Hello Londoners
It is my birthday next month and I'm looking for somewhere to go for dinner, not too formal, not too expensive, fun and able to seat 20. i look forward to your piss taking suggestions.

alt: best type of fondue, cheese or meat or controversially, chocolate?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 12:03, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Mid-morning, penis-ponchoes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 10:24, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bleurghhhhhhhhhhh.
Bleurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I feel horrible.
How do you feel?

alt: It all got a bit political in the pub, how do you deal with political idiots who insist on having an opinion without seeming to have ever done any sort of research, or doing any real thinking on the subject other than shouting tired clichés at you?

altalt: Fuck Wednesdays.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:15, 213 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning, penis-ponchoes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 Jan 2013, 8:13, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Juicer anyone?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 22:23, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Evening thread
what do you wish you were doing tomorrow?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 18:54, 61 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's in a name?
We've had this one before but Madge Vadge has reminded me, if you were going joining B3ta as a new person today, would you choose the name you have now, or another one, and if so, which?

I think I would go for 'Queef Richards'.

alt: what's for supper?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 17:06, 128 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well, I don't know about you lot, but I'd like to see more Poppet/Localboy slashfic.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 15:06, 158 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Enough of that shit
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-20944339

Lolzors.

Ok there was a vote today about capping working age benefits at 1% for three years. How would you have voted?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 14:14, 182 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Lokesy grunted like a mentally retarded Sasquatch, and ran his gargantuan palm over his bread-like forehead in puzzlement.
As he did so, vast flakes of greasy skin cascaded to the ground like an avalanche of stale baguettes, the impact from which caused a minor tsunami to ripple across Asia. As his flid-like brain struggled to compute even the most basic of notions, his pork-suitcase tongue flopped out of the corner of his blubbery-lipped mouth, sending a torrent of sputum which flooded half of Warwickshire.

He knew something wasn’t right with the thread he started but his lumbering, Deacon-like brain was not up to the task of identifying what it was. His tortured, saggy anus let rip a rasping, sopping wet shit-filled guff that pebbledashed the inside of his greying Asda pants for the third time that morning.

Suddenly the Bisto-like clarity of his miniscule, simian mind parted, and realisation dawned: he hadn’t even asked a fucking question. Lokesy, you prick, he thought to himself, you truly are worse than Nakers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 13:05, 111 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Darth won a bronze cup in dancing
What competitions have you ever won due to your skill, dedication or dumb luck?


alt: Localboy, what the fuck is wrong with him eh?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 11:28, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

As much as I love picking on Localy Wocaly,
I've got a news link.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20919705

I used to work with the guy who runs this pub. He phoned me this morning, and he's not doing very well. Do you think it's his fault or the hospital?
His paperwork wasn't up to date, so no matter what he's lost his job, but I when I knew him he was very strict in the kitchen, and would've thought the head chef should go down, not him?

Ever been involved in anything like this?

alt: That Tory fellow stepped down to go for a job in business. Smart or dumb?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 8 Jan 2013, 10:12, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I heard Lokesy keeps gazzing Poppet pictures of his penis poncho.
What did you hear about Lokesy?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 9:50, 31 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Seeing as Lokesy's such a FUCKING WANKER here's a proper thread with a main question:
Why is Lokesy such a FUCKING WANKER?

Alt: Why is Lokesy such a MASSIVE FLIDMO?

Altalt: WHY?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 8:17, 134 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Bloody hell this is hot
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-20937509

Hope Poppet's not in the middle of it.

alt: Anything exciting on the cards for today?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 8 Jan 2013, 8:06, 9 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

evening thread?
So, a steal from Dave Gorman:

What are you doing and what should you be doing?

I am lying on the sofa watching telly and planning and early night. I should be moving the media PC from the bedroom to the living room and booking a hotel for valentines day.

Alt: I just learned Rory lives in Chingford, and I'm going there at the weekend. I am fair bricking it. What last scared you that shouldn't have.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 7 Jan 2013, 20:02, 45 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Reunions
Looks like ITV are flogging a dead horse by getting some utterly shit pop bands back together

www.itv.com/presscentre/pressreleases/programmepressreleases/thebigreunion/default.html

Who or what would you like to see reunited?

Will be nice to see how Katona gets on with her dance routines
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 15:02, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What was the last
Book you read?
Film you watched?
Album you bought?

And review it.

Alt. What would you send into Room 101?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 13:31, 136 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I got married eight years ago, tomorrow.
What were you doing eight years ago? ('Member 2005?)
How much has your life changed since then?

Alt: Tell us about something more interesting than this, or what you are stuffing into your fat faces right now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 12:23, 143 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

NEWS LINK
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20901612

don't you think it's a bit strange that in the UK things that can cause skin burns is headline news, where in America they're all "Waaah I need more than 10 bullets to kill the deers"

So how is next weekend going to be better than this weekend?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 11:11, 128 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

yo, /talk is quiet
can you all please introduce yourselves to me with one sentence that sums you up? like a redeeming feature or a hobby that defines you or something?

it'll save time getting to know each other, innit?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 9:44, 172 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hiya kids!!!
Wow, what an amazing weekend. I finally got to have my Xma with my kid - roast dinner, presents round the tree...it was perfect.

Oh no hang on a minute, what I meant was that my access was only for about twenty minutes and I ended up having my ex arrested for assault after she tried to strangle me and punched me in front of my kid. I always get those two mixed up.

How about you? Good one? Plans for this week?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Jan 2013, 8:27, 91 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Yeah that one's dead. Totes making my first sunday roast of 2013.
You're all cunts.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 17:51, 43 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

OK, I'll dump this here and then get ready for a lunchtime sesh
How's your weekend shaping up? I've made some bespoke furniture for a study/bedroom, put in a wired network around my girlfriend's house and clipped the dog's claws. I'm now preparing to go for a couple of beers with the boys, then come home, finish off the vodka and watch films while squiffy! If I remember to put the oven on there may well be a roast chicken to soak up the alcohol.
Alt: Broken any Xmas presents yet? My mate has managed to smash his whizzy ceramic knife already by dropping it - ham-fisted oaf that he is.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 12:08, 42 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 22:45, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have we started a 'get Gonz laid in 2013' campaign yet?
There must some desperate and needy fat nice lass out there who'd like to spend long nights eating chinese food and viewing Channel 4 soaps surely?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 15:04, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

How many fucks do you have to suck to become a fuck sucking slut?
edit: got the answer, so fuck off
(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 14:53, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I've been mixing breakbeat all morning.
How have you spent your Saturday so far?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 12:34, 36 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck that cunt.
What WAS all that 'home sweet home' you cunts all used to do on here?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 20:46, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

FFS
Home Sweet Cockmaster Home.

You pricks.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 4 Jan 2013, 19:33, 106 replies, latest was 12 years ago)