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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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BLIND DATE TIME.I like going on holiday. If you were taking me on a holiday, where would you take me and why?
And that question to contestant number one please, Cilla.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:16, 123 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Here's our Graham with a reminder.Don't pick this one. He's horrid.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)
I am. I really am.I take it back. Do you like owls? I know a brilliant owl sanctuary.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Because, like an owl, you are active at night (as in you'd do a sex on me in a bed)?I mean, if you aren't going to do the laboured suggestive remarks, there's just no point playing.
Sod it. I'm off to eat some pies and sweat brine.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)
You know what, you're absolutely right.*clears throat*
Well, Personality Horse, I live in Norwich. So in the interests of romance, I'd take you to see O Brother, Where Art Thou? at the local arthouse cinema, before a meal at Brothers restuarant, and then back to mine to get retro with some Brother Beyond cassettes. Because only once I'm convinced we're related can I brutally sodomise you five ways from Tuesday.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Dinner AND a movieThat's the Norfolk equivalent of a three-year vow of chastity during courtship
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)
Oh, come onhe went for the cinema too. That's practically two dates. Two and a half if you count the "listening to music and small talk"
If she's not up for her back doors being booted in by then, you're on a hiding to nothing.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:29,
Reply)
I think the beautiful way I described the date is worth a quick fumble at least(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)
It was definitely worth a couple of digits. Not fist knuckle, just mid-finger knuckle.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)
fingers and tops, I'd say.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:40,
Reply)
I reckon you could be tractor deep, if you treat her like a princess. (, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)
*excited oo-ing from the audience**old ladies aqua-plane off their seats*
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)
What a magnificent mental imageSomeone should revive Blind Date, with Frankie Boyle as host and Bruno Tonioli after a gallon of Relentless on voiceover duties. And the audience should inadvertantly decide who gets the date, with whichever response causes the furthest foof-slide winning.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)
To the Tan y Fridd caravan park near Welshpool.Because they play Tango in the Night on continuous loop in the club.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:17,
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"...and if you pick me tonight, I'll tango on YOUR continuous loop."?I mean, come on, people. Put some fucking effort in.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)
I would have put the fucking effort in.It's bingo on a Tuesday.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:23,
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don't forget the butter.oh, that's Paris. OK, Stork then.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:22,
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Some vile marg according to my mum.She used to accuse my dad of being raised on it.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:35,
Reply)
I dunnounless it was a common lube for botty sex back then it probably doesn't fit the gag.
I realise that means I'm suggesting Stork therefore is a common anal lubricant so I'm not sure where this is going. I think it's got a little out-of-hand for a poor Last Tango in Paris gag.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:38,
Reply)
To a lovely little hillside village in the Pyrenees, just on the Spanish sidecalled Roughlyupthedirtbox.
It's Basque, hence the x.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:21,
Reply)
They do a magnificent dish of slow-roasted capon that is to die foryour lips will be moist thinking about all that lovely hot cock.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:27,
Reply)
I'd take you to on an overland journey to Pakistan,wineing and dining you in luxury and just when you think it couldn't get any better, I'll take you up the Kyber Pass.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)
Sorry, yours was just trying too hard.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:23,
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haha. Good work sir.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:24,
Reply)
Aw, he thinks you're his boss.Tell him to go do some work.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:29,
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The truth fairy is your boss, right?And you called Darth 'fairy', so you think he's your boss. Therefore, he should tell you to do some work.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:36,
Reply)
You are being confusing.Are you on drugs for your bronchitis?
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:37,
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i've got no idea, totally lost might just pop off now and try later(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)
b3th you bloody were talking to him if your reply fail is owt to go by!(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:35,
Reply)
Well, I was talking to Darthbut the reply was about QO's post. So it followed it should really have gone after that post. Maybe I should have specified who I was talking to, really.
That was to Roota, by the way.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:38,
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Thanks, b3th.That was to b3th, but you knew that because it was nested correctly!!
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:42,
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You can't spell, right?and you pointed out Chompy's spelling mistake... do try to keep up, old boy
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)
i don't understand why your calling me gay or what the hell beind is?oh you edited, well done prick
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)
well I'd take you on an all expenses paid meal at an expensive restaurant by a beautiful mediteranean lakeAND THEN I';D RAPE YOU IN THE BUSHES AND LEAVE YOU FOR THE JACKALS
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)
I think I'd tell everyone I sent you to a farmwhere there was lots of space for you to run and be free.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:28,
Reply)
yes, it does sound nice doesn't it.Are you packed and ready? What's that you say? You can't find the return half of your ticket? Oh don't worry about that.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:46,
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I'd really rather not, thanks.I'll just take myself off on my Saga holiday.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:30,
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Green hill zone? That's a video game joke, video game joke fans.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:33,
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Ah!It clicked eventually.
Although i did need the 'video game joke' clue.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:51,
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Fuck.Why do I always attract the nutters?
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:39,
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I didn't expect this this move, didn't expect it at all, I built up no defences here 'cus I thought you were banned.OK.....ok..... I'm gonna go with a "You're Mum", it's the wrong kind of 'Your' which will make people endeared slightly and it's an old-school 'cus. It's not much, but it's all I got at the moment.
You're MUM.
Oh POW, CAPITAL LETTERS.
*hovers over the 'post this message'....... and...... click*
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:32,
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Just up the road from Bendover-the-Sofa?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:44,
Reply)
it's quite a long way from Twathats, thoughwhich is just outside Lockerbie, factfans
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:47,
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fuck youi'm off for a super-fancy client lunch in about an hour.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:42,
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you wouldn't get here in timesorry old bean
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:44,
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Can I come?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:45,
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Don't worry, I wont' turn up, I just want to be able to get one up on Darth by being invited when he isn't.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:46,
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i've come alreadyon my own tho, it was Irene's fault, she's one fine ass accountant she looks a bit like lady di but fitter obv, di wasn't that great but irenes alright and sometiems i sing 'come on irene' at her
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)
No. 'swipe's the only Northener allowed in London restaurants today. She has filled the quota agreed with the Council of the North.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)
In return, the Tory loving Southernerstook 285 coal mines and turned that into 6.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)
I think he's still pissed off about being told he looked like a wallet by Eric Morecambe.(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:09,
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Milton KeynesCos it's full of cunts and you'd feel at home
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:45,
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You live in london right?Are you honestly suggesting london hasn't got a higher proportion of cunts than... well anywhere?
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Oh wait...No, you're quite right. There are many cunts here.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:55,
Reply)
In fairness, I was just bored of sticking the boot into DerbyIt's passed. Derby is a fucking hellhole full of cunts.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)
I could do with a Covvee break. Haven't been up there for years.
Good curry.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Let me know when you doI will take you to the finest purveyor of South Indian cuisine in the country.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:57,
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A friend was telling meabout a place called Turmeric something or other.
Reckons it's the nads.
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)
The Turmeric GoldWas pretty good when it opened, but has gone very downhill in the last few years (tinned vegetables? Fack off!).
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:04,
Reply)
I no rite?Tell your friend to get himself to the Indian Empress on Binley Road (takeaway only I'm afraid). If he doesn't love his meal I will personally refund him his money.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:21,
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The trick is to close your eyes, click your heels together and repeat "there's no place like home"as a friend of mine told me, yes, very good
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)
Posting this for you again, 'cause I love Larkin:Coming up England by a different line
For once, early in the cold new year,
We stopped, and, watching men with number plates
Sprint down the platform to familiar gates,
"Why, Coventry!" I exclaimed. "I was born here."
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:01,
Reply)
Larkin was a dirty old bastardI love him. About Kings High (Girls) School in Warwick:
"I would give all I possess
(Money keys wallet personal effects and articles of dress)
To stick my tool
Up the prettiest girl in Warwick King's High School."
(, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Most of the cunts in London come in by train every day though.And most of those are on my train, i think.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:00,
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I'm hoping you'll "fall" for meDuring our romantic walk along Beachy Head.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:21,
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You are that slimming woman who just topped herself AICMKFC(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 Nov 2011, 12:26,
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