Comedy double acts
I adore Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall. Their collaboration has spanned decades, they've made some of the most clunky and amateurish yet charmingly outrageous comedy to ever come out of this country.

What's your favourite double act, and why?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 8:14, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gnome sweet gnome


Before TGB beats me to it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 7:35, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

telly
Why did no one tell me about The Inbetweeners?
I've had to download the whole of series 1 on 4OD (Channel 4's answer to BBC's iPlayer) and watch the lot in one sitting.

I nearly soiled myself at:
"There's some tidy minge in here"
"The reason it's tidy is because there's no hair on it yet"

S2Ep3 is currently on the Sky+ awaiting viewing.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 1:05, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Christ on a bicycle
I have a new dental hygienist who's REALLY thorough. Got down to the gumline and below with the waterpick thingy.

That was 5 hours ago.

I just ate an orange.

OW OW OW OW OW
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 20:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*drumroll please*
And the new kitten is going to be named........

name in reply
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 19:24, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm probably the last person in the UK to see this
But it made me leak from the eyes quite a lot.

Susan Boyle auditioning to sing.

I'm not a fan of talent shows, especially singing and dancing shows, but that was quite remarkable.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 17:30, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Chapter Five or Six, I'm Not Quite Sure
OK, so it's been a long time since you had any more of that story I was writing. This is a 5-thousand-word part, so a bit of a behemoth.

I hope you enjoy it. For those of you that were reading it before, I have backtracked a bit.

THE STORY SO FAR:

Darwin, the Action Naturalist, has been killed by Canon Ordinance while hunting a Storm Butterfly on Salisbury Plain. Meanwhile, Mister Bad-Trousers himself, Lucifer Morningstar has escaped Hell and killed a girl on Clacton seafront, mistakenly believing that will get him back in to Heaven. Caramel Thorpe the cat burglar, who does not appear here, has been recruited by God along with Dorothy Ladyman, Librarian, to save the World. Clint Spark, the worst reporter in the World, has found the head of a dead girl on Clacton pier, while God himself has been discovered at CERN. What happens next? Can this ever make sense? Will the bad jokes never end?

Read the replies, and find out!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 17:20, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Speaking of bizarre letters of complaint.
Back in the early 90s, a mate of mine wrote to complain about Smith's "square crisps". Apparently, not one crisp in a bag of 30g was even remotely square. The nearest was a rhombus which was almost 5 degrees from being square.
He included a mathematical definition of a square, 3 diagrams of random crisps and a pie chart to illustrate the angular deviation across the data-set.

Needless to say, he received a reply. A voucher for more crisps that was worth less than the postage.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:37, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bollocks to feeling ill
I've had a sleep, been underwear shopping and am now getting ready to see the DC tonight. YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 16:01, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is a disgrace.
Guitars

This kind of thing makes me want to puke.
Classic guitars, made to be played, stored so some twunt can just look at them. HE CAN'T PLAY A NOTE! Sorry for shouting but it really is an abomination.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 13:33, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MrOli's (lame) question of the afternoon
With all the board wars, the rivalries, the slagging off, the pain, the suffering, the hsh, the nob gag threads, the drunken deep nob gagging and public laundry washing, the voting for the next question or challenge and being ignored, the shit challenges put up instead, the blood from the flamage running red down the threads, does anyone still believe in Rob?

Why does Rob let bad things happen to good B3tards? If you gaz Him, does He reply?

Do you believe you can get on to any Best Of pages without believing in Rob? Can you still be a good B3tard without faith that He will look after you when your icon fades and your account is disabled?

Discuss.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 13:04, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

iiiiiiih
In Sweden we have shared toilets for men and women in the office. Just one cubicle with a basin.

I forgot to lock mine today.

One of the few guys in the office got in while I was doing my things. He was so shocked he couldn't stop looking.

I feel so bad. And so wrong.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:36, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stupid complaint letters...
I know there is a trend for people writing bizarre complaint letters etc to companies to see what they can get for free (see newsletter recently), I am genuinely disgruntled about something in M&S and have written to them this letter:

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have been using the M&S in the centre of Oxford freqently to buy my lunch. When the bargain meal deal came out, I was over the moon. The opportunity to eat delicious M&S branded food, at a reasonable price was a steal! I used to buy these lunches, and follow them up with a 20p chocolate bar, the same quality as the bars that they were copying, but much cheaper, I liked the Snickers style bar most. My lunch used to cost me a whole £2.20, a real bargain.

But picture this, I went into my local M&S last week only to find that the chocolate bars had gone up to 35p, that is a whole 75% increase in price! I could not believe my eyes when I saw this, and decided not to buy it. I relayed this story to my work colleagues, and they all agreed, that the price hike was not fair, and way above the RPI index, and inflation.

To buy an own-brand M&S chocolate bar, is now twice the price of a Cadbury's Freddo bar, the real competition. In fact, I can buy a Freddo bar and a Cadbury's Dairy Milk mini bar, for the same price as one M&S own-brand bar!

In these times of the credit crunch, I really think it is not on for a company such as yourselves to hike the price of chocolate by so much. I have stopped buying your chocolate bars, and have switched to Freddos.

Kind Regards,

Jimmy Doodah

Does anyone reckon I actually stand a chance of getting anything for free, or have I just wasted my time?
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 12:34, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh how I wish I used twitter...
i.gizmodo.com/5211135/man-builds-chair-that-tweets-his-farts-single+handedly-justifies-twitters-existence
( Captain V, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:38, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What song would you want played at your funeral?
To split from another thread, what final song would you like played as you are buried/cremated/floated away on a burning longboat/shot into space?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:36, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Becky just deleted an amusing thread about Bert's penis
so I thought I would put this here for anyone that wants to discuss either Bert, his penis, penii in general or AC/DC.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:58, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hmmmm
I applied for a job at the University of Blah a while ago. Having worked there between 2003 and 2006, I know the people there well.

Anyway: I know that they were shortlisting last week. Today, I got a Facebook friend request from the head of the department there. Does this mean that I'm on the shortlist as some sort of preferred candidate, and the letter's in the post, or does it mean that I'm not going to be called for interview so there'll be no accusations of nepotism if I'm an FB friend?

*worries*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:41, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Noel's question of the morning
What's the best film you've seen recently?

I haven't seen much, but I watched Pineapple Express last night and rather enjoyed it. It was a good stoner movie with an explosive final half hour.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:30, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Vipros' question of the morning
What is the worst film you've ever seen?

Mine has to be The Assignment

In brief: Guy in the US Navy conveniently looks exactly like Carlos the Jackal. Donald Sutherland gets hold of him to try and trap Carlos the Jackal. To train him he puts him in an abandoned prison, feeds him hallucinagens, pipes in cigar smoke and drives remote-control snow mobiles at him.

This may sound like the makings of a good film, but believe me, it's really not.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:45, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rome sweet Rome


I have my three month review now so when I get back there better be some people here being funny.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:06, 232 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not sure about you lot
but I *love* Wire in the Blood.

Anybody heard tell of whether or not there's going to be another season? I miss the cold calculating figuring out. And the gore. God I miss the gore and horror.

:(
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 8:45, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New kittum coming Friday or Saturday.
My baby Stealth is 1 year old today. He got treaties and new catnip toys and lots of cuddles tonight.
But on Friday he's getting a playmate.
Should I call him:

B3ta
JAMM (as in justanothermobilemonday.com)
Bait
PotPie
Nitro (that's actually a kind of fish bait)
or..........
Bob
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 7:29, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well bugger me!
I follow Fuhrer Rob on twitter, and he asked what the new image challenge should be.
My response "shop natural disasters and make them fluffeh".
Well, look at that.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 5:47, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

woo woo woooooo
just got the despatch confirmation of a cd I bought two weeks ago for myself. Yay. In three days I will be bopping along to new tunes.

/anticipates excitedly!

By the way - Spikey - have you got your CD yet?
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 3:24, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

do people genuinely still believe
that bending their rear reg. plate out at the edges will fool speed cameras?

I can't believe how many doombrains round my way have done this.
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 22:15, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Magenta House


The next best thing to a b3ta mansion. Good evening :o)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 20:03, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)