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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Happy WAR DAY you wankers.Once again it's that day of the year when we stop to celebrate how COOL and HARD weapons and fighting are, and how INVADING other countries and KILLING PEOPLE with GUNS and BOMBS and stuff is EXCITING and WELL WICKED.
So in the spirit of remembrance, name your ULTIMATE FIGHTING DEVICE. I find this very difficult but despite tough competition from trebuchets, siege engines and war elephants, I think I must go for the Samurai sword, for its ruthless efficiency and beauty.
Alt: I'm getting utterly slaughtered tonight. Are you?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:37,
184 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
The morning star was quite an impressive weaponBut The Paris Gun should probably win, for sheer range of effectiveness.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:42,
Reply)
Are you aware of the Flying Guillotines of China?Man, they were cooooooool. In fact I think I might change my decision above to that.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:44,
Reply)
I was actually going to post a joke about not liking their first album and it turns out they are actually a band!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:47,
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Hahah really?I bet they're shit. That would be a shame.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:50,
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I am not, but having a little look makes me agree with you, they are rather awesome(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:49,
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I'd imagine quite tricky to use thoughSurely this should take off some points
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:49,
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Not at all.It merely elevates the practitioners into a new level of super-cool killer.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:55,
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I must admit I'm not familiar with the Paris Gunwhich I appreciate is a bad thing to admit in the company of noted military history enthusiasts Boyce & Lyon.
Surely a gun capable of subjugating Paris is just "any German gun"?
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:46, Reply)
A cap gun could have done that(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:47,
Reply)
Weapon-XHe's the best there is at what he does, you know
^COMICS/FILM^
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:45, Reply)
Yeah, but that only works till Batman figures out the combination of cosmetics to avoid(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:52,
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He has a great rouge's galleryNot as good as The Scarlet Speedster's though.
(cosmetics, spelling and comic book joke. That may be the gayest thing I've ever done. And that includes that drunken incident in 1997 that we don't talk about).
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:56,
Reply)
Hahahaha.I'm quite ashamed that I get that.
Although there's no 'The' in it, is there?
Edit: And actually I've just been sitting here thinkinhg that sounded wrong. It's Midnighter, shirley?
Or else you were making a completely differnt joke...
Anyone have a life they can lend me? Just for a few days, i'd like to try one on, see what it's like.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:01,
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Sorry no, I gave mine up a few years agoIt might be in the cupboard though so I'll check
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:07,
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*checks*You're quite right on both counts. But given the subject matter, I think I'm happier to be wrong.
You bender.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:11, Reply)
I just got called a benderby Darth Foxtrot.
Fuck.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:15,
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*Dips tortilla chip in*/doesn't understand this gay parlance
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:17,
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Tiger tanks and shit like that are cool, secretly that daisy cutter is the bollocks whilst looking shit(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:47,
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Daisy cutter FTWand any bomb/missile that uses aerosol type technology
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:48,
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My fists of furyI AM YOUR FATHER
Alt:
Yes, yes I think I will. I have about 10 bottles of wine to sample
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:50,
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Not tonight but I shall be quite merry tomorrow evening.Ultimate fighting device? A spoon.
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girlinthehole, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:57,
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Common family assault, spoon either over the knuckles, or on the headIt fucking hurts.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 8:59,
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I thought Darth was from Nottingham(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:01,
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BGB - The heroine of Glasgow(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:01,
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They've got plenty of that already, surely?Oh, heroinE? Oops
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:05,
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Ultimate weapon?Gullible people, preferably in large, replaceable levels.
All I need do is convince them of my doctrine, persuade them that glory and their ultimate desires await them "on the other side", then give them free rein to get creative with taking down as many people as they can, using whatever they can get their hands on.
Alt: I am suffering from last night's drinking and will probably cure this with more drinking tonight.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:03,
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Alt: I've been invited, but I might stay in and play Skyrimand then read a book with tea in bed.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Longbow10 arrows in the time it took to fire and reload a gay ass musket.
Yes, I get slaughtered every Friday.
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Peej, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:16,
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and you get to stick two fingers up to the French too(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:17,
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/insert kroney icy BM joke here(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:22,
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Have you seen that samurai master video on youtube?among other things he chops a pellet fired from a pellet gun in half. Now that's cool.
I'll go for a 747, though. Given that it was only used as a weapon one day 10 years ago but has continuously spread terror ever since, it's the ultimate terrorist weapon.
Alt: Had a bottle of wine last night so today is Liver Recovery Day. Watch out Saturday, though.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:19,
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I must say, I am surprised that none of you nerds opted for a lightsabre (
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:24,
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Star Wars is yesterday's news.I want a Green Lantern Ring.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:27,
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Is that some kind of gay slang?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:36,
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oh for fuck's sake.I'm the drunk, Darth is the massive gayer...
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:37,
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We've all done things whilst drunk which we later regret...(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:39,
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Are you trying to say you fucked Darth?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:41,
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I'm trying to say that scarpe did(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:43,
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I'm 95% sure I haven't.But who know's exactly what happened during those blackouts.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:47,
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I don't think so.I woke up in Portsmouth once when I was aiming for Horsham though, does that help?
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:03,
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HahaI can see how Horsham could be misinterpreted as Portsmouth from drunkenese.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:10,
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It's not bad.But it is on a train line that takes you to Portsmouth or Bognor. Unless you actually get totally the wrong train at Victoria and end up in Haywards Heath instead.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:30,
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Morning Mr. Boyce, morning all.On a vaguely related note I waqs told my moustache made me resemble Kitchener which pleased me immensely.
Favourite weapon of war is probably the T-34 tank It avoided the flaw of both american and german tanks of the time and made quite an impact on the war.
Alt: likely not tonight although I might have a couple, tomorrow however promises drunken debauchery and Motor-fucking-head. The old and sad amongst you will be glad to know they have brought a wine out, I regard this as almost unforgivable. www.motorheadwine.com/thewine.html
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:28,
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This I am also most pleased with.Unless you mean he's the ultimate weapon of war.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:49,
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*googles*Yeah, I can see that.
Interestingly the wikipedia page about him led me onto the entry for b3ta, which looks to have been written about 5 years ago...
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:56,
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I fancy anyone who has a gcse in history has a good recollection of what Lord Kitchener looked like.Cheers for the link though.
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:04,
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Swords are beautifulI'd love to be able to swordfight. Utterly useless skill, of course, but would look really cool.
I'm going to have the remaining half of last weekend's spliff and an early night, as I'm off to that there London tomorrow.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:29, Reply)
I simply cannot relate to this low level of smoking.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:38,
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I'm just not hardcore, tanglesI tend to have half and fall asleep. And I only smoke at the weekends, never during the week. This is why an eighth will usually last me well over six months...
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:43, Reply)
I dont think I've smoked for about 8 years(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:46,
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sexistWhat about the girls?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:37,
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Good morning Quentin OftiweakAre you going to play nice today?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:41,
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Not quiteShe is fine but scared
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:45,
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Oright son.Any interesting plans for the weekend?
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:41,
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Going to see Mortorhead, meeting up with internetty friendsShould be a good one, sex drugs and rock and roll and all that.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:51,
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I watched a program about this onceit was called "best ever weapon" it was on Channel 5 so you knew it was quality.
Their conclusion was the best ever weapon was... "the human body" and had about 15 people going on about punching bricks. What a fucking cop out.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:39, Reply)
In sufficient quantity and with the right set of misguided beliefs though...www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1427272
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:41,
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I have an excellent fist scar from trying to punch my mate and hitting a fence instead/isshitatfighting
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:44,
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you punch your friends? thats out of order, unless he started it which i bet he did he's probably a noncewhay are you friends with child molesters?
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:10, Reply)
I talk to you on the internet, dont I?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:37,
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Fear*Edit: Fear and surprise
*Edit2: Fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency
*Edit3: Fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and a fanatical devotion to the pope
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 9:58,
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Landmines.Maiming & killing young children FTW
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:14,
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I would have saidthe Spitfire, but it's not particularly good for anything ground related.
So I'm going to say the A-10 Warthog. Fire the "Avenger" too long and it slows the plane down too much. What a plane.
Bonus picture of size of the round:
media.moddb.com/cache/images/groups/1/3/2462/thumb_620x2000/A10-Bullet1.jpg
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:17, Reply)
Looks like something from your work.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:30,
Reply)
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHESso yes, i will be slaughtered for pretty much the entire weekend!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:18,
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Happy birthday 'swipeHave a good'un
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:23,
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Don't mind if I do.What's her phone number?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:29,
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I've got her on speed dial(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:37,
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I should like to wish you the very happiest of birthdays.Have a splendid day.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:29,
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Shame they dont love you then really(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:37,
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Happy birthday you homo-shagging old slapper. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:42,
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yey, wyou should evict some squatters to celebrate. then use the empty property to have a party whilst they freeze outside(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:45,
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The General Electric XM214 MinigunSix barrels driven by a 3.2hp electric motor, with a barrel rotation of up to 10,000rpm, firing 166 .223 NATO rounds per second. For when you want to level an entire city and a nuke is just too damned boring.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:38,
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Or as it's better known, Blain's gun from predator.(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:42,
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Exactly this.The military actually looked into a handheld version after that film, believe it or not.
The conclusion was that the idea was laughable.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:45,
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Has there ever been a film more preposterously masculine than Predator?(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Bathing in mud?Frolicking in the jungle with an "invisible" chap?
Weapons out?
It is GAY CENTRAL
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:49,
Reply)
No, Blain's weapon is clearly the larger M134 as evidenced by the non-tapered barrels, and the four-disc barrel clampWho knew there was an Internet Movie Firearms Database (IMFDB)?
www.imfdb.org/wiki/Predator
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:50,
Reply)
The reason the military didn't issue the XM214 to troopsis because the gun weighs 35kg, 1000 rounds of ammunition weighs 35kg and it reuires two truck batteries to provide power for the motor, which weigh almost as much.
Even Blaine would not have been able to carry the M134.
Love that film.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:52,
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The minimal dialogue scene in the helicopter at the start of Predator....is a masterclass in character development and establishing a group dynamic.
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:56,
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A mace wielded by Brain Blessed is the best weaponthat or Monty's AIDS riddled cock.
I ahd part of my chest shaved by an atractive oriental nurse this morning, waht have you been up to?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:40,
Reply)
This has made my morningTWO B3tans have effectively admitted to being gayer than me in one thread
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Is that like a weekend getaway to Birmingham?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:47,
Reply)
In the seminal comedy of the "gross out" sub genre "America Pie",one of the main protagonists is only able to defecate when he is at home leading to hilarious situations where the "the wolf is at the door" but there is no suitable recepticle. he is know colloquially as "shit break"
I assume this is how the original pitch went.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:48,
Reply)
InterestingI always heard that as "Shitbrick" and thought it was just a nifty little insult conjured of two otherwise diverse words. Like flangemonkey, or knobjockey.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:50, Reply)
It's a tiny patch so an electrode could be attached(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:46,
Reply)
Ooh, I'd forgotten about your admission of bumderism yesterdayThat makes three
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:49, Reply)
For liking Shed Seven?Tenuous at best.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:51,
Reply)
I would argue that this is sufficientHowever, combined with an impressive array of Take That-based puns, the evidence is irrefutable
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Says the man who has a face book status about being preggers....(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:43,
Reply)
StalkerSeriously, I've got epic stomach pain, fluctuating body temperature, adn there's clearly something in the water.
You should be pleased, if I am pregnant, it's yours.
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:46, Reply)
I didn't know Brian Blessed was a welder.Is there no end to his talents?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:42,
Reply)
Now that is a weapon to be feared!Actual line from a strange Chinese film " you have a vagina like an iron labiarynth" [sic]
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:44,
Reply)
the common cold, no cure, indirectly kills ermmm a lot of people each year.And for seconds, I'll say Money, do you know how many people have been killed over money? Its gonna run way beyond the 100s
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 10:49,
Reply)
Just read the posts in your head instead of reading them aloud(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:02,
Reply)
So the fire alarm went off for a quick blast just now. I was on a phone call and saidsomething like "don't worry, that was a fake alarm, apparently".
I then said in the office, loudly "it's gone well quiet in here, hasn't it?"
I got Looked At.
I hadn't been paying attention to the time.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:03,
Reply)
Dearie meIf you were a TEAM PLAYER who contributes to the OFFICE DYNAMIC then this would never have happened
(, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)
My boss shushed me, and I couldn't work out whyHe pointed at his watch, I felt foolish.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:11,
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It was just 11:11 on 11/11/11Cool.
Well, "cool" might be a bit strong but, you know.
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Kroney, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:12,
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One piece of in house software we use displays the full time on the bottom rightJust received a screenshot of it saying 11:11:11 11/11/11.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:13,
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Our software would fuck this up(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:15,
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This software is fucking useless, you may have even made it.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:21,
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I think the word you are looking for is "meaningless"Hope this helps.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:17,
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My ultimate weapon would be a magnumDo they still do the mint flavoured one?
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
Anything but the plain magnum is an affront to God.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Nov 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
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