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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Seeing as we're all REALLY INTO "FILM" here,
I am offering funding. Come and pitch your ideas for a groundbreaking new 'FILM' to me.

The best pitch will be blessed with my funding.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:27, 196 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
It's about a cyborg driving instructor
who goes back in time, for some reason.
His best friend is a talking pie.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:30, Reply)
Why do I get the feeling I've heard this one before...?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Ron Howard is attached to direct...

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
A spastic jewish gay cripple
spends the war hiding from the Nazi's in the sewers only to be shot dead accidentally by his best friend a German cartoon mouse played by Rutger Hauer on the last day of the war.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:31, Reply)
A remake of top gun, but with an all female cast.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Wimmin? Driving planes?
I've barely let mine near the controls of my motor car, don't you know.

*polishes monocle*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:40, Reply)
I Know Bot You Did Last Summer
a charming coming of age tale of homosexuality and bribery
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:33, Reply)
+ Dog

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Washing machine repair man
goes to this middle aged woman's house. While he is there she keeps interrupting him and flashing her knickers and tits at him.

He ends up having sex with her variously around the kitchen (with no regard for food hygiene) and then leaves without even getting the washing machine working again.

Well?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
I like it, this sounds like it could be an excellent "homage" to a film I was watching the other night

What? Quentin Tarantino's allowed to use that excuse...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:39, Reply)
It would all be in German obviously.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)
I think the repair man should also speak Mandarin and Japanese fluently for absolutely no good reason

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:50, Reply)
And have a stringy moustache.
That is why you are Herr Direktor!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Needs MOAR lesbians

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Fight Club
Boxing film, man against chocolate biscuit
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Presuming with an alarming twist toward the end
In which the chocolate biscuit realises he imagined the person attacking him?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:41, Reply)
OK, ok, ok.... I've said it a few time, my idea changes a bit every time, BUT.
Will Smith and Jacky Chan are time traveling cops who are chasing Jasson Strepham through history. As things change through their anticks, things change in the future. It turns out that Jason isn't evil, but he's trying to undo something, like, the cure for aids going wrong and making it airborn, or something like that.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)
Or the sequal to Labyinth.
The boy is now in his teens, and he wants to become the goblin king.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)
The May Tricks
Keanu Reaves escapes a computer generated world to shag ropey old whores in the 5th month of the year.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)
I like where this is going, but just to constrain the budget slightly,
could we adjust it to "The(resa) May Tricks"?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
He's going down, duuuuude.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
The Green Pile
Tom Hanks' arse grapes go septic
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
This is currently the front runner.
Edit: With apologies for use of the word 'runner.' That's probably not an image you wanted in conjunction with the above title...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Forrest Gimp
It's a film about Mr Whittaker getting chained up and beaten in a wooded area.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Star Whores
Katie Price and Paris Hilton in spaaaaaaaaace
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:40, Reply)
I'm sure I've already seen a film called that...

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
Blade Rimmer
Harrison Ford greedily slurps at Wesley Snipes' anus
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:42, Reply)
^this
Purely for "greedily slurps".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)
The Blowjob Olympics.
A grawling 7 day long competition who gives the best blowjob between BGB, Swipie, B3th, Berk, Amberly, Lampers, Lamper's Housemate, Clindrix, Lusty. They have different catagories such as who can make it last the longest, who can make it last the quickest, the double penis. They'll be score-cards involved but ultimatly it'll be down to me, as the recipient of the blowjobs, to give the final points, given a split-vote.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)
I suspect you have already "storyboarded" this, Gonz.
And you are ready to go having already completed pre-production.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)
The Worse Lieutenant
Harvey Keitel reprises his seminal role by sitting naked in a squeaky leather chair mumbling obscenities for 117 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
No Cunt Tree For Old Men
A charming tale of Tommy Lee Jones coming to terms with the fact that you can't grow new vaginas from planting one in the ground
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Brilliant.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:48, Reply)
Hahahaha
YOU'RE offering funding. The only concept I can think of where the budget would be appropriate is a big-screen outing for Blakes 7
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:48, Reply)
I haven't said how much I'm offering.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:54, Reply)
How much are you offering?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
*scrabbles around back of sofa*
15p so far, but I'm looking into draw in additional investments from other interested parties.

(Where parties = sofas)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Even Blakes 7 might be out of reach
How about we trim certain non-essentials down... Blakes 1?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
How about Blakey's 7?
In which a decrepit old bus conductor is wrongly accused of a crime, then goes on the run with a motley crew of ne'er-do-wells and tries to bring down the London Transport Company. Cathchphrase: "I'll get you, Servalan".
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Goody Willy Hunting
Local townsfolk go in search of the reanimated corpse of Jade Goodys penis which has been killing local children
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:48, Reply)
Does it kill them with APPALLING RACISM?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)
It better!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:50, Reply)
'Highlando'
In which Billy Dee Williams gets out of his fucking nut on methamphetamine - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:50, Reply)
"Just a little higher! Just a little higher!"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
"This drugs deal is getting worse all the time"

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
"You truly belong with us here in the clouds.... maaaaaan"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
"I heeeee know where heeeeee they're keeping heeee my stash"

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
I'm out

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:12, Reply)
We know

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:21, Reply)
That took long enough

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:24, Reply)
The Nightmare Before Christmas
A film about parents on minimum wage trying to afford Christmas for their clueless children.

Seminal scenes include;
Mum offering to suck men off for £10 a time, just so she can get the latest Action Man.
Dad crying into his bills, as he has to remortgage the house, so they can afford a Turkey for Christmas dinner.
And of course, the inevitable tantrum as it turns out Mum picked the wrong Action Man, which she discovers as it smashes into the wall.

Join us this year, it'll be fun for all the family! And possibly a little familiar to some of you...
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:51, Reply)
This sounds good. Possibly the only contender so far to compete with broadsword's suggestions.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
This family's mistake was having children.
I like the underlying social commentary
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Bum Bog Millionaire
A film highlighting the life and loves of George Michael
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Beauty and the Beast
The touching story of how Lusty met Monty.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
'Performance'
In which Mick Jagger and James Fox talk frankly about erectile dysfunction - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
The Spinal Tap Who Loved Me
Mullet porn.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:54, Reply)
'Schindler's Pissed'
He gets lashed up on Carling down the pub, and accidentally blabs about his Jew-smuggling antics - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:54, Reply)
I like this. Better still we could make it by just sticking a big nose on my old flatmate.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
By 'funding'
do you mean 'a healthy splash of my manly fluids'?
(berk, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Believe me, there's nothing healthy about a splash of those...

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:57, Reply)
or manly

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Animal House
About a family of Nigerians settling in London.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
'Fiddling on the Roof - the Rod Hull Story'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Yes, yes, this is promising.
Or we just follow Paul Gadd around the world with a camera and call it "Fiddler on the Hoof"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Heat
93 minutes of Jeff talking about how he prefers dogs during the proestrus stage.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
'Fiddler on the Hoof - My Travels in South East Asia' starring Paul Gadd, OBE

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Clearly we have a common creative direction

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
An American Werewolf in Paris
In which a yank tourist gets bitten by a crazed creature whilst on a tour of France, and then spends the rest of the film nuts deep in the heir to the Hilton fortune's capacious grot bucket, before being put out of his misery by being shot TO DETH at the end.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:58, Reply)
...by a wanking teenage boy?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
I never said that.
You filthy-minded perv.

Oh, the missus is coming to your bash btw.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:13, Reply)
Now that is excellent news.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Innit?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Fiddler of da Yoof
A heartwarming story about an inner city paedophile.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
'A Fiddler and a Poof - the Jonathan King Story'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Home Alone.
In which a teenage boy is accidentally left behind when his parents go on holiday, and he spends a fortnight downloading porn and masturbating furiously into a bucket.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:00, Reply)
The twist should be that it's told from the bucket's point of view

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
You're the investor, do what you want.
I shall, however, complain bitterly about the integrity of my screenplay being compromised by the studio system.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)
And not doing the washing up

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Hahahhaa

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Homo Loan
The true story of Lloyds TSB branching out into the pink pound market
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:18, Reply)
'The Kids Are Alright, I Suppose - I've seen sexier, though'
The big-screen adaptation of Pete Townshend's 'book'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
With hilarious consequences?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Only if you find the sexual abuse of children amsuing, Kroney.
I happen to find it an extremely distressing subject, personally.

You disgust me.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Inevitably.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Men in Blacks
3 friends go into a store to buy Camping gear.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Homer Loan
in which the ancient Greek author tries to a get an unsecured £25k bank loan - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Spider-Man
In which a teenage boy awakens after being bitten by a radioactive prostitute and discovers he has the extraordinary ability to produce a strange, sticky white fluid at the flick of a wrist.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:05, Reply)
Any film ideas not concerning teenage boys and semen, at all?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Yes, see above a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:07, Reply)
You know what they say, Monty
write about what you know
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Brokeback Mountie
In which a member of the RCMP falls from his horse and ruptures his spinal column rendering him quadriplegic – with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:08, Reply)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Primitive life-forms rise up against their betters and loot various electrical retailers for their wares. Includes interactive "choose your own ending" feature in which audience members can deal with cast members as they see fit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:10, Reply)
3 Men and a Baby
A "touching" story about a paedophile gang from the North.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:12, Reply)
'The Baby P Story'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:13, Reply)
That was in the south, you addled old fuckwit.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Haringey is in North London you spaniel.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:16, Reply)
It's still south, so ner.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:16, Reply)
The Empire Strikes Back
in which Zimbabwean landowners have their farms repossessed by jealous nig-nogs - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:12, Reply)
I genuinely had not seen this when I posted the below

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)
The Rise and Fall of the British Empire
A sweeping epic, which starts with the highly determined 'Britons' conquering the world and killing Darkies, and covers their eventual decline into decadence. The film ends with the nation's cities being razed to the ground by the revolting underclass.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:12, Reply)
A Cartoon right
With Animals in it, you with me so far? Ok and the animals right, they can talk and do things that animals wouldn't normally do!

We can call it, any fucking dreamworks film released ever.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Brokeblack Mountin'
In which an increasingly desperate Richard 'British Will Smith' Blackwood resorts to gay porn in order to pay the bills.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:15, Reply)
*click*

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Richard 'least famous man in Britain' Blackwood

(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Even I've been on telly more than him this year

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
*click* again

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:21, Reply)
Arf

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
The Empire Strikes Blacks
Michael Caine's colonial officer builds a touching relationship with his Zulu manservant through the language of appalling racial violence and the slaughter of his entire village.

Snappier title optional.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Big nobs and womb sticks
John Holmes and Ron Jeremy spitroast Jessica Fletcher whilst cartoon animals perform a "21 gun salute" over her face
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)
^ best one yet

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:24, Reply)
Clarks
A low budget black and white 'film' film about a pair of Start-rite Chukka Boots.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Start Wars
A film about George W Bush and Tony Blair AMIRITE?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:19, Reply)
21 Grams
or "Breakfast at Monty's"
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
Monty was never smacked as a child
Well except a couple of grams to get him to sleep at night
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:28, Reply)
The Bumder Years
Big-screen outing for Fred Savage as he recalls his brutal sodomisation by his entire circle of male acquaintances between the ages of 13 and 16.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
The Burbs.
A fly on the wall documentary following a group of Geordie men who all share the first name 'Robert'.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
I love this.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)
I worried it may be a bit inaccessible.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)
The Bitches who eat dick
Tessa Jowl, Harriet Harmen and Hazel Blears suck off members of the EDL for votes
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:21, Reply)
The Running Tan
Dale Winton and Katie Price are caught out in the rain shortly after applying a frankly pornographic amount of orange face dye
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:21, Reply)
T'e T'ird Man
Oirish remake of the classic Graham Greene adaptation, starring Kroney in the lead role.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:22, Reply)
Dog-ma
the touching tell of Jeff's mum and her descent into canine animal pornography and corned beef addiction
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)
The Bridge on the River Wye
In which some idle Taffys take fucking ages to build a poorly-made pontoon in the Monmouthshire area - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)
Transformers.
Another fly on the wall documentary, this time about a group of pre-op transexuals.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:23, Reply)
Grant or Eno
Action Thriller where bombs are strapped to Hugh Grant and Brian Eno and they have just 24 hours to find and kill the other or both will be detonated.

Entirely cinema verité.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:25, Reply)
I feel this is some of my finest work

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Last Tango in Norwich
An attractive young woman wakes up to the realisation that her whole life is a lie, and dumps the raging bumder she's been 'tangoing' with. He is then reduced to turning tricks in mens' toilets to make ends meet. He can't even afford to provide his own butter.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:25, Reply)
I hate that this is as funny as it is

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)
It is very, very funny

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:27, Reply)
No question
Covers old ground surprisingly well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)
..resorting to some rancid Stork SB found round the back of Lidl's.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)
Do they still sell Stork?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:27, Reply)
No, it had gone a bit rancid
but he wasn't in a position to be choosy.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:29, Reply)
How would I know? I'm posh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:29, Reply)
Don't posh people usually have two bob to rub together?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)
HAHA!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)
No, that's the noveaux riches.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)
NOUveaux riches

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:44, Reply)
Yes, you can still get it.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Yes, I have some in my fridge.
/common
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)
I can't believe it

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Last Tango in Paris
Where a group of gentlemen take in in turns to ram cans of soft drink up Ms Hilton's capracious vadge.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)
Indian Jones and the temple of Poon
Bollywood remake of the Temple of Doom, whereby a moustached Indain actor dances a lot and has sex with some monkey brains
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:26, Reply)
The Malteser Falcon
A touching story of a shy teenage boy's attempt to combine his two loves of sweets and science fiction
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:29, Reply)
Snatch
Documentary on TGB and her love/hate relationship with Gonz
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)
With hilarious consequences

(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Obviously

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Donnie Darko
In which Mark Wahlberg's brother 'blacks up' in order to win a talent show - with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Any ideas not involving casual racism?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)
Of course not, this is Monty you're talking about.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)
Yeah what a fucking stupid question, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)
Wild Riled Weston
An eBay trader tires of persistent jibes about the size of her breasts and goes postal. Ends with a high-drama action scene on the pier in which the protagonist bungees in to rescue a dog as it is being sodomised by the villain of the piece.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Complex but good!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Sounds good
but needs a love interest. Might David Tennant be available?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)
The Loin King
Members of the feared "Tripod" organisation fight to the death for supremacy
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Dog Soldiers.
In which a bunch of squaddies spend their time on leave hanging around car parks in the hope of being invited in on some 'action'.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)
Lord of the Flies
In which Darth Foxtrot minces about the haberdashery department of John Lewis, with a large selection of zips.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:32, Reply)
It Happened One Shite
Moving story about one man and his scat addiction
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:33, Reply)
I like it
Sequels are a possibility - Shite of the Cunt'er, horror twist Shite on the Living Dead, period drama Twelfth Shite...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)
Groundhog Day
Seeing as we're all REALLY INTO "FILM" here,
I am offering funding. Come and pitch your ideas for a groundbreaking new 'FILM' to me.

The best pitch will be blessed with my funding.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:34, Reply)
Carrie
A horror film in which the "rock band" Europe bleed heavily from their genitals before setting fire to a school, killing everyone inside.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)
Finding Omen
A fish is suspected of being possessed by the devil himself. His forgetful friend must travel the ocean to find a cure
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)
Enter the Dragon
Where by Duncan Bantyne is ensconced in a WWII bunker with a bren gun and demands that someone from the village bums him of he'll eat their children
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:35, Reply)
The Money Pit.
Basically, it's just footage of Monty worrying about debt. With hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)
'I Was Monty's Double'
An arthouse 'film' told from the viewpoint of a large XO Hennessy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Good Pill Hunting
Drama involving an ageing drug addict's search for the ultimate high
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Monty Boyces The Meaning Of Life
An old man spends his days trying to be cool by "hanging out" with "the kidz" and taking lots of what he thinks are "massive drugs".

With tragic consequences.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:37, Reply)
The Ex-Orc-ist
Comedy about a teenage virgin boy's attempt to stop his addiction to Games Workshop
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:37, Reply)
The Sound of Moosic.
Pixar remake of the Rogers and Hammerstein classic, but with a bovine twist.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:38, Reply)
I like this

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:44, Reply)
I thought you would.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:45, Reply)
Shitter Island
Kroney shows us around his pad. Think Cribs with poo
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)
The Great Egg Race
In which tubby dwarf Al tries in vain to stop all his hair falling out - against the background of the Tour de France.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:39, Reply)
Sounds oeuf-al

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)
The Man Who Shot Liberty X

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:40, Reply)
The Man With The Golden Shower
An old man tries to be cool by hanging out with the kids and spends all his money on massive drugs. Forced to change his life to make ends meet he starts charging ladies £10 a pop to urinate on their faces.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:41, Reply)
Sexy Yeast
Ray Winstone and Ben Kingsley are to the apricots in loafs of bread, in a bakers, in Spain
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:43, Reply)
In Brutes
after a hitman job goes wrong Colin Farrell travels to Belgium where he makes a series of bad choices with his male sexual partners
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:46, Reply)
The Unsocial Network
Art house film showing 24 hours in the life of website b3ta.com
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:48, Reply)

akas.imdb.com/title/tt0481580/
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:49, Reply)
Fuck
I didn't know it had already been done
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:50, Reply)
The Legend of Dogger Vance
Will Smith plays a magical negro who peers into car windows and gives sage, downhome advice to the sweaty couplers within.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:51, Reply)
AKA the Tiger Woods Story.

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 13:11, Reply)
Carry On Up the Khyber.
Biopic charting the sexual awakenings of a young ballroom dancer from Nottingham.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Dr Nom
A medical practitioner is diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome and cannot stop talking about lunch
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)
From Pusher With Love
Monty's descent into his drugz hellz
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)
Mouldfinger
Happybara talks openly about the musky smells of his wife's anus
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:56, Reply)
Thunderball
Darth Foxtrot talks us through the engaging world of fat dancing
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:57, Reply)
You Only Give Twice
Tearjerker involving a telecommunications worker (32) from Norwich and his inability to take a 3rd penis
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:58, Reply)
On Her Madge's Ties Secret Service
Acidhouse film involving Madonna's neckwear (getting tenuous now)
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 11 Aug 2011, 13:00, Reply)
Carry On, Dick.
The sequel to 'Carry On Up the Khyber'.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 11 Aug 2011, 12:55, Reply)

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