comments please
i was texting my friend last night, and she was all upset because some match.com weirdo had just done a disappearing act after 3 dates. i was trying to cheer her up by asking her why she was bothered about someone who was never really in her league, blah blah. anyway, she finally came out with this little nugget:

"it's the INTERNET. it provides a safe space for the socially retarded to interact with others who wouldn't normally give them the time of day."

thoughts, comments, amusing additions?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:02, 207 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I interact with the socially retarded in real life too.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Don't we all, blousie.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

You two think you've got it bad
I LIVE IN NORFOLK
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:06, Reply)

yeah, but
constantly interacting with students, here. IMAGINE.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Ooooooh, I'd forgotten that
We need a "surrounded by mongs" badge
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Bit harsh saying some internet weirdo is out of her league

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

If she's on Match
she's definitely high in the internet wierdo stakes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Nah mate
UniformDating.com, that's a whole other league
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I love uniforms.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

That place is really odd
there must be a whole set of couples who both think they are meeting someone who works in uniform, but they don't.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I can't help but think that anyone on that site who actually wears a uniform
must be really fucking minging. Anyone who's actually a nurse or a fireman should be able to use that to their advantage IRL, unless they munt on a colossal scale.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I think we're duty bound
to get "munting on a himalayan scale" or something similar into common usage.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Agreed
Let's get on this

*Makes conversation with female colleagues*

Yeah, they don't like that. And now my face hurts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Wearing them?

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Yep.Both.All.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

My profile on that shows that I'm looking for traffic wardens.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

i before e except after c
or when you are being weird.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

ie before e?
hear that? that's the sound of a petard being well and truly hoisted.

Edit, Swipe, that's the slowest ninja in the history of ninjing. I hope you're giving us your full attention, here
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:08, Reply)

There was a whole thing about that phrase recently
because it's actually not that accurate.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

no, not particularly.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I'm referring to the i before e thing
not the hoisted by your own petard.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

yeah, so was I
as in I was agreeing with you.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Yeah I thought so, but wanted to check
or that could have been really embarrassing
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

viz "weird"
a word she uses in the exact same post.

Upon closer inspection, this may in fact have been the joke.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

It was on QI
They don't teach it in schools any more because there are more exceptions to the rule than actual examples of the rule - glacier, species, etc.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

of course i am darling
you ALWAYS get my full attention, here, there, everywhere...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Splendid, my sweet.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

b3ta certainly isn't a safe space.
I can see why she is upset, getting ditched by someone who can't meet women in real life.

Is your friend hot?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

not my type
but guys seem to think so
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Is she easy?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Straight to the point
Morning Al
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Morning ape
how's your heavily pregnant mrs?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Heavily pregant and staying in bed
She feels bad, but hasn't had a single day off due to pregnancy realted woes so i reckon she's due one.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Christ, if I could get pregnant I'd never be in work
it's the ultimate excuse.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

That and periods
basically vaginas ftw
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

she's on Match.
she's certainly desperate.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:10, Reply)

no more so than anyone else

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Girls can't pick out hot girls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:09, Reply)

100% fact.

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Is that why all real lesbians are ugly?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Lesbians are just girls who can't get a man so give up and munch the tuna canoe instead

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Truefact!
So why am I not still a lesbian.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Because you have class.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

And love willies.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Loving the willies.
It's what they were made for.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

because somewhere out there is the right man, just waiting for the wonderful BGB waltz into his life!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Darth?

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:14, Reply)

He said "man"

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Bitch

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Love you.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I donno, the ones in the documentaries I watch seem alright looking.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:12, Reply)

they bloody aren't, trust me.
Although in couples, a really high proportion seem to have one stunningly fit one and one who has been properly set on fire and put out with the ugly shovel. Much more so than straight and gay male couples. Perhaps I can get some funding to research this...
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I know a lesbian couple who are both pretty hot
Although one of them is a definite brown bagger, she has magnificent norkage.

Mental, though. MENTAL.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Well, if you let us have her name
We can register and all ask her out on a date.

She feels validated, we get laid. It's win-win, innit?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

ha, like she'd tell me her match.com user name
she's not entirely stupid!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

It would take five minutes, even factoring in her loss of 2 to 5 years in age and description as 'cuddly'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

oof you're so cynical

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Gaz me the details and I'll strike comedy GOLD

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

more than my life's worth
to set her up with a b3tan...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I see your point
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1385889/Joel-Hardman-wore-female-rubber-mask-wig-spy-women-public-toilets.html
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Oh god....
i wonder if he had that beard whilst he was out perving
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:50, Reply)

NECKBEARD!!!!!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Worst pirate ever

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

it's good that you escaped jail though!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)

You've done it often enough.
You just don't want her hunting in your patch.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I used Match.com
I put my profile on and got a message back the next day. Checked out her profile, she was about my age, single, no kids, looked pretty hot etc. We arranged a date, we met up, got on like a house on fire etc. We went out about 8 or 9 times over the next month or two.

However, it turned out that she had enough emotional baggage to overwelm Heathrow. I won't bore you with the details, but she will never escape her past and it will continue to fuck up her future. No wonder then that at the age of 40 there was a distinct lack of marriages, children, or even long-term partners on her personality CV. Basically she was a fruit loop and it took me a while to figure it out.

I came off Match when I met my present GF, who I was introduced to through a mutual friend.

However, she's also pretty barking so I'm not entirely sure what my fucking point is.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:13, Reply)

tlbdr
You're right you have no point
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

*shrugs shoulders*
Women, eh!?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:15, Reply)

My only conclusion on the subject of dating women over 35
Single, hot, sane - pick any 2.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Oi!
*thinks*

Ok you're correct.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:19, Reply)

...and which 2 might you be madam?
* wiggles eyebrows *
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Single and sane.
I do scrub up well on a date though.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

* takes notes *

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

please don't
the waggly eyebrow thing makes me feel physically violated. and nauseous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

HUGZ4ULOL

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

No, people actually laugh when I do it
They neither feel nauseous nor aroused, sadly. I'd take the 50-50 chance.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:25, Reply)

What, like
"Hahaha, you're trying to look hot, hahaha"?

Gutted.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Yes, that's the one.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

oh in person it's amusing
it's just i went on a few dates with this guy last year who would text something slightly saucy and then follow it with *waggles eyebrows* and... it just enraged me. saucy texting is fine. following it with something like that is just offensive!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

*waggles willy*
better?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

hang on, i'll just zoom in
try again
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

*WAGGLES HARD*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Ha, no I just usually waggle them in person.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

you can see how it could go so horribly wrong
"i'd really like to cream you" *waggles eyebrows*

no, no, no.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

sexiest post EVA

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

the least sexy thing i ever got
was from a rather blunt northern lad who didn't have a clue about the subtleties of talking dirty. prepare your mindbleach and...

"i want to pull your knickers down and go at your fanny for 2 hours or until you've come 3,000 times."

this is wrong on so so so many levels. but primarily the use of the words "fanny" and "knickers" in the context of wooing a girl smoothly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

*takes notes*
Keep going Swipe, this is gold.

*fires up FB chat*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

fires up FB chat wanks like a chimp
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Surely the one intimates the other?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

It's called cutting to the chase, young man

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Lorraine or Chevy?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I liked "go at"
As in "have a right go at" or "charge like a bull at a gate".

I think he would be there for the 2 hours rather than the promised 3,000 orgasms.

If this was the Widnes lad then you have done the right thing.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

how ever did you guess!
2 hours is not good. i wouldn't be able to walk for a month.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:45, Reply)

If he could keep going for 2 hours he's probably hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit pois
Just get a film going on your laptop next to the bed
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Oh dear god
And you went out with him more than once? That's criminal.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

to misquote anne shirley: my lovelife is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes, reverend.

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

So where did you fit in with my 'single, hot, sane' theory?
I don't think you're as old as mid-30s though are you?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

not quite!
i am basically none of the above.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

a bit single, average looking and only moderately mental?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

OK, so you've got a bloke, you're not hot, and you're mental?
*wilts*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:07, Reply)

i prefer this to vipros' interpretation :(
actually wait.

they're as bad as each other.

gah.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Single, hot.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Mental

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I wouldn't go as far as "mental".
"Weird" perhaps.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:18, Reply)

smiles for noel
ignorings for kroney
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Alright toots?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

got tonsillitis
in so much pain. and i have a big night out tonight and all i want to do is swallow ice cream in a big woolly scarf!

how about you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Yeah not too bad, I had a dream about Dylan Moran and Bill Bailey and Tamsin Greig last night.
They were all hanging out and funny and stuff like they usually are. It's all a bit vague but I think they were in some kind of newsagents. Someone kept calling me Manny and flicking bees at me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

*Resists strikethrough*

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Vive la difference.

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

well
now you know why
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Plus ca change
plus c'est la meme chose.
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I shall ask the next woman I contact which two she is
I can't see that causing any problems.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Let us know how you get on with that
if you can
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

No wonder then that at the age of 40 there was a distinct lack of marriages, children, or even long-term partners on her personality CV
Fuck! that's me.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:16, Reply)

you're more of a honey nut loop than a fruit loop
*honey nut loops, let's LOOOP together*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Hehe!
I like that.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Why? It's pathetic.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

It's cute.
Like you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Quoting cereal adverts is the act of a fucking retard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'm just playing to type

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Why did you post this? For God's sake, why?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:21, Reply)

this could be said about most of this lot
most of the time
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Aren't you a ray of sunshine today?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Ignore him.
It's probably the anniversary of Himmler's death or something.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:24, Reply)

i am, i thought i'd be nice today after yesterday's ugliness
If Monty doesn't like that he can kiss my hairy bean bag
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

You're ugly every day.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Himmler died in disgrace, he is not to be mourned

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Even more reason for Monty to be in a pissy mood.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Himmler was a fucking lightweight.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:28, Reply)

RIP Reinhard Heydrich
Never lacked enthusiasm
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Damn those SOE assassins.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Cunt made it easy for them

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I think they thought that fear of reprisals would prevent anyone taking him out.
Whether it was of benefit to anyone is a little questionable anyway - it's not like they pulled out of Czechoslovakia and said sorry after his assassination, is it? They just rounded up and shot a load of slavs and then someone else got Heydrich's job.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

And what a job!!!!!!
Amusing 3rd Reich tv version of 'the Apprentice' with tasks ranging from how many jews you can shoot in a forest in 60 minutes to how many jew hair wigs you can sell
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

How many 'limited edition' numbered skin-lamps you own etc

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Didn't they "ice" an entire village/town because of this.
Lidice or somewhere.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Quite a few.
Lidice was a real hissy fit over Heydrich.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:53, Reply)

They bulldozed it and ground up the rubble I believe.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Eichmann was the real deal.
*looks up at poster in admiration*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

who was the one who fucked off
with germany's entire supply of coke?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I wasn't even there. Honest.

(was it Mengele?)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

no, it began with an "h"
my half-german ex, whose daddy actually was an SS officer, used to rave on about him when he got drunk (and boring).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I wouldn't find that boring.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:34, Reply)

I'm sure you wouldn't
I'm also sure that Swipey will gladly give you his number.

Whether you'll be so happy about waking up every morning surrounded in shite is quite another matter though....
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:36, Reply)

goering, that was it!
from about 1942 onwards, he just absconded with the army's medical supply of cocaine and hooned it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

He was a massive caner.
During the Nuremberg trials he ran out of drugs, lost several stone and was suddenly really fucking sharp. Developed his habits following treatment for WWI iunjuries, I believe.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Blimey, how old was he if his father was in the SS?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Think of B3th's husband - but about ten years younger...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:42, Reply)

his dad was in his 50's when he was born
and he was 40 this april (i think. haven't seen him in a fair few years, although he calls me regularly for sex when his wife is away. he's nice like that).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:44, Reply)

ah, right, late kid
makes sense. I was thinking he'd be in his late fifties by now
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Was it Herman?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Herman the German?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:55, Reply)

LOL my German teacher Mrs. Herman aka 'Herman the German'
LOLOLOLOLOL she was Jewish LOLOLOLOLOL
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:57, Reply)

That's the one.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:00, Reply)

As far as I can tell
your point is "women are mental however you meet them".

Which I think we already knew.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Yes, that's right
But I appear to have been conducting a life-long fucking research project on the subject.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Some people conduct life-long research projects on science and stuff
At least yours involved getting laid.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Well that's true
but you've not seen my ex-wife. What the fuck was I thinking?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:39, Reply)

We've all got one of those mate, I very nearly married mine too
There are ways to escape the tyranny of mental women, you know. There's this programme called Glee, right...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Do go on.....
*claps hands excitedly*
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Hahaha
My work here is done, it would seem
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

DF: gaying the internet one person at a time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Don't be so beastly!

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 12 May 2011, 11:11, Reply)

nah, he can turn any number of women at once
just by mincing into the room
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Pfft! anyone who would consider boffing me can't be all bad.
Understands this leaves me open to all sorts of insults.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

To be honest
despite being within 10 mins walk of eacah other during the day, I doubt we ever would have met*. The fact we did was due to the Internet, so that's good innit.




*Using "met" loosely here.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:37, Reply)

cf "good"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Awwww!

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:43, Reply)

My dad's 70th birthday is being held in a hotel on "The Cumsey"
I just found out and immediately regressed to 8 years old.

As you were.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Cum reminds you of being 8 with your dad?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Doesn't it for everyone?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Well, I'm socially retarded
and most people actively avoid me, so the internet is the only place I get any company.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

*tumbleweed*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I met my lady friend on the internet.
She's alright I suppose.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I've met worse.

( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Me too.
My apathy is false, of course, she's pretty fantastic. Although it did take me a while to clock that I'm going out with a b3tan.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Which B3tan are you boffing?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

You'll have to work that one out for yourself.
Edit: clue: technically not boffing at the moment.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Oh no wait i think i know...I thought you two were a just a little flirty!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Christ, that could be anyone, I flirt with everyone on here regardless of sex
apart from the uglies.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I know who it is...boffing would be a problem, unless you have the most enormous penis
certainly longer than 15"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Yeah, a 10,000km cock would be mostly impractical.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Kilometres? What are you, some sort of fucking continental?
NB: This is not an accent joke?*

*this was
( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I'll give you a clue.
Hello? Noel? Would? You? Like? To? Have? Sex?? OK?


accent joke.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:24, Reply)

And a very good one it was too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Ah underage eh???
WE WON'T TELL
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

And which planet have you been hiding on for the past year.
Worst kept secret on B3ta.
( girlinthehole, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

It certainly wasn't a secret for very long.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Oh...I'm not very sharp on these things
Is it Darth?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:21, Reply)

it is really childish that this made me laugh
but it actually really did
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Is it Poppett?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

No.
Yes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

ohboooooooooooze how I do not likeeee you.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Hahahah oh dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:39, Reply)

And I quote:
"cold brick wall feels goooooooooooooooood on my face"
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:41, Reply)

SHURT YOUR FACE.
It does.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:47, Reply)

depends how quickly you encounter it, I would imagine

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

resting onf it feels goos.
hitting it at seped does not.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Hi Gonz!

( Kroney, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I was just thinking an after-midnight Rswipe, myself

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

you're only human
who can blame you for that?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 May 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I don't know whether to say fuuuuuuuuck you.
or cry in sthe fcorner.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

This is /OT gold.
MORE!!! BRAVO!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:52, Reply)

F.u.c.ck. you.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 12 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Definitely very Swipey

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 12 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)