Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 4 Aug 2009, 8:23, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New comic


Just to alleviate your boredom. Feel free to leave comments.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Aug 2009, 1:28, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking FUCK FUCK FUCK, fucking ASDA, fuck RIGHT off you fucking cunts.
I'm going to come back when you're closed and piss and shit everywhere, then I'm going to fucking [edited for legal reasons].

I was behind some skanky fucking bitch who filled her trolly with "6 for £1 girls knickers". After 10 minuites of the till-troll trying to match them up (because the skanky cheap bitch just dumped entire rails into her trolly... probably the 'returns' rail, because half the stuff needed to be typed in manualy), her friend comes and pushes in with ANOTHER FUCKING TROLLY. When I called her up on that, she said "My friend, she was holding my place for me". I said 'Sorry, you can't do that', and the manager let her push in.

I just dumped my stuff where I was standing, whispered under my breath 'fuck this shit', and walked out.

Why didn't I just use another till? Because half of them were down and I had already waited 15 minuites.

Seriously, someone do humanity a favour and put rat poision in their ready meals.

TWO MORE SLEEPS TILL TESCO !!!!1111
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 20:09, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can we use this as a punishment?
www.massively.com/2009/07/28/theres-a-er-twilight-mmo-coming/

Not sure what it would be for though...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 20:06, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do you know the worst bit of doing crunches on the floor of your spare room?
The fifteen minutes afterwards you spend just lying there on your exercise mat and daydreaming, staring at the cobweb on the ceiling you keep forgetting to get rid of and wondering why no matter how careful you are, you keep picking the wrong guy/woman/horse/whatever.
( girlinthehole, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 19:43, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sonisphere was fucking awesome
Metallica were great as usual, NIN choose some strange songs and upset fans, Limp Bizkit were shit, Linkin Park singer changed bands halfway through their quite dull set, upsetting fans, and Alice in Chains were unbe-fucking-lievably good.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 19:41, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love nice weather.
It's been warm and sunny here today and me and the porkess have been lying around in the garden demolishing a 2 litre jug of sangria (bottle of red, cup of brandy and some triple sec, add fruit and juice to taste, top up with lemonade). I made a bathroom visit and opened the window wide. Seeing my beautiful wife sleeping in the sun I could not restrain myself. FLING! SQUEAL! So much fun from one cup of cold water. Laughed like a mong in a joke shop.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 3 Aug 2009, 19:39, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tonight's dose of fluffeh has arrived.
In other news, what's your favourite idea for a theme party? Personally I'm quite fond of one-letter fancy dress, but think murder mystery ones are shit. Come in, sit down and tell me what you know, dear ones.


( Maladicta, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 19:17, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh Srsly, fuck that, three threads in a row? What the fuck?
Well, I've got something I must tell the entire internet too; I just completed the video game Mirror's Edge, it's a beutiful game, I'm looking foward to the next one (hopefully).

And I think tonight I fancy fish'n'chips, maybe, I donno.

Fuck it, consider this a Home Sweet Home thinggy.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 18:23, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Top Gear
was recorded last night, is it worth an hour of my time or will it follow the trend of the previous few episodes and be disappointing?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 17:39, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things like
1) putting empty butter containers back in the fridge
2) someone using the same spoon to make coffee and tea, which gives a tea and odd taste
3) My kids not unravelling their socks properly when they throw them in the washing basket.
4) The last person home in the evening not locking the door.
5) People not replacing the toilet roll or not throwing out the empty tube.
6) One of my neighbours empties his car ashtray full of fag-ends into the road when he's cleaning his car.

What trivial things should you really MTFU about but can't help finding them irksome?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 17:13, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Has anybody got
an ack-ack gun I can borrow? A big bastard fly has just come in the living-room and won't fuck off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 16:16, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi guys!
I'm in Wales, send help :(

EDIT: Shit, gotta go, they're breaking through the door.
( Cawl, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 16:10, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Skegness
Went to Skegness for the day yesterday and my missus convinced me to go on the waltzers with her. So it starts, and the pikey gives it a push and he managed to get our carriage in perfect synch with the undulations of the track and thus we were doing a good 60rpm on it's axis.

I've just done a quick calulation and the reason why I was pinned into my seat completely unable to move for almost 4 mins was that we were pulling a cheek-flattening 3.2g.

I'll not be doing that again, no matter how well it smoothed out the wrinkles in my face.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 16:04, Reply)

pw3ned.
As a follow up to this, I've decided that I needed to answer a nagging question: have I been driving the little bastards far enough away?

According to one website I found, they should be transported at least five miles away to be sure they don't come back, preferably on the other side of a highway or a river. I've been driving them about two miles to the golf course and letting them out there. But how do I know if they return? One squirrel looks like another, after all.

Were I a wildlife expert I would anesthetize them, tag them and then release them. Sadly, I'm just an out of work engineer with too much time and not enough resources. How do I tag a squirrel?

Simple- the same way chavs tag bridges.

If I see a squirrel with its arse spray painted a nice cheery blue, I'll know that I need to drop the little fuckers off on the other side of Rte. 288.

More updates as events warrant.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 3 Aug 2009, 15:07, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Telly
so anyway, I like stuff like The Wire, The Sopranos, all the "quality" stuff, none of the girlie stuff.

The other half likes the girlie stuff, ER, Greys Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters - you know *relationship* bollocks. The same re-hashing of the basic girl meets boy story line flogged to death for many many years with none of the originality. Sure they throw in a few "plots" and stuff, but essentially, its relationship bollocks. As i said, girls stuff.

So I ended up watching Grey's with her yesterday - 2.5 eps whilst the boy slept. It was entertaining, but you know, full of "he loves me" or "does he love me" and basically nothing new. Theres was a bomb which I enjoyed.

Now dont get me wrong, I love complexity and complicated, character driven drama - like The Wire etc - and I'd really like the other half to enjoy it too, but she doesnt seem to no matter how hard I try.

Basically, i want to force my other half to like stuff that I do otherwise we have to watch TV in separate rooms. Obviously I think I watch better stuff than her, obviously, so I should get to choose. But in reality, she does. I can suffer her TV, but she will not suffer mine.

Whats a boy to do?

(Oh and trying to defend the 'girlie stuff'? Dont go there. Its an endless repeat of one storyline with enough variation thrown in to keep you guessing. Dont even mention the words Sex and the City. I will punch you in the tits).
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 14:03, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Listen up yo', I need someone to tell me.
How long is before "Songs of Praise" becomes "Songs of Praise Allah".

It's just that I'm on quite a tight schedual and I need to know if I need to Sky+ this before I go to my place of worship.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 13:33, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello internets.
I am a very, very dead Lusty this morning.

Hangover cures please.
( wanderlust, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 12:54, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On Facebook I became a fan of Getting Paid
Pointless, I know. Then it got worse, as it turns out to have been set up by someone with the mental age of an 8-year-old, spamming my wall with posts about the TV show Scrubs and begging for one million fans by some arbitrary date.

I'd remove it but I don't want "Chains is no longer a fan of Getting Paid" to appear.

Anything you've stopped being a fan of lately? Alternatively, what's your favourite pig-derived meat? Mine is gammon. No, sausages. No, gammon.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 11:12, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have the day off today...you lucky lucky fuckholes
A question for everyone really, whether you're single, with a partner, or married (or any other option that I may have missed!).

Would it really matter to you if you stayed single forever?

shamelessly pilfered from another forum I frequent
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 11:12, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is anyone else watching Tru Blood?
I just started watching it last night after months of putting it off. I'm not usually into vampire stuff, but it's from the guy who created six feet under and it's rather magnificent.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 11:09, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, it's fucking banging in here today, isn't it?
So why don't we have a Question of the Day? There's plenty of reasons, but here's one anyway.

What was the last thing that made you blush? I mean properly, red-faced, let-the-ground swallow-me-up blush?

Alternatively, feel free to creatively insult me or my mother, or both.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 11:09, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I went
To Edgbaston for Saturdays play. (Or non-play). At least I get my money back, but I was looking forward to watching a good days cricket. My boss has just turned round to me and said, "If all looks quiet within the next hour shall we just fuck it and go up for the last day"

"Huzzah!"
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 9:19, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let Satan's tea-party begin!

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 3 Aug 2009, 8:20, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The one week I don't read the newsletter on a Friday
I just read it and I got mentioned. *bows*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 23:47, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, for any b3tans heading oop north next weekend...
And especially for those dossing at ours - no pissing, shitting, or puking on the carpet, alright?

And if you do, you can kindly stuff it right back in the orifices from whence they came.

Oh, and bring wine. Wine's good. Or beer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 2 Aug 2009, 23:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just become a fan of fizzy Vimto on Facebook.
Although I do like fizzy Vimto very much, I feel that my Sunday evenings should be spent in a much more cultured and sedate way.

Anyone else dumming down this evening?
( girlinthehole, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 20:39, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Listen, in case you haven't heard yet, there is a TESCO opening up across the road from me on wed.
It's just three more sleeps 'till I get to have a tesco ready meal, and I can't wait.

I'll now have 3 major supermarkets within 3 minuties walk from my flat. PLUS 3 independant ones.

I wonder what time the tesco club meets up.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 19:59, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I now have a much greater understanding of what it's like to be a vet or a doctor and infinite amounts of respect for them doing clinics
having spent the last six hours doing back to back clinics - 10 minute lunch break as I'd over run the previous clinic. The amount of stuff you have to check and examine if they have any questions that deviate from the reason why they're there is incredible. The fact that some like to store important things up until the end of the consultation when you're kicking them out, when they really should have told you at the start makes me a touch incandescent though.

What have you discovered a new found respect for lately? YM accepted of course.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 2 Aug 2009, 18:23, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)