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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I need distracting from my currently miserable existancewrite me a limerick about a fellow B3tan; I'm aware this has bindun, but it's always good for a laugh.
Alt: Hats, essential outwear for the modern gentleman or chav scum uniform?
ALT ALT: Great movie music, the original scores rather than shoe horned in music.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:41,
176 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
plenty rhymes with Darthif you are willing to bend the rules slightly
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:49,
Reply)
FineThere once was a B3tan named Vipros
Whose work made him take weekly trips; Ross
on Wye was the goal
It's a complete fucking hole
And they made him drive a Chevrolet Spark, the cunts
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:57, Reply)
better than AAs attempts(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:57,
Reply)
There once was B3tan names VippersWhose wife-to-be's minge smelled of kippers ETC ETC
It's not fucking difficult is it?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:14,
Reply)
To get rid of the smell
He encouraged her well
To go surfing in wetsuit and flippers.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:16,
Reply)
Apparently it is, you couldn't even be bothered to finish itAnd I said nothing rhymed with Vipros. Not that I couldn't complete a limerick about Vipros. I can't, but that's laziness. Genetic.
EDIT: +n't
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:17, Reply)
There once was a guy called ViprosWhos salad he always did toss,
Three times a day, who knew he'd be gay?
The guy who he went and sucked off.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:17,
Reply)
hahahahaLovely juxtaposition of cookery and cottaging
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:18,
Reply)
baseball caps are for chavs and baseball playersand F1 drivers. Everyone else wearing one should be shot in the genitals.
Other sorts of hat are excellent.
(note: assumes you can pronounce bath correctly)
There once was a quender named Darth
Who liked an extraordinarily hot bath
He'd get burnt to a crisp
Forget 'bout his lisp
and shout out "I love it up the arth"
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:48,
Reply)
on a soggy moor was a nakedapewho really had a peculiar trait
he'd whip out his willy
and shout out 'Oh Nilly!'
Then pop all the sores till he'd faint
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:50,
Reply)
A mixed oneb3ta's buffoon is an Ape
The Excel guy, he loves to rape
Monty Boyce, he is old
Miss Blousie is pure gold
And that sportscow, he just cannot .... rhyme
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:50,
Reply)
There was a young bender named DarthWho was getting viciously bummed by the hearth,
It was by a celebrity,
Whom Darth turned to see,
and screamed 'You're not Wayne, you're Garth!"
Fuck me, I'm rubbish at this
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:52,
Reply)
I also have a big head(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:54,
Reply)
we'd end up accidentally headbutting each other all the time(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:04,
Reply)
It's be like the Donkey Kong head cheat from Golden Eye(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:06,
Reply)
I don't care if you work for the Welsh police force.You're not the boss of me.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:57,
Reply)
There once was a b3tan named BillWhose dead eyes never were still,
You knew if you looked,
You be totally fucked,
For it would be you, he would kill.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:56,
Reply)
I'm guessing the 4th line should be read in a sterotypical Northern accent?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:57,
Reply)
Aye, either that or read the 3rd line in a retarded southern accent, and replace 'fucked' with 'fooked'(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:58,
Reply)
There was a young man, Happybara
Who wanted to unleash his 'arra
His thighs were too short
For this sort of sport
So he fucked on the top of a barra'
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:57,
Reply)
sitting idly was Agnostic Antichristwho looked out upon fields of rice
he shouted "Someone should fertilize this"
pulled down his pants and had a great shit
then said quietly "That should suffice"
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 14:58,
Reply)
Move over AA, I'm worse at this than youAnd now I shall prove it.
There once was a B3tan called Ape
He was Naked and in terrible shape
No-one could see
His web identity
Til we saw the familiar anal gape
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)
A young yankee named K
She often called Darth a gay
She listened to N'Dubz
and got drunk in pubs
So everything is OK
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:01,
Reply)
There was a young man named Kroney
He liked to freeze shit from a pony
It rammed up his hoop
and made him go woop
And hence he lives all home alone-y
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:02,
Reply)
Bristol's finest is Jeff the Dog Fucker
To the spaniels he was quite the looker
He fed them the Chum
To get up their bum
As he loves it when dog's arses pucker
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:04,
Reply)
hehehe!Have you checked out that link on the links board about women who have sex with animals?
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girlinthehole, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:06,
Reply)
Definitely NSFW www.efukt.com/20664_I_Lost_My_Virginity_To_A_Dog.html?tos=accept
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girlinthehole, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:26,
Reply)
Al was the size of a hippo
and loved to rape poor crow
Crow was in bits
unable to fight back with his wrists
that were soft as a Mr. Whippo
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:05,
Reply)
I prefer haikusThe only skill needed is
counting syllables.
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Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:06,
Reply)
Start a haiku threadlittle yellow bumble bee
the sun waits never
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:07,
Reply)
First one ever donewikipedia was source
fuck you gay bummer
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:10,
Reply)
Darth Foxtrot gay?Who saw that one coming then?
Not him, from behind
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:12,
Reply)
What it means really:Honi soit qui mal y pense?
Roughly from the rear.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I haven't got eyes in the back of my head (the ones in the front aren't much use either)This does save my various footballing sex partners a lot of money in balaclavas and superinjunctions
Yes I did try to compose this in haiku format
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Face down and take itAnal superinjunction
You love it you tart
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:20,
Reply)
Torres bummed me onceTold him to cum on my back
He hit the curtains
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:23, Reply)
I imagine all Haiku's to be read by Joaquin phoenix in his pervy Roman Emporer voice from Gladiator(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:11,
Reply)
Alt Alt: Jurassic Park has one of the best themes in modern film, I think(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:19,
Reply)
Don't know if you already saw my FB status about this, apologies if I'm repeating myselfAt the Ballroom competition I was at on Saturday, said theme tune was played as a Rumba. The dance of love. Cos nothing says true love like massive fucking dinosaurs trying to eat you.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Haha, I hadn't seen that!Fucking hell, that's magnificent.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:26,
Reply)
Look up there a bit^Something I posted in response to Sporters that I think will tickle your funny bone
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:28, Reply)
I don't think it was the originalA lot of stuff gets covered to bring it into strict tempo
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:27, Reply)
Tourette's is a lady of class, her heart is not made of glass, but don't turn your head, or she'll leave you for dead, when the wind whistles out of her arse.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:20,
Reply)
I realise that I'm a dead man walking right now...(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:22,
Reply)
Are you not even willing to give him a Happy Ending?(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:27,
Reply)
Ok and you can join him in the bumming corner(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:27,
Reply)
Can one truly recline with one's arse in the air?(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:32,
Reply)
I'm not saying that Al is fatMore like all cuddly and that
But when on his bike
He will, if you like,
Ensure he makes every hill flat
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thealternativefact, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
There once was a b3tan named Ape
Who badly misfired with a jape
He got down on his knees
And he begged his wife "Please
Just forget that I tried anal rape!"
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
That's wanking, not anal rape(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:45,
Reply)
A famous East Anglian bender
Had testes marked 'return to sender'
I've no need for them here
It's well-known that I'm queer
And I fuck chaps who share the same gender.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:39,
Reply)
You're really good at thisGood job you like me, so won't feel the need to unleash your Wildean wit upon me!
Oh
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:40, Reply)
How about this one?There was a young scouser called Roota.
Whose legendary skills at the ‘puter.
Sock puppets unmasked.
She took them to task.
But DJ she took, line and sinker.
Hats are essential, in the rain, or to keep the sun of my pate. Never a baseball cap though.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:32,
Reply)
there's a ruddy ol' sportscow in maine who some say looks a little plain
he hides in a cave
looks in a mirror all day
and says "I think I look a little gay"
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
There was a old man called Monty BoyceI imagine he has quite the stentorian voice
Sat there at his keyboard
On the lookout for web frauds
Removing all semblance of choice
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:37, Reply)
There once was a wee man named Darth FoxtrotHe liked to farm bodies, in his garden they'd rot
He'd visit them nightly
Whisper sweetly and lively
"It's too bad when I see you I go soft"
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:38,
Reply)
alt altThe Labyrinth soundtrack cos Bowie is so great and everyone loves him.
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Peej, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:40,
Reply)
What kind of magic spell to use? Slugs and snails, and puppy dog's tails... thunder or lightening.And then baby said.....
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:46,
Reply)
What babe?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:53,
Reply)
What power?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:56,
Reply)
Alt alt: Anything by Hans ZimmerThey all sound pretty similar. And awesome.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:41, Reply)
The Dark Knight is his best work, to my mindBut I love bloody everything about that film
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:46, Reply)
it'd be better without the stupid batman voicethey should have used some kind of electronic device to alter his voice. it'd be more in keeping and less fucking stupid.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:51,
Reply)
I was a bit put off by Dark Knightbecause th city was a good deal less gothic than in the first one.
Also Maggie Gyllenhal ffs.
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Kroney, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:58,
Reply)
She was replacing Katie HolmesSo she was on to a hiding to nothing, there was no way she could do worse.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:00, Reply)
this is truemaggie gyllenhal over katie holmes any day
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:02,
Reply)
In any conceivable respectHave you seen Thank You For Smoking? Quite amusing little satire, quality cast. And Katie Holmes. The extent to which she is out of her depth is startling.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:05, Reply)
she looked like a bad actor among the cast of Dawson's Creek ffshowever, she is doing very well pretending that Tom Cruise doesn't repulse her on every level, so she must have some ability.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:06,
Reply)
They're both terrible actorsBut I'd much rather look at Katie Holmes acting badly than I would Maggie Gyllenhal
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Kroney, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
I wouldn'tthey are both kind of plain of face, but Maggie has a nicer body.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:09,
Reply)
A gentleman's agreement, then.Should we ever see those two in a club, you'll have Gyllenhal and I shall wingman for you.
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Kroney, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:11,
Reply)
and vice versawe have an accord
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:12,
Reply)
Good thinkingGet them out of the club and into a Honda Accord and they'll both be frothing at the clopper in seconds. Saves time which might otherwise have unnecessarily been spent on foreplay.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:15, Reply)
to be honest, I think the only thing I did really like about it was Heath Ledger as the Jokerand Gary Oldman naturally.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:01,
Reply)
better than the stupid batman voice(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:00,
Reply)
Commissioner Gordon, you and I are DONE professionally!(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:05,
Reply)
Alright boyo, now where's that Joker fellow eh?Terrible isn't it? Coal mining!
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:07, Reply)
whose gun is that pistol?(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
As a half-Taff I am obviously a traitor to my people to participate in thisbut it's fucking funny.
"If I get him to you, can you get him to talk?"
"I'll get him to sing"
"Like a male voice choir?"
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:17, Reply)
There was a young filly called b3thWith elderly hubbie on brink of death
The boys are so rude
Want to see the lass nude
So they all await his last breath
Sorry, first attempt and a bit pish.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:45, Reply)
HahaMuch better effort than the one below.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
There was has a cugour named b3th,who with one look could take away your breath
Her crivices run deep, I'm talking about the rinkles on her feet.
But still the shot I'd give it is my best.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:45,
Reply)
There once was a Reverend named FisterHis ex asked him if he missed her
He replied "not at all,
I've been draining my balls
All over the rump of your sister"
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Very goodHowever if the ex had a sister I'd expect her to be as fat and mental as her, so I'd probably not go there.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:50, Reply)
To be honest mate I was just going with it cos there was an easy rhyme thereBe grateful I didn't imply you were into incest
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:58, Reply)
I think I already did thatWhen we were trying to come up with rhyming sigs I had "Reverend Fister, he shags his sister"
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:00, Reply)
alt: I suppose it depends on the sort of hat, no? It's rare that you see anyone with a hat here, if it's not a baseball cap. I quite love the fascinators you lot have. I think hats needs to be revived in the states.
alt alt: The Red Violin
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:48,
Reply)
Have you heard of the guy who goes by the name of darth?If you think he's straight you're 'avin' a laugh.
Dancing and prancing, glitter all over his shitter,
I bet indoors he's worn a scarf.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
Talking of your day jobwww.theregister.co.uk/2011/06/13/vat_robot/
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:53, Reply)
I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at herebut i'm registered self-employed, and declare all my eBay earnings to the taxman.
Do be a dear and cock off, will you?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:58,
Reply)
Oh I'm sorry i thought changes to the tax mans investigation to small sellers might be of interest to you.Obviously, being a bitter cunt online's more important to you.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:00, Reply)
I'm sorry Chompybut posting things that might be genuinely useful or interesting to someone on here is not acceptable.
No wonder people don't like you if you go around doing that sort of thing.
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Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:04,
Reply)
I've stopped being surprised by the depths that you will plumb in order to troll people.(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:10,
Reply)
Uh huhAnd we all know what a sterling source for news The Register is. You might as well have linked Fox.
And in terms of being a cunt, the pot says it won't accept your reverse charges call.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:04,
Reply)
I generally find the Register to be far less biased and more accurate than most sources.(
Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:07,
Reply)
Considering it links directly to a HRMC statment about it I think you can call it reliable.Anyway that's not the point, I linked you something you should be aware of, if you're registered with HRMC or not, you reply by patronising me and telling me to cock off.
And then carry on with the "witty" put downs rather than saying "oh thanks I'm glad to know about that."
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:08, Reply)
This is so hawt.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:10,
Reply)
Quickly, can you both tell me how many free minutes you get on your phones.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:11,
Reply)
A lady called b3th from the coastCalled Darth 'a bender' the most
She'd call him a queer
Not visit the pier
And sends out goods in the post.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 15:57,
Reply)
Young Jeff was a guy from the West
Who liked fucking doggies the best.
He's say "Come here, Rover
Sit, stay, and roll over"
But claimed that he did it in jest.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:27,
Reply)
At school, Gonz was sick on the day.
On spelling, the rules they did lay.
But forgive him, we do.
Even though he’s a jew.
And runs around crying Oi Vay!
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:05,
Reply)
This is goodEspecially when read with a Yoda accent
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
Nobody has written about Gonz,despite everyone being quite fond,
of his fluffy jew hair, and his attitude of devil-may-care,
I bet he has a very big schlong.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:08,
Reply)
If you're looking for lines that don't scan
Or rhyme at all, Gonz is your man
He can't fucking spell
But he hides it so well
That most of us end up a fan.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:14,
Reply)
I've already written about the lady b3th,And half the things I say in jest,
But one thing is true, the things I'd do,
would make most people detest.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:20,
Reply)
There's a dapper young fellow with the nickname of GonzoHe's super sweet and sticks to his gal like Bondo
He shows his cock proudly
Shoves it in the air mightily
Says, "This little guy's named Alfolzo"
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Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:23,
Reply)
Oh Gee, Oh Gosh, Oh My, Oh Well,I really wish K'babe was my gurl.
Perhaps in time, she will be mine.
and the whole world I would tell.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:31,
Reply)
Bill Clay was killed by John McClane
In Die Hard, now that's quite a claim
He likes to talk piss
We know not who he is
Or if indeed that is his name.
(, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:14, Reply)
alt: I love wearing hatshats are the only piece of clothing that I can 90% assume are going to suit me.
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:18,
Reply)
I could totally rock that look(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:30,
Reply)
lucky!hats look appalling on me because I have a massive head and a fat face
(
Lisette von Falcon, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:31,
Reply)
it's damn luckybecause I have to wear one for most of the summer
surely there is at least one type of hat that works for you?
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:33,
Reply)
A mysterious person named Cube
Came to b3ta disguised as a newb.
He knew just too much
But the finishing touch
Was the threat to go hard, without lube.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 13 Jun 2011, 16:25,
Reply)
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