Who else thinks this woman needs cunting in the fuck?
The link below is to the NHS website, talking about who's getting the swine flu vaccine and who isn't.

www.nhs.uk/news/2009/04April/Pages/Swineflulatest.aspx

This comment is taken from the comment board (and also appears on Speak You're Branes).

WARNING: the comment contains no grammar whatsoever. If your head explodes because of this, it's your own fault.

"What is the government doing not quick enough for god sake this is serious we need the injections now and every 1 should have it regardless of age it should be given to all straight away this should have been tested years ago why is every one letting them get away with this maybe its who eerv is in space wiping us all out that will teach people who eat animals looks like its pay back time life for a life maybe don’t know action needs to be now injections need to work and it needs to be given next week to all . Come on stop people entering this country now and shut schools for 5 months and keep kids in not allowing them to spread it to every one else stop flights the french have right idea oh wyes but they havent got it have they"

OK, maybe not cunting in the fuck, but sending back to fucking school.

/breathes
(Biscuit Burlesque wants to be Dita von Teas, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 13:29, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

District 9 was amazingly good
What's entertained you so far this weekend?
( cackers, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 13:02, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And you say the word gullible is not in the dictionary? Is that so?
Have look at this -
news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Strange-News/Squirrel-Steals-Show-In-Holiday-Photo-By-Couple-In-National-Park-In-Canada/Article/200908215360057?lpos=Strange_News_Second_Home_Page_Feature_Teaser_Region_0&lid=ARTICLE_15360057_Squirrel_Steals_Show_In_Holiday_Photo_By_Couple_In_National_Park_In_Canada

- and tell me that isn't shopped!
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Sat 15 Aug 2009, 11:55, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HELLO, YES
FINAL CALL FOR FANTASY FOOTBALL
You've got about 15 mins to get your team in for the 11.30 deadline.
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/20496

BONUS POST FOR DISINTERESTED PEOPLE
Hello, how are you? What was the last thing you watched on TV? Did you like it? Boobs?
( WHARRGARBL, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 11:15, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A'right, you slack-jawed mongs?
I have no time to write much here today because I am doing stuff OFFLINE.
What are you doing?
( thealternativefact, Sat 15 Aug 2009, 10:02, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And the 66 pence credit card bill saga rumbles on...
I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago. I paid off a credit card bill in full, only to be presented with a statement last month for 66p. I chalked this up to maybe not leaving enough time for the transaction to go through, having left only a couple of days before the 'payment due' date. Anyway, failure to be able to pay it off on line resulted in my writing a cheque to clear it (which, having checked my bank balance today still doesn't seem to have been processed, some two weeks after I posted it).

Got home this evening to find a new statement, which indicates that the 66p has indeed been credited to my account as of 4th August. Yay! I'm debt free, apart from the three grand owing on the other card. That's good. Phew. Etc. Then I scanned down the statement to find that my new outstanding balance is.... £0.01.

How the shuddering fuck can this be???? Do I really need to write another cheque for a fucking penny? What will be the interest accumulated if I just don't pay the fucker off this month? Writing the bloody cheque and posting it, plus the administration, will cost disproportionately more than the outstanding debt, ffs! As will ringing them tomorrow.

I dunno. I bet they're all terrorists. Just wait until Fox Noos gets hold of this...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 20:18, 197 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Friday night thread:


What song never, ever, ever fails to put a smile on your face?
( Maladicta, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 19:47, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm finally back home.
After spending the past month traveling around I'm home for the foreseeable future. My kitties have been pretty much snuggled up against me since I arrived last night, my bird has been making a LOT of noise whenever I'm out of eyesight, and I still have to sort through an assload of mail- but I'm home, and happy to be here.

All that driving took more than a little toll on me- I'm exhausted and plan to spend the rest of the day snuggling kitties. Dinner will be whatever I have in the freezer.

There really is quite a bit to be said in favor of staying put for a while...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 17:25, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I bought some goggles today for swimming
and when I opened the box to have a look at them just now the box was empty. I'm a little bit cross.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:32, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning fuckers!
I have a fishing tournament tonight to try to qualify for King Of The Cats (catfish).
I'm in a much better mood than I was yesterday, too!
And I have barely any work to do in the office today, so hopefully can go out and buy new camping gear at lunch. Yay!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 16:07, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Apparently Brown is one of the most able politicians of his generation
www.mirror.co.uk/news/columnists/maguire/2009/07/29/gordon-brown-s-fighting-chance-to-strike-a-killer-blow-115875-21556031/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:33, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That Banksy Exhibition: a review
I finally caved and queued for over two and a half hours this morning outside Bristol museum in order to see the works that Banksy is showing the people for free.

Conclusion: it was like being shepherded round an A-level art display. I failed to see the meaning, wit or subversive message behind most of the stuff ("oh look, it's a replica of Michaelangelo's 'David' but he's wearing a bomb vest, man, that's a statement or something!"). I also failed to see how I was socking it to The Man by queuing in an orderly fashion behind crash barriers for 190 minutes to see a Council-sanctioned exhibition. There was only one CDC and it wasn't the requisite magenta. There is far more interesting, intelligent and satirical artwork on /board. Also, my internal dialogue kept turning into Tom Paulin as I walked around muttering "it works on a number of levels" in a bored voice.

The interesting bit was seeing the stencils and work drawings. The rest of it just made me think that Banksy is the Bono of the art world. The funniest thing I saw was the price tag of £12 for 5 postcards in the giftshop. They'd sold out too.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:11, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sure the American love for the NHS has been discussed already
but I found this strangely hilarious -
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/8198084.stm

they managed to choose a wonderful example of NHS failure in Steven Hawking, a Brit, who has used the NHS and survived. wtf? And some are apparently saying we Brits are only supporting the NHS because under our communist regime we wouldn't get treatment if we said anything negative about it.

Ah, I do hope some imaginary deity blesses them, poor Republicans.
( ascorbate, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 15:02, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things I have learnt recently:
1. Don't chew peppercorns. They make you cough something awful.
2. Don't blow into a mortar to get the last bit of spice mix out; some things REALLY hurt when they go in your eye.
3. When you stagger out of bed, pull on the first thing you see (which happens to be your Founders Day dress and one of the most expensive things you own, to contrast nicely with your HORRIBLE FACE) to walk to the doctors at an inhuman hour, you will see your friends and/or their mothers.
4. My new form of drug means I will be consuming 6g of sugar a day.
5. On the other hand, you can make drank out of it.
6. Don't lick metal knives when they've been stuck in hot honey and butter. It burns. Surprisingly. In fact, don't lick knives.
7. Face-heel-turn is NOT a dance move.
8. Everyone your ex-boyfriend associates with hates you; for the simple reason that:
(i) He does
(ii) You once introduced yourself as his ex-girlfriend
9. Some people simply really irritate me, and;
10. I really lead a pointless and uninteresting life.


What startling conclusions have you come to recently? Or, what substance would you REALLY not like to have in your eye?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:50, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's been in the news, but
for those of you who don't know, Italy's lottery has rolled over for the umpteen-millionth time since January, making the jackpot about £113 million. Odds of winning are 660-odd million to one (6 balls from 90 I believe). According to the press there's some kind of nationwide brouhaha as people rush from all over Europe to buy tickets.

What particularly amused me though is that the Catholic church has publicly condemned the lottery for offering false hope to the millions that have bought tickets.
False hope? So...that's not at all like what the Catholic church offers, right?
(berk, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:27, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's 2pm, it's friday
It's time for B3TA technical help. Yes that's right, I need some help off you cunts. I'm quite prepared to be grateful if you give me useful advice but I'm liable to be rude and abusive if you're a cunt. Which of course you are, or you wouldn't be on b3ta during the day.

So, my current problem, My DVD writer on the home 'puter is fucked so I've bought a new one, which I'm pretty sure is the same connection type as the old one.

So, given that I have got the right thing, do I need to uninstall the existing drive before I remove it and plug in the new one and install that, or do I just rip it out with scant regard for the feelings of my operating systems feelings.

Yours forever in hope

althegeordie.

xx
(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 14:09, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Warning! Football Post!
I've just been looking at all the transfer news, and come across this article and I think it's absolutely superb.

Makes a really good point, and is a great reminder that at the end of the day, it's just a game.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 13:11, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Anyone else bought their Prodigy Tickets?
They went on sale today :)
( Peej, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:36, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I got home last night to discover the electric wasn't working cos someone hadn't topped the meter up.
Ever resourceful I prepared some food by the light of the flash on my mobile phone.
I woke this morning and found 13 photos of a cheese sandwich.
Just thought I'd share.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:34, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just took a phonecall for a colleague
Since she wasn't at her desk I took a message that her appointment with the nurse had to be cancelled because the nurse was off sick.

I made a note and then told my cow-orker when she got back. I wasn't prepared for the wild reaction - it turns out that she's been trying to get someone to come and look at her desk setup since FEBRUARY and this is the FIFTH TIME they've cancelled.

How has bureaucracy revealed its staggering incompetence bordering on malice to you lately? Alternatively, how much would you pay not to be subjected to pictures of me dressed as a naughty nurse?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:30, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OHMEGOSH HOUSE SEASON 6.
*can't waits*
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 11:14, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Now then.
You may have heard about this young lad who received a Certificate in Using Public Transport (Unit 1) when he hopped on to a bus in Manchester, as part of an initiative to improve the self-reliance of youngsters.

Here at Slip Digby Education (Part of the SDEnterprises Group), we think it's abominable that the people of Manchester are getting all the free certificate action. And so it is with great pleasure, and minimal market research, that we announce the latest Slip Initiative:

The Slip Digby Diploma: Facililtating A Journey From A to B in London Using Rail-Based Transport in Primary Commuting Periods, Level One (1):1.

In order to complete this diploma, the candidate will demonstrate the ability to:

1) Walk, run, cycle or Heely to a local London Underground station
2) Fiddle in pocket/handbag for Oyster Card while at the barriers, holding up people behind you
3) Apporach platform, taking care not to cross the yellow line
4) Wait for a train
5) Wait for a train
6) Complain about why the train hasn't come yet and why it's a travesty considering how much you pay each month
7) Force your way on to the train even if there's no space
8) Read a copy of Metro cover to cover (without bleeding from your ears), using the head of the man in front as a resting post
9) Sweat, further complaining
10) Exit the train through the crowded throng at the door, while swearing indiscriminately at other tube users

If these aspects are completed successfuly, please send TEN ENGLISH POUNDS to SDEnterprises, Inc., and we will send you a certificate and you will be the envy (and most highly educated) of all your friends.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:18, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8200173.stm
Anyone live in any of these chav hot spots?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 10:03, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Diet
It's now nearly a week since the op on my wrist and I've been trying the Tea, Toast and Tramadol diet.

So far I've lost 4 days.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 9:53, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This link has been posted
on the Fortean Times message board.

It is a recording from shortwave radio in the 1980s when all sorts of weird shit could be found on the airwaves.

Any idea what it might be?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFe7zN4QJZQ
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 14 Aug 2009, 9:17, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Its Friday! Its just gone 7! Its time to start the weekend.
Just got to get work out of the way!
I am going to my mother in laws wedding which I am sure will be just awful.
Whats everyone doing this weekend?
( Peej, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 7:12, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've had a really bad day today.
For some reason, I'm desperately missing my mum and wishing she was around, and I'm also really missing having family around me. My new baby cousin was born, and everyone has seen her except me, and I won't get to see her until next year at the earliest.
And I really really just want my mum right now. how pathetic is that, I'm 35
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 5:51, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things you do/don't do to save money?
Credit crunch innit! Since we're all in the grip of a recession, with the exception of a few smug bastards, what have you been doing to tighten the belt? Alternatively, have you been a tightarse all your life?

I'll set the ball rolling, I've paid for about 5 haircuts in the past 10 years, the rest of the time it's a DIY job with the clippers. This started initially because I hated the compulsory chat with whatever vapid bint was cutting my hair, but soon I saw how much I was saving and never looked back. I also buy my summer clothes in winter and winter clothes in summer, thus saving about 50%.

Confess cheapskates, confess.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 4:55, Reply)

Looking both ways before crossing the road...
For fear of being run over by several b3tan owned Honda Accords - can I just say I'm really looking forward to see U2 at Wembley on Saturday.
However - I was told that the support act was Elbow - but apparently they're playing on Friday night - does anyone know who "Glasvegas" and "The Hours" are? Any good?

Will also mention that the last time I went to a U2 concert - the day started with me proposing to my other half and the two of us getting very drunk in Dublin - might also explain the two kids in 11 months as well....
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 14 Aug 2009, 1:53, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Kaol
Go on spoil us with some Millport stories in QOTW
(Psymon_Spark Jesus Saves! The rest of you take 4d6 damage, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:15, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)