Second thread of the day.
The French. I cannot work out how I feel about them.

On the one hand: cognac, cheese, foie gras, fine wines, massive racism, banning burqas, stunningly attractive women.

On the other: lily-livered Vichy cowards who stink of garlic, women with hairy armpits, shit hip hop, going on strike, massive benders.

Where do you stand on our Gallic chums?
(extra points for 'right on their fucking faces, the cunts')
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:12, 125 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I quite like them
they are all the bad things you have said, but they don't give a shit who knows it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I like this
The British could learn a lot from the French refusal to give a fuck what anyone thinks of them
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

A quandary, for sure
I loved it in Paris but everything was stupidly expensive. £10 for a beer and a small glass of wine?

Saying that though, I had a half-french ex. She was most pleasurable (and ginger now I think of it)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

ooh masterchef is on tonight
Although I hope we don't get more sob stories on it want to see COOKING.

And people making amusing commenst about pudding face
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

This week on Masterchef.... Greg declares after his 12th pudding "That boy can cook... luuuuuuvly" and demonstrates he really does know something about food...
... by mentioning "The sweetness of the [something] and the creamyness of the [something] and the crunch of the [something]", listing every main ingredient in a dish.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:00, Reply)

UK Masterchef = shit
Australian Masterchef = where it's at
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I wasn't a fan of that
but I only saw one episode, maybe it was a shit episode. They were at a kids party so I got annoyed at the constant screaming.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Love em, grew up there.
The women, food and general laziness in particular.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I'd answer Monty
But instead I'm going on strike for no good reason.

*Blockades OT*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:18, Reply)

*refuses to accept beef*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Not what I've heard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Me or the French?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:24, Reply)

You, you massive hurr-murr.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

You love a hot beef injection, you big hairy queer

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:33, Reply)

the accent is fucking hot
the total lack of showering or other personal hygiene issues, however, is not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

We're talking about the French, not Monty.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

My throat's as dry as a Frenchman's bath mat.
*Drinks water*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:24, Reply)

*adds to phrasebook*
That's much better than 'Gandhi's flip-flop' or 'a nun's cunt'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I don't like their wine
I prefer English cheese, and I've never met a nice French person.

So yeah, they can go fuck themselves, the cheese eating surrender monkeys.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

You are Groundskeeper Willie
AICMFP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

wine in general
or their wine?

because they do make the best wine. fact.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Their wine
I've never been a fan of French wine, had that instilled by my Dad.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)

that's just silly
it varies wildly, and some of it is fucking fantastic.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Until I've had a good one, I shall keep my viewpoint.
But I shall also keep an open mind
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I've had some frankly astounding French wines.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:57, Reply)

as have I
and even the cheapest Chateauneuf urinates on most other wines.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:59, Reply)

There is apparently a white Chateauneuf de Pape.
I am told it is delicious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I don't remember if you told me about it or if it was someone else, and I have subsequentally tried them
but there are good wines available from the same dude who produces Chateauneuf du Pape, from the next vineyard over or something.

A white one sounds good. I'm fond of Chablis if I'm on the white. That said I had some glorious white the other day. Fucked if I can remember what it was though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Fucking load of use you are, then, eh?
Chablis, Petit Chablis and Sancerre are my white choices on the whole - not that I care overly for it compared with red.

My father swears the whites of the Alsace are the best - he also loves the Royal Tokaji wine from Hungary. I have to say he's onto something with that one but it's not cheap:
www.bbr.com/product-69940F-1999-nyulaszo-tokaji-6-puttonyos-royal-tokaji-wine-company?referring_site=google-base

£71.50 for 500ml.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:10, Reply)

yeah, that post could have been useful
as it was it contained no worthwhile information at all

I should have just said "I have had some nice red and white wine"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Not like mine *GLESS*
Links and everything.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)

they don't even put it in a proper sized bottle?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I think they are trying to conceal its costliness.
And failing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)

He is a silly boy.
Although they do have massive problems in France with soil quality and vinestock I understand: a lot of it is more than a bit tired hence the New World nicking much of their business.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Ungrateful workshy bastards, all of 'em.
They only started the EU because they were not allowed to join the Commonwealth.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Aside from the smell, I quite like the place and it's people

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Barbaric public lavatories, from what I recall.
Like someone's nicked the bog.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Yes, the squatting loos are horrific
But on the other hand the Loire valley region is a truly beautiful part of the world.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

you think squatting loos are bad there?
Come to out back australia and experience the Drop Dunnies mate.

You ain't seen a bad toilet til you've seen a redback infested, fly swarmed shitheap. And the smell... god. 40+ degree days really are a torture.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*gets a semi*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I think I'll pass, thank you
I have no desire to experience festival toilets, let alone the nightmare you just described.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Whats a Drop Dunnie?
Do you not have plumbing yet?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Sorry to be blunt.
Cunts - every man jack of 'em.
(Except Eric Cantona and Vamessa Paradis.)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Paradis is fucking outstanding.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I'd take her up the 'Joe le Taxi'* any time


*jacksie
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Papa?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Your papa used to take you up the jacksie?
Unlucky.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Nicole?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Except for Cantona?
You're weird.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'm with our kid on this one
Genius footballer, but definitely a cunt
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Steve Bruce told a good story about him at a talk in a while ago
about his seagulls/trawler conference.

When Cantona went back to training all the Man Utd players were taking the piss and asking him about it. He just smiled and said that he made up something on the spot as stupid as he could and wondered if he could get away with keeping a straight face
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:42, Reply)

What amused me most about that was how flummoxed the media were by it
It was fucking obvious what he meant, he just didn't want to give them a straight answer. Although you can understand their being unable to grasp that a footballer could conjure a metaphor. Or pronounce "metaphor"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I bloody love France
and I'm stunned Monty didn't list their repeated willingness to allow German troops to waltz in and take over the whole country amongst his "likes".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Who do you think you're kidding Mr Foxtrot?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:34, Reply)

...We know you take it up the bum.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:37, Reply)

7/10
Quite good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)

The Yanks got it right when they said "Surrender Monkeys"
But you can't knock a good bottle of Montrachet and some garlicky meat/cheese/woman.

I think you need to separate Paris and the rest of France. As with UK/London, Parisians are generally pretty rude.

I respect their willingness to strike and riot. We just complain and put up with things.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)

London the South
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)

ALERT: THIS FACT IS BEING REGURGITATED FROM QI
I love that there is a syndrome that describes the how Japanese tourists are affected by Paris.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:46, Reply)

It is called 'Paris Syndrome' and I love it too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Technically I don't think there was a fact in the above post
just several opinions. And you don't need to watch QI to know that Parisians are rude.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Vipros was saying his fact is being regurgitated from QI
It is a great fact though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:50, Reply)

it is a fact that there is a syndrome

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:51, Reply)

*belms*
It's Vippers' opinion that there is such a thing as Paris Syndrome. He formed this opinion through knowledge of this fact.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:51, Reply)

THAT TOLD HIM, RIGHT LADS?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:52, Reply)

*MASSIVE HIGH FIVES*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Yep. Re-read it. Feel stoopid
Congratulations, you BULLYING BASTARDS

/emo
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:01, Reply)

*gived DF wedgie and threatens to 'get him' after school*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:03, Reply)

*runs to teacher and reports the horrible big boy for poor spelling*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Please don't call me 'big boy'. It makes me feel sick.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:08, Reply)

You're 5 years older than me
For us to be at the same school I'd have been about 11 or 12 and would probably have called you a horrible big boy. Only later, when my use of language began its steady and consistent decline, would it have been "cunt"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Just go to Paris.
I love it when the waiters pretend not to speak any English and then pretend not to understand my awful pigeon French.

They understand a good fucking shoe-ing though.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Ask them if they serve VICHYssoise, they really find that funny.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:54, Reply)

What was the most frequent injury suffered by French soldiers during WWII?
Sunburnt armpits.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:56, Reply)

*emails this to father and brother*
Excellent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:57, Reply)

They have just upgraded their National Security Status
From Run to Hide.

It's only a short step from Hide to Collaborate.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Unless the white flag factory burns down, rendering them without a convincing next move.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I met some of Aber's friends who were French.
One girl in particular was very nice and funny.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:10, Reply)

but was she hot?
and did she get her baps out?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I admire your ability to cut through the treacle
Details please Blousie
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:12, Reply)

life is too short to beat around the bush
so to speak
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:13, Reply)

She is pretty.
Dark hair and pale skinned. Not much in the bappage area though.
( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:13, Reply)

How many eggs did she have for breakfast?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:13, Reply)

One was un oeuf!
Wakka-wakka.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)

you've got to be yolking....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Glad that's laid to rest...
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)

This is egg-sactly why the other boards take the piss, you know?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Surely that is an eggsageration.
Soz, recycled joke is recycled.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:19, Reply)

naa, they're allwhite really

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I suppose so
Ooh, I've just receive a new photo albumen the post!

Fucking hell
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

an album full of men?
Is it more than you could have hoped for or have you just spotted darth in there, oiled up and wearing only a vegas headdress?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:25, Reply)

WANT

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:32, Reply)

omletting this one go but then that's it

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

They never emerge from their shell long enough to have a go

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Aye, they always just scramble back inside.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Shut up or I shall beat you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:27, Reply)

If you're offering
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Not enoeuf.

( girlinthehole, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Flashman, the brilliant creation of George Mcdonald Fraser, came up with an amusing comment on the French.
"They don't just have garlic on their breath, but on their minds as well".
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:17, Reply)

My family feature fairly heavily in his 'Steel Bonnets' donchaknow.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Have you read the McAuslan series?
Excellent. Never read the historical docu stuff.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I have not, sir. Should I?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Yes, very funny.
Semi biographical, set in a Scots regiment just after WW2.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I love the place
and their language, cinema, food, attitude, cigarettes, women and music.

I don't understand the hygiene thing, I've never met one who had failings in that department.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)

MUSIC?
Zees ees your leetle joke, ne'c'e'e'st pas?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I actually quite like some french hip-hop
sorry sir
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:22, Reply)

DJ Cam is OK, as are Saiian Supa Crew.
It's too 'soft and jazzy' for my extreme tastes on the whole. German hip hop is better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

If they won't eat our beef
I don't see why I should use their letters.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Hallyday
Here's French music for you.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Supported by Jimi Hendrix at one point I think.
EDIT I am correct, at the Olympia in Paris.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Hendrix supporetd HIM?
Madness.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:26, Reply)

No, Hendrix.


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

^Was waiting for this^
Or a humorous Suggs comment.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

It was one of his first shows outside the US
pre record deal.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

I love the fact that Plastic Bertrand was actually Belgian.
The Poirot of pop. Poor cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I have issues with Belgium.
The Frenchies come out marginally higher in my opinion.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:29, Reply)

One of my current favourite tracks is by a French band, with a fairly tasty singer
EDIT: Just looked her up, she looks a hell of a lot better in the video than normal!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)

whozit?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Caravan Palace

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:53, Reply)

can't say I have either actually

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:22, Reply)

They invented the blowjob
Need I go on?
( Peej, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Yes please.
Go on to explain what the fuck you are on about.

Thanks!

EDIT: alt reply: I didn't know your mum was French AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:33, Reply)

May not be true
I believe everything movies tell me.

Oh and talking of french cheese, my mum says you need to wash under your lid.
( Peej, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Overall, I like 'em
I don't think they're any more arrogant than the British, they just wear it a bit differently. Sure, the Parisians can be arseholes, but then so can most Londoners.

Also in their favour: a history of great classical composers and, more recently, a great jazz scene. Artists like Emily Loizeau and Zaz are improving their (admittedly dire) pop music. And a lot of their films from the last two decades piss all over the hackneyed shite coming out of Hollywood.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 2 Mar 2011, 12:00, Reply)