Guess what I did today?
Had a cat turn blue and be minutes from blindness and brain damage, chopped up a pigeon in the name of science, rescued a swift from a crazy lady who wanted to keep it as a pet and got pounced on by an Akita.

How was your day?


( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 20:05, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Puns
Is it just me, or is the Best of "Tales of the Unexplained" an absolute buttload of puns and jokes... and little actual content? Not that I'm complaining much, one of mine got in there.

But it just seems kinda sad that entries don't get into the top set unless they're not genuine :S The phenomenon seems to be growing. Hopefully this week's QoTW will have less puns in the Best of :)
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:12, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Da dum... da dum...
This morning I went to read a couple of websites I like- and found them to be blocked by the filters for "containing pornography". The sites in question? The Stranger- I like to read Savage Love, which does get rude so I suppose it's not unreasonable, and Kevin Smith's message board- I'm guessing that it's because he's making a film called "Zack and Miri Make A Porno".

They also blocked the filtered version of Sensible Erection that screens out the NSFW stuff.

I can feel the shark getting closer to b3ta...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 10 Jul 2008, 14:39, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For the Digital atrists
Hi all. I'm looking for a Bulmers logo that's big enough to feck about with. It'll eventually end up (whan amended)as the logo for the 2-piece band of music criminals that is Pooflake and my good self.
All help/advice greatly appreciated!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:49, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Bath and Bristol
Hi,

I may or may not be getting some job interviews in the West-Country. I’m getting a bit fed up with the companies dithering about whether or not they want to give me an interview, so I may just end up organising the London Bash on the earlier date and basing myself in Bath (and possibly Bristol too) and go exploring/sightseeing etc.

So does anyone have any tips for things to see or do in Bath, Bristol and the surrounding area?

Cheers.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 13:28, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning
It's a miserable rainy morning up here today, so come in, take off your wet clothes and join the merriment.


( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 8:35, 336 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anybody here who is into Blues music.
I want to get more into the genre but don't know where to start. The old stuff really interests me. The older the better.

Gaz us with info or post here : )

Thanks
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 20:26, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all
Hows about we make this a home for the evening.

Where's that sign?


(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 18:24, 201 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just come back from my graduation.
You may now all address me as Maladicta, BA Hons (Kent). :)
( Maladicta, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 17:38, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Following on from my 'tales of the unexplained' post
I have just bitten the bullet and accepted the loan I applied for, after having the builders out last night to arrange a schedule of works and to confirm what we wanted.

From having been offered finance at 12.8%, I've just been slightly stunned to find out that the actual rate has gone down to 8.4%. But I'm slightly mystified as to why.

Ah well. I won't grumble.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:53, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ideas...
i was grimacing my way through a disgusting soggy piece of veggie lasagne from our canteen when the phone rang. the bad news from the client's surveyor (about a schedule of condition. dulldulldull) made me drop a gooey sheet of tomatoey, cheesy pasta on my chest.

i have work drinks tonight. and my nice, snug, fitted white shirt now has what looks like a red handprint clean over my left breast.

i don't have time to go and buy anything else. help, help, what can i do?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:44, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just thinking.
I don't know what time ancrenne's meeting is today but maybe from 2pm onwards we should all have a concerted effort at sending out good vibes for her presentation.

The power of the mind is a wonderous thing.
( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 13:43, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Time I Nearly Killed Someone.
You watch, the QOTW will come up now where this story will be actually relevant.

As we all know by now, the English half of the Family Tights are a pleasant country folk - My Grandfather has been working his farm now for coming on 70 years, and even I will go back to the farm at Harvest time to drive the tractors/combines and generally help out about the place.

This story, however, takes place in the summer of 1998. Remember when summer had sun? Well, this was one of those. The Harvest had been a good one – it had been hot and hard work but we’d finished in good time. As was the custom, we all filed back across the fields to the farmhouse, and started celebrating another year done.

Now, being a farmer, my granddad keeps a gun. Several guns, in fact, all fully licensed and locked away. He also has a clay pigeon trap. After several shandies, it was decided that we’d round off the afternoon with a bit of clay shooting. Off we went up to the end of the garden, each with a gun cocked over our arms. I manned the trap, and let fly with a couple of clays.

BLAM! BLAM!

My granddad polished them off with consummate ease. The next few minutes were filled with the glorious sound of gunfire and laughter, while the clays were dispatched with ease (or, in some cases, difficulty).

Then came my turn. I’ve always been a pretty good shot, so there was a certain amount of swagger as I walked up to the line.

“Pull!” I called, strong and confident.

There was a ‘whoosh’ as the clays left the trap.

BLAM!.... BLAM! and then, two puffs of orange dust.

“Pull!”

What happened next will stay with me forever. As the arm of the trap swung forward, the clays got jammed and instead of flying out forwards, they flew out sideways, to my right. I adjusted my aim, sighted the clays, and squeezed the trigger. Just in time to see my uncle, who was operating the trap, dive to one side like he was in a fucking John Woo film. And, a split second later, the branch of the tree that was behind him being peppered with shot.

It took a few beers to get him to forgive me.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 10:04, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A question for you all...
Bearing in mind that some of us have Real Lives which we don't entirely share with b3ta...

Has anyone been approached in Real Life about their b3ta alter ego?

Has anyone suddenly come up to you and said something along the lines of,
"Oi! Aren't you [insert screen name here] from b3ta.com?"
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 9:40, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning everyone
anyone else about?

It's a grey drizzly day here in London, so not really looking forward to leaving the cozy confines of my flat yet.


( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 8:45, 265 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And there was me wondering
Where all the entertaining off-topic nonsense had got to.

Yay!
( le brian, Wed 9 Jul 2008, 1:21, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I need a MAN!...

...or a woman.

but most importantly, I need a geek.

I'm trying to do something on the Pooter of Pooflake and it's not having any of it.

I feel dirty prostituting myself like this (mmmm dirty) but if any (patient) modem / router / webcast experts are on hand to help out a desperate flid who is as thick as a welshman's cock then I'd lurve to hear from you.

*drums fingers against table*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 22:05, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

London(ish) b3tans
What do you say to another mini bash on Fri 1st or Fri 8th August? Somewhere where MM's dog can come along and somewhere Wanderlust can bring us tasty cakey goodness?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 21:31, 127 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The journey
Written about 10 minutes ago and may or may not be a true story.

500 exactly FTW :)

Comments welcome
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 21:27, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bonekickers, BBC1, now
Makes Time Team look academic.
My old boss was the archaeological consultant for this steaming pile of bollix.
I don't know whether to cringe or cry so I'm doing both at once.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 21:18, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me
or is there an awful lot of 4chan style shit going on around here lately?

It's making me grumpy.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 8 Jul 2008, 20:31, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it time for a new home?
The lights are dimmed, the wine is chilling, the cake is moist and sticky.

Come join me in my thread of pleasure...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 19:02, 116 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Wonderful Mr. Monty Boyce says:
Next week I'm having a baby girl (not me personally, ho ho). Any suggestions for names?

******Thank you*******
( Cawl, Tue 8 Jul 2008, 17:36, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)