SouthEastern Trains are cunts.
Just went to my local station because I dropped my passport whilst running for a train on Saturday. A lad banged on the door having picked it up but the train was already pulling away, so he shouted through the window that he'd hand it in. Nice guy.

The bloke behind the counter just now told me yes, a passport was handed in. Fantastic. He then told me it's their policy to cut any passports they find/get given in half and send them to the Home Office's passport centre. Not so fantastic. He agreed that it was totally ridiculous and was quite apologetic about the whole thing, however that doesn't change the fact I now need to fork out £70 for a new one.

What daft protocols have you encountered lately?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:51, 224 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

what the fuck?
I'd fucking charge them as it wasn't their passport to chop up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)

It probably wasn't Barrys to begin with.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Don't they all belong to the goverment and you just borrow them or something like that?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

If your travelling within the UK you don't need to produce your passport

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

He's from South East London, Rory.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

They are a funny lot down that way
and by funny I mean gyppos
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Silly Barry

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

I lured a prostitute to some secluded woodland near my home
and beat her to death with a hammer. Turns out it's fucking illegal! It's political correctness gone mad, I tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Area of outstanding natural beauty and you sullied it with hooker blood
shame on you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)

I hope you were wearing a grim hat.

( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)

Reading this was like someone walking over my grave.
A chill entered my heart.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)

...as a hammer entered your frontal lobe.

( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)

The eyes, Clendrix...
the eyes....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

I know. Don't look.
Sit in the corner and shriek about it instead.
Much more fun.
( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Just because you can't see the eyes right now
Doesn't mean they can't see you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)

I approve of you saying this now that we're not trapped next to him.

( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

HE KISSED MY NECK

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

This is wrong.

( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I feel sick

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I'm barricading myself into my home tonight.
*buys loads of tinned food and a shotgun*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)

That won't stop him
Nothing can stop him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

I am genuinely unsettled by thinking about THE EYES.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:29, Reply)

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:32, Reply)

He grabbed my arse as well and said I wasn't a true b3tan because I told him not to.
:(
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)

You're lucky he only grabbed your arse.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)

True it was only a four hour shower that night.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Hahahaha
Just the one bottle of vim and four scourers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:41, Reply)

I don't think the bleach bath would be good for my complextion.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Who is that?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:27, Reply)

*vomits in terror*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)

in terror on slippers
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)

heart?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Best band going, mate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

How can I get you alone?

( thealternativefact, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Listen, I think Lusty might read this, so text instead yeah?



Oh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Daily Mail in similar "why can't we do this here?" shocker
www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Because to have a goverment tell you what you can & can't wear reminds me of the Jews golden stars

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

*shrugs*
It worked OK last time, until fucking do-gooders barged their not inconsiderable noses in.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Something I learnt recently on my trip to Berlin
was that the Pink Triangle was the badge for gays in concentration camps, and was later reclaimed for use as a gay rights icon.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

*buys one for DF*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

My brother swears he saw an item on Points of View
where someone wrote in complaining about a perceived anti-Semitic reference on some programme. The presenter claimed this wasn't actually racist but said 'a gold star for you for observation, though'. I suspect he is making this up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Does that mean they'll arrest all the little fuckers on Halloween
and all the wankers on New Years Eve?

Hope so
( Peej, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Someone answered this week's QOTW with Albert Fish
He was fucking horrific.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Eh? No he wasn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

You better not try and cut off my behind and roast it.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I make no promises.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)

YOU ARE NEVER GOING ANYWHERE NEAR MY BEHIND AGAIN

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Pfft! I love a good roasting.

( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:18, Reply)

All data protection is a bit silly really.
Well more like it's a ballache.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

We still have to fax certain things because some email systems don't meet the security standards.
Fax stuff for fucks sake.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Who even has a fax these days?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Chompy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

a fax factory

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Word bitch

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

Freemasons.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

My local lodge has a lift that goes up and down 4 stairs. I don't mean 4 flights of stairs, I mean 4 steps.
seriously.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

They should just make a ramp
shittest masons ever.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Hahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

This is why you should never go for the lowest quote

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)

We do
As do solicitors, courts, cop stations etc.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)

I encounter this occasionally.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

I hope you opened a can of whoop-ass
It's the only way they learn.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)

Drinking is no longer allowed on some trains.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Gay trains.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)

Gay's drink, otherwise babycham would go bust

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)

Every gay man I know drinks pints.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)

THATS THE JOKE
EDIT: + of semen
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Stop making this board more homophobic.
You're ruining the internet.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Well I don't want to put monty and AA out of theri internet jobs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

You're not impressing anyone, stop showing off.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

+ of baby gravy

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Mindpiss

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Let's be clear here, nobody will give a shit

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)

Please clarify
Nobody will give a shit about Barry's destroyed passport, or someone opening a can of whoop-ass?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Just everything, it's Existential nihilism man

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Wow
That's like, deep.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I'm like the thinking mans Panthera leo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)

e a le

Thundercatslols.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I fear you may be lolling alone, here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Complain to them
and see what you get.

We have to follow stupid protocols for everything. I'm based in Marble Arch and if I want to visit our office in London Bridge, I have to write a Safe Plan of Action (4 pages) explaining how I'm going to go there, why, can I avoid the travel, which transport I'm using, reasons why it's the best and safest way to get there... honestly, 1h job for 20min trip!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)

+in London
You will be raped, murdered, then raped again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

You'll either be mugged or not appreciated

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Partridge lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I can only assume you are on some sort of mong placement in the community

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

POTD

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)

Hmmmm policy or not
its still the destruction of someone elses property.

If I had a policy of smashing up any cars parked in my driveway I'm pretty sure I would still get in trouble despite them being on my property. I'd complain if I were you.
( Peej, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)

That way the terrorists will win !!1!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)

This is an excellent point
I award it a click
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

One company we do work for are so shit we have to only converse by email so we always have proof that all fuck ups are down to them.
Which means more work for me.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)

I do this, after a phone call I note down the salient point and get them to agree

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I have to do this with my boss.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)

What a great mentor he must be

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)

I've learnt huge amounts about how to be a stingy, erratic and unreasonable wanker from him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Fucking hell, if he can teach you that he must be a master.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Preaching to the converted, innit?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)

I am many things but stingy is not one of them.
Ask NatWest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Whenever machine drawings went missing here, (which could be anything from a proper CAD drawing to a doodle on a scrap of paper, my dad would always blame me.
Now I refuse to keep, handle or go anywhere near them so I can't be blamed.
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Words cannot explain how much I want this.
www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/90185754
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:24, Reply)

"Encourages role play"
Pervert
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)

And if you swap the vowels
it becomes "Diktug". FILTH.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:26, Reply)

And it can be yours for just £6.12.
Although I'm not sure why you'd want it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Because I want a breakfast themed play set
involving a cuddly toy knife.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Yeah Jeff you IDIOT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Sorry Monty.
I've let myself down.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)

I could put safety pins on the fried egg and have a fried egg badge
and attach bobby pins to the bacon for bacon-hair interfacing.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)

bacon hair?
It'll be like adding streaks.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I need to be careful when I put products on it
It might get a bit crispy at the back.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:32, Reply)

It'll be
best (at the) back.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:34, Reply)

You're making a right pig's ear out of this one.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:37, Reply)

No need to ham it up

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Gammon, that was terrible.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Well why not see if someone will buy it for you instead of an Easter egg.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:31, Reply)

You can't order it online :(
otherwise I'd be buying it myself in a motherfucking flash.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:33, Reply)

TO LAKESIDE!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Actually it'll take less than an hour from my house to Chafford Hundred.
I could go to the only Taco Bell in England when I'm there.
You've put the idea into my head now...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Awesome I look forward to the facebook update later of you playing with cuddly meat

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I've already uploaded pictures of ducks today
and a scary Russian woman...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:47, Reply)

LOVE IT

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:01, Reply)

...to wear?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I'll put a slit in one of my dresses and sew it sticking out.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Attach it to a belt
And pretend you're cosplaying Seven.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:34, Reply)

-ducks as reference goes over head-

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Have you seen the film Seven?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I went to sleep during that in the cinema.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Yes...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:37, Reply)

The hooker for 'Lust'
Gets fucked with a bladed strap-on.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Yes, I know.
Don't see how it corresponds to putting it on a belt!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:49, Reply)

To make a felt bladed strap-on....
Nevermind.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:54, Reply)

One of them gets killed by a sort of knife strapon thing,

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I must have slept through that bit. I think I might remember that.
There was a head in a box wasn't there? It really wasn't very scary was it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:51, Reply)

It's not meant to be scary, more unnerving
It's a thriller, not a horror.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:55, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/creepy/post1160742
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Wood is where it's at.
www.kiddiroo.co.uk/kids-toys/1287/Wooden-Pizza-Party-Childrens-Playset#
( girlinthehole, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:33, Reply)

But cuddly is funnier!
And looks so delicious :(

www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/70185745
www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/10185748
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)

evening, all
paperwork. Fucking all of it. It seems a large part of my job is to generate it, fill it in, get other people to fill it in and give it to someone else or put it in a file. MOstly I forget to give it to the right person, so a lot of my job is to forge dates on paperwork, too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Sounds fun...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 16:59, Reply)

'key skills' will be the death of me
and all of education
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:01, Reply)

From what I hear
many pupil's key skills stretch to breathing and stabbing.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:02, Reply)

some seem to be quite good at getting pregnant

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:05, Reply)

I'm good at doing that to girls to

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:08, Reply)

uh...well done?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:09, Reply)

in a good way
the wife got pregnant 3 months after coming off the pill, babba due in August.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:12, Reply)

yay - then proper well done
I was concerned what followed would involve a story that ended with you on a sex offenders register.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:13, Reply)

Oh there are plenty of those too,
but the internet got me in trouble in the first place so best to keep them "offline"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:15, Reply)

pesky internet

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:16, Reply)

It's not an area I struggle with either.
In a marginally less good way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:18, Reply)

I'm bored and depressed
Someone cheer me up... please?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Hello there.
I too am bored.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:17, Reply)

It's deathly quiet on here today
my depressive head thinks I have broken OT. What are you up to?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:19, Reply)

I am still at work, physically at least.
I never leave before 6pm. It's bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:21, Reply)

What do you think is causing your depression?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:19, Reply)

her boredem

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:20, Reply)

It may have something to do with the fact that I have depression.
And having been on such a high this weekend, to come crashing down with the shitness of today, well that's not helping.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:20, Reply)

I was on such a high this weekend
that I've been blowing bloody clots of green snot out my nose for 48 hours.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:22, Reply)

What a lovely mental image as I search for a recipe to cook for my friends tomorrow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

It's like a bizarre salsa verde/black pudding hybrid.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Bumbersnot!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

I solved that by having a shit sunday

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

How was today? Manic?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)

And tomorrow will be terrifying tuesday

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Oh, I thought you were going to lay the blame on todays postings, in which case I was going to wholeheartedly agree

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

Today has been rubbish and I've been heer since lunch time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)

What's this got to do with the German land army?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:24, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHA

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Hahahahah indeed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I'm so bored I'm reduced to a Jeffism

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)

:(

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Everything Rory, everything

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)

If they hadn't have been so lazy in the 40s we wouldn't be in the mess we are today.
That's what.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Instead of fucking around in the Balkans they should have started Barbarossa earlier

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)

So many terrible errors.
AH assuming supreme command of the Wehrmacht and Luftwaffe was a fucking disaster. That said Goering was shite and all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:35, Reply)

He be trippin
literally
What an excellent way to spend a war, off your face
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Morphine wasn't it?
A habit acquired following a WWI injury?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Cocaine as well, as well as amphetamine
How he was such a fat cunt is beyond me
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)

That I didn't know.
What a guy.

The only reason junkies are traditionally thin is because in general they have to choose between food and smack and pick the latter. If you're rich, there's no need to miss your meals...

Also, one of my old schoolfriends is a cocaine dealer who gets through shitloads and is fat as fuck.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:45, Reply)

He must be a right orrible sweaty bastard, his heart will give out one day quite soon
No doubt the paramedics will recoil from his corpulent mess cos he's shit and pissed himself
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:52, Reply)

He really, really is.
It's quite repulsive. I too fear for a coronary sooner rather than later for the boy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:53, Reply)

After the war ended
he was forced to give up his drugs in custody, and lost shitloads of weight - and regained his youthful mental sharpness. He was expected to be a fucking joke at his trial but was actually surprisingly with it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:50, Reply)

He gave the original prosecutor the right run around, so he had to be replaced.
He used to while away trial days taking the piss out of Hess for being a mental lols
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Ah, the good old days...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Ever read Ian Kershaw's 'Hitler'?
Fuck me that is an excellent piece of academic research. Amazing book.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:03, Reply)

I'll give that a go Monty

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:09, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=w89bFK3PvBA
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:20, Reply)

hahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I'm making a collection of
youtube clips to cheer people up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Best put this in then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxYBpZ70y70
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

That was a classic.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:25, Reply)

where was that from?
It's fucking fantastic.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)

YouTube.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:28, Reply)

'Lol'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)

No idea, sorry. A friend sent me the link a while back.
Up there with the Anthea Turner clip. And the Blue Peter garden classic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)

This one.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=s59vXMOpmJk

hahahahaha
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Hahahah indeed

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:33, Reply)

I still
don't like it. I don't like people getting hurt. I think I need to man up
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:30, Reply)

That's not a person
It's Bobby Davro...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:31, Reply)

You're insane.
It's Bobby pissing Davro. I'd enjoy watching him have his fingernails pulled out with pliers.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)

i didn't watch ITV as a child
therefore I am unmoved by your argument
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)

I rarely did.
You only need to have seen 5 minutes of this wanker in action to feel this way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Bobby Davro is indeed a twat
but at least he's not Keith bastard Chegwin.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:42, Reply)

He does have that one small advantage.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:48, Reply)

What was that?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Cheggers has a micropenis and was an alkie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:03, Reply)

This clip has been a constant presence in my life for almost two weeks now.
I still can't work out what it makes me feel.
I can't believe it's not fake, what with the golden light-entertainment hierarchy line-up involved.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:02, Reply)

Thank you. That genuinely helped.
His little happy face is just adorable. Also, 'Give me back that umbrella, bitch! That light is right is my fucking eyes. Ah, tickles! Don't mind if I do...'

Where can I get a Slow Loris?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:23, Reply)

here
tinyurl.com/6e4edgf
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:27, Reply)

They'd be most offended if you asked for a slow one though

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Do you think you're fucking funny, Jeff?
Well - do you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)

No, I don't actually.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Neither do we.
Now kindly sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Because I'm a cunt:
newsfeed.time.com/2011/03/24/not-so-cuddly-now-those-cute-slow-loris-videos-may-be-products-of-abuse/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:26, Reply)

you are a cunt

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:29, Reply)

Toodle pip!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:28, Reply)

Or as Jeff likes to say:
Poodle Tip!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:33, Reply)

You know 'the internet'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)

My neice asked me the other day why
the butterfly wasn't called a 'flutter-by' as she thinks it's a better name.

She is 6.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:36, Reply)

She asked me
if all the males in my family had knobs as huge as mine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:37, Reply)

hahahahahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 17:38, Reply)

I call them Flutter bys, you're niece is therefore a spastic...

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:04, Reply)

I wouldn't call "spastic" with grammar like that.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:07, Reply)

ssssh Noel, stop undermining me!!! You cunt!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:10, Reply)

FCO states
A UK passport remains the property of Her Majesty’s Government in the United Kingdom and may be withdrawn at any time.
It should not be tampered with and should not be allowed to pass into the possession of an unauthorised person.
Tampering with a passport constitutes a criminal offence and renders it invalid for use.
Any case of loss or destruction should be reported immediately to the local police.
When overseas please report the theft of your passport to the local police and then the nearest British diplomatic mission.
All non-theft related passport queries should be referred directly to the British diplomatic mission.

I'm sure destruction by a third party would be seen as tampering.
Complain to the FCO and see what happens.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 11 Apr 2011, 18:23, Reply)