I need a piss.
Honestly a piss can you believe it.
( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 1:04, Reply)

Okay, ladies
you have no excuse.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sat 18 Oct 2008, 0:23, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

based on a true story
Me- 'Hello, can I speak to mr Wall please'
Receptonist- 'there is no mr wall here'
Me- 'Is mrs wall there?'
Rec- 'No'
Me- 'Are there any walls there?'
Rec- 'No'
Me- 'Well how does your ceiling stay up then?'

long pause..

Rec- 'Ill go check..'
(Lord Chode, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 21:40, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 18:36, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ning all
Think it's going to be a quiet one tonight - which means more chocolate cake for us :)


( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 18:11, 90 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

not i love horses ;-)
idle.slashdot.org/idle/08/10/14/1530247.shtml

Kaol: you'll love this
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 16:22, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

111 is the same backwards, forwards or upside down.
Got any more interesting facts?
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 12:57, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it me?
Or is this QOTW a bit rubbish?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 10:59, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My girfriend left me
the same night I went to a gig to get smashed and forget her. Guess what?... she was there. Straddling some guy. I thought "what would jesus do?" and so I broke his nose and went to the local pub. next day rumours are flying and one of which involve me getting hunted down and stabbed. I saw a friend of mine a couple of days after and she wept with joy because I had'nt been murdered. There are also rumours flying around that I punched a load of girls, I got some names and half of these girls I alledgedly punched were'nt even there. Apparently A load of people did chase me with knives for miles down a country lane but I was in the pub at the time with a pint and a joint (they dont mind drug smoking in the beer garden), leering over a female friend of mine.

BEST STABBING EVER!
(Chubster Will kill your children and burn your wife on, Fri 17 Oct 2008, 10:16, Reply)

I'm in the midst of a phenomenal poo.
Just thought you'd like to know what's going on in frigid Canada.
(Phaedron Dizzying epiphanies from the bottom of my pint., Fri 17 Oct 2008, 7:21, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

magic beans
or one hour on a flying carpet?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 23:56, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening
How has your day been?


( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 16 Oct 2008, 18:25, 118 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This week's QOTW
Why do I have the feeling it's going to turn into a rehash of "pet peeves"?
( le brian, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 17:54, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just reading some replies to the best of posts to the previous question
and I realise I missed out on an opportunity to slag off Exeter Uni students.

Gutted.

God I hate them all, the useless Oxbridge rejects with their brand new Ford Ka's, their popped collars and their Ugg boots.

I worked at the bank on campus for a while and I heard no less than 3 of them use the exact words: "no thanks, I have daddy's gold card" when I asked if they wanted a credit card with their new student account.

and 60% come from Guildford.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 16:34, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all.
After a 2 month leave of absence, I am going back to work today. Gah.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 15:29, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Day Dreaming
Some things you should never tell people.
I'd obviously been staring at my firewall configuration for far too long as I suddenly got a crystal clear image of a bunch of ducks, in dresses, on a stage doing a really bad version of the Can-Can.
"Quack! Qua-Qua-Qua Quack! Quack" etc.
Then I told my work mates. They stared.
One lad got into the spirit of things and added in an additional goose in an ill fitting dress, standing to one side, looking slightly out of place at the back of the ducks occasionally going "HONK!!".

The others stared some more.
So there you go. Probably not much room in a QOTW on dancing ducks/geese.

(Two feet, one foot. Two geese, one goose. Two sheep, one shoop? It should be shoop, shouldn't it?)

edit. Cheers Vipros, I must stay away from sugar...
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:24, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How to win the best QOTW
Has anyone ever written up any top tips or a guide for actually winning the QOTW. Im sure its not just down to coming up with the funniest or most interesting answer. I think theres a lot more factors to getting those clickys. For eg, the time in the week you post your answer.

Does anyone have any tips for the QOTW losers out there ? :)


Edit: I have won once. This isnt me asking for advice really, just raising the subject :)
(Miggyman, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 12:02, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Business Card
Colleague B would like Colleague A to telephone Company 1 to enquire as to status of ordered goods that are required urgently. The telephone number is nowhere to be found. A brief search is carried out. By brief search, I mean that Colleague A says, “So where’s the fucking number, then?”. Colleague B shrugs.

A: Where’s that [business] card they give you the other day?
B: It’s [downstairs] in my overalls.
A: Well you’re a cunt then, aren’t you.

*edited a spelling msitaek
(Kemchor, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:36, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Am I the only one...?
Who is looking forward to the end of this QOTW?

It started well, with funny stories about revenge against the shits, and how karma played a part in their lives, but now it's mostly either puns, or blatant "They had more money, therefore they're a cunt" stories.

Come, oh B3ta overlords, can you please give us a new question before 5pm?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 10:13, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning all
It's that time again when it's the morning and no-one wants to be up and at work.

So come in and complain about being up far too early.


(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 7:53, 373 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

leopards with wings
or bears with extra arms and legs?

you decide
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Thu 16 Oct 2008, 0:07, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Did you know that there's a new range of alcoholic yoghurts on the market?
You can get vodka flavoured, ouzo flavoured, rum and coke, and a number of whisky varieties.

I've just had ten tonight, and I'm absolutely Mullered...




/Gets coat and fucks off sharpish...


As you were
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 15 Oct 2008, 21:58, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Doggy Style
A former colleague.

Many years ago his beloved dog died. A dog which had belonged to his parents previously. Colleague’s father and mother had passed away and he took care of the beloved family pet which came to be a link to a different life that had long disappeared with the death of his parents. But every dog has its day and this one went on to join his former owners, wherever they now were.

With colleague being too upset to bury the dog himself a neighbour offered to carry out the morbid task. While said colleague was at work one day, aforementioned neighbour buried the dog in said colleague's garden. These were profoundly distressing days and it was a noble gesture by the neighbour, an act of understanding, of something deeper than friendship.

Years passed by and Colleague found cause to dig in his garden for some fabulous new gardening experience. Whilst digging down low his spade unearthed the remains of a cardboard box. Clearly cardboard is not a material that would take too kindly to being submerged in damp earth and to a greater extent the box had disintegrated.

Without any doubt It was the box in which his dog was buried. But something was not quite right. As he related the whole sorry tale to us at work the next morning, the simmering resentment of Colleague was quite apparent. All became clear with the final of the big man's story:

"The silly cunt had only put him in a plastic bag before he buried him".
(Kemchor, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 20:51, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Howdy Folks
Put your feet up, open a beer and tell me all about it!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 18:37, 205 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crashing out on the sofa for a bit.
So, I'm going to crash out on the sofa for a bit. For those that don't know, crashing out on the sofa for a bit is where instead of sleeping in a bed (bedphasic) you crash out on the sofa for a bit. (sofaphasic).

Wish me luck! :)
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 15:56, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A question!
Does anyone know the exact time that Mankind appeared on the Earth's geological clock?

I know it's supposed to be sometime near midnight, but I wondered if anyone had a more exact time.

Ta.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 14:33, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Polyphasic sleep.
So, I'm starting a polyphasic sleep schedule tonight. For those that don't know Polyphasic sleep is where instead of sleeping once a night (biphasic) you take 6 x 30 minute naps throughout the day. (2, 6, 10 am/pm).

Wish me luck! :)
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Wed 15 Oct 2008, 13:11, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)