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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What do I want for Christmas?
My family have all contacted me asking what I want.
I have no idea.

Suggestions please hivemind.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:34, 135 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Book on suicide?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:35, Reply)
www.realdoll.com

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)
my sister has asked me the same thing
fucken dipshit dunt even have no imagination
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Mortar & pestle

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)
I know what your parents are getting:
a copy of 'My Workshy Son: a Guide to Getting your Scarf-obsessed Parasite out of the House and Earning a Fucking Living' by controversial US 'life coach' Leonard Finkelsteiner.

I must warn you, our Len is a firm advocate of 'tough love', including waterboarding.

Hope this helps
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:43, Reply)
Oddly enough I saw a receipt for that book
on a windowsill in my house. I have no idea who it is for though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:44, Reply)
I suspect Finkelsteiner is your pen name.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:47, Reply)
Too Jewish.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Damn. Rumbled AGAIN.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:00, Reply)
thermal underwear
a cigarette case
a mobility scooter
a set of bandoleers
lingerie
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)
Combine the cigarette case with the bandoliers
And wow the ladies.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:10, Reply)
A job

(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:49, Reply)
epic zing
you know I have a job right?
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:10, Reply)
A segway and directions to the M4

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:50, Reply)
a scarf

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:51, Reply)
AIDS

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:51, Reply)
scarf AIDS

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:52, Reply)
A piece of the true cross
in a glass dildo
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:52, Reply)
a copy of bunty and some vaseline

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:52, Reply)
A DAY OFF FROM SUCKING YOUR DAD'S DICK

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Half a day.
Then the other half for his birthday.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:57, Reply)
He'd better be grateful the sponging shit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)
Pfft he isn't allowed to use a sponge for clean up

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:09, Reply)
willing to volunteer for the interim right here guys

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:06, Reply)
a shewee

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)
Best thread ever

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:56, Reply)
This
Why do people keep asking you to pick your own presents?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:57, Reply)
Because every present they've bought him since the age of three
has been greeted with a smug smile and a sarcastic comment along the lines of "Why ...thankyou how DID you know this is what I've always wanted?"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:00, Reply)
But if you know someone well
you know what they like, and you can figure out what present they would like.

Having said that, we've all had some absolute shockers when it comes to present buying, I'm sure.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:04, Reply)
SOme people are near impossible, no matter how well you know them.
I was stumped for my Step-mum so called my Dad and even he was having trouble thinking what to get her. People with money, and few hobbies or frivolous interests are the worst.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:07, Reply)
vouchers is the answer for everyone

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:13, Reply)
I'm getting you a voucher for Dignitas

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)
aw thanks is that liek house of fraser?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Lacks the personal touch
Also manes admitting exactly how little you spend on some people.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)
who gives a fuck?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:16, Reply)
Well me, evidently
But I don't expect you to.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)
I'm getting you hug vouchers for chrimbo

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:22, Reply)
I'm getting you Burger King vouchers

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:27, Reply)
staff dicount, don't need em

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:28, Reply)
YOU'LL GET THEM AND YOU'LL BE FUCKING GRATEFUL MY LAD

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:30, Reply)
i'm not your lad and i have all the XL bacon double whoppers that i want

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:33, Reply)
OMG! You really are bert aren't you.
Me and him used to talk about XL bacon double whoppers all the time AND THERE IS NO WAY YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY KNOWN THAT OTHERWISE!!!!!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:36, Reply)
Almost everyone likes food/drink

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)
EXCEPT ANOREXICS LOLLL!!!1!11!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:15, Reply)
Oh I dunno.
Some days the only calories my Ex wife got were from her nightly bottle of wine.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:16, Reply)
AND YOUR SPUNK!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:22, Reply)
AND MY AXE etc

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:28, Reply)
******WARNING*********WARNING*********WARNING*********WARNING**********WARNING*********
THE ABOVE POSTER IS "INTO FILM" +++++++ WILL ALL OTHER BOARD MEMBERS PLEASE BE AWARE THAT HIS TEDIOUS RAMBLINGS ABOUT "DIALOGUE" AND "CINEMATOGRAPHY" SHOULD BE IGNORED ++++++++ WARNING +++++++ WARNING +++++++ SHOULD YOU FEEL IN ANY WAY THREATEN MOVE AWAY TO A SAFE LOCATION
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:38, Reply)
Oh if only that had been the case.
With Marriage blow-jobs end.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:42, Reply)
This is true.
It's also the reason my step mum has had a decent bottle of wine 2 years running, but I'd rather spend less and get something personal.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:15, Reply)
'Cos they're not presumptious twats.
Like the year my aunty Mary bought me a bottle Versace Jeans perfume.
WHY? Don't tell me how to smell.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:41, Reply)
A less scatalogical surname

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)
new hands

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:00, Reply)
I thinkn I may vomit

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:08, Reply)
Think back - can you remember what *type* of livestock you fellated last night?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:12, Reply)
it was a swan I think

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:13, Reply)
you're in deep shit now
only the Queen is allowed to do that
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:17, Reply)
And the bastard broke my arm

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)
you must've used too much teeth

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:23, Reply)
Classy

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:20, Reply)
A visit to sesame street

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:08, Reply)
I'd like this

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:11, Reply)
can you tell me how to get there?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Me too but don't tell anyone. I use it for school all the time

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)
Some additional non-prison-style strict minimum bedding?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:15, Reply)
It's just sex sex sex with you isn't it? You horny drug fiend.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Yes, I'm afraid it is, young master Anderson.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)
I weren't in the matrix bruv

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:31, Reply)
Ironically Monty's favourite film
what with all the drugs
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:38, Reply)
With My L:ittle Pony on

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Or, preferably,
one of my not-so-little, stinking splattery 'ponies' on it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:20, Reply)
I'm now lolling at a flashback to a school trip
during which the class spaz ended up having to sleep in a bed with a Poochie duvet cover
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:45, Reply)
I'm shivering and can't feel my feet
I think I might be having a stroke
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:18, Reply)
Pervert

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)
exercise more and do some stretches, you'd be able to feel your feet if you lost that spare tyre lardo

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:20, Reply)
You sure you didn't get given a Hemlock-bomb last night?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:21, Reply)
I prefer the term cerebrovascular accident.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:22, Reply)
I prefer the term
'hurry up and fucking die Nakers you miserable flidmo'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:26, Reply)
Eat something like a cheese sandwich
You might not want to but it will help. Add blue food colouring though so it's entertaining if you do bring it back up.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:23, Reply)
I have cheese and chorizo pannini!
It's the first thing i've eaten since half a sandwich for lunch yesterday
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:28, Reply)
Mmmmm, chrozio.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:28, Reply)
wut?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:29, Reply)
its like chorizo but with no added sugar

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:30, Reply)
I have the urge to mock, but I fear I may be in the same state tomorrow.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:24, Reply)
*fingers crossed*

(PsychoChomp, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:25, Reply)
Some chrozio.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:32, Reply)
I am off to meet Mr TheDogFucker for a lunchstyle beerio.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:37, Reply)
*vomits into mouth*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:40, Reply)
What occured yesterday then Apey?
We need lols!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:41, Reply)
I drank from 10:30am until 11pm
And only had half a sandwich for lunch
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:42, Reply)
Pussy
What were you drinking? Shandy?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:43, Reply)
bloody marys, gin and Tonic, ale, lager, jeager bombs, red bull and vodka
is what i can remember, there may have been others
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:45, Reply)
hahahahaha!
I'm sorry to tell you that at 1.30pm the hangover will get worse. It's just how it is.

I'd recommend:
Can of Coke
A shit
Cornish Pastie
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:46, Reply)
Ooooo, yeah a good shit normally sorts you out.
Or a massive pile of hot meat from Needoo.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:47, Reply)
Done a poo, got a coke, no pasties in site
a little sleep would be nice. i woke up in my shirt and socks but with no trousers or pants on, I may have been abused
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:47, Reply)
You peed yourself

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Have you vommed yet?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:48, Reply)
Nah, on an upward slope at teh moment, not sure how long it will last though
And no i didn't pee myself
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:49, Reply)
I'm telling you, 1.30pm is when it will all go wrong

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:50, Reply)
You did. You totally peed all over your kecks and undies.
So you took them off, but you didn't need to take off your shirt or socks because you didn't pee on them.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:50, Reply)
Check in the shower for shitty kecks

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Oh yeah maybe he followed through

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:52, Reply)
Fo sho'
I'd imagine it was on the dancefloor, half of lager spilling all over the office girls, tie on head, piss stain down the front of his pants and most of the soup down the shirt.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:53, Reply)
Singing I am the One and Only

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:54, Reply)
and playing air guitar

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:55, Reply)
haha!
Perfect
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:55, Reply)
Mum?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:51, Reply)
Mummy isn't cleaning THAT up, sunshine

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Do you still have shitty knuckles?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:49, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:49, Reply)
POT yesterday that one

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:50, Reply)
I'm going to just have a sip of this neat vodka
It has a fine nose to it, go on, have a sniff. Are you getting the notes of paint stripper?

*swills around mouth*
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:46, Reply)
rtruely this made me feel a little ill

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:48, Reply)
hahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:49, Reply)
You can't miss him
His dreads are very natty.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:41, Reply)
Are you taking him to Needoo tonight?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:42, Reply)
Yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:50, Reply)
You lucky bastards.
My bathroom will be finished today, I cannot wait to christen it with an almighty shit while I'm completely naked with the radiator and towel rail on full blast.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:51, Reply)
There is something truly satisfying about a naked shite

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:52, Reply)
I don't understand the allure.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:55, Reply)
It maybe to do with leg freedom whilst at rest

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:56, Reply)
Me neither.
From the day my nephew started using the toilet he used to strip off to do a poo. I'll wait until he's got his mates round to ask whether he still does.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:57, Reply)
Girls don't poo properly
Do you take a book in?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:58, Reply)
See, I don't do this, but the wife does
she sometimes shouts for me to bring her something to read if she forgets.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:59, Reply)
10 mins of peace
as the wife and kids wouldn't dare come in
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)
That's a recipe for piles, you know

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 13:23, Reply)
WTF, I do poo properly.

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 13:00, Reply)
i am not sure that this is how john the baptist went about christening people

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 13:05, Reply)
I have just eaten my rare steak, mature cheddar and red onion chutney sammich
in motherfucking tiger bread. I win
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:43, Reply)
i am torn between upstairs (open chickpea burger and chips)
or the lebanese for a brown lentil and crispy onion salad with garlic sauce.

or a burrito.

argh. what do i do?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:46, Reply)
Burrito
The body requires shit food on a Friday. It is a medical FACT
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:47, Reply)
Wendy Chrozio?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:44, Reply)
Does she drink down the Throstles Nest?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:45, Reply)
The Throstles on Scotty?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:46, Reply)
Are you a 'gamer'
if so you could ask for a prostitute
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 9 Dec 2011, 12:59, Reply)

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