Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Too many replies...I have brazil nuts, they are nom. What's the best kind of nut?
Alt: Classical music, the peak of musical evolution or bent?
ALT ALT: What is the best floor covering to roll around on? Underfloor heating a must or a capitalist invention to subjugate the working masses?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:34,
165 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
My 15" black rubber cock.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:36,
Reply)
Brazil nuts are fucking acebut I'll always have a place in my heart for the humble pistachio.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:37,
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I have a bottle-brush for just such emergencies.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:45,
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I fucking hate Brazil Nuts, shittest christmas chocolate treat ever. You just know by the white cracks in the chocolate that they were eaither tempered wrong, or sitting on the shelf for a lifetime.The christmas before last my aunty got me a box of chocolate brazil nuts, I got her a book about jews in london in the 1950s that was out of print.
I cried.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:12,
Reply)
Nuts are fucking rank. All of them. Except coconuts. And doughnuts.Anyway, the brazil nut isn't even a nut. It's a seed. I hate nuts and yet I know that. Write out 1,000 times "I must not start threads about rank shit unless I properly research the aforementioned rank shit first".
And I will be checking the spelling.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:38, Reply)
My fucking god, on with the head-dobber again?A chimp off his tits on speed randomly mashing a keyboard could type better than that.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:40,
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I have a feeling that he's just a wheeling jibbering spastic.(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:45,
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What about chinnuts?I heard they were a favourite of yours.
I like pistachios.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Deez *grabs crotch*Alt: Neither. Some is wanky, some is sublime, just like a lot of musical genres.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:39,
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^What he said.Boring question is boring. And, as Darth said, factually incorrect.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:40, Reply)
BURN DOWN THE NUT SHOPS!!!!YEAHH!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:42,
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Blimey, whole shops devoted to nuts?Of such decadence I can only dream.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:44, Reply)
They have them in stations.You know stations, those symbols of the oppressive British Empire, that should be PUT TO THE TORCH, MAN.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:47,
Reply)
Monty. You know of these things.Is it just me, or is Dr Dre's new tune... shit?
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:03, Reply)
I was right about something on the internet!I'm off to write a will
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:43, Reply)
I only use Twitter for advertising purposesIf I want to get trolled to fuck online, I need venture no further than this hallowed forum
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Sweet.I feel like I've just won a prize in the "get mentioned in a shitty question" competition.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Darth, can I borrow your scoring meme for a minute?EDIT: 2/10. Lazy and unimaginative. Must try harder.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Anything for you darlingANYTHING I can afford or arrange without great effort on my part
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Please see edit aboveUnless pony has another, ideally non-monetary, rhyming slang that I'm unfamiliar with, you might need to scale it down a bit.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:04, Reply)
So I can have anything I want as long as it doesn't cost money?Gideon Osborne's head on a stick please.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:05, Reply)
It gets worseIf you do move before August I'm going to have to rethink your birthday present. It's not exactly something I can post.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Not fair!Anyways, must dash for the time being. My mum and sisters are off on holiday and I have to go say bye to them, since I'm missing Mother's day and the youngest's birthday. I might be back this afternoon.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:25, Reply)
Ok, if you like you can go and work for my parentstheir house still has the old servant tunnels underneath as the person that built didn't like to see the help cluttering up the view, you may live in the servants flat, you will be paid 4 and 6 a quater and youll like it or it's back to the work house for you.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:57,
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I'm still not feeling it.3/10. You improve for elaborating a bit. It would have been a 4, but spelling and grammar are important.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Brazils, pecans and almonds.Some classical music can make me cry. Mind you I have to be pretty depressed to start with.
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girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:39,
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I don't know, but the worst kind is 'tag'followed closely by almonds.
I'm going with cashews, actually.
Alt: can be technically impressive, but much of it does little for me apart from folks like the lairy Russians and Wagner.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:40,
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cashews are nomBrazils nuts are too.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:42,
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Totally areSome are right angled.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:44,
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Well done for getting the obvious joke that flew over Monty's drug addled brain(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:46,
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Today's Help The Aged day(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:49,
Reply)
CONGRATS !www.guardian.co.uk/travel/2011/mar/25/east-london-cheap-eats-restaurants?CMP=twt_gu
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:43,
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Shit that's a good few of my secret spots blown now.Thanks for the link though.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:46,
Reply)
Both Beigal Bake AND TayyabsAwesome.
See, London has the best places to eat.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:49, Reply)
I don't really see why anyone eats anywhere else, to tell you the truth.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:51,
Reply)
Well, we need somewhere for the Povvos to go.Plus some people like to eat in Southgate. If they are after Sushi.
I really hope this is good Sushi Gonz, there is a lot riding on this saturday. My marriage and my relationship with my best friend for starters.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Riding?What sort of establishment are we visiting?
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thealternativefact, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:56,
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Didn't Gonz tell you?They've taken out all the chairs and replaced them with Sybians.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:59, Reply)
So that's why you were punching the air with joy(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:00,
Reply)
Punching the air?I was jizzing off the top of a tower block I was so happy.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:03, Reply)
CHAAAANGE PLAAAACES !*Alice in Wonder Land
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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It's pretty good, I might tempora some confectionary for afters too !(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:58,
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Oh Boy, Oh Gosh, Oh Golly, I'm so excited about the weekend now.I'm getting my birthday present in the morning and then some awesoem sushi in the evening.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:59, Reply)
You're married nowSo birthday present no longer equals a blowjob.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:01,
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Any special kind?(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:02,
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Dunno yetI like the Citzen ones that charge when you move the strap.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I like Fossil watches.Hence I'm wearing one.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:11,
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I saw some of them and liked thembut I'm after something in steel and black.
Something like this:
www.citizenwatch.com/CUK/English/detail.asp?Country=CUK&Language=English&ModelNumber=CB0020-50E
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:13, Reply)
That is indeed a nice watch(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:17,
Reply)
I got this one after TWLwww.skywatches.com.sg/reviews/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/040ec09b1e35df139433887a97daa66f/s/w/sw_pl12076jsu-02m.jpg
Apologies for website salesmanship, only pic I could find with the metal strap
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:18, Reply)
That's rather nice too.If it came with a steel strap I'd like it more.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)
I have an Eco-Drive watchthey're powered by light, not movement. My last watch was a Seiko kinetic, which was powered by movement. However, as I didn't have parkinson's, and I'm not left handed, it kept losing time.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:20,
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Tokyo Flash are my fave watch designers, if my watch didn't have sentiment, I'd be wearing one of them.www.tokyoflash.com/en/watches/1/
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:24,
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You still have to get blowjobs after you're married? Fuck that, way too much effort.I'd rather have a nice meal cooked for me or something.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:13,
Reply)
It was your turn to be in my dreams last night.Along with a plethora of other B3tans. All events took place in the Queen Vic. Your ex-nutjob came back pregnant and was trying to weedle herself back into your life. It was my job to bundle her into the ladies toilets and dissuade her from doing so. Your brother was also present, although obviously I have no idea what he looks like. I think he looked like some sort of generic you. I seem to remember Clendrix keeping Lusty busy while everyone else was trying to keep your ex away from you.
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girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:44,
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OH MY GODi DREAMT ABOUT b3TANS TOO. nEED TO GET OUT MORE :(
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:59,
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I hope there was plenty of SHUT IT YOU SLAAAAAG!LEAVE IT AHT, E'S NOT WERF IT!
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:19, Reply)
Alt alt: shagpile carpet.My grandma used to have it in her living room. It was so deep you could get lost in it.
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girlinthehole, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:49,
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I have to go see Mummybadger(
TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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She doesn'tShe loves dogs not children
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:54,
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Mars Rover Spirit has been lost for over a year now.They're going to give up on her :(
news.discovery.com/space/mars-rover-down-spirit-stays-silent-110329.html
And xkcd did this today: xkcd.com/695/
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:58, Reply)
That is a sadOne day it may be brought home and stuck in the Smitsonian.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:08,
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I hope so, it's upset me a bit.I may have watched Wall-E a few too many times (i.e. more than once).
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Brazil nuts are yummybut walnuts are also fabby.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:04,
Reply)
May I offer you a brazil nut from this special pack?I won't have one myself. Don't like them. No, of course they're not poisoned!
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:07, Reply)
You need to update your "nemesis-ing"Offering sweets is not evil
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09,
Reply)
All-out hostility and nuclear warfare have failedI'm going with the Russian tactics
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Unleash the umbrella of doom(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:10,
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I am neither The Penguin nor interested in unleashing the T-Virusso I have unfortunately lost you
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:14, Reply)
You fucking heathenwww.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/history/story/2007/01/070117_markov.shtml
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:17,
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Never mind, CowI understood what you meant. Won't you come over to my side? It's sunny here, and people are intelligent.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:21,
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All you can bring to her side are consistently high-quality gay jibesWhich I have learnt to deflect using my Scoring System of Doom
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:24, Reply)
But with our combined forceswe can create the ultimate gay jibe.
*starts the jibinator*
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:29,
Reply)
I welcome the first ever 10/10To get such a score the jibe will have to be funnier than anything John Cleese has ever said. That's the new standard. Which I've just made up.
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Yeah?Well....
YOU LIKE TOUCHING OTHER MEN'S COCKS!!!!
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:33,
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OoooohLooks like we've had a mis-fire. I'll get the techies right on that.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:34,
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Phew!For a minute there I thought you had awarded it!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:33,
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Judging by the standard your Glorious Leader has set above,all your future jibes will be deducted a mark by association. Try getting that perfect score now, genius
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Woo Hoo!You will also find that no-one on this side will try to roger you senseless.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:24,
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Hey!*re-reads small print*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:25,
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M6 brass domehead.No other nut comes close to this classic piece of design. Even the M8 is a poor relation.
Alt: Classical music is past its peak. I can't think of anything after 1960 that is not utter bilge. I think there are some good film themes though, but this is a separate genre.
Alt Alt: Persian rugs are the best for rolling around on, followed by sheepskin rugs, they're good too.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:06,
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Any carpet is good for rollingYou just need to remove any Lego/Duplo pieces first (speaking from experience)
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:07,
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Not cheapo nylon ones.Bad for burns, static build up, lack of bounce, etc etc.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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That is more your rolling styleBad workman innit
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:10,
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A chef never uses cheap knives.A carpet roller shouldn't use inferior carpet.
I think we can all agree on that.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:13,
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Sometimes you have to roll with it(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:16,
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LTIand never darken our door with your O***s-referencing nonsense again
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:20, Reply)
It was more carpet than OasisThat was merely a coincidence
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
That doesn't make it OKOnly by means of constant vigilence can we rid our society of the musical evils perpetrated upon it
(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:23, Reply)
Watch out!He's gone Supersonic
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:26,
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I dunno, I go away to do some work, and Darth is White Knighting meI feel quite sick now.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:31,
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Yeah, a bit.Please don't do it again.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:35,
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How the fuck else am I supposed to shoe-horn an Oasis song in?Some Might Say you were not playing the game here
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:32,
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You have no idea how traumatising that post is for meas mr b3th recently bought 300 fucking kilos of assorted nuts and bolts, and I have helped him to catalogue them. In case you were interested, that is a fuckload of nuts and bastard bolts.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:09,
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Any reasonor is he just a bit "special"?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:11,
Reply)
oh, he's definitely a bit 'special'but he was visiting a factory that was closing down and getting rid of all their stock and he bought a load of stuff to sell on eBay. Over the course of the next four or five years we may well sell the whole lot.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:13,
Reply)
wow!I could not be arsed to sort all that out
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:14,
Reply)
I get quite upset when people mistake screws for bolts.If the thread goes all the way to the head, its a screw.
If the thread goes only partially along the shaft, its a bolt.
Were they screws or bolts?
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:12,
Reply)
boththere were also washers, spacers, self-tappers...
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:14,
Reply)
You want to come round and play with mr b3th in his workshop?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:15,
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Are you asking someone from the internet to come around and play with your husband's nuts?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:24,
Reply)
is now an honest womanhas just been too honest there
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:28,
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unfortunately for meI am a really shit liar. I am also very bad at poker. I'm afraid unswerving honesty is just in my nature.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:32,
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Yeah, I'll come and sort his nuts out for him.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:31,
Reply)
Today, like yesterday, I'm going through hundreds of videosHalf are nasty, illegal and disgusting, but one just started that has the title 'Lesbian Squirting Midgets'. So far, so Ronseal.
Edit: Actually NO. These are clearly DWARVES!
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:14,
Reply)
Haha!You have the weirdest job
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:18,
Reply)
It has it's upsand it's soul-crushing, sanity-flaying downs.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:20,
Reply)
Ups beingLesbian Squirting Midgets?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
DWARVES!(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:23,
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Hence the soul-crushing lows(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:27,
Reply)
Sweet titty-fuckin' ChristJust saw a 70s production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves... porn.
There was not one dwarf amongst them, all seven were MIDGETS!
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:38,
Reply)
Call trading standards now!I wanted little people with their heads IN proportion to their bodies!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:20,
Reply)
Here you gohttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Lord-Rings-Trilogy-Extended-Box/dp/B0002VJT2C/ref=sr_1_3?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1301566947&sr=1-3
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:23,
Reply)
Too much gay suggestion, not enough ring rimming(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:29,
Reply)
1. Click goo.gl/e6k8E 2. Click "see all customer images"
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:17,
Reply)
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