It's getting more like News International here every day
What evidence did Al delete this afternoon, and why, hmm?
Whose phone has been hacked?

Whose phone WOULD you hack?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:32, 210 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fiona Bruce's
So I could find out where she goes for a wax, then assassinate the beautician, take their place and use my own special wax on her.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:36, Reply)

That wouldn't really remove any hair...
EDIT or is Fiona's "like a whisp of cotton candy framing a papercut"?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:37, Reply)

It is exactly like that.
I need to take some time out for some special time with Fiona.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:40, Reply)

I'm in York on Saturday again
I don't want to see the corpse of a sullied, despoiled newsreader outside your door.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Why would I kill Fiona?
No fun if she's dead.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:52, Reply)

More accepting of your inadequacies though.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

WHAT INADEQUACIES?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

I don't know
You tell me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

I get easily obsessed.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:40, Reply)

special wax
ouch
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

Abil Wax 2440, manufactured by Evonik Goldschmidt GmbH?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

you're a fan of their work?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:22, Reply)

soz can't talk right now
singing shania karaoke
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:38, Reply)

I hope you're doing Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:39, Reply)

You're the reason I believe in luuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrvvvveeeee

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:42, Reply)

Noy Sharia Karaoke
as I read, then?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:40, Reply)

Are yoy from Beylfaaast?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:43, Reply)

DE END OF DE WORRLD IS NIGH.
'What, right nye?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:45, Reply)

I like this

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Hoy de fock ur yoy?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Graaand so I aaam

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

I read that and couldn't see what was wrong with it :(
so I did
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:55, Reply)

Good on ya therrr

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

Hoy aboyt yuz?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:14, Reply)

'I fought the law' followed by 'get stoned ezy', right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:44, Reply)

I tried to hack my mate Ami's phone yesterday to see if she was TALKIN' SHIT about me.
But I don't know the first thing about hacking so when it told me to enter a password I just left it alone
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:43, Reply)

You should bully the truth out of her.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:05, Reply)

I remember I once had problems checking my own mobile voicemail while I was traveling
and so I called the company to ask for help and they gave me instructions over the phone on how to do it by calling myself and entering a code. Is that what this hacking entails? Because if it is it's not hard at all.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

RIGHT I'M OFF OUT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:47, Reply)

Seeya

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:48, Reply)

lol
Monty's coming out as a gender bending woofter.

AGAIN.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:48, Reply)

byeeeee

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:51, Reply)

haaaaaaaaaaave fuuuuuuuuuuun

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:56, Reply)

Every girl who I've ever liked and not said anything to.
Could make for interesting/suicidal reading.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:57, Reply)

still not messaged her yet, then?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:58, Reply)

The above statement refers to tons of doris'. Well, a good few.
And no.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:59, Reply)

sadface
you gonna?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:03, Reply)

Yeah I will I think.
Gonna see if she turns up at some club night in Shoreditch on Saturday that a mutual friend is running first.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:12, Reply)

good on you

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:12, Reply)

What if she doesn't?
DO SUMMAT.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

You should invite her
just let her know it exists, not a date or anything, be nice to see you again though DOT DOT DOT
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

No that's far too forward.
I like to be miserable and lonely from afar.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

Alright Bazza.
Did you order those shoes?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:04, Reply)

Not yet, took delivery of some other ones today and just ordered another pair so they're on the back burner for now.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:24, Reply)

Whilst I would be very curious to know what certain people say about me
I don't think it's worth the heartache that will inevitably ensue if I find out. Curiousity killed the cat, and all that - or rather, curiousity will probably make this cat sob in to her £4-a-bottle pinot grigio.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 21:59, Reply)

Sainsbury's?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Aye
3 for £12!
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:01, Reply)

I just got two
And some pineapple for breakfast.

And some tabs.

Morrisons is closer to my house but Sainsburys do far better booze deals.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:05, Reply)

Evening TD

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:06, Reply)

Now then Jeff
How is regular polyester trouser/nylon shirt world treating you?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:08, Reply)

There is (obviously) more demands put on your time.
But that has been balanced by the fact it's been quite warm this week, so there are a fair number of very attractive ladies in 'summer attire'.

And the canteen does a resonable early morning fry-up.

So it's not all bad.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:10, Reply)

I've now got 'straight back down to earth' in my head.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:03, Reply)

You might want to keep it there.
Misfit.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

That's the only two songs I know!
I consider this pun down over.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Name and Number!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:09, Reply)

You just want to
Hang on in there, baby.

(If I've got to Google it, it doesn't work).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

You've let me down

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

I think that's pretty much it
The singer was called Ben and he wore a shite hat and they were going to be the next big thing.

Just like Gay Dad.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:10, Reply)

I'm now doing the background vocals

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Who?

(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5tpuCcPfGk
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:13, Reply)

My god!
an 80s song I don't think I've ever heard...
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

They were massive back in the day
(For about 2 singles, then nothing).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

Of course, if you're listening to Curiosity Killed The Cat
You'd need to follow it up with some more 80s

www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMhEzd9Bsb4
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:17, Reply)

I don't really know this one either
but I think at least I've heard it before.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

I'll bet you'll be buying the albums with the record token TC got you for your birthday.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:25, Reply)

I did tell him he should just get me an amazon voucher
he got me a very expensive tennis racket that I was envying when we went to Wimbledon. Bless him.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:26, Reply)

*Staff discount alert!*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

I knows it
it's fine.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:31, Reply)

I'm joking.
Did he give you (a) Head (racket)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:32, Reply)

Fnar.
No, Wilson.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:35, Reply)

I'd have gone for this gem myself
www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9DMUnhfOQo
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:25, Reply)

I can pretty much guess, so wouldn't be arsed about hearing it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:07, Reply)

Heh, well maybe people only ever say nice things about you
whereas I'd hate to be proven right - I'd rather assume I was being paranoid and silly than to find out people are actually being 'orrible.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:10, Reply)

Nah people say bad shit too.
It's fine. C'est la vie.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:20, Reply)

B*Witched.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

Al Qaeda UK cells.
To prevent attacks.
(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:08, Reply)

Hahah shurrup ya bell!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:10, Reply)

+ end

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:10, Reply)

S'what I meant.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

You're missing the whole 'comedy' aspect, aren't you FF?
not even a little joke?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:11, Reply)

Non-endorsed humour is forbidden by the Party.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:15, Reply)

He's a comunist?
WOW! Sing with me Comrade, let you heart swell with pride, one day we will prevail! one day!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=U06jlgpMtQs
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

we once had a Communist Russia themed party in my friends' garden
at which we played all the USSR national anthems and greatest hits of the red army choir for about 4 hours. The neighbours didn't even complain.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

If your friend had had Polish neighbours, that could have ended very badly.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:28, Reply)

might be worse next time
we'er considering north korea
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:29, Reply)

With a large methanol explosion, possibly

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

i saw that photo of his
the one with the "I am FreeFair" sign? It's got "Shoe Bomber" written all over it.
( Kroney, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:25, Reply)

No that's Labour's policy
P.C addicts and all that.
(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Except it was the Tories who dissolved the youth wing of their party for singing comedy songs that the leadership didn't like.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:49, Reply)

I can only imagine it was because of the work related stuff he wrote.
I can't think of anyone's phone that I would like to hack.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:12, Reply)

I wish you'd hack the phone of the catering manager on Weston pier.
At least then, I could work out how much getting pissed over looking the mud is going to cost.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:14, Reply)

Are we settled on Friday 30th then?
I might not be able to do that. It's probably going to be my last day in my current job, unless I find something else and leave earlier...
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:17, Reply)

I don't know berk.
Do I need to read the previous thread properly?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

don't be mean

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:20, Reply)

That sounded like a threat.
"Do I need to fetch the slipper?"
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Probably.
I was under the impression that Blousie was going to come down for a couple of days then head up to London for Bash Boyce on the Saturday. So the Friday would probably work best as it means a long weekend rather than a day off midweek.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:22, Reply)

If you don't come
we'll talk about you.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

That sounds right (I think) - But I'll ask Blousie to put it on the calendar.
That way, it'll be crystal!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

If we want to go on the eye
I can book it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:25, Reply)

Weston has an eye?

(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:29, Reply)

Oh yeah.
Better than the one in London.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

A brown one.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Half price rides on the pier on Fridays too apparently.

(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:32, Reply)

Twice as busy then!
If I'm being honest, I'll probably pass on the 'Weston eye' - I've seen it. It looks shit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:33, Reply)

It does, to be fair.
We'll just go on all the rides on the pier then.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Well, do you think the Weston 'eye' looks worth spending money on?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Pffft
I had a google. I've spent money on worse going to Blackpool. Weston looks nice by comparison.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:40, Reply)

Evidently you've never been to Weston.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7Gee3THtb8

change the word 'sand' for 'mud' and you've got it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

I don't know.
I honestly can't imagine there's anything worth seeing from that high up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

There was an eye in Birmingham last Christmas
next to Symphony Hall/NIA. All you could possibly have seen from it were other buildings...and to be honest, I can see all of those I want from the ground.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Seeing as there is fuck all worth seeing at ground level, this should come as no surprise.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:48, Reply)

i no rite?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Oh look!
The indoor market. I just just do with a tea towel and some clothes pegs. Thank god for the Weston eye, I'd have clean forgotten about them otherwise.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:51, Reply)

shall we go to Hartcliffe instead?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:53, Reply)

Not without jabs.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:54, Reply)

30th September is pretty much out of season
it will be dead.
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:34, Reply)

True.
Except for geeks from the Internet, who wouldn't dream of going out in the sunshine.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:39, Reply)

Fair play to yeh Al

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

I suppose it would be interesting to know what some of the 'personalities' on this board are really like
not the normalish people, the total cunt, I figure they can't be like that in real life or they'd spend most of their time is hospital, but it would be interesting to see the real person behind the vitriol.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:16, Reply)

name and shame.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:17, Reply)

of the top of my head you understand Wormulous, Rory might be worth a skwiz
sorry the pills are kicken and typing is becomingnufn
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:26, Reply)

Lordy man, what are you on?

(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:39, Reply)

Ecstasy.
I used to post on BBC Collective and one night, while on decent pills, I posted sparkly, rambling prose that did that spiralling thing that verbal conversations do when you're off your tits on pills.

I read it back the next day and was sort of proud that I still maintained grammatical and spelling standards.

I fucking love ecstasy. My favourite drug by a long long way. Excellent as a social thing too. No violence at all. Ever.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:47, Reply)

just these sleeping pills the doc gave me, last Time thew-y didn't do any more than those hippy wank herbal ones,
so he said "take two" so now I hve an the screen is allwibly like frosted glass. i shud to to bed but it's fun to see what hapens
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:48, Reply)

haha
keep typing! It's funny
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:50, Reply)

it;s gettng the mamds to cooperate and the keys noit to mvr aroiund
also di=ouble wisin, walkingid run,



make sem[=nse of rtha seekshagger
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:06, Reply)

I think i've been insulted
but it's hard to say
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:08, Reply)

not surprised given you nemtalaquity

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:21, Reply)

you're actually getting
slightly more lucid, going by the typing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:25, Reply)

yeah, wonderif I can walk

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:46, Reply)

you just need to roll as far as something soft

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:47, Reply)

made it bach in one peec

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:50, Reply)

Surely staying up to see what happens
rather negates the point of the sleeping pills?
(berk, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:50, Reply)

and you wake up inthe morning
with teh keyboard imprinted on your face
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:51, Reply)

seeing if they;ll win or nit
so fsr so strange
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:10, Reply)

I think they might be winning this battle

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:20, Reply)

not!
i'm awakeso i win
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:22, Reply)

fair play
I thought you'd gone.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:24, Reply)

only in the head dear lady
quite compos mnetis,
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:32, Reply)

you should probably sleep though
you took those pills for a reason
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:33, Reply)

yes i did
touched by your concern night
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:51, Reply)

Could we expand it to hacking b3ta accounts
so we can properly identify the meatpuppets.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:18, Reply)

I'm still convinced GloriaHull was one of you buggers.
The alternative is too terrifying to contemplate.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Who?
I'm quite tempted to create one just for the craic.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

Aggressive snooty Daily Mail type, viewed anyone from /talk as a barbarian invader, large part of vocabulary made up by the words "twelve" and "virgin".
A regular a few years ago, not long after /offtopic started.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

Apparently, FreeFair doesn't know who this is and works for News International.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

I thought you were on about me, then I realized you were on about something else.

(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

Freefair replied to this
And I replied to it.

It's like Alice in Wonderland now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:44, Reply)

I don't remember that one

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

She peddled fairly typical QOTW fare in the bad old days, for instance:
www.b3ta.com/questions/fakingit/post197072
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Written like a man would write.
It's just retold Razzle style letters page material. Miles better than anything Spanky ever posted, so not him.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:53, Reply)

I don't think I have the skills to have a fake account on here.
Whereas on a Fulham board I'm on it's a piece of piss, my latest one was me pretending to be a father of a boy who went to a recent game in the Faroe Islands by fishing boat, but had lost contact with him. I said it's presumed he's lost at sea and had about eighty replies all offering to help start an online search party (whatever that is).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:33, Reply)

The thing about fake accounts is that everyone has their own way of typing, constructing sentences etc. that often makes them very identifiable.
If you're cunning and dedicated enough, you can disguise yourself by changing either or both of these.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Narrative voice.
A difficult thing to change at a whim.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:41, Reply)

I'm getting more cunty by the day.
In real life too I mean.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:19, Reply)

Oh, me too.
My patience is severely depleted.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:23, Reply)

Grumpy old women

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:30, Reply)

is there any other kind?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

grumpy young women

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:50, Reply)

I take this to mean the size of your fanny is expanding.
And is becoming more flappy.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:29, Reply)

It's a nightmare in the breeze

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:32, Reply)

tinyurl.com/6cvfgl4
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:35, Reply)

hahahaha

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:35, Reply)

sneaky government operatives
but then I'd filter them for stuff about aliens
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:17, Reply)

Comedy you say?
OK, how about Silvio Berlusconi.
For teh Bunga Bunga lols.
(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:21, Reply)

I'd also hack into Toro Y Moi's phone and ask how he made such a perfect song.
THIS IS BEYOND MINT: www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4J6bFDvvwY
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:27, Reply)

Anyone watching the school thing on BBC 1?
Looks like it should be interesting.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:40, Reply)

Me.
I'd bet it upsets a lot of older people and parents.
(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:43, Reply)

You massive nonce.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:45, Reply)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1280365

(888777555, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:57, Reply)

Precisely.
Massive noncing, right here on the internet.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:00, Reply)

People never believe me when I tell them what teachers have to put up with
This should be interesting.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Not from me
My Mum was a teacher.

She loved her job until the early 90's then lost the faith entirely.

Having said that, I do believe that a lot of the new breed teachers get degrees in Sports Science or Sociology, then discover that their employment prospects are either a call centre or a PGSE.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:05, Reply)

I did a PGCE
I'm a good teacher in smaller groups, and I relate well to my pupils. I just don't have the gravitas for classroom management.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:08, Reply)

possibly - but it's hard
and a lot of people like that drop out pretty quickly
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:08, Reply)

I did, but I still miss it.
I just started in the wrong environment.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:13, Reply)

yeah, that's not because you did it as a last resort
your place sounds scary
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:15, Reply)

I shouldn't have gone there.
I was flattered that they headhunted me. It didn't occur to me to wonder why they had no other applicants for the job.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:17, Reply)

Replying to you both here
I couldn't do it - I can and have managed adults in employment but I couldn't manage kids.

Maybe the problem is that so many of the teachers getting into the system are in there because our FE system offers so many worthless degrees and a PGCE is seen as the only route to employment?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:16, Reply)

Speaking as a language graduate
it is one of the main things you are told that you can do with your degree.

However, I didn't do it straight out of university, and it was something I thought a lot about.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:19, Reply)

(I think you mean HE, I do FE)
To a certain extent, but 'worthless' is a loaded term - many people have jobs they want to get into and do those degrees and find it very hard to make money from what they want to do. HE places need to offer more vocational advice (I believe many of them are - my degree had very little on building portfolios and applying for projects, but I think that's included now)

Education isn't just for employment, though.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:19, Reply)

Again, replying to you both
But pulling back a little because you're both rather older than the current influx of teachers I have in mind.

Surely the vocational aim of anyone entering FE (sorry Cavy) should be reasonably defined?

Maybe I'm a bit Ivory Tower here - I always wanted to work with stats, took a degree in Economics and worked in insurance.

I think what I'm driving at is if you're a graduate in Psychology, and you discover that there's 1500 other Psychology graduates chasing 6 jobs and you take the PGCE route...

How motivated are you?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:32, Reply)

I've been out of teaching for a long time
but every time I go back into a classroom or see things like this on TV, I realise it might not be what I do any more, but it;s what I *am*.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:37, Reply)

this^^
When I started teaching it just 'clicked'. Only other time I had this was when I first picked up and used an SLR
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:40, Reply)

I only did my PGCE 2 years ago
Loads of kids have no idea what they want to do at FE level, but have an idea of what they like. Often they do subjects they never had the chance to do in school.

FE also has loads of kids who did badly at school, but are actually quite bright at certain things - we get loads of them in our department. Often they need some help with direction.

At 16 it's hard to know enough of the way the world works to know how to get jobs (I still thought you applied for a job as 'Photographer' hahah)

I originally didn't want to teach, but I ran some workshops when I was running a business and fucking LOVED it. Later a did a little cover in a college for a guy who was off (with stress) and applied for my PGCE at the start of the next college year.

It's HARD but it's often the most awesome thing in the world
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:38, Reply)

It definitely is.
My qualification is for 11-18, but I would love to teach primary. I could handle KS5, because anyone studying there generally wants to be there. And classes aren't 30+ students.

I must look into going back at some point.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:44, Reply)

post-compulsory is mine (16+)
although it's a myth they all want to be there. A surprising number (especially on EMA) are there because they don't know what else to do.

Mind you, I wouldn't do secondary or primary, that would kill me. Plus, it's the subject I really love
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:46, Reply)

our granddaughter wanted to take photography as her 4th AS.
We talked her into doing maths instead. I'm sure she appreciates it....
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:48, Reply)

never let her take photography as a 4th AS
everyone thinks it's a piece of piss, then we work them like dogs and they either quit or end up doing it as their main subject :) There's a lot of working your own time.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:52, Reply)

I sincerely applaud both of you
As above - I've run production lines of 300 people, I've managed Lloyds brokerages.

There's no way I could teach kids.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:45, Reply)

Thank you :D

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:47, Reply)

Most of them aren't total bastards.
I've actually come across more nice ones thatn shitehawks in the last few months. It's been quite surprising.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:50, Reply)

Allright TD?
I've got a massive "supply chain" issue, in view of the explosive Lincolnshire news today...
Whatever am I to do?
Wilco's and Netto are both saying they can't help til next week...
Any ideas?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:24, Reply)

izzat
"Inferno at suspected moonshine liquor factory leaves five dead"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Darn tootin' dude.
I've been left in a right pickle ;(
Or not lol x
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 1:23, Reply)

I know a song about that
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhMO9azmKNU
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:36, Reply)

Effing iPhone can't load that movie!
;(
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 1:24, Reply)

watching it now
they all need culling for the human race to survive the next 10 years.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:27, Reply)

that little fat girl's parents are a fucking disgrace.
They think she's being funny. It's not funny, it's fucking disruptive.

I'm getting angry now. Grrrr.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:29, Reply)

They called her Maisy
That's a giant red flag that they don't know how to parent.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:32, Reply)

that teacher really reminds me of someone
but I can't think who...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:35, Reply)

She's trying to be a bit more gooder
so there's that.

God help us all.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:36, Reply)

and her work has improving.
ALSO: I just got your email - thank you so much! You're a gent and a star. It's not at all true what they say about you...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:37, Reply)

Just the things about my enormous cock
not what I do with it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:45, Reply)

Well, I think you're lovely. and you get a massive snog from me for that.
I now have double the minimum amount. Hopefully I can screw people for more byu the end of the month.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:52, Reply)

tits
ni ni ot
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:52, Reply)

pendulous fun bags
bedtime for me too.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:53, Reply)

haha
sleep well, druggie
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 23:53, Reply)