Well, this is boring.
I have just royally fucked my wrist by using my can crusher to sort out my recycling. What dubious injuries have you caused yourself that meant you had to explain, using the words "it's not what you think"?

Alt: lunch, or something.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:00, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've had repetitive strain injury in my right hand.
It wasn't because of wanking.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:00, Reply)

x2

( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Quite the reverse, actually
Was wearing a white sweatband at Ceroc last night after doing a short run. I went to great pains to tell everyone there that it was a masturbation-related strain
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)

That'll learn you for being a communist and recycling
Alt: coffee :(
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I'm not very hungry but I should eat something as I have the gym after work.
BUT AT SOME POINT HARIBO WILL BE CONSUMED.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:02, Reply)

As long as they are sour ones

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I only eat Starmix.
Don't like sour sweets.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)

*drools*

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Haribo liquorice mix is where it's at.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)

nah. Starmix.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I think your wrongness has been well established on previous occasions.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)

You like liquorice, you have no say.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Liquorice wins. So there.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)

It wins nothing, it's vile. It's worse than parma violets!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

^this
I knew a Swedish guy at uni who used to bring back packets of this stuff called Djungelvraal (or something) which was liquorice covered in salt.

Nasty stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:23, Reply)

It's insidious stuff though - mate worked in Finland and brought back Salmiakki
... which is ammonium-chloride-flavoured liquorice. First taste, nearly spat the things out. Two days later, eating them like sweeties. Maybe it's not just ammonium chloride in there ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I totally digg PV

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I"m not saying I don't like liquorice, just that starmix is better.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Only old people choose liqorice over tasty sweets because when they were young it was all they had.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:39, Reply)

See also: People who consider mints a sweet.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I'm sorry Gonz
I no longer less than three you. You are, in common with most youngsters these days, a cunt.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Cheer up suga mama, the fizzy pop man will be doing his weekly delivery tomorow, I hear he's gotten in some Dandylion and Berdock...
... and will swap dairy rations for chocolate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Starmix.
Are they the ones with the fried eggs?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)

No
that's a full english.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Dafty.
The thing that annoys me about Haribo, is that most of the sweets you get in a packet are similar to what, when I were a lad, was a '10p mix up' from the local newsagents.

Haribo seem to think that charging a quid for much the same, just because they've got a shit jingle, represents value.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Haribo macht Kinder froh
Und Erwachsene eben so

*sings along*

Have you seen their 20p mix bags? I think they have about five sweets in.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I haven't. But I have noticed there is a 'Hariboland' shop in Pontefract.
It must be like a superstore for groomers.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I thought that was Toys R Us?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Yes they are.
I've become a little bit addicted to them.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Have you heard about the Starmix: Menopause special edition?
It's all the same, except the eggs have been replaced with dust and hopelessness.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:19, Reply)

POTD
hahahahaha
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

hahahahaha
that is outstanding
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Get yourself a tuna surprise.
You've not reported having one in a while.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I've been trying to watch my weight.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)

If you're off to the gym and you avoided the vino last night
Then you're probably due a small tuna surprise as a treat.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I do have vino for tonight : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)

But you need to have lunch.
And tuna surprise sounds like it might be a winner.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I've already been out.
I have rye bread, cheese and quorn ham.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)

That's a shame.
You were two ingredients away from a proper sandwich.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Shurrup!

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Tuna surprise?
Sounds filthy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Bit early in the day for some lezza action

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)

It's never too early in the day for lezza action.
Trust me!
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I was just going to say that!
*hot lezza action fives*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)

; )

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Scratches on my back from short-cutting through woods.
But since it looked like I'd been attacked by a wolverine, the obvious conclusion to jump to was that I'd been playing away.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Also this
I am a massive spaz, and am forever bumping into various shit, resulting in bruises all over. I can't tell you the number of times I've had bruises up and down my limbs that mr b3th swears are 'just the right size for thumb marks'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Older guys with women noticeably younger than them
are always a *little* bit paranoid about that.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)

It doesn't help that his first wife cheated on him
but as I keep telling him, we're not ALL the same. And the fact that I'm significantly different to 'most women' is one of the reasons he likes me.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Significantly different?
Do you have three breasts, or something?
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)

snake with three tits

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I'm more blokey than most girls
Apart from being HOT and SEXY, obviously, which almost goes without saying.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Almost, but apparently not quite.
Blokey? You mean you have a bit more sense than most?
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

She can reverse park. That's all.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I find the whole sex and the ciyt girly chat thing abhorrent.
I like football and video games. I drive like a maniac. I tell filthy jokes. I find women bizarre and complicated.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Ah I see what's happened here.
You're a lesbian.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Oh my god!
Maybe I am! What do I do about it now?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Dunno, scissoring, I guess.

( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:35, Reply)

Does that mwan I should put down the banana I'm currently eating and swap it for a peach?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I managed a black eye saving a shot in 5-a-side with my face
Mrs Cow is the queen of injuries though. The phrase "I walked into a door" is actually what she does on a regular basis. That and burning herself on the iron or the oven - about once a week. Two words Mrs Cow "OVEN GLOVES".

I could easily get away with the domestic violence bit as everyone who knows her would just think she had done it herself
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:05, Reply)

could
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:06, Reply)

AWWMYBLESS KAWAIII ! Lampito is now being reffered to as Mrs Cow. Cute.
Unless I'm mixing you up with someone else.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Oh god I am not married with a 21(?) year old child and living in Newcastle.
GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT GONZ
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Carpet burn on my forehead.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:09, Reply)

This can always be avoided by getting rubber sheets.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:10, Reply)

they won't help when he's on the floor

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)

You lay them on the floor numpty.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:13, Reply)

the men or the sheets?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:14, Reply)

The men.
You lay them spark out.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)

hardly spontaneous is it?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Depends whether you don't mind carpet burns or not.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I've never had them.
you lot are just spastics
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Lightweight!

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:41, Reply)

*brings up brother ripping open scrotum story for the umpteenth time*

( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:12, Reply)

you should stop him ripping it open

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:16, Reply)

How many times has he ripped it open?

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Just the once, it's just a good gross-out story.

( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:17, Reply)

I imagine it's more fun for the person who didn't open their love-spuds with a rusty hook.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Gear-cog on his bike.
To this day I still can't quite work out how he did it. He ditched the bike in a sand bunker on the local golf course. How he went from that to slamming his crotch into the cog hard enough to rip through jeans, but without breaking a leg, I don't know.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Mind you, he also managed to cut himself whilst shaving.
On his forehead.
( Kroney, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:24, Reply)

He was shaving with his bike?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I had one half of my monobrow shaved off at a party after I'd passed out.
We nt to work for two weeks with a plaster over my eye saying I had a boil. Not sure I even know what a boil is.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:23, Reply)

A huge zit.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I'm not saying you're stupid, just that pictures should help you more
www.medicinenet.com/boils_pictures_slideshow/article.htm
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Thank you.
Almost as unsightly as one eyebrow.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I honestly wouldn't notice if anyone I worked with turned up with only one eyebrow.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Autismlols.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Don't you work in a hospital?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Nope.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Oh.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

He's in charge of all the hospital paperclip purchases in the Midlands.

( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I don't live in the midlands.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I know.
Doesn't mean you can't buy their paperclips though.
( girlinthehole, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:56, Reply)

You mean
NHS Procurement.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Roy Skelton has died
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-13693811
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:51, Reply)

What a legend.
George, Zippy, Daleks and Cybermen.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:55, Reply)

This has been brought to my attention
It hasn't been a good few months for vintage Dr Who stars.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:58, Reply)

On the plus side, if they bring Rainbow back then Bungle will probably move to a more high profile role.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Rod, Jane and Freddy
Will get two songs per show. *goes deaf*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Jun 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Pushing Geoffrey around in his bath chair.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 8 Jun 2011, 13:02, Reply)

around in his bath chair.
's stool in.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 8 Jun 2011, 13:32, Reply)