I used Match.com
I put my profile on and got a message back the next day. Checked out her profile, she was about my age, single, no kids, looked pretty hot etc. We arranged a date, we met up, got on like a house on fire etc. We went out about 8 or 9 times over the next month or two.

However, it turned out that she had enough emotional baggage to overwelm Heathrow. I won't bore you with the details, but she will never escape her past and it will continue to fuck up her future. No wonder then that at the age of 40 there was a distinct lack of marriages, children, or even long-term partners on her personality CV. Basically she was a fruit loop and it took me a while to figure it out.

I came off Match when I met my present GF, who I was introduced to through a mutual friend.

However, she's also pretty barking so I'm not entirely sure what my fucking point is.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:13, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

tlbdr
You're right you have no point
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

*shrugs shoulders*
Women, eh!?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

My only conclusion on the subject of dating women over 35
Single, hot, sane - pick any 2.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Oi!
*thinks*

Ok you're correct.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

...and which 2 might you be madam?
* wiggles eyebrows *
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Single and sane.
I do scrub up well on a date though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

* takes notes *

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

please don't
the waggly eyebrow thing makes me feel physically violated. and nauseous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

HUGZ4ULOL

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

No, people actually laugh when I do it
They neither feel nauseous nor aroused, sadly. I'd take the 50-50 chance.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

What, like
"Hahaha, you're trying to look hot, hahaha"?

Gutted.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Yes, that's the one.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

oh in person it's amusing
it's just i went on a few dates with this guy last year who would text something slightly saucy and then follow it with *waggles eyebrows* and... it just enraged me. saucy texting is fine. following it with something like that is just offensive!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*waggles willy*
better?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

hang on, i'll just zoom in
try again
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

*WAGGLES HARD*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Ha, no I just usually waggle them in person.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

you can see how it could go so horribly wrong
"i'd really like to cream you" *waggles eyebrows*

no, no, no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

sexiest post EVA

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

the least sexy thing i ever got
was from a rather blunt northern lad who didn't have a clue about the subtleties of talking dirty. prepare your mindbleach and...

"i want to pull your knickers down and go at your fanny for 2 hours or until you've come 3,000 times."

this is wrong on so so so many levels. but primarily the use of the words "fanny" and "knickers" in the context of wooing a girl smoothly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

*takes notes*
Keep going Swipe, this is gold.

*fires up FB chat*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

fires up FB chat wanks like a chimp
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Surely the one intimates the other?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

It's called cutting to the chase, young man

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Lorraine or Chevy?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I liked "go at"
As in "have a right go at" or "charge like a bull at a gate".

I think he would be there for the 2 hours rather than the promised 3,000 orgasms.

If this was the Widnes lad then you have done the right thing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

how ever did you guess!
2 hours is not good. i wouldn't be able to walk for a month.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:45, Reply)

If he could keep going for 2 hours he's probably hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit pois
Just get a film going on your laptop next to the bed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Oh dear god
And you went out with him more than once? That's criminal.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

to misquote anne shirley: my lovelife is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes, reverend.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

So where did you fit in with my 'single, hot, sane' theory?
I don't think you're as old as mid-30s though are you?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

not quite!
i am basically none of the above.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

a bit single, average looking and only moderately mental?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

OK, so you've got a bloke, you're not hot, and you're mental?
*wilts*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

i prefer this to vipros' interpretation :(
actually wait.

they're as bad as each other.

gah.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Single, hot.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Mental

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I wouldn't go as far as "mental".
"Weird" perhaps.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

smiles for noel
ignorings for kroney
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Alright toots?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

got tonsillitis
in so much pain. and i have a big night out tonight and all i want to do is swallow ice cream in a big woolly scarf!

how about you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Yeah not too bad, I had a dream about Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey and Tamsin Greig last night.
They were all hanging out and funny and stuff like they usually are. It's all a bit vague but I think they were in some kind of newsagents. Someone kept calling me Manny and flicking bees at me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

*Resists strikethrough*

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Vive la difference.

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

well
now you know why
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Plus ca change
plus c'est la meme chose.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I shall ask the next woman I contact which two she is
I can't see that causing any problems.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Let us know how you get on with that
if you can
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

No wonder then that at the age of 40 there was a distinct lack of marriages, children, or even long-term partners on her personality CV
Fuck! that's me.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

you're more of a honey nut loop than a fruit loop
*honey nut loops, let's LOOOP together*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Hehe!
I like that.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Why? It's pathetic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

It's cute.
Like you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Quoting cereal adverts is the act of a fucking retard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'm just playing to type

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Why did you post this? For God's sake, why?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

this could be said about most of this lot
most of the time
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Aren't you a ray of sunshine today?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Ignore him.
It's probably the anniversary of Himmler's death or something.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

i am, i thought i'd be nice today after yesterday's ugliness
If Monty doesn't like that he can kiss my hairy bean bag
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

You're ugly every day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Himmler died in disgrace, he is not to be mourned

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Even more reason for Monty to be in a pissy mood.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Himmler was a fucking lightweight.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:28, Reply)

RIP Reinhard Heydrich
Never lacked enthusiasm
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Damn those SOE assassins.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Cunt made it easy for them

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I think they thought that fear of reprisals would prevent anyone taking him out.
Whether it was of benefit to anyone is a little questionable anyway - it's not like they pulled out of Czechoslovakia and said sorry after his assassination, is it? They just rounded up and shot a load of slavs and then someone else got Heydrich's job.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

And what a job!!!!!!
Amusing 3rd Reich tv version of 'the Apprentice' with tasks ranging from how many jews you can shoot in a forest in 60 minutes to how many jew hair wigs you can sell
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

How many 'limited edition' numbered skin-lamps you own etc

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Didn't they "ice" an entire village/town because of this.
Lidice or somewhere.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Quite a few.
Lidice was a real hissy fit over Heydrich.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

They bulldozed it and ground up the rubble I believe.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Eichmann was the real deal.
*looks up at poster in admiration*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

who was the one who fucked off
with germany's entire supply of coke?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I wasn't even there. Honest.

(was it Mengele?)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

no, it began with an "h"
my half-german ex, whose daddy actually was an SS officer, used to rave on about him when he got drunk (and boring).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I wouldn't find that boring.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I'm sure you wouldn't
I'm also sure that Swipey will gladly give you his number.

Whether you'll be so happy about waking up every morning surrounded in shite is quite another matter though....
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

goering, that was it!
from about 1942 onwards, he just absconded with the army's medical supply of cocaine and hooned it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

He was a massive caner.
During the Nuremberg trials he ran out of drugs, lost several stone and was suddenly really fucking sharp. Developed his habits following treatment for WWI iunjuries, I believe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Blimey, how old was he if his father was in the SS?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Think of B3th's husband - but about ten years younger...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

his dad was in his 50's when he was born
and he was 40 this april (i think. haven't seen him in a fair few years, although he calls me regularly for sex when his wife is away. he's nice like that).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

ah, right, late kid
makes sense. I was thinking he'd be in his late fifties by now
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Was it Herman?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Herman the German?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

LOL my German teacher Mrs. Herman aka 'Herman the German'
LOLOLOLOLOL she was Jewish LOLOLOLOLOL
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

That's the one.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

As far as I can tell
your point is "women are mental however you meet them".

Which I think we already knew.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Yes, that's right
But I appear to have been conducting a life-long fucking research project on the subject.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Some people conduct life-long research projects on science and stuff
At least yours involved getting laid.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Well that's true
but you've not seen my ex-wife. What the fuck was I thinking?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

We've all got one of those mate, I very nearly married mine too
There are ways to escape the tyranny of mental women, you know. There's this programme called Glee, right...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Do go on.....
*claps hands excitedly*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Hahaha
My work here is done, it would seem
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

DF: gaying the internet one person at a time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Don't be so beastly!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

nah, he can turn any number of women at once
just by mincing into the room
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Pfft! anyone who would consider boffing me can't be all bad.
Understands this leaves me open to all sorts of insults.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)