New Thread Time.
If you could do any job in the world for a living, what would it be and why? Keep in mind that it's not a 'dream job', but a real job, and every job has bad points to it. Are you currently doing anything too different from that at the moment? Are you doing anything to achieve that job?

Alternativly, tell me about the best thing you've ever ate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:34, 100 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Back office in government.
An advisor or analyst.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

If he was really the best thing you ever ate,
you should remember whether he was an advisor or an analyst
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)

I want to do be a dragon.
there are so many things I want to do that being a super awesome millionaire entrepreneur is the only way to do it all.

Realistically I want to be an interior designer and I'm studying in my own time to achieve this, but unfortunately my own time is so little that its taking me longer than I'd like.

Dream job would perhaps be a travel writer so I could get paid to travel, but then if out was work it probably wouldn't be as much fun as I think.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

True story, I looked at Interior Design courses for about a year before deciding on photography, and having to leave as I wasn't in the country enough.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

have you seen that cartoon of the girl with straight hair and one manic curly hair
which is saying "but i don't want to be a hair, i want to be a DRAGON!"

i think of this every time i am trying to straighten my unruly mane.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Me too
at least you manage to get yours straightened, though...
(berk, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:44, Reply)

I went for a job doing prion research for the MRC, that would have been pretty awesome.
The downside was that science doesn't really pay. Now I guess I'd like some sort of job with lots of money and very little work, please.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

writing chick-lit
i am doing a masters at oxford in creative writing which should be helping, but which in reality gets sadly neglected because work is so manic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I'd like to help people.
I still don't know how.
I'm good at helping other people get organised and find answers, even though I can't do it for myself.
I found it out while doing tarot cards. I know this stuff is a load of tosh but it generally turned into a counselling session, and I liked it when people got back and said it had helped. I like a bit of reception-type stuff too. Organising, making people feel welcome, but that's below my salary and I couldn't live on it.

I've got it, the only option is for me to become the Madam of a New-Age brothel!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

You could help me with my charity starting up the training of Theorpy Dogs.
Seriously, if I won the lotto, that's what I would do. Train up dogs for phsycological issues.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Only if the dogs were already trained and nice before I met them...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

They'd be puppies at first, I guess.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

They'd be puppies at first, I guess.
The idea is to train up the dogs and take the around to schools or counciling sessions or old people's homes, and let them just stroke and play with them.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Pets as Therapy
already exists - I was going to do this with my dog but they had quite strict regulations about having to bathe your dog prior to each visit and being a Spanish Water Dog IU can't do it unless she is clipped to the bone...sad, would have been very good.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I'd love to write and design computer games
Plot, script, history etc. These jobs are few and far between, and don't really pay well either.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:54, Reply)

A firend of mine now has his dream job.
He used to be a games designer and worked for some big names.
Now he works for a small studio and is working on a PC game which uses
wireless controllers to help children who have had strokes with their
rehabilitation. He loves it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

That sounds lovely!
And very rewarding too :)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

I looked at Computer Game Development courses for Uni
The design aspect is what put me off, I always preferred the coding more.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

I originally wanted to join the RAF as a pilot.
Unfortunately a tickle with the epilepsy stick put paid to that and now I'm too old. I think they may have changed the rules on epilepsy in between now and then, but I didn't know that at the time and was told I'd never be allowed to fly.

I'd quite like to be able to go back five or six years to have another crack at it.

My current job is only vaguely related in that I interact with computers.
( Kroney, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I have two dream jobs.
House-husband. I kid you not.
Or I'd love it if I could run my charity full-time, not that it's ever going to be a money-spinner.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Footballer
Won't happen, though. Too old, too unfit, too fundamentally shit at football
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:59, Reply)

I like to imagine scenarios in my head if I was a footballer.
I already know what I'd do and how I'd act if I won anything whilst playing for Fulham. People who say they don't day dream about this sort of thing are liars.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Absolutely
Very ambitious, aren't you. Dreaming of winning things with Fulham

(you're a black kettle)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

where did darth go?
i found the best looking jalapeno risotto recipe:

www.simplefoodie.com/recipes/jalapeno_risotto.htm

although the one that i will be scarfing down at giraffe is amazing, you can have it with evil chicken or some other flesh, but if you have the veggie one they stuff it with roasted courgettes, mushrooms, onions and aubergine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Mmmmmm evil chicken.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

someone tried to blow up the Giraffe in Exeter
true story
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:09, Reply)

blasphemy
giraffe food is amazing.

their double bubble chocolate cheesecake is like an orgasm but sweeter and stronger.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:10, Reply)

he was a guy with mental problems
who had been "converted" and "radicalised". His bomb didn't work properly though.

fuck knows why they wanted to blow up Giraffe.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2010241/Exeter-bomb-Nicky-Reilly-white-Muslim-convert-is-named-as-suspect-in-Giraffe-restaurant-explosion.html
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

oh christ
people who brainwash someone like that are evil.

i was panicking a bit on the tube this morning. i was sitting opposite a young-ish asian guy who was making me really nervous - he had a half-empty looking rucksack on his knee and he kept stroking it and then clasping his hands together and staring at the tube map. i missed 07/07 by one tube stop and ever since then i've been a bit claustrophobic on the tube, and i very nearly had to get off the tube and wait for the next one because i was getting really really uncomfortable. however logically i knew he was a perfectly decent guy, the panic was really strong! i felt v v ashamed of myself afterwards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

woman I used to work with was on a train that got bombed at Liverpool Street I think
had to step over bodies to get off. Was mad hearing her describing it.

She was pretty fucking lucky!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:34, Reply)

horrendous
my friend's office manager was in the same carriage as the bomber on the one near kings cross, she turned up for work at 4pm deaf and covered in blood and mud, and totally out of it. she could not understand that she should just go home.

tiny sliver of happy ending though, she met a guy at a survivors' meeting, and they're now married, so some good came out of it for them. but it was just the worst day, awfully sad.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

*wipes tear from eye*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:48, Reply)

pervert

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:49, Reply)

I'd have thought the legs'd be a bit long for that kind of thing to work?

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Fucking brilliant, thank you!
I was contemplating doing halloumi and mushroom skewers on couscous with salsa verde for when Ms Foxtrot gets in from teaching, I reckon I'll make myself the risotto in place of couscous and have the same. She won't like the jalapeno aspect of the risotto and we had rice last night.

Fascinating, eh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:12, Reply)

it doesn't have to be too spicy (although i like it pretty spicy myself)
i sympathise with her on the rice two nights running though.

funnily enough the veggie option in our work restaurant is haloumi skewers today, i could just nick a couple for you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

OH GOD JEALOUS
I love halloumi
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:22, Reply)

saw your dinner suggestion too late to reply
but definitely, plus manchester bash pretty soon!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Ooh let me know when, I'll need to book tickets reasonably far in advance so they're not too expensive.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

good friday innit!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

Oh yes of course I forgot.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Manc bash, you say?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Ladies only.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Sexist!
I'm calling Jackie Smith!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:36, Reply)

You can call whoever you want, you're still not coming.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:38, Reply)

jackie fucking smith
isn't coming either!

ann widdicombe is up for it though, says she wants to lose her virginity and manchester seems like the perfect venue.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:40, Reply)

sorry AA
but she's right, just a few girls gossiping!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:32, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough!
No worries.

That makes it doubly good news for you, as it looks like I have to pull out of the London bash!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:37, Reply)

I would like to be a newspaper columnist
My job is close to this in that I sit at the end of the bar writing about politics and the media instead of doing anything useful.

I can't see it ever happening.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Wasn't there a job involving writing you mentioned recently?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Everyone who wants me to write wants me to do it for free
The cheap bastards.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Damn them all!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

But it's a good way to get your work published and your name seen
if what you write is well received, then they might start paying you.
(berk, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I know, I know
Explaining that to my parents is the hard part.

There's a couple of people who write for the Guardian and New Statesman who read my stuff and have asked me to write for their sites, but the pressure ends up being too much so I end up just telling them to cross-post if they ever find anything they want to.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

blacksmith
I'd also quite like to be able to make music all day, but have concluded that touring with a band wouldn't be for me.

best things I've ever eaten are Beef Wellington, an incredible paella, and seared pigeon breast, with celeriac mash and foie gras.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Celeriac is pretty fooking magnificent
I've only had it a couple of times
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:17, Reply)

I'd love to be a Wrestler
Think of it this way, you get paid to work out, do very little work in the evenings, travel in first class, you'd be able to batter pretty much anyone who gave you shit, and you could practically walk into a bar and be able to pull within about a minute.

Alt: Swordfish in a white wine & cream sauce.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I think I'd like to be a doctor. Even though any show I see involving an open human totally grosses me out.
alt: pumpkin cheesecake, the first time I had it, it was orgasmic.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Working for the Bollandists.
Pro: Absolutely amazing.
Con: Working for Jesuits. I'm not sure the Society of Jesus would look kindly on my life thus far. And probably shit pay.

Alt: Hummus, tomato salsa and baba ganoush with fresh bread. It was the first proper food I'd had in ages and I felt very down and my mother was there and she was looking after me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I made baba ganoush a few weeks back
fucking superb
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

It's even better than hummus and so easy to make
I kind of push the aubergine about in the sieve beforehand to get most of the bitter water out. And use a potato masher. And it's incredible.

I might make some now, actually. I have everything but an aubergine.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:20, Reply)

I did have a bit of trouble getting the water out
trying to squidge totally mushy aubergine between your fingers without it going everywhere was quite tricky!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Hence, a fine sieve.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

my sieve is far from fine
it's quite knackered
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

I have my dream job.
Hopefully my son will have his and Vipros can go to him for training.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:15, Reply)

blacksmithery?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:16, Reply)

Yup.
He's currently designing an end of year piece. It's a large picture frame based on spanish\moorish architecture. I can't wait to see it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 21:04, Reply)

Gay porn actor?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:54, Reply)

Who?
Me, Vipros or the boy?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 15 Feb 2011, 21:05, Reply)

Writer - but for that I would need some talent and the ability to spell...

I don't think I could ever nail down one thing that was the best, there are too many delicious things in the world, most of which have heart beats and limbs.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Lighthouse keeper.
I like my own company and I want to live by the sea.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:19, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKz4s14ly-o
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:24, Reply)

I used to watch that.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:27, Reply)

Without looking, is it Portland Bill?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:38, Reply)

Hahahaha!
*puts finger on nose*
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:39, Reply)

that sounds awesome

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Isn't it.
I would so love that job.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:50, Reply)

You're not allowed to do it on your own any more

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:53, Reply)

Why not?
I won't go bonkers............much.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Because of this:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smalls_Lighthouse#Previous_lighthouse

"Until the automation of British lighthouses in the 1980s lighthouse teams were changed to rosters of three men"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:56, Reply)

There's alwasy one fucker that has to spoil it for the rest of us.
Anyhoo, it was always going to be a pipe dream. I'll win the lottery instead and buy a lighthouse to live in.
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Now you're talking!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:59, Reply)

Woohoo!
www.findaproperty.com/displaystory.aspx?edid=00&salerent=0&storyid=21411
( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Wow
loving that staircase.
(berk, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I can't imagine Blousie would have any complaints if her lighthouse came with a roster of three men.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I'd probably be doing something more creative
I'd love to write fiction or be a stand up comedian. However, I like the job I do, even if the pay is shite and there is apparently no hope of me actually getting a decent career out of it. Sigh.

When I went to Spain I had an ice cream sundae that cost 8 euros. It was worth every cent and I would happily pay twice that to have another right now. I need chocolate and I need booze and I need them RIGHT NOW.
(berk, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:47, Reply)

1. Stay-at-home dad
2. Bong tester
3. I'd also like to write books on ancient history
4. Internet hardman
5. Braggart
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:55, Reply)

You missed off sex-god.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 13:59, Reply)

I consider that more of a hobby than a job

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:00, Reply)

Everyone needs a hobby.

( girlinthehole, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Is this your hobby?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

where did you all go?
i've just sent out an email that says "kind retards" :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:13, Reply)

I'm sure lots of mongs are generous, I wouldn't worry about it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

hahahaha
I once sent an email that said "sorry for any incontinence caused"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:15, Reply)

stupid qwerty keypad...
ha, yours is definitely worse. and probably caused some on the part of the recipient.

my dad once sent out a standard "we're raising overdraft charges" letter to a customer, and got back a reply which said "thanks but i'd prefer to continue paying you through the nose if possible". intrigued, he dug out the file, and his secretary had mistyped and put "per anum"... i think this is a brilliant response, wish my clients were this witty.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

stupid letters getting in where they're not wanted

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

I once made a library card for a Member of the Pubic

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:16, Reply)

If they were late returning a book
Could you grab 'em by the short and curlys?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

you expect me to believe that anyone in liverpool could read it?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:18, Reply)

It's a university.
Not a public library, where the criminally retarded come to eat pasties.
Actually, yes it is just like that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 14:25, Reply)