Morning all.
Right - food-related TV puns thread- I'll start.

'Cunt shit bollocks arsehole'

Unrelated aside:
I note with great amusement in this morning’s papers the regretful Frankfurt Islamist terrorist who was inspired to act by a YouTube video of ‘US atrocities’ – that were really excerpts from a fucking Hollywood film called ‘Redacted’.

Now there’s someone who is 'really into film'. I raise my hat to you, you complete fucking cretin.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:34, 211 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I'm on a train to that Newcastle, Monty
if those cunts start those shite excuses for puns again, I'm going Radio Rental and the next time you see me will be on the 10 o'clock news in a stand-off with marksmen.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:37, Reply)

I'll be right beside you.
Us bandmates have to stick together, right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Fo sho.
You'll never find another triangle player with this level of passion and number of velvet smoking jackets.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I'm in talks with Gauloises regarding a sponsorship deal of our next tour.
I love it when bands who are on their uppers announce a tour of small venues (because no one likes them any more) claiming 'we wanted to play some smaller venues to reconnect with our fans' - of course, you turned down six sold-out nights at the 02 in favour of some shitty clubs. Of course you did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:49, Reply)

The only time I've ever known something like this to happen was at a festival
Korn were shifted down to second stage, after they'd had to cancel at the last minute the year before, so they were making up for it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:51, Reply)

A few years ago AC/DC played a single night at Hammersmith.
It was a 1982 night - £8 tickets and 1982 bar prices. The day before my brother's birthday. Of course, I could not get tickets. Gu-tted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Fucking hell, that would have been fantastic.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Also the a great year for the birth of Apes
that would ahve been brilliant; how much was a pint in 1982?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Except us
we'll never sell out. In fact, we'll have to split up the second anyone professes to like us, as that would make us too mainstream.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:52, Reply)

This is you AICMFP
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

I see that
and raise you www.explosm.net/comics/2295/
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:56, Reply)

I considered that one
But the one I posted is in regard to music being too mainstream, so a more accurate response to your point.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I concur.
I just like that one too. Mostly because I know several people like that. Epic cunts, every man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:11, Reply)

My thoughts exactly

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I thought I'd left them behind in that London
but, no, there are people that ride fixies in Edinburgh. Have you seen Edinburgh? not having gears on your bike here is like deliberately choosing to fight a lion with an air pistol when there's a fucking big machine gun available.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Sadly I've never been to Edinburgh, the only city I've been to in Scotland is Glasgow.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)

It's all about Hawick*




*it's not all about Hawick but that's where my ancestral seat is
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)

hills. All hills. and wind.
Fucking lovely place, though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I concur
Fucking freezing biting cold wind.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Definitely.
We're so experimental we don't actually play instruments or turn up at the venues. We're doing the Albert Hall tonight - don't forget.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

how could I forget?
I don't want to lose the deposit on those two hundred 14 foot high inflatable vaginas after all.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Good morning Monty
I had a steak sandwich for breakfast. I was quite happy with it, even cooked it rare.

The steak itself ain't great, so I'm going to work out some other way to cook it, probably fry it in strips with sweet chilli sauce, spring onion, etc.

How are you?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:40, Reply)

I'm not too bad thank you.
Seeing my little'un tonight, tomorrow AND Saturday which is marvellous.

Steak sandwich for breakfast, eh? That's pretty hardcore. What about fahitas (not for breakfast, obv)?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Needed a substantial breakfast, not getting a lunch today
There was a pack of steaks on offer in Tesco last night, had one last night in a fresh baguette with fried onions and mushrooms, with dijon mustard mixed into them while they were cooking. This morning, just plain bread, on it's own.

Fajitas? Hmm, may well do.

3 days? That's fucking fantastic fella.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Innit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I second this "innit"
With a "capital work, chap"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 8:51, Reply)

No lunch, but what will we talk to you about all monring?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Lack of conversation with you won't exactly impact on my day.
Considering the drivel you attempt to type on here wouldn't even be classed as 'conversation' in a playschool run by Scope.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Starting early today are we?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Aye
I think that's me done for the day. Anything mildly amusing I have left in my tanks will be applied to making sure the work experience kid doesn't enjoy his last day here.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Can you get him to make me a cup of tea
and deliver it?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Only if he gets to bring a copy of 'Watchtower' with him

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Morning all
it's bright but chilly in this here London, i have had my generic supermarket brand 'weetabix' and I'm about to get a coffee, then i may, may, do some work today.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)

So, you'll all be delighted to know I've just had the new complimentary East Coast 1st class breakfast
i declare it to be "Meh". 2 badgers out of 5.

I'm still unsure as to why they've replaced half-decent food you paid for with worse food that is free, when airlines are going in the opposite direction. Is there some difference in business model between trains and planes in terms of catering?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Trains are retarded planes ar cunts
I hope this helps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)

if it was in English
it might have done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:17, Reply)

It's in 'Enlish', just for Monty
how are you today old fruit?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Not bad, up early to go to Newcastle for a stem cell event
but otherwise OK. 3 more weeks until thumb is healed and I can stop screaming every time I press buttons. Except THAT button, obviously. We all scream when I press that.

How's the apian world?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Not bad, this week has felt really long despite the bank holiday
I need to strat looking for a new job, but writing my CV is really painful. I guess yours is worse to be fair.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

My CV? Well painful. Especially trying to get it in without lube.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

400 pages of dry academic achievement

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

not entirely dry
there is some blood.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I'm amused/confused by the perceived differences between tube trains and 'train' trains.
On the former, drinking is banned and a dreadful thing - on the latter they'll happily deliver some to your seat.

So what about the Overground trains? Some of the old Thameslink ones went as far as Brighton. So, no drinking allowed until you're out of London and then it's fine, or what?

Pathetic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Having watched some chav scum try downing a bottle of vodka neat on the H&C line
and then vomit it onto the floor I kind of get it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)

It is quite odd.
Although I'm delighted to discover I have free booze on the way back tonight. Technically I have it now, I should probably just demand a G&T right now.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Definately, breakfast drink of champions! none of that 'healthy' bloody mary bollocks
I think there are probably higher concentrations of drunk people on the tube, a lack of guards and bins and it suffers from being rather claustaphobic.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Oh.
Bloody marys are great you oaf.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Bloody Mary, old boy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

vegetables, at this time in the morning?
fuck, no.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

It's fruit.
Any cunt who even considers putting celery near one is a massive flid who should be shot in the face with a musket.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

same principle.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Ohhhh man I love a good Bloody Mary.
I can't decide if I love them or espresso martinis more. :(
( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)

I had a tobacco cocktail in Sydney
I can't remember how it was made but it had a cuban tobacco leaf rolled up as a stirring stick. fucking lovely it was.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

That sounds rather good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

It also contained enough nicotine to down a horse.
Getting non-smokers to try it was a revelation.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

That sounds interesting. I've heard of something like that.
I love cocktails so much and I'm starting to miss bartending. I may just have to set up a bar at home. I'd like one of wheels, with a bamboo theme.
( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I am happy to be the guinea pig for your 'creations',
particularly if they involve that Van Gogh shizzle.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I'm looking for recipies as we speak.
That vodka is excellent, I might have to get a few more flavours in.
( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

We built a bar in my PhD house
admittedly that was because two of us were running a bar on the side which gave us access to everything we needed, but still - the defining piece of genius was one of those twin-paddle cooling machines for fresh orange juice that meant you could make cocktails in serious bulk. Like, 8 litres.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

amazing.

( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I've never had one of them, hmm...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I will have to make you one the morning after a bash.
They have saved my life many a time.
( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Why don't I get this service?
I feel slighted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Because you're lucky enough to live with me.
That should be more than enough.
( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Ah, the classic female ploy.
Yes, giving up the ability to sit around in our pants with the heating full on, surrounded by crisp bags and drink cans with films/games/sports constantly on is definitely worth a lifetime of nagging and washing up.

All men think this.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Games?
Sports?
Crisps?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:53, Reply)

In your case, Bach and drugs.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Ahh, sounds good to me!
I think that trip to the pub after Blousie's saved my life.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Hair of the dog does wonders.

( wanderlust, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Very much so

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Monty will shoot me in the face with a musket for saying so ...
... but in my book, a Bloody Mary isn't complete without lime juice and celery salt.

Garlic salt is an acceptable substitute for those of a shooty nature though.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

*reaches for powder horn*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

*memory loss kicks in and inhales deeply*

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Is 'your book' ‘How to Ruin Classic Drinks’ by A. Bender?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)

The only time I have lime is a slice of it with whisky and ginger
All the better if it's this one
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

SInce people are talking about breakfast, I had a Ginsters Ploughman's Roll today.
Good, honest food. I can see why Ginsters are the no 1 Cornish pasty authority. Cornwall can be proud.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

i heard rthat if you visited the Ginsters factory
you'd never eat eat anything made by them ever again. I'm inclined to believe this.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

This is true of most food place
Bread factories will curl your toes, apparently.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Nike trainer factories will chop your toes off
if you work there that is
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I love their authentic recipe.
The carrots just scream 'C19th tin mine' to me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

The Brunch Bars are pure filth.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

It's all repulsive.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)

In my experience, Ginsters pasties all seem to consist of about 10% pastry, 5% meat, 85% air.
Can't stand them.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Grey meat FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I was a real life piggy today.
I ate 7 croissants and fruit salad. Purely because I wanted to.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I'm not sure i could eat 7 croissants, did you feel a bit ill afterwards?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

No.
I still felt hungry.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Do you mean those little mini ones
about 3' long?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

That is one big croissant!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)

The ones I have are 9 feet long.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I'm not talking about your feet here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:58, Reply)

No. I mean a full sized croissant.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

That's some hardcore smuggery right there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

You kicked those croissants arses!
And by that, I mean you gave them a good chouxing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Why you got play those songs so loud?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I made some sausage roll type things last night
with chorizo and mild cheddar in them. They are fucking lovely!

That is all....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

couldn't get any merguez last night
so fresh chorizo, roasted red peppers and halloumi it had to be.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Merguez is amazing!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

yeah, the missus didn't get to the butchers before it shut sadly.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Punch her in the cunt
Its the only way she will learn
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

You did of course punch her in the eye?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

He "tenderised" her.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

That sounds pretty fantastic.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Proper fridge hunt
and turned out tremendously! It was just some cheap sliced chorizo folded up a few times with a small bit of cheese
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I lolled this morning walking through Shoreditch.
I walked past a mini-market kind of shop, who advertised on a large board their 'Cuisine de France'.

I was unaware that the sausage roll and the prawn sandwich were Gallic creations.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

They bake that stuff themselves.
On the premises, no less.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:53, Reply)

By chefs helicoptered in from France, I imagine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

It's what Albert Roux does for a living these days.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I *thought * I saw him behind the fag counter of the Old Street ‘Nisa’.
Good old Albert, helping out in the other areas of the ‘mini-mart’ when all the prawn samboes are made. He’s nice like that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Morning
How are all the good looking, sexually active members of the board today?

Speaking of clueless idiots, as Monty has, I had a plumber come round last night (sounds like German porn already) to look at the heating, which is currently not working.

He had a look, a severe intake of breath and said he would send me a quote. All fair enough.

This morning I have no hot water and the radiator in the bathroom is going great guns!!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Not bad, thanks!

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I'm good thanks
I'm so tempted to retrain as a plumber, or an electrician some days.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I'm tempted to do similar.
Electrician, in my case. I'm not sure, as a plumber, that I'd be able to keep up with the demand for extras.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

It looks like being a job for life
And you can take it anywhere, unlike my current job which is restricted to London and Slough *shudder* and you get the joy of sucking air through your teeth, telling someone their stuff is fucked and making up a price.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

If you don't have a clue then you give them license to rob you.
Sadly, I fall into this category.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Plus I find electrics fascinating.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Just got the quote.
£362.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Surprisingly reasonable I reckon.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I am chuffed. Includes installing a radiator. I already have the rad.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

If he's any good I'd keep track of him?
Is he polish by any chance?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

No mate.
Cockney as the day is long. Lives just around the corner.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

better still
the location, not the nationality. Hope he does a good job.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

This too.
I'm working on bringing more of it into my current job. I'm become ing the electrical safety bod for the company (well my office anyway), so that's a start.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I do quite a lot of cable work in my current job.
Not electrical, but network. Involves much the asme sort of physical labour and stuff.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I am about to lay some cable.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)

plumbers in london often earn more than lawyers, apparently
no idea about sparks
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Their last album was regarded as a return to form and sold quite well.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Oh this is good Monty - VERY GOOD.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Enough Monty.
This town ain't big enough for the both of us.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I like this version
www.youtube.com/watch?v=d17UkOTIwyg

Mike Patton sounds like a mentalcase
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I'd not heard that.
I like it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I have no idea how I stumbled upon it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I've not had my breakfast yet.
But I shall have a Danish from the sandwich man when he comes in a bit with some nice strong coffee.

I suppose I shall be working today, unless I can think of something obscure to be doing that no one will be able to tell if I'm working on or posting here.

Front runners are: "database updating" and "server configuration" Possibly with a little "research to follow up on recent training"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Don't lie.
You shall have a 'Greek' from the sandwich man - you know it, we all know it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Well he has to Urn.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

If I knew what that was, then maybe.
It had better have plenty of sugar and carbs in it, whatever it is.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

It tends to be quite salty. Lots of protein though.


en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_love
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Good for the skin.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

My brother and I used to chuckle when our mother bought 'Greek Yoghurt'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Laughing at the waste of money
when knowing I would give her a facial for free?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Precisely.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I bow to your greater knowledge in these matters
I think I'll stick to the Danish.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I'm going to see Pulp this evening, I'm well excited.
Even though I only saw them two months ago, what a greedy cunt I am.
Oh and I checked my bank balance for the first time in about two months, I have £300 more than I thought I did.
These pieces of news deserve a huzzah, so, huzzah!
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Greedy for gay play dates maybe.
How is your new social life in Vauxhall working out? ;-)
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Was meant to go to The Eagle on Sunday.
But I was in too much of a state from the night before. When I told people of my escapades there last time, the resounding response I got was "WHY?!". For a laugh, init?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Hahaha.
'Course.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I would love that job,
right andy we have a story on some ninjas robbing a bank, can you go through these awesome movies and find some clips.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I’m not sure how many inflammatory Muslim jihad-incitement videos contain ninja bank-robbery scenes, if I’m honest.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Look at the bigger picture, you have no imagination, always been your problem.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

imaginantion money
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Tru seh dat.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

omg yesterday was so fucking boring, jesus christ
psychochomp should be burned and the truth fairy should be banned.

urgh, speaking of terrorists, i got so panicstricken by someone on the tube this morning. he had a total thousand yard stare, and kept twisting something hard and rectangular inside his beanie hat on his lap (have you seen the weather in london today? nobody else is wearing a woolly hat!) and mouthing to himself through his beard. he got up very slowly as we neared victoria, which is so busy it has to be a prime bombing target, and started pacing. nothing happened, but he didn't get off either. instead he sat down, closed his eyes, sighed massively, and started mumbling to himself again. i relaxed a bit until we got towards westminster, when his blank eyes flew open again and he got to his feet. he lifted his hat into the air. twisted it some more. lips still moving. eyes still staring. then he just got off.

in hindsight the poor sod was just a bit odd, but as soon as your mind starts picturing just how terrifying it would be to be trapped on the tube after a bomb (and i missed 07/07 by one tube stop), the panic is dark, clawing and irrational. then it calms down and you truly hate yourself for being so stupid and making assumptions!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Probably just one of the computer game shut ins from here, getting paniced by the 'real world'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

They get jittery around "people"

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

'people' are cunts
Morning People
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Depeche Mode's shocking followup single

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Depeche Mode are cunts
but don't tell DJ I said that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Cunts - and ghastly woofters.
AND lightweights.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

The Doors' challenging followup single

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

i thought he was gripped by the ecstasy of religious fervour
but actually he was just a bit odd.

oh well.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Did he smell of poo?
It might have been Gonz.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I've seen pictures of Gonz and I'm not convinced this beard is a good thing...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Is that the swirly beard that doesn't go all the way up to the other ear?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I haven't seen the beard, but previous photos show a scraggly black moustache and goatee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Speaking of The Gonz
I clicked on that link he posted last night, and was amused to find one of the top-ranking male wank-objects was a b3tan.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

It wasn't me was it?
I bet it was Kroney, perfect physical specimen that he is.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

It probably was, to be fair. We all have a cross to bear.
Mine just happens to be being the ultimate expression of male sex appeal.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

that is exaggerating
but you are better looking than this lot might think
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

who?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Me of course. Think about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

NEVAH!
I will never do that and touch my special place.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

One of the /boarders
Has a bit of a weird name.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Racist. I bet his name was James, too.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Ja-mes!
I want a, what do you call it, BREAD ROLL!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

hang on
where did i say what colour he was?? or mention race?

for the record, he was very fair skinned, almost as pasty as i am, and much more likely to yell "to be sure, to be sure" when detonating his hat than "allahu akhbar" !
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Being, as you are, a terrible racist
you woudln't have reacted like that if he wasn't a Muslim.

Tell me he was a spotty, white guy. Go on. Say it.

Edeeet: Ahh, so you thought he was Irish. Definitely not a racist, then.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

What is Vippers doing in London anyway?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Winning at life, probably.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

i'm irish
so it's ok
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

You're as Irish as I am Scottish.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

if you saw me sunbathing/burning
you'd re-think that. damn irish ancestors.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Will someone please take the bait

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Don't worry, I'm sure she's being gazzed feverishly.

( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

not anyone who has met me
imagine a blancmange roasting in the sun
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Yeah yeah, if yesterday was so dull why are you all still talking about it.
One of the best days on b3ta ever. The outrage at RUININ TEH INTERNT! was the best I've seen on here since they put replies on /qotw
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

because no one can believe how fucking boring it was
I actually did some work while off ill it was so shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

You just couldn't think of any.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

As trolling went it had the intelligence of Bobby
and none of the subtlety
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I don't think trolling means what you think it means.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

You were doing it to wind people up, simple

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I was doing it because I found it a funny distraction.
winding people up was a side effect. I also didn't lie or misrepresent my views to cause a reaction.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Dicussing the exact internet dictionary definition of trolling is about as interesting as your puns

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Oh smile you miserable cunt
Waaahhh offtopic isn't what I want it to be waaahhh. I'd rather have jeffs jokes and AA's anecdotes all day than listen to this sort of self important wank.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

ssh. you're a speccy provincial little dullard
who thought he was flirting with a real-life female for the first time in 6 months, so he kept going at it long after any trace of humour had faded for any other poor sod who was trying to use the board for a conversation.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

So, If Chompy's ignoring you
I can call him a tedious cunt and as it's a reply to you, he can't see it, right?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

that's how it works
it's surprisingly entertaining knowing that the subject can't see it but everyone else can.

i don't know what happens if he vanity searches his name though, it might come up then? i do hope not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

All he has to do is log out and have a squiz if he wants to see
if you're having a go.
( Kroney, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

yeah but why would he bother?
he doesn't care, so it's kind of a victimless crime.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

So, if you started a thread, if would be inherently free of news links and misplaced superiority?
awesome. Now if you can just get Rory to ignore you too....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Nothing self important here
I think i speak for everyone when I say the puns got boring. generally i avoid complaining about tyhis place and how good or bad it might be, as considering it is entirely user generated it would be a bit pointless.

i think we should talk about mix tapes today
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

AND YOURE STILL MOANING
How on earth do you speak for everyone, there were about four or five people who moaned and about four or five people who did puns.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

*sigh*
go and tell /talk
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

This is bigger than talk, I'm going to tell BBC's have your say.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Noel has a point, I'm off too. Don't miss me too much.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

*misses Bobby already*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 1 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Tingly
I had about 30 seconds to make my lunch this morning. I made Ham, Tomato & Mustard rolls but in my haste put waaaaaay too much English mustard in them. Now it feels like pikachu has just spunked up my nose
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 13:07, Reply)

And how do you know what that feels like?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 1 Sep 2011, 13:24, Reply)