G'day, Clan of the Off Topic
Here's the new Question of the Week vote
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 11:31, 1 reply, 14 years ago)

Oh fuck I just googled Tomytronic 3D properly (the first time auutofill put 'pacman' in there too)
and I had one of those when I was a kid! it was awesome and if you put your hand over the top of it the screen would go dark.

what was your favourite christams present you ever got? not that i care.

alt, no bullying plz

EDIT alrite i do care ok? go on plz tell me ok plz?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 11:24, 16 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm going to put my xmas tree up today.
Have you put your xmas tree up yet? Am I too late, or too early?

Alt: why the fuck does it npot feel like xmas yet?

Alt Alt: What about that weather, eh? *tsk*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 8 Dec 2011, 10:16, 174 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Countdown to Jeffstock - T minus 36 hours or so.
In years to come, people will be asking if you remember what you were doing the night of Jeffstock, so don't embarrass yourself by saying you were doing anything other than BEING AT JEFFSTOCK.

Seriously, don't be a poofter*.

In other news:
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3984982/Dad-bites-off-mans-finger-at-nativity.html

*sighs wearily* Oh, Northerners. Will you never learn to shake off the iron shackles of your barbarian past?

*I'm not joking, here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Dec 2011, 8:26, 207 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

r u ok hun?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 19:05, 87 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

God you're all boring.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 16:31, 91 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

FAMILY SHAME
My father’s on his third marriage, my mother’s a lezzer, my brother texted me today and told me he was enjoying a ‘chicken tikka lasagne’ – and, worst of all by far, my sister is a Sergeant in the fucking Police.

I only have my near-bankruptcy and illegitimate child shames to bear, so I consider myself very much the ‘white sheep’ of the family.

Do you have a convicted paedo uncle or jailed sibling, or perhaps you have a cousin who eloped with a nig-nog? Or is the family shame YOU? Are you the Glitter of the litter?

Do tell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 14:16, 177 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Photography question:
Does anyone know of any decent free photo editing software?

Will probably delete this thread in a bit, so save your superlative witticims for elsewhere
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 13:53, 53 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Thread for the luncheon hour.
I have Chicken Jalfrezi from Sains. £3.59 goodness.

Alt: If you had to but someone "art" or a "print" for Jesus' birthday, where would look/what would you get?

Alt alt: Stocking fillers - good or bad?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 12:41, 168 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Sadly I watched a youtube clip of a fat merkin guy getting two lightsabres for christmas and playing with them like an eight year old kid..
I was quite jealous.

Who or what brings out the green eyed monster in you?
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 10:36, 241 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

long thread means panto is now cast
so i'm all emo and teenage and miserable about the ex. what are your very best and most harshest tips for getting over it?

alt: we have a charity box at work for a homeless shelter. and someone has donated a half-used bottle of fairy liquid. what's the pikiest thing you've ever done or seen?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 10:35, 42 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Morning all
Auditions for the /offtopic Christmas panto are here. Nominate your Mary, Joseph, 2nd star on the left, etc

Alt:
In the traditional spirit of leftovers I have concocted some kind of spicy Vietnamese style broth in which I plan to dump a load of raw steak in ala that one on Rick Stein. Will I die? Strikethroughs after dump not allowed

Alt alt:
As I'm feeling generous, tell me the funniest thing you have seen to/ from work or college. Please. I beseech you!

Alt alt alt:
Chocolate or jelly sweets?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 7:07, 245 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Your last meal on death row
What would you order?

alt Smarties or Maltesers?
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Wed 7 Dec 2011, 1:28, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Stewart Lee was good tonight.
Let's start some chin on chin violence.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 23:33, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

AOB?
Any other business. Missed a previous OT thread (like PD did the other day when he wanted to reply to something that meant he'd be able to reference The Bruce) and got something you want to add?

Alt: Natter.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 21:48, 155 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What's your favourite hedge?
What's your favourite brand of shampoo?
What's your poison geezer?
What's the square root of fuck all?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 18:52, 238 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

What's your favourite bridge?
I like the Sydney Harbour Bridge, it's like the Tyne Bridge but bigger, and as we all know bigger is always better.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 16:05, 133 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

New thread, WHOOP!
No Seasame Street allowed or muppets for that matter, fucking unfunny pupput cunts.

I will be thirty in Feburary, this feels very strange. How have you coped with getting older?

Alt: Home alone, best christmas film ever.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 13:56, 236 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

A morning well spent
I've been compiling my favourite Sesame Street guest appearances:
Rick Moranis
various celebrities including John Candy, Danny Devito and Jeremy Irons
Robert De Niro
Patrick Stewart
Joe Pesci outake

What's your favourite guest appearance?
( WormuIus, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:15, 9 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

OK I am really fucking bored now.
Suggest to me either comical or helpful ideas for a new career for me. I fucking hate my job. I get almost no satisfaction from it at all and it's sapping my will to live.

Alt: What's your dream job? Do you have your dream job?

Alt alt: What's made you proud recently? On Sunday morning my daugher said to me 'I want to die like Jimi Hendrix, daddy' and then mimed smashing a guitar up. Fair brought a tear to my old eyes, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 12:09, 190 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Since Al is desperate to hear about my shoes
Here's a new thread. Shearling ankle boots just so you know Al.

I hope Christmas fever has grasped every one of you cunts. Have you bought any presents yet, if so what? (Al, I'll have the grey suede heels please.)

Alt: Too early for lunch but have a food question anyway. Best starter to a meal?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:48, 217 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

MOrnin

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 8:54, 255 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'd like to be the first of us here on B3ta to congratulate Monty on winning the Turner Prize.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 21:21, 71 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Can't you people post things to keep me amused?
I'm stuck on a call and wanted something to read.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 18:13, 76 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

NOBODY IS POSTING ON THE INTERNET
I just went and met the wife for lunch, I had an egg mayo and bacon baguette and then she bought me some sweets, which I have already eaten.

Next saturday I'm going bowling. Do you like bowling?

What's the most interesting thing that has happened to you bowling? I met Amy Winehouse.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 15:01, 283 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Really people, still talking about banks?
If it was wank banks then I may understand as you're all a bunch of filthy minded hobgoblins.

Shall we now talk about our pensions?

I couldn't decide if I wanted a Twix or a Double Decker chocolate today, they should make a half and half one for undecided people. What two foods would you like to see welded together so you didn't have to make tough decisions? Al, merging a pie with another pie doesn't count.

That's a shit question really. but better than banks.

You can also suggest my perfect job so I can narrow down my search as I don't have a clue what I want to do
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 13:33, 194 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Are you happy with your bank?
I'm thinking of changing from HSBC because of their ridiculous policy on withdrawing cash from your account.

Does anyone have any really good tips on banks I should think about moving to? I use internet banking a lot so a good website is a must.

Alternatively, there is a woman in an office down the corridor from me who is having a conversation on a speaker phone, with her office door open, so I can hear both sides of the conversation, is this not a bit rude? Tell me about rude people in your place of work, or, if you're like Davros and a massive sponger, about rude people on your street.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Dec 2011, 10:49, 174 replies, latest was 14 years ago)