get for Christmas that year? Nothing. Not even a card. Mind you, a few days later I had raped, killed and eaten his wife.

Good days... good days...
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:29, Reply)

Christmas in January?
We're having our Christmas party for work on January 22. I don't know why, you tell me.
(reigninggrabasschampion, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:28, Reply)

Like many others i work for Co-op
I am working Christmas eve- eve till midnight then christmas eve 9-6.
The srouge bit is boxing day, people work Sundays (not me) HAVE to work them. Many dont, but i do as it triple pay...but i get watermelon all extra for xmas eve and working till midnight!
also, manager get certain amount of money per member of staff for a party....not hearing anything about that!
(fluffytail, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:19, Reply)

Gotta be honest...
my current boss is great.

he's taking the girls for a 'nice lunch' and the boys go to Secrets www.secrets-clubs.com/ for unlimited booze then off to a casino. On him.

What a cranberrycunt eh?
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:17, Reply)

My Uni Course party was last night...
and I was attempting to help an extremely drunk mate up the stairs to the toilet in a bar when an irish bouncer said he was gonna kick him out. In his drunken state, my mate had forgotten his coat and remembered this as he was being bundled outside, and the bouncer wouldn't let him get it.

I made the mistake of touching the bouncer on the arm to try and ask him to let my mate get his coat (don't do it, kids). He didn't like it, and started bundling me out proper rough so I shoved him. He smacked me around the head (painful)and started dragging me by my hair,(cue swearing, very painful, my hair is pretty long) so i elbowed him, and he shoved me through the exit door, banging my head on it in the process.

By now very angry (and not very pissed at all, surprisingly, hence the feelings of pain) I span round and screamed at him "you shouldn't have done that you f*cking paddy bastard" to which his reply was a bloody hard kick in the knee. Slight limp now, but a good time all round :)

usual apologies
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:14, Reply)

Ours was last night
There are 4 of us and the boss. We left work early yesterday and drove over to Dartmouth and had a nice meal in a bistro, which the boss paid for. Then we went back to the hotel, which the boss paid for. And then we came into work 2 hours late this morning.

Not bad really!

( notshiny, Thu 16 Dec 2004, 17:07, Reply)