lololol
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:16, 8 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

good god, what a fucking psycho

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

the other fifteen cats are just out of shot

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

fucks sake
No wonder men think we're all psychopathic.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Women are getting pregnant all over the place and yet she couldn't manage it.

( girlinthehole, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd have much more success than her if I tried, what with my endometriosis and that.
Which is quite a good thing really. Pregnancy would be a horrible STD to catch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Because she was turning a condom inside out and and shoving it up her cunt.
That's not how you do it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Psychochomp MD

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

i've dated guys who take this exact approach to sex
with all that stubby-fingered delicacy and finesse.

then they wonder why they can't even get it in.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I haven't

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

well, no
i have never dated you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I haven't dated guys like that.
It was a joke, see?
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

no, i don't
jokes are funny.

and nothing about hamfisted fingering that makes your cunt turn into a clam is funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

You have a terrible sense of humour.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

you wouldn't say that if you had been on the dates in question

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Actually, if I had seen you on these dates, I'm pretty sure I'd have spent a lot of my time laughing.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

which is what i was not doing
one of the least amusing guys i've ever met told me he wanted to be a standup comedian.

piston would have been far superior!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Jesus fucking titty christ
she's got to be trolling us, now ... surely?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

How can she have thought that that was in anyway a reasonable way to act
the 'father' would have been legally responsible for the resulting child
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Men really do need more protection by law.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

How do you prove it though, rather than just the condom breaking.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

If she publishes her story in a national newspaper you should be ok.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

they are protected in this case
they'd just have to prove it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Not true, recently a chap was told he had to pay for child the woman had created with his sperm that she 'stole' from the sperm bank
they had already split up
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I'm sure it's more complicated than this in that particular case
there's a legal defence of deception in child support cases.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

OR
they could just not fuck weirdos like her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

actually, this is a point
if you put your penis anywhere fucking near Liz Jones you deserve absolutely everything you get.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

i read her book "how one single girl got married". unbelievable. horrifying.
although i'd never heard of her then, as i don't read the fail.

mind you, the most frightening thing was that i quite liked some of her housekeeping ideas, like the scent she uses for her pillowcases.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I can only imagine, for her, it would be essence of rohypnol?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I bet it's made with the tears of a desperate woman.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I suspect that it is.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

she has this compulsion to tell personal details
it's a year or so since i read it, but i remember something about her describing the whiff of his farts in some detail.

why woman, why?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

So the moral is:
Women are psychos, no matter now sane they may claim to be and you can never be too paranoid.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

At least you know now.
Especially us older ones who are childless.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Indeed, the prospect of dating anyone around my age is quite scary
all you can hear is the sound of biological clocks ticking.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Nothing a litre of gin and a coathanger can't solve.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

I think mine's broken.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Shall I insert my key and wind it up for you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Hurr hurr.
No thank you. I intend to be a barren old crone, and enjoy it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

intend to be am
+I
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

what?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

like "family guy"
me and my 3 remaining eggs are having the BEST time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Oh god oh god oh god I think my eyes are bleeding.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

it's a refugee from hurricane talk!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

my mate's friend worked in a sperm bank (the same one that wouldn't accept ginger donors)
and she stole her new bf's sperm (shoved it in a camera film case) to check if he was fertile. he was, and so she carried on dating him, and now they are married with a kid.

but he still has no idea. i think this is pretty low, myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

borderline stalking

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

If I ever discovered a woman had done that to me
I'd be appalled and would probably end up leaving her.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

it gets worse, actually
she hasn't worked since getting up the duff. she expects him to pay for everything, which he does. and she hasn't slept with him since she got pregnant. the child is now 3.

it makes my head explode with rage.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I imagine it probably makes his balls explode, if she hasn't slept with him in three years.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Your friend is a fucking sociopath.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

not my friend
my mate's friend.

if she wants a second kid, then she'll have to do something about it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Isn't your mate's friend..... you?
Or do you know someone with more than one friend?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

haha!
definitely not me. i do not have a 3 year old child or a husband. even i would have remembered that!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Are you really a trucker called Dave?
I'm reliebly informed that most 'women' on the internet are truckers called Dave.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

steve!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

He's probably cheating on her.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

she suspects this may well be the case
but doesn't care - she has a fancy house, nice car, baby. she is happy.

it boggles my brain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Wilmslow?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

no, she went of her own accord.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

WITH A SPOON!!!!!11!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Haha

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

nah
they live in scandy now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

or gay.
or both.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

you and your gay obsession
not everyone is gay, sweetheart.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I would be prepared to bet that if he hasn't had so much as a cheeky nosh off her
in 3 years, and he isn't cheating, then he's gay.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I'd smack her about a bit first.
And be completely within my rights.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Are your lefts not as good?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

The right uppercut is a knockout.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

How did she steal it?
Wipe it off her norks when he wasn't looking?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

i think it was more pretending to swallow
and then spitting it into a handy container
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

if she did that it wouldn't work.
proteolitic enzymes in saliva, innit? I assume she just waited for it to leak out.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

oh maybe
or scraped it off the bed or something. i remember being told that they were slow, after a night in the cold, but still moving, so she knew there was a good chance he was super fertile.

which he was.

much good it did him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

To be honest I would give pretty much any woman that asked
a sperm sample as long as they extracted it.

I wouldn't even ask what they wanted it for.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Here ya go.
media3.picsearch.com/is?UkX0l1pzNSmx8TVyTI3K8DhBLcbPCdSlFim2i7w_liI
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)