A question for Londinians
So on Friday I will be travelling from Euston to Oxford Circus via the Victoria Line, for to get to the Yorkshire Grey.

I can purchase, with my "getting to Euston in the first place" rail ticket, a travelcard covering Zones1&2 for £5.60. Is this better/as good as buying a return to Oxford Circus once I get to Euston?

It seems like it ought to be worse for that much, but this is London so who knows?

Well, I'm assuming someone does or there's no point in asking. Opinions?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 May 2009, 17:56, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Because my parents think I'm a bit more than "funsized"
They're keeping a close eye on what I eat. Therefore, when I wanted to have a couple of my lovely homemade gingerbread (nothing like grinding your own spices! [/smug cooker]) with my tea, I hid them in my bra when I was going upstairs.

Now there are crumbs in my bra and it's itchy.

What stupid, thoughtless thing have you done today?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 5 May 2009, 17:39, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

tonight
I am using leftover sausages to go with pasta and veg. I want to try something different to the usual tomato-based sauce.

Anyone got any decent recipes? or even half-decent ones that I could spruce up?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 May 2009, 16:52, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm all broken
my legs hurt
and I have bruises all over me.
I know I am unlikely to get any internet sympathy from you but I wanted to share.

P.S - This is all true.
( WormuIus, Tue 5 May 2009, 16:36, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have just filed my employer's tax returns online
Which started last year by me getting irritated at our USELESS accountant and telling my boss I could do a better job... I was originally employed as a nanny. He, quite rightly, said "go on then".

So now, a year on, I'm shitting myself as I have no clue what I'm doing, and significant numbers have gone via me to Her Majesty's Royal Convenience.

But if it goes right I'll be rather pleased with myself for learnin' meself accountin'.


Anyone else gotten themselves in pickles with the ol' "I could do it better than THEM" line? (pitbulls watching gay porn need not reply)
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 5 May 2009, 16:07, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have a song stuck in my head
Since my daughter discovered CBeebies, every day I have a different theme song stuck in my head. Today it's Bob the Builder ... on other days it's Balamory, that annoying Jakamoto Toto, Nina and the Neurons, Carrie and David's Pop Shop etc etc etc

aaargh

Any other b3tan parents out there suffer from the same curse?

Click 'I like this' if you think 'CBoobies' would make an excellent choice of name for a forthcoming BBC pr0n channel...
(hangableautobulb is an anagram of the best album ever, on, Tue 5 May 2009, 15:50, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's my B3ta day today!
Happy b3ta day to me
Happy b3ta day to me
Happy b3ta day dear Bill
Happy b3ta day to me!

I'm 6 today and with it being Cinco De Mayo I'll be having a few Tequilas tonight and maybe even a Corona as it is the one day of the year men are allowed to drink it!
(bill, Tue 5 May 2009, 15:31, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dear Off Topic,
I had the worst weekend ever.
On Friday evening I took my dog for a walk in the woods near my house, and it ran off, chasing something.

I looked for him for hours, but it got dark, and I'd shouted 'til I could shout no more.
With a heavy heart I walked home alone.

Continued in reply...
( Cawl, Tue 5 May 2009, 15:26, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well
I'm sitting here in my office with a themometer that is reading 30C.

Who thinks this is far too hot!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 5 May 2009, 14:34, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So what's for dinner?
I'm having three page 3 girls round for sex.

What's your favourite type of page 3 girl sex?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 5 May 2009, 13:02, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A story from work
Not mine, but I've heard similar.


OK so this is a true story. We really got this call to my Hospital.

A guys call up and is in a panic. He is literally in hysterics on the phone and we can not understand what he is saying at all at first.

So once he calms down a little this is what he starts to tell us-

"OK so I was in the shower and I was "playing" with my dog (the dog was a Pit Bull). And now he is stuck!"

And the Tech on the line was like what do you mean stuck?

And he goes on to say-

"You know-stuck! He is stuck to my back! What do I do?!"

So the Tech puts the guy on hold and comes to the back where myself and the other techs and the Vet were. She explains what the guy on hold told her. We are all thinking the same thing, but no one wants to say it out loud. So finally the Vet says to her-"OK does he mean that he is naked and the dog has stuck his penis up the guy's asshole and the dog is now erect?"

The tech says to her, that is what I would take it to be. So the Vet gets on the phone. They guy is still there. The first thing that she asks they guy before anything else was-" OK before we goi any further, is this a joke?"

To which the guy replied "NO!"

And between what both the Vet and the Tech that answered the phone said was that unless this guy was an Academy Award winning Actor, he was for real and this was no joke.

So basically the long and the short of the story was that this guy and his Pit Bull were "playing" in the shower (you can draw your own conclusions there, I don't think you need to figure out how the dog's penis got aroused right?) and the dog had humped the guy in the back and was not stuck in the guy's asshole. What was causing the dog to "Stick" to the owner was the "mating tie" that had gone off and was now in the guy.

Totally totally gross.

So the Vet tells the guy on the phone all of this and the guy screams to know that is what is blowing up in his ass, and why he is in so much pain. Basically it was like he had a softball up his ass and it was pulling at his ass crack. The guy asks the Vet how long this will last, when will they get unstuck. And the Vet tells him that it can take up to an hour.

She starts to say to the guy-"When the dog is done-"
Then the guy chimes in with this question-"What do you mean "done"? What do you mean "done"? Do you mean he is gonna blow a load in me!!!!???"

So the Vet had to answer honestly and say yes. GROSS!!!!!!!!!

So after the guy finishes screaming in fear and disgust (which did take a little bit) the Vet said to him-"You may want to go to the Doctor when he is finished (he cried again when she said finished too). You might have some injury there after that."

They guy was not too receptive to that idea at all. He said to her"What do I tell them happened?". The Vet told him that was not her problem, but that he should seek medical attention. She told them that there could be serious bodily injury there. She then asked for his number so she could call back and see how he and the dog were doing. He would not give it to us because he said he was a client at our hospital and didn't want us to figure out who he was by his number. And he said he didn't want us to report him. That's really why we asked for the number, we were going to call animal control on him.

Needless to say he never called back and everyone guy who came in with a Pit Bull ever since we really had to look at and listen to see if we can remember the voice.

LOL

Again weirdest call ever......and it's totally true and sadly was no joke....


Just nasty.....but funny

Can you picture this naked dude with a Put Bull attached to his back hoping around his apartment trying to get from the bathroom to the phone to call us? That must have been a sight to see!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 5 May 2009, 12:58, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Staying with today's 'too much information' theme,
I've always wondered: Would my cock curve to the right if I were left handed..?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 5 May 2009, 11:49, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You think our Government has some barn-arsed policies?
Nothing compared to this (now recinded) edict from a Chinese province:

uk.news.yahoo.com/22/20090505/twl-life-us-china-smoking-9020220.html

Mental!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 5 May 2009, 11:39, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I did it
I sent Mr Psyche the link to the "fly fishing breaks uk" site...

(I love horses, OBVIOUSLY)

He is not speaking to me now.

*glees*

Why is it that doing slightly evil things makes me feel so, so... like sherbet inside? It's so fizzy and happy and wonderful!!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 5 May 2009, 11:04, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello, Off Topic
So, I'm back from my holiday - have enjoyed a relaxing week in Cro_watia.

How have you all been, my fluffy darlings? What have I missed this last week?
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 May 2009, 10:01, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just so you know
MY cock DOES do that pre-cum thing.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:56, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mind Bleach for saaaaale
Get your mind bleach here only £20!


( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:35, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

right, it's the morning after the barbeque before
And my house is full of beer and cooked meat products. Any suggestions as for what I should do with my weight in cooked sausages other than saus cass or CMOT Dibller style sausages inna bun. I think I've worked out what to do with the fridge of booze issue.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:26, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Are you a mutant?
So do you have any anatomical quirks - be they hindrances or something you find comes in handy - that make you think your body isn't quite normal?

In my case, I have ears that don't seem to fit standard-issue iPod earphones (they keep falling out unless I spend ages adjusting them, whereas others can manage to fit them comfortably and with ease), and my cock doesn't seem to do that 'pre-cum' thing.

What makes you a freak of Nature?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:23, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gmail not working for anyone else?
Or is it just me?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:04, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm teaching daughter to play chess
and she's going through the inevitable phase of getting incredibly irritated by losing most of the time.

Please offer up your best motivational lines that I can use to encourage her.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 May 2009, 9:01, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mr Psyche...
Has had a f'ing great cut in his wage, and the company has stated they will no longer be giving any bonuses.

As he earns significantly more than I do, and I'm going into full time study as of September, this is bad.

Soooo, because I want to lighten up his mood, and because HE HAS NEVER HEARD THE HORSES SONG!!!!! I thought it prudent to send him a link to it. However, I am a technophobe, so I wonder if I could prevail upon you good people to do me a linky I can cut and paste into an email.

Oh, and if you can make it sound like it's about fishing... something like "fly_fishing_holidays_in_uk" or something gay-i-ly similar that would be great. He likes fishing. *sighs and places head in hands*


Thanks!
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 5 May 2009, 8:49, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

yesterday out of the blue
my brother gave me a telescopic magnetic picking up tool (that's what it says on the box)

looks like a little pen with a telescopic thing on the end and a magnet no bigger than a 5p coin, but it can pick up a lump hammer.

fucking brilliant. great end to a great weekend.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 May 2009, 8:24, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cheer up
Here's a new comic:



Click on that bloke to see it - feedback welcomed.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 May 2009, 7:11, Reply)

That was just wrong
I read this on FML:
"Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML"

Now, I may not be much of a Star Wars fan (the trek rocks), but that really is a good pun. Timely too. I think the ex-gf should have been the dumpee rather than the dumper in this couple.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 5 May 2009, 4:23, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, I've written my standup.
No, you can't read it. I wonder- has Boss Keloid finished his?

*zaps off to make revisions*
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 4 May 2009, 20:54, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

help please
Need a song name for this.

The video is of two kids who bunk off school, and then hire out a room and fake an audition to get women to dance for them

Edit: Its a dance track, within the last 5 or so years

Any clues please?
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 4 May 2009, 20:45, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ah yes.
A simple trick to avoid Horses links. If the url on here doesn't match up with what is below when you hover over it, don't click it. Easy.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 4 May 2009, 20:03, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Anyone else
Been playing with the awesomeness that is www.yooouuutuuube.com?

it is more fun than should be legal, whoo for some oldskool!

www.yooouuutuuube.com/v/?rows=24&cols=20&search=one%20love%20prodigy&startZoom=1
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 4 May 2009, 19:45, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)