Hanging around car parks
I'm sitting in a hospital car park waiting for my dad to come out - he's gone for a routine blood test. Some bloke who looked suspiciously like John Prescott just drove into a disabled space, jumped out and skipped (almost) into the hospital.

It also seems to be half price day for the Obesity Clinic.

When was the last time you hung around a car park and what did you see?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:18, 126 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A Honda Accord.

( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:23, Reply)

LIES. on the internet.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I don't hang around in car parks
who do you think I am.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Baldmonkey

( SuperMatt, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Is that court order banning you from all branches of Staples still in force then?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Comparitive pricing is not illegal OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:41, Reply)

it wasn't price that
He was comparing with the staples
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Lusty and I hung around the car park of B&Q in Watford
waiting for a lift. I saw myself making withering and disapraging remarks about B&Q, their customers and the people of Watford in general. I saw the gaping chasm of suburban mediocrity and the pointlessness of life as a '2.4 children' drone, driving to B&Q on a Saturday in your Ford Mundano to get some laminated flooring or a flat-packed gazebo etc., and my heart was filled with weary melancholy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Those people have working kitchen doors though.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Working kitchen doors are for squares.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

ooo, sick burn

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I liked to think I was above all of that and then I found myself looking through seed catalogues and the Innovations catalogue.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I've loved Innovations since I was about 5

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I was really sad when they stopped making those
that was the only thing apart from the cartoons that kept me reading the mail on sunday (I was a teenager and somebody else bought the paper, don't judge me).
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Are British people more ugly in January?

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Yes.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

hot women are solar powered.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Or a more interesting idea is that you're looking at a high number of sick people
and there's an interesting link between what we find attractive and what is healthy.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Just look at a bash.
Loads of sick people - and almost without exception hideously ugly.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Easiest game of Do or Die I've ever played.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:58, Reply)

all do apart from lab?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:03, Reply)

That's just wrong. Psycochomp or Labs? No question.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

usually the answer to questions of that nature is BOTH
there's an exception to every rule though
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

No, I was pretending to be chompy
saying even with his low standards he wouldn't do Lab
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I'm the witty one round here love.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)

And charming as well I hear

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:26, Reply)

more than you'll ever know.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Best news of the year so far

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

si bla

RACIST!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I think it's more that the beginning of the year is a socially acceptable time for fat people to leave the house
It's okay, as long they have an air of "it's alright, I'm doing something about it"
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:44, Reply)

No, it's just you.
OH ZING !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

When I used to get the bus, I'd hang around by the Aldi car park next to the bus station, so I could avoid the majority of the great unwashed.
A few things I saw there -
• 2 kids deciding to push trollies at full speed into one another. I think they both lost teeth, and were seriously winded. Gave me a good laugh though.

• Multiple people try to go into the store through the 'OUT' door, meaning the sensor didn't work, and they'd just splat against the glass.

• However, my favourite was the young lad (probably about 18-19) running headlong out of the store, having just stolen something. As he made it out of the doors, he turned to give the staff the fingers, and ran bollocks first into a bollard, collapsing over the top. That one nearly killed me with laughter.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

that last one has made me lol too
No kidding, right here at my desk. Out loud and everything.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:45, Reply)

those are all excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I almost felt bad for the last guy, he hit that thing really fucking hard.
But it was just too funny for me to care.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:49, Reply)

he was stealing, and from Aldi
he deserved it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Definitely.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:52, Reply)

[Insert standard cottaging joke here]

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:47, Reply)

A few months ago in Ireland
Nothng much happened apart from the local 'little lost lamb' garda rolling (very gently) into a lamp-post
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 9:57, Reply)

no
But on the bus this morning I learnt that Lara, who everyone hates, is having a party in seven sisters and whilst everyone hates her it's like totally possible that Dylan will be there and if he's going then other people will like totally go because he is so dreamy and girl1 can't spell weird and always writes wired which girl2 always LOLs at and OH MY GOD THERES DYLAN WALKING ACROSS THE PARK
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:00, Reply)

this is definitely a break
In your usual sanity.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:02, Reply)

it makes for much better reading than her usual shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:06, Reply)

You would say that because you're totally like Kyle
oh my god yeah in Chesmistry yesterday Kyle wanted to borrow my ruler so I leant to him and he totally stole it so after class I was all like Kyle can I have my ruler back yeah? And he said he'd lost it which I knew was a total lie and then later in Maths I saw him give it to Cheryce and I was like oh no you don't so I got up and totally took it back
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:08, Reply)

oh man I totally saw that I can't believe he tried to steal your ruler
and gave it to that slag Cheryce he's totally into her and I like have no idea what he sees in that bitch
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

It's because she is like well easy and I think they totally had sex like four times

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

omg like what a slut

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I totally know right
Anyways so after I got my ruler back the teacher was all like Alapecia why are you out your seat? so I was all like to get my ruler back so I can like totally do maths and shit and she was all ike don't you swear in my class and I was all like sorry miss but yeah but no but cheryce totally stole my ruler well she was given it by Kyle who totally stole it from me in Chemistry and then she like totally gave me detention
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:23, Reply)

the teacher is like such a fascist
she totally has no right to put you in detention and shit it was totally Kyle's fault and like he should be the one being punished and everything
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I totally know right
she's like totally worse than hitler
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)

totally

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Ahh, good old Zimmerman
Still banging the school girls, even at 69.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:03, Reply)

"I like this"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

So do I.
BOBLOLS.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Pffft!
You said "69." Fnar fnar.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:29, Reply)

As teenagers in Winchester in the 1980s,
we used to spend all our spare time smoking hashish and drinking in the grounds of the cathedral.

One day we saw a man who was completely naked, who’d painted ‘God is love’ on his chest in red paint – and had also painted his penis the same colour. He ran in the main doors of the cathedral – a couple of minutes later he burst out of one of the side doors and ran around to the front, being hotly pursued by a number of robed clergymen in single file. The whole thing looked pretty much exactly the same as a classic Benny Hill pursuit scene and remains one of the funniest things I have ever seen. There was a car park nearby, OK?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:04, Reply)

That sounds magnificent.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:04, Reply)

It was fucking superb.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Please tell me at least one of you did a double take, looked at what you were smoking, then back to the running naked man?
You know, like all those HILARIOUS hollywood films where they take drugs?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Yes, I did that.
I also rubbed my eyes and looked again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I was once in a car park
and at the exact moment Lab opened the passenger door to get in a seagull crapped into my car missing both the seat and lab and landed on the, thankfully, rubber mat which I then made Lab clean as it made me feel sick
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:07, Reply)

you'll enjoy this
I've only been shat on by a bird on one day, but it fucking happened twice on that day.

lucky my fucking arse
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

it fucking happened twice on that day.

lucky my fucking arse I certainly never asked her out again.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I think that was just her way of giving you her answer to your proposal of marriage.
Take the fucking hint and move on, old boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

for someone who said no
she's been remarkably into the whole organising a wedding thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:21, Reply)

i hate aldi
and everyone who shops there. the one in didsbury should not be there (didsbury is posh) and it was the only place to park near my old job. the amount of times i had to hang around after viewings waiting for pikeys to unload the stuff from their trolleys into the shopping bags in their car boots... one pikey pikey pikey piece at a time...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Cheers.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:09, Reply)

you're most welcome darling

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Meh, I have no problem with shopping at Aldi
If I was to shop there every week rather than Tesco, I'd save myself a good few quid, whilst eating better.

However, I'm currently deal surfing at Tesco, so I'll still be shopping there for another couple of months.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Either Aldi or Lidl has far better cured meat than most supermarkets
however I can never be bothered to go in and find out which it is.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

I've never shopped in Lidl, for the simple reason there isn't one near me.
As soon as I'm eating properly again, I'm going straight back to Aldi. But by only buying what's on offer at Tesco, I'm eating tasty food, and it's filling.

Thoroughly bad for me, I know, but 24 Birds Eye waffles for £2? Bargain!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

It's both
they also do good orangensaft
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Someone told me there's a fucking POUND SHOP in Winchester.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

The world's gone mad.

( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

It surely has.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

they have sprung up everywhere since the credit crunch
if it costs a pound, it WILL be shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

We have no need of such filth in our historic town.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

.. as opposed to teenagers drinking and smoking in the cathedral grounds?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:23, Reply)

There's one in MK now.
Still no cash converters or anything though.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I never understood the reason for Aldi in Didsbury.
It looked so out of place.
( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

correct.
they should have stuck it further up the road in longsight or levenshulme where it belongs with LIDL and NETTO.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Why?
Aldi is pikey. The north is unremittingly pikey, Didsbury is in the north... the perfect match, as far as I can see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Didsbury is a little haven of southerness in a sea of northerness.

( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Bollocks.
How do they say 'bath' and 'grass'?

I bet they all have 'serviettes' and 'settees' in their 'lounges' too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:22, Reply)

They have a cheese shop ffs.
How southern can you get.
( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I bet they eat 'cobs' and 'barm cakes'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Didsbury is full of gay men.
It's a well known fact that gay men are only found south of Birmingham.
( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

irminghamattersea, thank you very much.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

only out gay men
the in the closet gay ones up north just take it out on their wives with savage beatings.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Someone forgot to tell that cunt Alan Bennett.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That cheese shop is one of the best places ever.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I used to get a lovely cheese with cumin seeds.
Can't find it anywhere else.
( girlinthehole, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

it's better than Asda
and Tesco
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Sticking your penis into a toaster is better than Asda, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:14, Reply)

They've got a few good things in there, I'd say.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)

What, in your toaster?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Asda I mean.
Things like 24 rolls, vacuum packed for about £2. Cheap, and perfectly fine for making sandwiches.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

that is very true
although, they do sell very cheap and quite nice towels. I'm not entirely sure why I got towels from Asda, but they are a lot nicer and longer lasting than the rather more expensive Next ones.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Probably.
What I think is the biggest Asda in the UK used to be my nearest supermarket, and I didn't have a lot of choice. Luckily I've moved back into central Edinburgh and can go to proper shops.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Asda is cheap. I brave there once every few weeks. I don't care that all the fucking pretentious rich people will judge me for being too poor to get a taxi to Harrods and buy some foie gras

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:26, Reply)

mmmm foie gras

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I meant a greengrocer, a butcher and a fishmonger
as opposed to Harrods. One of the major benefits of living near the centre of a town. It's not more expensive than Asda, the stuff just isn't shit. But I appreciate most people don't have that option.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

The place is full of fat people,
and their fatter kids.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

being fat is not the worst of their crimes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

In the one near me, they are also from West Lothian.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:21, Reply)

the ones nearest me are in Newton Abbot and Taunton
*shudders*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Didsbury posh?
It's full of puking students attempting the Dozen pub crawl.
Lightweights.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I don't think I've ever been to a carpark before, what are they like?
I think I saw one once, but it might have just been four parking spaces really close to each other.

HELLO CHICKENLADY ! Are you doing as fabulously as I am awesome?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Yes.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 12:46, Reply)

I was hanging around in a car park just this Saturday.
Waiting to meet up with the rest of the team to go to an away game. Rock and roll lifestyle, you see.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Dogging across Britain?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I saw that.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Wasn't this Michael Palin's least successful travelogue?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Now now.
Only across Scotland these days. I'm too old to hold down a regular place in a national league hockey side

hockey dogging ... to save you the bother.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Hockey is
a) a sport and therefore bent, and
b) a sport for girls

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, EH?????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:26, Reply)

only field hockey
Ice Hockey, now there's a real sport
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:27, Reply)

We should watch a match tonight, LETS GO PITTSBURG LETS GO !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)

haha, fuck off
They get armour for essentially exactly the same level of danger. That's like saying American football is more of a real sport than rugby.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Puck off

(PsychoChomp, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:28, Reply)

*click!*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Female curling.
Bentest sport EVER.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I will say this in its defence
it's better than all the other sports where you hit things hard with a big stick.

Also men's hockey is about 4 times as fast as women's

I'm not ashamed to admit that I used to play hockey for a local team. Although admittedly we'd go to the junior team practice, after that we'd get really caned, then go to the senior team practice.

Playing hockey when stoned is not easy at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I quite like women's hockey, but real hockey, not an organised game of pickup sticks.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Well, if you like
I can show you the x-rays from this time last year where I got a shattered maxilla, palette, lost four teeth, I've had two bone grafts and am currently in the middle of 12 months of reconstruction... but, yeah, you're right. It's definitely a bent girl's sport.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Homophobic violence is a terrible thing.
I'm sorry you had to suffer that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 11:32, Reply)

That's why I used to hang around the goal posts and run away when the ball came near me
I hated hockey at school. Too many corned beef thighs and lesbian pe teachers.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Never made a habit of it.
I do remember sitting in the car having a colossal bitching session with two of my friends. No idea why we didn't get out and go to someone's house.

I have no problem shopping at ASDA. The food is cheap and reasonable quality. Boom- all I need.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 25 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)