Morning
I have managed to avert a crisis this morning as my coffee machine failed to provide me with its life giving elixir, forcing me into an emergency tea round to placate the caffeine demons within.

How do you prepare yourselves for the sheer abject horror that is "work"?

Alt Q:
What have you got on today? Either work/pleasure or clothes wise?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 8:52, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I sit on the loo each morning and man the fuck up.
Alt Q: Jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt and fleece jacket.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 8:55, Reply)

At last!
A girl who understands a 10 min bog visit!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I sit there every morning whether I need to or not and contemplate the universe.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I watched the Wonders of the Universe from Sky Plus last night
I wonder if Darth enjoys Cox
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:10, Reply)

The man has a plastic face and absurd hair
However, it seems to work for him;

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/science-%26-technology/science-is-fanny-central%2c-claims-professor-brian-cox-201102033510/
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I like him
He is cool
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I do find him quite irritating
I love teh idea of that show, but there are only so many panning shots of Cox on top of a mountain that I need.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

It does seem about 10 mins too long, I'll give you that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Agreed
That sort of behaviour is only acceptable if you're Rocky Balboa or Richie Sambora
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I drag myself out of bed at the last possible minute
get into the shower, which is as essential to me as a cup of coffee seems to be for others, then eat some toast, drink some orange juice and slip out of the house to work.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 8:56, Reply)

No coffee = no work
Sportscows 1st law
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I'm wearing a dress
*swirls*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Me too!
*swirls*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Actually this is slightly untrue
I have my new shitkicking work boots on, black jeans and a white shirt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:03, Reply)

I have boots as well *stomp stomp*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

STOMP CLUB!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Did you have a girly transplant today?

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:02, Reply)

No I realised as I was away all weekend I didn't do any washing and then spilt egg on my only clean trousers
Also I like swirling
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Swirl away miss!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Hot shower is the only constant
Breakfast is a maybe (although today I've had 2, fat fuck).

Alt: Try to discover what went wrong with a job that was sent out too early by a production drone. No plans tonight though, might catch up with an old friend. And I'm wearing a brown, striped shirt, pinstripe trousers and shoes.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:02, Reply)

I hate weekday showers as they are not long enough
A good shower should be 15 mins of bliss, not 3 mins of frantic scrubbing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Are you secretly a girl?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I have two kids
15 mins peace is heaven!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I was running late already this morning so I had a fuck it moment and a nice long shower

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I don't understand this showering every morning.
Unless you've had hot sweaty sex every night, why bother.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:08, Reply)

've had hot sweaty sex every night don't want to fucking stink
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

You must stink a lot then.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I'm a boy
Boys smell

Surely you should know this already
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

It's been so long since I got near one that I can't remember.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

well mainly because my hair needs washing everyday
otherwise it looks like a cat ate a bush and then exploded. Also I just feel better after a nice shower.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

This is an excellent image!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

My shower is fucking excellent!
Its like being sandblasted and cannot fail to wake you up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

can't wake up without it
and if I don't have a shower, including washing my hair, I feel dirty all day.

Only time I won't have a shower first thing is if I'm going surfing, or doing something like DIY
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)

This precisely
Although substitute surfing for cycling.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Ditto
cycling running
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

runn bumm
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Nonsense
For bumming, you want to have a shower before and ideally after

Edit: thank you sportscow for the reminder; 6/10
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I thought it worthy of a 7/10 at least
*redoubles efforts to get a 10*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I am Craig Revel Horwood
AICMFP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:36, Reply)

bl p

You are French AICMFP
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I can't be arsed to get out of the shower to piss
Shit, maybe
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Depends on consistancy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

1st of the day is like a tree branch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

ha ha ha - nice visual image
although for you sake I hope it's a nice willowy branch rather than an Acacia
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Giant Redwood
*winces*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

*winces*
I want to click this but it hurts me to do so
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I didn't get a mark out of ten up there ^
Shoddy work
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I chose to take it at face value
Big plastic face value
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I can't stand to be in a shower for more than 10 minutes anymore

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Try also turning the red tap

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Haha
Nah, it's from living in my last place.

The pressure was so shit I couldn't spend long in there at all, it's a habit I've stuck to.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Coffee is essential
Italian calf's leather brown shoes, slim khaki chinos, A&F blue striped "muscle" shirt and Superdry grey jumper.

Line up ladies!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Pwhoar!
That sounds quite dapper.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:07, Reply)

he sounds like a bender

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:08, Reply)

You wish

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Dapper is generally wear I aim these days
Although I often fall into, slightly odd, especially when it comes to socks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:08, Reply)

That is the most unintentionally amusing mis-spelling I've ever seen

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:12, Reply)

That's my mentalness for you, because the post is about clothes my brain short circuits the spelling
of where and defaults to wear...ridiculous really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

No woman ever turned a man in an A&F muscle shirt down for sex because of his spelling
Your focus is correct
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

The problem is what's underneath!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

A string vest

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Obey this sequence;
1. Bedroom lights off
2. Undress

and you'll never have any complaints. Until the morning.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Or until point 3

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I think that's quite enough hand-holding

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:31, Reply)

This may be where you are going wrong then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Complete change of subject;
did you see my suggestion for a half-marathon yesterday? Specifically pertaining to date and outfit?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I get up 45 minutes earlier than I need to and exercise whilst watching Battlestar Galactica
This morning ritual encourages me to get out of bed in the first place and makes me feel like I've achieved something with my morning. Then I get to work and all such positive attitude evaporates until I am brought coffee.

This has not happened yet.

Alt: complete tomorrow's presentation, return a billing report which I really didn't need to have to deal with, look after ill rat. Shirt, trousers, boots, socks, pants, peircings, watch and technically contact lenses.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I might have known
you are one of those freaks who gets up before they absolutely have to.

Guy I used to live with used to get up an hour and half before he had to go to work and play fucking FIFA or something. He was a right pain in the neck. Tying up the bathroom when he didn't absolutely have to, being all chatty and stuff in the morning.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Don't like cheerful people in the morning
I drive to work these days, it takes me longer than public transport, but I won't have to chat to anyone from work on the train/bus so it's worth it.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:14, Reply)

iPod and book on the Metro = happy isolated cow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I hate bumping into someone I know on the bus in the morning
I just want to listen to music and read my book, or just stare out of the window in a stupor, not have to listen to bland inanity
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Oh god this
I walk to work but I like that 20 minutes of solitude to think about my day. If I bump into anyone I know heading the same way I have to spend the rest of the walk trying nnot to look like I want them to fuck off and die
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Driving or cycling affords me this solitude
Driving means I can play loud music though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I've been driving more
because I am on secondment and have the hire car for the one of the days I'm in Exeter too. So only one day on the bus. All the redundancy in my office means I am much less likely to bump into someone as well.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Every cloud...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:22, Reply)

indeed!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:25, Reply)

*looks at Apes sig*
We're quoting from the same source there :P
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

True, although I am now technically a unemployed total bitchin rock star from Mars

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

an
You should go find some goddessses
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Surely Sheen can hook him up
He must have a couple spare
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

This is like a post from a pervy English teacher

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

best of all the english teachers

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:20, Reply)

As some have said
Get up at the last possible minute, have a 10 minute long hot shower, get dressed then drive to work. Once at work have one mocha and a Go Ahead slice while checking emails and websites.
Alt: Press on with this nasty case with the suspect who looks like a slightly fatter Maxi with a hobo beard.
As for clothes, black cords, grey shirt, black jumper.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:16, Reply)

THE BOY'S A TIME BOMB

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Who, Maxi?
I think they're about the same age...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:18, Reply)

No you, although you ruined it slightly by having a grey shirt
...rancid? yes? with me yet? no? *pats head* never mind
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Ah I get it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)

TIME SEX
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:19, Reply)

*highfives*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I didn't think she was talking about you when I posted that :-(

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I've said it before, I'll say it again
I take compliments where I see them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:27, Reply)

hahahha

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Wake up, die inside, grit teeth, shower, get dressed, spend over an hour on bus and tube.
Alt: stocktake *shudder*
Alt alt: Jim Jones Revue shirt, 'jeggings' Converse, scowl.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:37, Reply)

jeggings?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:39, Reply)

^this
what happened Monty?

you used to be cool
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Next week he'll be dressing from his Chris Eubank collection of jodhpurs.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

with matching monocle

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I really did.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Semi-private joke from Montstock, Jeff, sorry.
My jeans are quite close-fitting, that's all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I don't want to know about your semi.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Don't lie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:46, Reply)

i kind of do

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

*goes to lavatories with phone, returns to desk , uploads, gazzes*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

this reminds me
I was using the lavatory earlier and someone bust in (to a different cubicle), and by the sound of it came incredibly close to explosively soiling themselves. Turns out it was my team leader for where I am on secondment. Delightful eh?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Surely you can let him know that you know
in a subtle but clear way, just to make him embarrassed?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

we left the cubicles at the same time
he knows. He didn't seem embarrassed.

I swear there must have been very small fractions of a second between him filling the bowl or filling his trousers.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Charming.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I hate working at this place
there are so many shit and annoying little things. In theory it is great. Really easy work, no stress, I'm getting an extra £40 a week in my pocket, but it's so fucking dull. Almost all of the conversation is about people's kids, or really over-dramatic exclamations about mundane things. It feels a little harsh, but I'd quite like a load of these people to suffer from the coming government cuts and have to experience working in the real world.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Like teachers, then?
At my school the place was staffed entirely by socially incompetent freaks who would have been turned down by fucking McDonalds. No hope in the real world.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:17, Reply)

yeah, pretty much
I could see most of them turning to teaching if they lost their jobs here. or they would if they actually had any knowledge of anything at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:18, Reply)

There's a woman that works here that I actively avoid
because she cannot talk about anything other her bloody children. Her entire life revolves around them. Not only is it utterly tragic, it's also incredibly tedious.
( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:18, Reply)

most of the people here are like that
seriously.

After the weekend with my family, including my 1 year old niece, my mrs informed me that she is even more sure that she doesn't want kids now. Which is nice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Even in this IT geek hole it can get like that
The case coordinators are all broody mums though. They even emailed around to say that a client had had a child. I told her that I don't care about the kids of people I like, let alone someone I've never met nor had any direct dealings with.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I'd be fucking strung up if I said something like that here

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:32, Reply)

The ladies here like me
Even if I did get drunk at the Xmas party and spend five minutes trying to get one of them to say the word "cunt".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:35, Reply)

+ emo fringe
+ guyliner
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Ahem
You have a problem with guyliner?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Only on Monty
His MD-induced Parkinson's makes it look like he has a nest of spiders fucking in his sunken eye sockets.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:50, Reply)

That is well genius
I forgot that we share a healthy disdain for anyone who can't apply guyliner properly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Get up, make tea and bowl of cereal
Sit in front of PC and spend 5 minutes clicking on all the "daily reward" facebook games, then read various news and humour websites. Then suddenly realise it's after 8 and rush around making a work sandwich, brushing teeth and shaving, dressing and rushing out the door.

Today I have very little to do and tomorrow even less, which would be fine except my boss is also aware of this. Darn.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:42, Reply)

by finishing work at any time up to 2am (last night was 1.30am) and checking my blackberry at numerous times during the night
get up at 6.30am, check the blackberry, shower, check the blackberry, clean teeth, check the blackberry, moisturise, check the blackberry...

work - i was busy anyway but have just been given a massive trial to prepare for. it's in 2 weeks and i haven't even seen the file yet. luckily the clients we were taking out tonight have cancelled. so an exciting evening of reading files awaits.

clothes - black sky-high shiny heels, black opaque tights, short "ice-skater" flippy black skirt, fitted black and white stripy top, and a massive frown.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I'll say it before anyone else does
frown cleavage
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I was going to suggest
frown wide-on

...but considered it too rude, so didn't.

Ah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:58, Reply)

You considered it too rude?
YOU considered something TOO RUDE.

I might just keep repeating this with the emphasis in different places until it computes.

You conSIDered someTHING too rude
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I've changed*



*I haven't changed
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:02, Reply)

your clothes?
maiden name?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

My gas and electricity supplier.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

EDF rang me yesterday to ask why they don't supply my gas as well as my electricity
it was about 11am on a monday. and he sounded very surprised when i said i was too busy working to take his call. you know, working. it's how i pay your sodding bills every month, so that they can then waste my money by paying your salary to call me and waste my time...

argh. anyway, the answer "british gas owe me £1,000 in overpaid gas so i am letting them work their way through it" stumped him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

good answer

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:22, Reply)

TalkTalk sent me £42. Woo fucking hoo.
Apparently I'd been erroneously charged due to an 'isolated' 'system error' - nothing to do with the incompetent 12-year old Indians that are their billing and customer 'service' staff, then. Good to know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

In which case maybe you'd like to take part in the Robin Hood half-marathon in Nottingham this year
The reason being, it's on September 11th. So I thought it might be fun to run it dressed as a skyscraper, alongside someone else in an identical outfit, being chased by a couple of fellows dressed as planes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Good idea.
Apart from the running. I am retired.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

ired arded
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

that is an incredible idea
I'd almost take part in a half-marathon just to be part of that
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I cannot stress strongly enough
that although the outfits are where it's at, the dynamic will be ruined if we all pull up short of breath after 500 yards. Hit the treadmill
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I can practically guarantee that some sociopath will complain about that.

( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I think we'd probably set a new record for running a half-marathon dressed as a skyscraper
Locals chasing you with flaming torches and pitchforks will do wonders for your speed and stamina
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:22, Reply)

if they stand next to the dude in the monkey suit
they could pretend it's a King Kong thing.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Top idea
It's about time the worlds of performance art and middle-distance running collided
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:24, Reply)

nope
this top is quite high necked really.

not normally a good look with big boobs, but it has a bit of a keyhole dip going on, which makes it ok.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

In blatant defiance of the stereotypes surrounding me,
I have no idea what any of that means
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I'm tired
also: thefuturebuzz.com/pics/viral-images-4/dating-truth.png
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

that seems accurate

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I wonder how many completly honest dating profiles there are out there.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

6

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

There's a blog in that somewhere.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I'd like to think mine was.
Which probably says a lot about my success.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Yeah I have a feeling that it'll be a foolish thing to do.
Dating sites are a place people can lie at each other... a lot like here!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Bert's was absolutely fucking brilliant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I never saw that one
Gutted.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

ha yes
and monty's brilliant comment about how the photograph looked like something you'd see in the paper after a boy-soldier had been killed in afghanistan... it was the most witheringly accurate dis i have seen in a LONG TIME.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:07, Reply)

That good huh?
Damn.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

it was just monty's comment (at least i think it was monty!)
that made me laugh until it hurt, because it was so random and so accurate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

'Twas I.
The pic was all blurry. I suggested this was a deliberate ploy on his part, the Dumbo-featured kiddy fiddler.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:20, Reply)

blurry photos ARE the way forwards
since i took down the smudgy blurry black and white one that i had as my fb profile as well as on here, the number of randy turkish/indian teenagers trying to add me as a friend has dropped by about 96%. although i did get a classic along these lines the other day: "you look like nice girl. i like england."

i felt really special.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:23, Reply)

"I like England's benefit system"
/Daily Mail
( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:25, Reply)

+needs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I made a profile on an alt dating site once to check it out
It claimed to be free, but you had to pay to view most profiles, to contact people, or to read messages you've been sent. Such a massive con! I deleted my profile after a week.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:29, Reply)

This is what happens with most of them.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I might have stayed if the site looked like it had a broad and active membership

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)

You like the fatties, eh?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Really? I can't remember that.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It was great.
The jug-eared cunt was wearing a kilt in his pic.

I asked if it was a pic from his wedding.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I lke to pretend I'm someon else entirely doing something completely different.
For example, today I'm a popular military fake doctor explorer planning a fifteen-mile recce cross-country for my squad of crack belly-dancers.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:01, Reply)

*shimmies and signs up*
I happen to have a belly and could probably manage a fifteen mile recce.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:03, Reply)

It's going to be some stomp that, maybe Saturday or Sunday depending on the weather.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I'll wash my sparkly bra and purple muslin pantaloons then.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:08, Reply)

PHWOOOOAR! :)

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I've got some crack
this sounds like a plan
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Oh yeah?
*moves over and sits next to Vippers*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Hahaha!
*signs up with Belly and Blousie*
Could maybe stretch to 15 minutes :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Not if you start training now.
Get Mildew to take you to the beach.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I got some action this morning, so that helped.
By "action", I obviously mean "wanked until my fingers bled*"






*It was the summer of '69.
( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:10, Reply)

You had your first real sex dream?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Hah!
I'd look for the lyrics online and continue the joke, but I really can't be arsed.
( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I thought the same
I think it has some mileage though.

Like when I rewrote One by U2 to be about how fucking shit they are.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:23, Reply)

it was on "i kissed this guy.com", you know, the misheard lyrics website
"got my first real sex dream, boy i was 5 at the time. played it til my fingers bled, was the summer of '69"

not as good as "midnight at the oasis", which my friend evie was utterly convinced was crooning "midnight! i feel wasted".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Was it?
More proof that my sense of humour is entirely derivative.
( Kroney, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

That's inspired.
Reminds me of when I saw The Matrix, and was similarly convinced that the principal character's name was 'Neil'. Re-watching it, it would have been a great deal more entertaining if he was.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:26, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:33, Reply)

You are the special one, Neil

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:37, Reply)

This was an excellent post
I award it one click
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I am going to wade in and join this thread
which is a pretty good guarantee it will die on its arse.

I get ready for work by rolling out of bed half an hour after the alarm goes off, rolling into the shower (a wet room with side jets: just fantastic, and very easy to spend up to half an hour), then once I'm dressed, which may take up to another half an hour, I wander downstairs to my computer.

After having checked facebook, qotw, emails, various other timewatsing sites, and facebook again, I put on my shoes. Hey presto! I am at work and ready to go.

go spend another hour finding things around the house that distract me.

Don't hate the player, hate the game. Or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I want a wet room!
We are seriously considering changing the entire top floor of our house into a massive master bedroom and wetroom. Our only trouble is Mrs Cow's daughter who is away at uni may well kick off about the lack of bedroom when she returns
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Bedroom AND wetroom?
Don't most people just call them 'dungeons'?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Sheesh!
You can't have a dungeon on the top floor. Did you learn nothing at school?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:45, Reply)

If I ever manage to own my own house or flat
I'll definitely have a wetroom. Baths are vastly inferior to a mighty shower, but it has to be hot and powerful enough to flay the skin.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)

baths are very necessary over winter
but having lived in various places without one or the other, I realise I could handle no bath much more easily than I could no shower.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)

mine and djtp's respective bedrooms have been turned into combined guest rooms & junk storage, back at chez trialprice.
We're supposed to be paying a visit at the end of April for a family thing, and have been advised that we will not be staying with the olds, as they have 'real' guests using our old rooms.

Re. the wet room: mr b3th put it in himself, by reclaiming half the garage. It was going to be for his mum when she moved in with him, but she ended up going into a home instead. Considering the above ^, our parents will be lucky if htey get offered the choice of a home. I think DJ and I might just take them on a 'special' holiday to Switzerland.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I like your thinking re: Switzerland

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:45, Reply)