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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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It's Wednesday, it's after lunch
that means we can talk about the weekend.

What are your plans?

I've only got my motherfuckin' Stag Do!

Rudely, two of my mates can't come. One is in Boston playing Ultimate Frisbee, and the other is going to Valencia to watch the Grand Prix. Twats.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:34, 231 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
You're friends with that Frisbee guy from /talk?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:36, Reply)
no, my mate isn't a dick
he's also a pro compared to that guy. Plays for GB and his team won the European Championship a couple of years back.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:37, Reply)
I don't want to do him down
but isn't that a rather pointless accolade?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)
it's more than you or I have done.
I couldn't give a shit about any sporting achievement, so it's on a level with winning the football world cup if you ask me.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
you don't know.
I could be the GB champion of poi
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
you're the GB champion of two things
Jack and Shit, and Jack left town.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
that doesn't make a great deal of sense dear
I'm the champion of shitehawkery. UNDEFEATED
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)
it was a mangled line from Army of Darkness

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)
From the wikipedia entry for poi:
POI may refer to:

Person of interest
Point of impact
Postorgasmic illness syndrome
Primary ovarian insufficiency

Is it the 3rd or the 4th you're the champion of?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:58, Reply)
poi are those balls on strings that alternative girls swing around
sometimes on fire
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:59, Reply)
What are you doing for your stag-do?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:37, Reply)
camping in Cornwall
hopefully some surfing.

it's not going to be all that different from a normal weekend except there will be a group of blokes whose sole purpose is to mess me up.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)
Shurrup moaning about the ones who can't come then

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:39, Reply)
it's a shame 'tis all

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
It is
The Spanish GP is usually quite dull.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Not if you're a racist.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:42, Reply)
First officelol of the day
Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:42, Reply)
It was amazing last year!
I was thoroughly impressed with Webber's backflip, and the rape problem at turn 9 just added to the excitement!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:59, Reply)
Oh yeah
We all watched it at Blousie's.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Well don't say 'rudely' then.
(I'm just getting all my grrrrr out)
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:41, Reply)
Are you seeing the boy this weekend?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Alas, Derek, no.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
clearly not rude though is it.
was being facetious
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
You'd be surprised.
My friend told me I was a cunt if I didn't go to some sunny shit hole with her and a bunch of slags, should she ever have a hen do.
I said "Fine, I'm a cunt. I'm not going."
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:45, Reply)
your friend is clearly a dick
whereas I'm not
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Bask in your cuntery there I would say.

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)
My daughter in law and granddaughters suggested that we should go to a theme park for my hen do
and wear matching t-shirts.

As you can imagine, this idea was quickly swept under the carpet.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Hahha matching t-shirt cuntery!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
You should have done that.
You'd have been able to wear 'sunshine' t-shirts to go with your chosen mode of transport, the 'Sunshine Bus'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
:-p

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
I am going to sleep a lot as it will probably be pissing down with rain all weekend.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:38, Reply)
UMBRELLA

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Nothing that can remotely compete with a stag do.
Getting some osteopathy on Saturday and Miss Beekers' folks are taking us out for a meal on Sunday but that's it.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:39, Reply)
I'm going to the osteopath tomorrow, I can't wait
it's like crack, if you'll excuse the pun.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)
It will surprise you all to learn that I have no plans whatsoever for the weekend.
Also, ultimate frisbee sounds like an awesome sport. And Boston is a lovely city.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
This weekend, should I visit a boat and a pub
or just sort out my flat and rest?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
Oh, pub, definitely.
There are plenty of work-shy layabouts who can come over and clean your flat for you later.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:45, Reply)
Well if the weather's nice I just might

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)
Silly Roota.
You live in The North. The weather will not be nice.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
How very bloody, yeah.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)
Have fun on your stag weekend.
Are you expecting some sort of rugby-club-mentality tomfoolery?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:40, Reply)
They will pee in his wetsuit and throw a rubber jellyfish into his sleeping bag.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:41, Reply)
They'll shave half his beard off

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:43, Reply)
if anyone even came close to doing that
I would beat the shit out of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
And quite rightly too.

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:45, Reply)
I can't imagine any of my friends doing that to me
but I've never been drawn on when passed out drunk.

Wait, I've never passed out drunk. I fear I haven't lived.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
Do you have a beard?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:50, Reply)
let's just say that it reaches her chin

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
+from
+to her balls
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
I was implying she had massively long pubes
but whatever...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)
Empoweringly long pubes?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
it's all part and parcel of the whole naive empowerment schtick

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
that's gross.
I am due for a wax though.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)

wax strim
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
last time I went for a wax
Wiggy said something about deforestation licencing. I hate that guy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I think he's great

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:42, Reply)
I concur

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I was thinking of eyebrows really
if they shaved my legs for me that would just be saving me a job.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
same here.
I think enough of the key participents in my stag do know that I don't want any of that shit, so I should be ok.

Not totally sure who is going though, so there may be some loose cannons
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
It's a life experience
I would gladly have missed out on.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
hell no
and if there is any then the instigators clearly don't know me well enough to be on my stag do
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:42, Reply)
I went on a stag weekend a few years ago where the stag was given pints of kaliber without his knowledge
Everyone else was drinking 'normal' beer.

It was a good few hours into the night before he had any idea.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
It was one of the more clever 'jokes' I've seen played on a stag.
Thing is, whilst he didn't act/look/sound drunk, he was a lot more relaxed and jokey than a sober person would normally have been.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:46, Reply)
to be truthful
I'm not much different when drunk, other than being more talkative and enthusiastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:47, Reply)
Which is pretty much what happened to this stag, without any alcohol.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
It's psychological innit.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Friday I'm seeing my returning friend, and going for a pint with my brother
I'm busy Saturday, although I have no idea what the plan is yet. Sunday, I'm intending on recovering.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:41, Reply)
singapore friend?
surely you should be knocking boots with her rather than meeting your brother
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:42, Reply)
I'm hoping to be doing that Thursday night/Friday morning.
My brother won't be here until mid to late afternoon on Friday.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:44, Reply)
good stuff
when he arrives are you going to tag team her?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:45, Reply)
Ugh, fuck no.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
you and him are just going to get down to it on your own then

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:49, Reply)
livingroomlol

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
I was planning to go to a fruit farm
and get a lot of strawberries to make jam with. How's that for rock n roll?
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
It isn't very rock n roll at all berk.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:48, Reply)
I know
such is the stuff my life is made of.
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
it totally is, jam gets really hot
that's proper danger baking right there.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:51, Reply)
Tank fly boss walk jam nitty-gritty

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)
You're listening to the boy from the big bad city.

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)
outstanding

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)
I had to google that.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Youngster

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
I got ID'd for a 15 rated DVD today

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Yes, I know
I have made jam whilst wearing only a tshirt and pants, and believe me I will be fully trousered on this occasion.
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:53, Reply)
You know all the boys are now imagining you in your pants.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
Licking jam off her little finger.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:56, Reply)
like in that dirty blackberry eating facebook photo
ooh that was my desktop background for a week.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Pfft!

(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
I'm sure they're not.
particularly not with jam on my thigh, shrieking and cursing.
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
You'd need some kind of jam rag to clean it up
I'll leave now.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)
You really should.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:59, Reply)
*shames*

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
You REALLY don't understand the men of offtopic do you?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:58, Reply)
To be honest
I imagine most of them were imagining berk in her pants before she even mentioned the word pants.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:59, Reply)
I would guess at "without pants" tbh

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
Al's probably just had a heart attack.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
Is that not just as he is a fat cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:01, Reply)
Just because he is morbidly obese

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
zing

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
There's nothing sexy about first degree burns...

(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:01, Reply)
But .... pants!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
I wish I could cement my reputation as some kind of sexual cookery goddess
but they were only black cotton M&S ones.
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
that's acceptable
to our repressed British male brains
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
*spaffs*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
These aren't just pants...

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
they're M&S Cottage Cheese pants

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Pants made of cottage cheese?
I like this. I know that's it's not what you meant, but I'm sticking to this image like a spastic to a frozen window.
(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Squidgy.

(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
I am a little.

(I helped save b3ta! Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Is that due to your diet?
Or because you've just shat yourself?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)
you dirty bitch

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Don't worry, Nigella is seen as a sexy beast
and the camera never ever strays below her waist becasue she is blatently a massive fatty, not tht you are a fatty, but your pants don't matter...
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Ha, see if I had a cookery show
the camera would never stray below the waist because I'd be wearing stockings, suspenders and stilettos, and all the viewers at home would know it.
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
I'm wondering whether I should be fapping now.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)
It's fwapping! btw

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
You'd better show him how beegeebee

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
All he has to do is gaz me Ape.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I think this is one thing
I won't need help with.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
do you want a guest spot on the cookery show I'm going to have with The Rock?
it's called "Can you smell what The Rock is cooking"
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Oh fucking hell.
And I thought my jokes were bad.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)
I'm deadly serious

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I doubt that kind of exposure would set me up as a younger, sexier Nigella
it doesn't sound terribly highbrow...
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)
what do you mean?
it's going to be a proper show, with classy cooking and stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Maybe Kitty and I can do the desserts bit of the programme?

(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)
that sounds good to me
desserts are not my strong point, and let's face it, the Rock is only there so I can name the show, and so he can do The People's Eyebrow
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
oh hell yeah
erotic cheesecake.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
sexysimonweston.com

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
hahahah!
First click of the day
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
POIDH

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
Life isn't a bowl of cherries.
It's a lot of strawberries.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)
Partying until I drop.
Or, more likely, gardening again and sorting out broadband for a family member who doesn't understand turning it off and on again actually fucking works. Sometimes it's a bloody pain being the token computer geek in the family.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:52, Reply)
Are you friends with AdamQC?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:54, Reply)
no

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:55, Reply)
Your should be he is a RIOT!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 13:57, Reply)
He is kerrazy and a bit "random"

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:00, Reply)
His blog is amazing

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
wait, wait, wait...he has a blog that i haven't seen?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
It's work related, he advertised it and cried when the trolling started

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Oh yeah i forgot, I'd prefer a blog on frisbees

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)
It's a friends birthday, and we shall be hanging out a bit for that. I don't know what to get her though.
Probably just wine. She didn't get me anything for my birthday. The cunt.

How long are you camping for?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:02, Reply)
get her a really shit card.
and spit in her eye.

Friday night until some time on Sunday.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
I'm thinking a bangkok is in order

that's fairly good, not too short, not too long
my roommate has been leaving in the eve and coming back in the morning, I'm thinking, what's the point in that?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
yeah, that seems pointless
I forsee the weekend going like this.

I get in my mate's van, he starts plying me with booze immediately. (He won't be drinking)
We get to the campsite, I'm already halfcut and I put up my tent in a half-arsed way.
Everyone else arrives and forces me to drink way more booze than I can handle.
I vomit and then pass out.
Get up, go for a fry up and go surfing.
Repeat intake of booze etc.
Repeat fry up and surfing.
Go home, watch the Grand Prix while slowly dying of a hangover.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Best weekend ever.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
yeah, it should be great :-D

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
You should get her an N-Dubz CD
Spread the Love N-dublet
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
Ugh. No. It's way too expensive. I bought her a designer purse for her birthday last year and she didn't get anything for me.
I know it's the thought that counts
I've thought a lot about that wasted money
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
Buy her some corn dogs
Everyone loves corn dogs
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
hahahahahahahaha
I'm thinking cotton candy is in order
she loves cotton candy
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
I'm too old and too civilised for camping

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
camping can be perfectly civilised
because I take my boards I've always got the car, so there's no reason not to be dry and comfortable while you do it.

Barbecue cooking is just as good as regular cooking.

You're just doing it wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:06, Reply)
now I've got Weezer's Goin' Surfin' in my head
good job Monty's not here to tell me how fucking bent it is.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
in the age of air mattresses? you're quite wrong.
I can't wait to go camping.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)
Can you have a king sized double bed with Egyptian cotton sheets?
Can you wake when it is warma nd dark, wander to an en suite piping hot shower and then pop downstairs for a full English breakfast?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
there's no downstairs outside, stupid

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Over ground, underground, wombling free

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:13, Reply)
The Wombles are playing Glastonbury this weekend.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:18, Reply)
and they are one of the best acts there

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I think they only got the gig because they said they'd clear the site when everyone goes home.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:22, Reply)
yes to the first.
and the second.

the shower at the place I go isn't far away and is better than the showers in most people's houses and it's a short jaunt to the pub for a fry up.

and I get the benefit of a 5 minute drive to some of the best surf beaches in the country.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Ths is stupid argment, camping cannot be as comfortable and civilised as a nice hotel/B&B
and I'm beginning to sound like swipe
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:14, Reply)
I go camping a lot and as such have spent quite a lot on a decent airbed
it's not as good as a great mattress, but it's a shitload better than the ones I've slept on in most B&Bs.

It has the added advantage of costing about £5 a night to stay there.

Just because you have no imagination or the ability to take comfort and civilisation with you doesn't mean it can't be done.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Exactly.
Camping is a piece of piss and can be far more pleasant than staying in a B&B. Especially if you have the right equipment.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:23, Reply)
for real, you don't have to worry about other people ruining your stay
about getting locked out of your room
about getting food poisoning from shite food
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)
I dunno
I've eaten some fairly questionable camping stove food.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)
you should probably cook for yourself from now on

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
you and your friends are dribbling mongs though

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:37, Reply)
what has being civilised got to do with anything?
it's all in how you do it
there can be shitty service and dirty rooms in a hotel, no matter how much you pay
but you know you are clean, your things are clean
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Balls to all of you, I like a roof, proper bed and proper service
Yes you can get crap hotels etc, but I have never had a problem.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)
that may be what you like
which is fair enough, but don't diss camping if you don't actually know what it's like.

Hotels etc. have their place, but for my purposes I'd prefer the freedom and the reduced interaction with staff and the like that comes with camping.

Don't get me wrong though, those regimented and organised campsites are fucking dreadful. Crammed in with a bunch of cunts from the midlands and their shitbag little children...

You've got to choose the site carefully.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)
I bet he's just worried about the gypsies

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I would be interested to hear where this decent campsite is
specifically if it's north coast, Woolacombe kind of way. Or if you know anywhere round there with a decent campsite and board/wetsuit rental?
(berk, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)
it's in Cornwall, about halfway between Padstow and Newquay.
near Woolacombe I would recommend a place called Little Roadway Farm.

For hire I'd go to Surfed Out, either in Braunton, or at the beach at Saunton.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Are you sure this isn't because you want to see Vipros in a wetsuit?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)
trust me
no one wants to see that
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:42, Reply)
This weekend i shall be building shit like shelves and tables
and maybe go to Ikea
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:03, Reply)
Should you not visit Ikea first then?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:04, Reply)
this would be a good point, if I didn't already have my table and shelving materials

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Very organised of you sir

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
At the moment, my plan is to visit Gonz's flat on Sunday to throw away everything he owns.
This may change though, as he is considering being a Jew that day.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:07, Reply)
Sainsburys is selling matzo for 19p at the moment, fact fans

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:08, Reply)
I shall be going to Sainsbury's for a box of matches.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
any particular reason?
got too much for TGB?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:09, Reply)
No, just fancied doing it.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:10, Reply)
as good a reason as any!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Yes.
I am also going to ask Gonz if it's OK if I make a photo-diary of the event for Facebook.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)
haha
I would dearly love to see that happen
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Double the bullying, halve the cleaning time

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:19, Reply)
is it trash? or actual things?
can you donate it to the "kristine is trying to get to London" fund?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Any money I find lying around is yours.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:15, Reply)
*fist pump*

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I found an old florin the other day, will that help?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Even if Kristine was English
she would be far too young to know what a florin was.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Oh.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
*extra fist pumps for being young*

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)
This is the Church of England policy, yes.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:28, Reply)
*no fist pumps for being too American to know what this means*

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
It is common policy for men of power in religious regimes to fiddle around with their choirs.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:42, Reply)
yesssssssssss that's totally what I thought you meant

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:46, Reply)
i get the feeling that he lives in squalor

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I'm going to invade Poland.
Failing that, clean my flat from top to bottom. Only one more week to go until my little girl is back from holiday.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I'd invade Poland if I were you.
Probably easier.

How long has she been away?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Two weeks - 3 week holiday in total.
It's felt like forever.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:51, Reply)
if you weren't such a tremendous cunt
that would be quite touching.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:52, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:55, Reply)
fuzzylolz

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:00, Reply)
+und

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Have fun on your stag do!
I'm going to Edinburgh, catching a 4pm flight on Friday from Birmingham, so booked half a day off. My boss then schedules me in for a meeting with clients on the same day, starting at 1pm... He won't reschedule, so I may be in a rush for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:26, Reply)
cheers.
what a bastard.

In other news, and in case you missed it earlier, there's a shop called Exeter Fruits near my mates house. The proprietor has your surname and first initial. I am therefore accusing you of running an Exeter-based knocking shop for quenders.

How do you plead?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:27, Reply)
On his knees, like all bitches.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:29, Reply)
just as I thought.

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:30, Reply)
*swoons*

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:32, Reply)
You've reminded me
I had a woman with DOUBLE J fake boobs flirting heavily with me at the weekend.
DOUBLE
J
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:33, Reply)
OH MY GOD WHY DID YOU NOT UPLOAD SOME PICTURES ONTO FACEBOOK VIA YOUR IPHONE IMMEDIATELY

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:34, Reply)
iPhone doesn't have widescreen.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
turn it 90 degrees

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Trust a man to think that that's big enough.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Trust a woman to find fault with the obvious solution

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:39, Reply)
And trust you to make things worse for yourself.
*plans conversation topics with Labs's dad*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Shitfuck

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:41, Reply)
It must be like being hit on by hot air balloons.
Did you climb on?
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:35, Reply)
No, I was being a gentleman

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Like a bouncy castle

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Not Guilty, your honour
I put it to you that I've never stepped foot in Exeter because I don't want to bother getting the pre-requisite anti-AIDS and anti-stupid-beard shots.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 14:31, Reply)
This Saturday I will not be playing cricket
BECAUSE IT WILL BE FUCKING CUNTING WELL RAINING AGAIN YOU BASTARDS

This Sunday I will be taking part in a fund-raising car treasure hunt which will not be followed by a BBQ BECAUSE IT WILL BE FUCKING CUNTING WELL RAINING AGAIN YOU BASTARDS.

That concludes this weekend's weather report.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:10, Reply)
How come I'm not invited to your stag do then you utter cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:11, Reply)
because you're shit and dull and I hate you

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Good! I hate you too!

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Good!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 22 Jun 2011, 15:58, Reply)

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