Christmas.
Fuck, I'm in the enviable position of having an actual employer, as well as being self employed, for the first time in years. Just got emailed re our Crimbo meal, the company will put a fiver per head to the cost of it. A whole fucking fiver. We've a fucking secret Santa. of £2.00 per head; I'm thinking of pissing in a fucking bottle.
Tell me about your shitty work Crimbo celebrations, so I don't have to think I'm the only miserable twat.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:51, 180 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've leaving my job to avoid the christmas party.
Someone asked me as I've been here all yeah if I'll still get invited. I doubt it.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Piss in a bottle hun,
it makes life soooooo much better.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

That's your solution to EVERYTHING.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

your Bear Grylls
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

On the 9th, we're meeting in the pub, where the boss has put a few hundred quid behind the bar, so we'll get pissed there, then go our seperate ways for the night
Then, on the 16th, we're off for a meal in Alderley Edge, all drinks on the company, and a hotel room also paid for.

Not too bad really.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You always piss in a bottle.
Why change the habit of a lifetime?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:54, Reply)

It makes a change from off the balcony mate.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I do hope you kept the receipt from that Swiss Finishing School.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I work for a massive Yid whose idea of Christmas spirit is to go fucking apeshit the week before Xmas every year,
because the idea that people wind down a bit each year makes him apoplectic. Our 'Christmas bonus' is that we don't have to see the cunt for two whole bank holidays.

We don't even have decorations up. This side of the deal suits me fine.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

We used to have a shitty artificial tree that was put up and decorated in the brew room
Thankfully, that was binned a couple of years back.

In the lead up to Christmas, I'm probably the one who gets the most stressy, as all Casinos, hotels, bingo halls, etc order extra cards to last them over Christmas, making me busy as fuck.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Brew Room
You're so Northern
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

It is next to the whippet room and the coal furnace

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

A mere five freezing cross-country minutes from 't'lavveh'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Ah well

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Do you work for Moonpig.com?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Nope, a company that makes and distributes

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Living the dream eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Not a bad job, really

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

tbf my job sounds fucking dullm opn paper

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Never good
Add to that the fact that I have a ridiculous job title that means the square root of fuck all, and it's almost entertaining.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

"christmas bonus"
ahahaha. I think last year we got... oh fuck all. Not even a pack of biscuits. And at the work lunch we had to bring our own booze.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Our Chrimbo bash
is in the Lansdowne Club, W1.

Slap up feed, free pop all night and either a cab home or hotel paid for.

That's why we don't go on fucking strike.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Will you been needing any 'temps' in the run up to this bash?
I think I might be available.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Funny you should say that.
You'd have to get your hair cut though.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

But that's the source of all his power
and when i say power i mean misery
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

When you say misery, you mean cuntishness.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I do, yes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I'm prepared to do that for some free pints.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

strikethrough gold
that quentin. up his crusty arse.
do that listen to meatloaf. on repeat.
do that run naked around the somerset house skating rink

etc
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

ha I like this a lot

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

i had fun with that too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

ordered a 3DS from sainsburys on monday, fucker hasn't turned up and i've been charged twice. who do i take it out on?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

your wrists.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

thats uncalled for, and you'd think that after i stuck up for her yesterday rachelswipe would be first to jum,p to my defence
quentin oftiweak - most bullied user on b3ta, sad life
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

quentin oftiweak - most bullied user on b3ta, sad life
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

i stuck up for you man
bridges = burned
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Yourself
for being a 'computer game' playing adult and thus mentally subnormal and a bit bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

ITS NOT FOR ME DIPSHIT

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Yes it is, you 'gamer'.
Don't fucking lie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:01, Reply)

if you added a 'y' i wouldn't deny it, but the implication that i sit alone at night playing "skyrim" and collecting chievos makes me sick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

mmm cheetos

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Whose dipshit is it for?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

my brothers
(its for his son)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

satsuma and hoop
And nice french kiss from his favourite uncle.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

i'm expecting oral in return at the very least

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

And take it, if not proffered willingly.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

ERrr, that's gay.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

does it still count as gay if he's only 7? cos if not i'll have a jod on one of my neices

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

He's going to get the 'Skyrimming' of a lifetime.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I have tea and home made treacle tart for elevensies
and Mercyful Fate on the stereo, does that help?

My christmas party is at China Whites, with free booze and food all night
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Chinawhite
You poor, poor man.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Yeah, but we hire the whole thing, so no plebs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

So you're not going?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

hahahahaha

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I have a table reserved to see Barry Manilow at Club Cloppicana that night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

It's Garry Manilow
I blew the entertainment budget on booze. For myself.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Second only to Tiger, Tiger.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

ugh...I feel grubby just thinking of that place

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I want to get drunk at my employer's expense to mark some religious festival
Unfortunately my selfish fucking wife is planning on giving birth in the next couple of weeks, putting the kibosh on any heavy drinking plans I may have for the forseeable future.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Another reason not to breed
*makes note*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

It's worse for you female types - you have to pack in the drinking through the pregnancy too
I, on the other hand, have been drinking for two for the last 9 months.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I'd carry on drinking and smoking
may take up crack as well
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

gotta stunt the bastard's growth somehow
make it easier to get out.

apparently it's like having an orange yanked out of your nostril :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Are you saying there is something fundamentally unmarriable about TGB?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Where did you even get that from?!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

She is suggestiung if you ever have a child that it will be a bastard born out of wedlock

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

oh.
Well marriage is overrated.

*cries into boyfriend made out of a pillow* Don't listen to them we'll be together forever
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

You are Lily AICMFP

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Who?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

From HIMYM

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

boyfriend made out of a pillow

pillow made out of boyfriend
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Or if you would like to consolidate your debt into one easy to manage* package
Can I recommend heroin?



*Not guaranteed to be easy to manage. May cause premature death. T&Cs apply.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I mentioned it earlier
but I am being dragged to Ping Pong for a festive Dim Sum.

At least we get £25 a head for ours.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Our meal is about £30/head and there is £5k behind the bar of the club we've hired.
=DDDD
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Is taht the number of chins you'll have after the Christmas binging?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

i was going to make that joke
but i was going to say MOOBS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

sexy sexy quadrimoobs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

No, it's my number of FUCK YOU TOOs I'll be having after the christmas binging.
is what I would reply.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

hahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

It's my number of FUCK YOUs i'll be having after the christmas binging.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

By 'binging' you mean 'singing Bing Crosby's Xmas hits' I assume.
Not bingeing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

i do, yes
ironically Bing had a massive chin.

I bet you love his duet with Bowie?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I like this idea
Also gives the singing of T'Pau hits a festive feel
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

But it makes Led Zep songs a bit thiefy

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Glastonbury's fucking months away
Piss in a bottle nearer the time when you know who you're planning to throw it at
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I will not be having a Christmas party this year.
I'll probbaly end up with a P45.
I am hoping for an invite as an ex-member of staff to my old works christmas party. I miss working with people who like drinking in the afternoon.
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Hey Sexy lady
I'm unemployed from next wednesday. Fancy a liquid lunch sometime?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Yes.
I do, very much.
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Awesome I'll get my people to call your people

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

What's going on at work Lusty?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

One of the owners isn't happy with me.
Apparently I don't look right or something.
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

You look AWESOME!
What are you going to do? What about the old place?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I won't go back to the place I just left.
I will still do occassional nights at the members club as I love bartending there and I'll stay where I am for the moment as they're opening a new venue next year and I'm in line for a promotion.
It's just a bit much at the moment as the business is run from the offices behind our venue so I am surrounded by managers. I have 13 different people telling me what to do/how to look and giving me 'handy hints'. I am getting sick of being told to smile.
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Smiling sucks - as soon as I left the hospitality industry I gave it up.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I'm usually quite happy at work
but I can't force a smile if I'm busy and/or pissed off with West London cunts.
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

A rictus grin has never suited me
I am far more comfortable now in my role of Miserable Git.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

As long as they are "just saying" or "only trying to help"
then it's OK.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Well if you get fired you can start looking for a proper job

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Like an admin one?
Excellent!
( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Or maybe an exciting career in IT awaits you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

I could do one of those courses where I earn while I learn.

( wanderlust, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Go on an Alpha Course.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Also; our work Chrimbo party, which everyone is complaining about having to pay for
is this Friday, which means I've responded to every bitchy comment about said party with "I'll be in Paris darling, sorry".

We're also doing a Secret Santa, which is fucking pointless as there are so few of us that it'll be incredibly easy to work out who's got who what. Basically each of us will be spending a fiver to get someone we don't particularly like something they don't want. It'd be a better idea to all go to the pub, spend a fiver each on various beverages and draw lots to see who has to drink what.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I quite like that idea
A secret scarpa, if you will...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

It's fairly safe to say we'd all be happier with this idea
Obviously some lolwaki cunt will buy a godawful alcopop but better that than a "hilarious" mug or desk ornament.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Various beverages for a fiver?
Aahh! Norwich.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

You could probably get a PINT AND A HALF for that

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Happy days.
Get a Norfolk slapper pissed and get laid for a tenner then?

Well done for last night btw.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

The down side being
she is also your sister.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Keep it in the family.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I don't think that's a downside in Norwich

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I had to organise ours.
Made sure it was at my favourite bistro round the corner.
The other office are having theirs there at the same time (i didn't kmnow this) so i might start a fight.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

They love a good rumpus down at the "Toby Jug"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I don't get this. Is that something to do with Toby Carvery?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Did they change the name?
I'm not up to speed on chain carverys.

How's you today Misses?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

There's one near my mate's house and she thinks it's posh because it's in a village.
I've got a rotten cold. All sorts of work-to-rule and strike bickering here. But meh, I'm looking at the stars, dude.
You?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Workinig from home today which is nice
Got babba for a couple of hours and left over red curry for lunch, so can't complain!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

red curry yellow curry red curry yellow curry
How's the tiny person? My mate's just got one and he's nearly 50 but it hasn't broken his stride.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

She's great, endlessly entertaining and extremely rewarding
far more than I thought tbh
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

does she fart?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

like a hippo
I am very proud
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Oh well done

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Is that the place you took us?
That was boss.

Listen up, guys, right, it was a French bistro, right, and get this - they had a French language course playing in the toilets! How cool is that?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Yup! They're doing a well cheap deal on Chrimbo parties.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Cool.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I am surprised.
The French are so fucking miserable normally.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

You would be miserable if you were French though, wouldn't you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Fucking suicidal.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I'm incredibly fortunate this year
not only do I get to go to an incredibly posh do in Oxford with a lot of free wine, it's only costing me £15. I've also got someone who I know is a giggle for my secret santa, so I'm not too worried about that either.

I'll just kick back and eat my croissant now, shall I?
(berk, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Where are you going in Oxdord?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Pre-drinks is at Wadham, I believe
Champers to start, naturally. Dinner is at Folly Bridge Brasserie. Which isn't that posh, but the food is heavily subsidised and the booze is free...
(berk, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

i'm still banned from wadham bar
after a rather raucous game of "fangly dangly"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Qu'est que c'est?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Are you French now?
Shall i inform the Samaritans?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Dans l'esprit de ce qui précède

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Alors
allez-en.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Qu'est-ce? Me tuer?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Je vous en prie

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Eh bien, je n'ai jamais été aussi insulté

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I would dearly like to know just what this involves
and just what you did to get banned.
(berk, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

She dunked her balls in the landlords pint

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I did that to Montys pint at the football.
And when he drank it he said it was the best beer he's ever tasted.

And kept licking his lips.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

his lips my balls
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I forgot to wipe the peanut butter off.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

he's a sucker for that nutter butter

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I suppose I could take myself out for a xmas meal
And get myself a Secret Santa gift. I'd probably only get myself something shit though, and then make a show of myself at the restaurant and be too embarrassed to show my face again at the office. By which I mean the living room.

Ah, the joys of self-employment.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

You could take yourself home and bang yourself.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

It wouldn't be the first time.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Sit on the coffee table and leave an imprint of your 'arris

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

I refer the honourable lady to my last response

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

+ a big skidmark

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Do you have a stationary cupboard at home?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

No, they are all on wheels.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

leave
now
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

It's your own fault
you spack-handed flid.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

'...and take your 'correct English' with you...'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

'...and take your 'correct English' with you...'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

alright Phil

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

You, of all people...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

No need to keep banging on about it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I disagree.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I think it was less a joke, more a comment on your inability to distinguish between two similar words.
Although why this should be surprising when you always struggle with far easier words...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I: (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I think we should have a B3ta 'Secret Satan' as I have found the perfect gift for a Mr P Popz:
www.oldskoolhooligans.com/gonzo-t-shirt-for-the-hunter-s-thompson-afficionado.html
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

That website is the best thing that has happened to me today.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Here, as ever, to help.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Hunter S was a star.
Drugs, guns and loathing for most of humanity. How I feel today.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

The last work related thing I went on, was to an outward bound place in Cheshire.
The "highlight" of the weekend was a night out in Chester, and a no alcohol plea, as we were going fucking orienteering at 6am, Sunday.
The party immediately split up, some going to get the mimibus back at 10pm, some, me included, determined to get arseholed. We did, couldn't remember the name of the centre, and spent about half an hour trying to describe it to cabbies. Got back about 4pm, and the fuckers were waiting up for us, we were told they were very disappointed, and 2 hours later we were running round the woods, still pissed, occasionally pausing to vomit. Class or what?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Good effort.
I did a "Play to Win" course in Coventry and went out on the second night. Pitched up at lunch the next to be met with a lecture from the woman organising the course.

I asked her "who do you think you are talking to, love?". Whilst she stuttered back at me I informed her that it was I paying her, not the other way around.

Fucking people.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Play to Win?
Who pays these cunts to come up with this shit. I've been on a Height Awareness course, designed specifically for me, at the cost of a few grand. Still, it did involve a buffet lunch, which meant I ate free for the week.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Did you not know how tall you were before attending the course then?
And did it really take a week to find out?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:15, Reply)

No, it was awareness of heights, ie, how far up in the air things were.
It only lasted the afternoon, but my freezer was full of sausage rolls. Result!
Edit, I know how that guy in Hungerford felt, or the kid who blew away loads of people, asked why, she replied, "I don't like Mondays".
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)

And how far up were they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

The same level as me, ie, on the floor.
2 trainers, and me.
I don't know, I really don't.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

How annoying does a co-worker have to be during a training session to qualify for justifiable homicide?
The way my boss walked past with an amused, knowing grin as I made the difficult choice between tearing my hair out and killing him to death was especially helpful.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

How about saying good morning to you?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:23, Reply)

and he stank of peanuts

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Couldn't you claim an allergy and have him removed?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Now this
is a fucking good idea. In fact, based on the way he hacks his guts up whenever he coughs - which is pretty fucking often - the whole team could petition for him to be destroyed for the greater good.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Hate to croisant but my lot are great.
They are taking ups for an all-expenses-paid meal at Ronnie Scott's and if previous years are anything to go by there will be Christmas bonuses all round.

This job may not be the best but my employers are really quite lovely.

Oh and no secret Santa or anything ghey like that,
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 30 Nov 2011, 12:36, Reply)