is it time yet
for the lunch thread?
I have some rather fantastic cheese - Black Bomber - which is just about to be devoured in one sitting with crackers and pickle type things
What is the best cheese in the world and why?

Alt Q: Can I have a job please, I'm bored.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:42, 102 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm partial to Attack Cheese myself - anything with chillis in it, basically
Otherwise, Cantale, which I'm not sure is even available over here but luckily the in-laws have French family. Speaking of which, when I was last in France I found myself perplexed by the lack of French Cheddar. Sometimes I wonder how walking in a straight line comes so naturally to me.

Alt: I need someone to carry out a series of assassinations on Swansea-based footballers. You are free to use any methods you see fit, including disintegrations.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Cantal
is available in Waitrose and Tesco - there are a few varieties tho......
I am allergic to football and so cannot assist although you do not mention the wage for which I could overcome this affliction.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

That's embarrassing
Is it really? Not our Tesco, it's not, but then I do live in Norfolk.

All the Swansea footballers I mention are also cat rapists and illegal immigrants whose continued existence is driving down house prices nationwide, or, if you don't read the Daily Mail, are practising Scientologists and Michael McIntyre enthusiasts.

Does that help?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

We are still missing a vital point
What is the amount of cash that you are prepared to part with in exchange for me carrying out this service to feckin' football?
Oh - try Epoisses - it is the king of all cheese, even if it is french.....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Thank you for the recommendation
I'm trying to encourage you to do this out of a sense of moral responsiblity. Shall we open at... 5 pence? Per kill?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

and my travelling expenses?
Overnight digs with full english breakfast? Beer tokens?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I assumed such manly pasttimes would be of no interest to anyone who doesn't like football
I'll lend you a tent
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I have a tent
and rather splendid it is too. But it does need two people to erect and the BF has flatly refused to entertain the idea of being under canvas ever again.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I'll meet you just outside Aberystwyth and we'll go from there

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Never
I went there once on a family holiday when I was 10. i am still scarred.Can't you pick me up on way from Norwich?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Oh, you're assuming I've got one of those new-fangled horseless carriages
I usually travel by laser-guided catapult
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 13:04, Reply)

I can't walk on straight lines
I keep going from one side to the other, kind of stumbling. I know it's annoying for everybody else, but I just can't manage, I think I don't have any sense of balance.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

You are drunk
AICMFP
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I do feel drunk right now
but I think it's hayfever.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

It's your massive brain disturbing your sense of balance, Aber

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Hahaha
It's a nice way to say that I have a massive head.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I would never accuse you of such a thing Aber
You're nowhere near as arrogant as a hot Barcelona fan deserves to be
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Hahaha!
I'm keeping it down until the 28th. I have the feeling that ManU is going to beat Barsa and then Mark will be laughing at me for months.

That Sat is going to be interesting: BGB's bash, Doctor Who and Champions' final.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Will they fuck
Barcelona are a better team than the one that embarrassed Man Utd 2 years ago
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Yeah, well
that doesn't mean anything. Luck plays a lot too. Barsa is better than RM too and RM won the King's Cup.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I like all cheeses, as far as I know
A job? You can have mine and I get to spend the day at home, ok?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

All cheeses.... even 'knob'?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

You're always so nice
only if I know the cow from where it's coming.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

From the snowdinia cheese company? I meet them on sunday.
They've got an expermental blue cheese they're hopefully going to start doing which is fantastic. I also really liked their pickle one.

My fave is a really mature good cannonbear (I've got two in the fridge, that's wrapped in three plastic bags, and you can still smell it when you open the fridge !) or an extreamly blue brie. In most supermarkets, except it seems ASDA, you can get "Pie d'anglois" which is s0o0o0o0o0o0o0oh good.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

SCC
do a really nice one - think it is Welsh Dragon. As soon as I get a job I shall be hitting their website with my debit card.......
Think you would like "Epoisses" Gonz, it is a very ripe Camembert washed in Beaujolais and can get out of a locked fridge without human assistance....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I *think* from the pictures and description I've had it, or something like it, and loved it.
Marks'n'Sparks do a cheese that looks really similar, not sure if it's the same stuff. I also bought a cheese from a posh french place near work that looks similar too. Not 100% sure if it's the same, but sounds the same.

When you go on your cheese spree, check out www.ousevalleyfoods.com/ for some amazing condiments to go with it, their 'Red Chili Jelly' is stunning with cheese. I'm not sure if you're a veggy (I don't know why I think you might be), but if you eat meat, www.hardiesmill.co.uk/ do a "Sweet Cured Aberdeen Angus Beef"... the whole thing together has a real 'wow' to it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Ooh
they have beef bacon. *drools*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:23, Reply)

you really are turning into an utter food bore, Gonz
You'd better tell some knob jokes or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:10, Reply)

It's a food related thread, innit.
Why are jewish men circamsised? Because they know a jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

hahahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I need suggestions for lunch
Your job can be suggesting nice foodstuffs for me to eat
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Me too
Unless someone comes up with something brilliant I might end up at Subway again
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Chicken Laksa today in eat.
Or go to Sains buy a couple of rolls and some pate and cuke. Or fish pate. Indian bits from the deli. Roast dinner sandwich. bangers and mash. scampi and chips.

I am FUCKING starving.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

What is cuke?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

cucumber innit

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

It's how scousers prepare their food

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

They don't cuke.
Not when you can get a sausage dinner for 80p from da chippy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:07, Reply)

at Subway nipping into the toilets with a freshly peeled carrot and a copy of the latest Bravissimo catalogue
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Good point, cheers Al
Might wander past Bravissimo on my way into town
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:03, Reply)

This seasons catalogue
came with a second catalogue for another company. I like the fact that my mrs has fresh wank material for me delivered to her on a regular basis
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Hahaha
*click*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I'm not sure I approve of this new company
Their catalogues don't seem as well laid out as the Bravissimo ones, and they have very subtly driven up the prices, which were frankly exorbitant to start with.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Is this the one that does clothing on the website?
Ridiculous amounts of money to be honest
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

No, a different underwear manufacturer
more slutty stuff than Bravissimo
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:17, Reply)

don't raise my hopes Al

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I'm not actually sure if it's slutty stuff for big tits
or just generally slutty stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Pepperberry
The clothes still look good, and it's the only way I'll ever get a dress that fits all over, but they're still chuffing expensive.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I haven't heard good things about the clothes
the materials seem on the cheap side. Despite that I wish there were more options out there clothing wise
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:23, Reply)

They are also ratehr stupidly emblazoned with a little logo professing to be a "Campaign for curves"
When the models are decidedly on the slim side.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Buying something sexy
for your sexy girlfriend? She's lucky!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Not from Bravissimo sadly
I did buy her underwear recently though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I've been offered half a Hungerbuster Meal Deal
it's two for one, you see - each is a chicken burger, piece of chicken, fries and a drink. Free! I turned it down, I've got sandwiches. I'm a fool!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:06, Reply)

I had a really nice soft cheese
with chilli in it last summer. Can't remember it's name though.

Alt: no, I need any job I can find for myself
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I had the most incredible cheese board at a pub near Ayelsbury
on Easter weekend.

I'd like to hire some people to replace the incompetent people we currently have working for us. What's the easiest way of getting rid of someone for just being a bit shit at their job?

Also, I had a Tayyabs last night but incredibly I've only had one shit so far.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

You were near me!
I do love a good cheeseboard so let me know where it was for future trips out......
Appraisals and one-to-ones, pointing out shortcomings and giving targets for improvement. Want my CV?
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

So once you've had a few appraisals
if they still aren't meeting their targets, you can sack them?

The pub was called the Dinton Hermit.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I think you can
At least in other countries you can, or at least make them redundant.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

verbal warnings
followed by written warnings, although I suspect there may be a quicker way for incompetence.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:06, Reply)

What's your job title?
Or your degree? What do you want to do?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

no degree
Office Manager / PA/ Training Manager/ Housing Officer / Bookkeeper / brilliant customer service skills
I have lots of great things on my CV but the competition is so fierce out there and I need a certain amount of money as I now live on my own, with mortgage, dog, car etc - £18k a year just wont meet the expenses, even with a lodger.And I somehow have to buy out my ex.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Mmmm...
I don't know of any jobs like those at the moment, but will keep my eyes open for you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Thanks honey
Much appreciated x
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:06, Reply)

OH BOY ! REBOUND ! REBOUND ! REBOUND !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Whereabouts are you?

( Kroney, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Hay ! I was there first !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Don't worry Gonz, not treading on any toes.
I work for a recruitment company.
( Kroney, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:35, Reply)

It's alright, AA is probably on the train as we speek.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:46, Reply)

deepest, darkest
Bedfordshire
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Download horse porn onto their computers over night6

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

And claim they touched you in your swimsuit area

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Extra mature cheddar is the boring answer
Now I'm going to be craving cheese on toast all day when all I've got is a health shake.

Alt: Sheffield United have a vacancy I believe
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Parkinsonslolz

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Hahaha
Genuine officelols, my boss is giving me a funny look now
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Someone phoned me and asked me about my availability to manage a football team in Sheffield.
I said, 'I can't manage Wednesday'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

If you eat that all in one sitting I'll be impressed it's strong stuff!
Start your own cheese job, I have one round the corner from me and it's marvelous
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Not fussed about cheese.
But thanks for asking.
( Kroney, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

It doesn't create very sexy poo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:13, Reply)

vivat bacchus
which is a restaurant with a walk-in cheese room has a cheese which is covered in cumin seeds. it is utterly divine.

also i like very offensive stilton, hard-core cheddar, and that fierce cheese with the red and green jalapenos in it. and a nice warm goats cheese. and feta, esp when crumbled over golden crispy fries and scattered with oregano or even in melting fried fritters.

i like cheese.

worst cheese story EVER. dodgy burger-bar after a club. 3am. my friend asks the guy if he can do her a cheeseburger. and he replies "the only cheese around here, darlin', is on the end of my nob." charming.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

in seeds
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:17, Reply)

I spoke to soon
My bowels just required a second emergency evacuation.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:18, Reply)

quick call Kroney

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I fear it would have sickened even him

(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Oh, ye of little faith.

( Kroney, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Pussy.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I was a bit
we were eating with people who hadn't been before so I only had one and a half seek kebabs and we even shared a jug of mango lassi. Hence the generally acceptable state of my guts.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I think I'm going to go next Wednesday. Though I guess I could go tonight.
Maybe.
I don't know :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Food
lots of it. I've always been fine the morning after as well, so cast-iron stomach I guess
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:28, Reply)

I think I'm bad with too much dairy.
I've got to learn the whole of the Apology. For tomorrow.
...

...
Lol.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I'm pondering whether a judicious fall down the stairs
is worthwhile at the moment
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I found the true Tayyabs experience began at around lunchtime
Brace yourself and hold on tight
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:22, Reply)

I have much quicker bowels
sometimes it wakes me up to get an early start.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:24, Reply)

You big girl.
Tayyabs is quality food. It shouldn't give you the trots.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:28, Reply)

If it doesn't make your ringpiece raw
then you haven't had enough seek kebabs and yoghurt sauce.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:29, Reply)

"yoghurt sauce"
From the waiter's cock to your chin.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I'm not you
I don't spend my free time hanging around Darth Foxtrots back door trying to chat up his cast offs.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:32, Reply)

They're perfectly delightful chaps.
Hey, Darth's a busy guy. So much ass, so little time.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Gonz?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:27, Reply)

I used to get a cheese from the Didsbury cheese shop with cumin seeds.
It was bloody nommy.
( girlinthehole, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:33, Reply)

The Cheese Hamlet?
Love that place.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:34, Reply)

the cheese hamlet is awesome
second only to the cheese stall on tod market, which does the spicy one i love AND a crumbly lancashire that could tempt the angels.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 11 May 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I love all cheese. Even pretend cheese.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 May 2011, 13:08, Reply)