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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fine I'll do it
My wife is going life drawing tonight, she is generally very talented when it comes to art, i am as you would expect retarded. Are you artistic? what can you do?

Alt: if you could get away with not paying any tax would you? or do you have 'morals'?
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:22, 142 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
I've diagnosed myself with crippling artism.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:24, Reply)
will she be 'drawing' another man's cock
(from its sheath)
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:26, Reply)
She'll probably then easel it into her mouth

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:28, Reply)
and Brush it gently with her tongue

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:29, Reply)
and choke back on it til its resting on her soft palette

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:30, Reply)
hahaha
top punnage all round
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:35, Reply)
and then wash the spunk around her mouth like mouthwash (only nit spitting, swallowing), and then...
... Not put anything else into her mouth till she snogs you when she gets home, burping the stomack acid arroded spunk into your mouth.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:38, Reply)
I don't think you understand the game gonz
But you carry on with this till you've wnaked yourself sore, then you can have a fizzy pop
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:39, Reply)
intentional misunderstanding is intentional =)

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)
Oh you...

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:56, Reply)
Christ it's murky in here
Can't draw. Can't paint. Can't sing. Can dance a little.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:31, Reply)
I can dazzle people
with my witty repartee. But I can't draw for toffee.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:31, Reply)
You have issues with toffee too?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:34, Reply)
it's the swirly bit in the middle that gets me

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:37, Reply)
i haven't paid a dime in tax since 1974

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:32, Reply)
Is this as you are not American?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:42, Reply)
nope i'm a freeman of the land me
you're all paying for my medical bills tho
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:46, Reply)
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)
seriously
and i'm muslim
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:48, Reply)
i think we should all live by that sharona law

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
We could get muslamic ray guns

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
don't tkae the mickey or i'll hang you like a homosexual

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:54, Reply)
By the balls with an orange in my mouth?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:00, Reply)
yes plz
its what allah would have wanted
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:05, Reply)
I'll draw a picture for him to remember our night together

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:14, Reply)
it's muslamic rape gangs

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
I'm pretty good at drawing.
Haven't put pencil to paper in about ten years, though.

Alt: no, because I've seen the mess Greece is in.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
I am an accomplished musician, does that count as artistic?
I can't draw for toffee though.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
I sing good
I won an art competition when I was kid but I'm shit now. I'd love to be able to look at something and draw it. My perception's not too good.

Alt: I have morals. If everyone was on the fiddle we'd be in a worse mess than we are now.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:33, Reply)
sing us a tune roots
and do a little maneouvre
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:37, Reply)
"Miiiiiiiss Otis regrets she's unable to luuunch todaay, Madaaaaaam"

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:38, Reply)
I don't understand this, but i do like it

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:40, Reply)
I do requests

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:46, Reply)
Anything by Patsy Kensit please

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:55, Reply)
"get these mutts awaaay from meeeee, before theeeey, they biiiite"
then that bit in french where she says somthing something "chiens" and "mort"
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:02, Reply)
*text votes*

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:03, Reply)
"This is for my nana's budgie, wot never got to see me sing for the nation" *sobs*

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:06, Reply)
hahahaha
cretins, the lot of them
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:13, Reply)
Art is for bent spastics
I prefer to pay as little tax as possible, within the confines of the law.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:35, Reply)
Art, finally something I can do! I love drawing, drew a lot of anime type stuff in my teens
now I mainly draw faces and people or design tattoos for friends if they have an idea. Creatively I play the drums and that's about it.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:40, Reply)
You drew cartoon moster porn, what kind of house bound pile of perv lard are you?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:42, Reply)
moster porn? what kind of feckless spacktard are you?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
sorry tentacle porn

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
Cheapest porn there is son, only two squid.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:58, Reply)
leave the internet
I may have lolled a little
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)
My first LTI
so proud.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:01, Reply)
That was rather lol.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:09, Reply)
2012 is looking up!
*weeps and kills self*
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
lets start a band!

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)
we could be the b3ta band and in no way look like pricks

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
YEAH!
i vote baldmonkey on synth
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:58, Reply)
me on drums, what are you contributing?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:59, Reply)
i can play the pink oboe

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:05, Reply)
I think you may want to be in Darth's band then.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
I've been known to paint a bit
and sometimes sketch. Occasionally I manage to turn out something I'm genuinely proud of but mostly I get about two-thirds done and think 'well, this is shite' and abandon it.

I don't mind paying tax. It's not like I know any different and I quite like having public services and that.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:41, Reply)
yeah, but those services would still be there if you personally stopped paying tax

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)
Yes, but then I'd be taking advantage of a system I don't contribute to
and I wouldn't be comfortable with that.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:44, Reply)
So you have morals in other words
you should swap them for morels they are NOM
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)
I bought some chanterelles from Borough market last year
I found them extremely disappointing. I was expecting an awesome taste sensation and what I got was...mushroom. But expensive.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)
Fresh mushrooms can be rather subtle.
If you want a hardcore mushroom taste go dried and reconstitute them yourself, as the drying concentrates the flavour.

Porcini are a good choice.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:19, Reply)
I have only ever used dried porcini in duxelle for beef wellington
I can't honestly say I noticed a vast amount of difference...
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:21, Reply)
You would in something like an omelette.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:29, Reply)
I am excellent at art.
Straight A's throughout my education, I used to get asked to design posters for school plays etc and I got paid to do a girl in my class's GCSE coursework. I didn't go down the art school route because a) art qualifications are pointless, b) my 6th form college's art dept was so bent there was no fucking way I could have sat an A level there and c) art is indeed for bent spastics.

I am from a v artistic family: my brother, father and grandfather are/were all reasonably accomplished: after leaving the army my grandfather made quite a lot of money painting Canadian landscapes in oil, using a palette knife.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:42, Reply)
Did you design your band's posters?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:44, Reply)
Actually that was my brother.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:50, Reply)
I painted a massive psychedelic mural on my bedroom wall aged about 16.
Stonehenge, UFOs, the pyramid/eye thing on the back of 'The Psychedelic Sounds of the 13th Floor Elevators', a dragon, a load of wibbly black and white checkerboard op-art stuff....

My parents were 'worried', and rightly so.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:05, Reply)
How did your Grandfather paint?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:45, Reply)
with the blood of jews

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:46, Reply)
No. WITH A KNIFE.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:50, Reply)
'AWFUL'

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:51, Reply)
I've often considered refusing to pay council tax
until Norwich gets a more realistic number of bins or a bus service worthy of the name. This rebellion usually lasts as long as it takes me to say so to Ms Foxtrot.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)
I can draw a little and paint a bit
OK on guitar

Alt:
Too fucking right I would!
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:43, Reply)
Not an artistic bone in my body sadly.
Alt: morals, but if I could selectively withhold the bits going to stuff I don't want I would, or better still reallocate it to other things. I wonder if you could have a workable system where you had to pay a certain amount but you had a choice over where it went.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:47, Reply)
This, actually
mind you, if you could choose what your taxes went on there'd be a lot of people on benefits very fucked, very quickly.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:50, Reply)
*votes for berk*

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:52, Reply)
I figure it might even out
Most of my tax would go to the welfare state, including benefits. Bugger all to the armed forces mind, but I reckon enough people would emphasis that, that we'd still have an army of some kind.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
I like this
I would subscribe to your newsletter.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:54, Reply)
deer mistr camron hear is mi taxes i ent payin 4 blicks yids nor criples dis yeer

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:01, Reply)
this is good, but the the use of the word "nor" ruins the common speak

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
I was crap at drawing and painting at school.
So I buy real pictures by other people who can.

I have no other talent, although I am quite good at upsetting authority figures.

ALT: If I could get away without paying tax, I would. Just how do you avoid paying VAT though?
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:50, Reply)
make all purchses through a company and claim it back?
be a non domicile maybe?
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:53, Reply)
I don't have a company anymore, but this is what I used to do.
I'd never Non Dom, I'm not that much of a cunt.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:57, Reply)
I would in a fucking heart beat if I was earning that much, summers in the South of France, winters in the Alps
home for some pubs and London time
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:58, Reply)
I could never do that.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Me neither.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:06, Reply)
No, buts that because the governemnt took your passport away

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:07, Reply)
Actually I need to renew mine before I got to Iceland.
I cannot afford the £77 right now. Bit of a problem.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:08, Reply)
Just update it in Biro, it should be fine.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:22, Reply)
Or keep your thumb over the date when you show it

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:25, Reply)
Purely from the point of view that it'd be nice to move about a bit?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:07, Reply)
My brain is better at
art than my hands, so unfortunately what seems brilliant in my head becomes fucking shit as soon as I try to translate it...

Alt: No I earn a reasonable wage and it is only right that we are taxed to help society in general. I might grumble about it but anyone that trys to dodge tax is a cunt.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 16:52, Reply)
I don't see why I should get taxed directly on my wage when I'm fully funded by the tax payer.
I think they should reduce tax codes for all purely public sector workers over time in lieu of cost of living increases.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:00, Reply)
They could do this
but only if there was some sort of pay cut or pay freeze until say 2015
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:02, Reply)
Then your salary should reflect that you don't pay tax.
So your take home pay remained unchanged.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:03, Reply)
Pretty much.
There doesn't seem to be a good reason for taxing us at all. The tax is taken at exactly the same time my wage is paid so they're not even getting to use the money overnight or whatever like banks do.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
And get paid less, say 20% or maybe 40% depending on your wage

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:04, Reply)
Well get paid the same in real terms is my argument.
Accross the public sector there's cost of living increases over time based on inflation, what's the point? just cut tax levels every time you do one of those.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:10, Reply)
Until you get to 0% tax...then what?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:12, Reply)
Then go back to doing the cost of living increases
with a few million people not having to go through the system every month which I assume will make a saving.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:13, Reply)
HAVE A FRICKIN’ PARRDY, BRO!!!

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:14, Reply)
alt: I'm a student.
But having workedfor 10 years prior to my academic adventure I can say I would like to pay less tax but would feel like a scrounging pikey if I contributed nothing.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:17, Reply)
what are you reading?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:18, Reply)
what you just wrote...
BA ed Primary Studies with QTS (primary school teaching)
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:19, Reply)
I dind't realise that you could teach noncing
where do you study?
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:20, Reply)
Yeah, first year is grooming, second year is covering your tracks, third year is how to escape to the Costa del nonce.
Newport...It's fucking vile,although my campus and house are in Caerleon which is quaint and dull.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:21, Reply)
Oh good god...you really should take your own advice from up there and kill yourself
Are you a filthy Welsh by blood or some derranged choice?
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:23, Reply)
Close to Bristol(hometown)

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:45, Reply)
'Spot's First Ball'

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:20, Reply)
Was Monty's, Spot bit off when Monty tried to molest him.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:20, Reply)
Do they make dinner jackets for dogs?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:21, Reply)
Very good.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:22, Reply)
Sorry, I meant 'Not very good'

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:23, Reply)
I guessed as much

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:24, Reply)
Your wit has been rather sharp of late.
I suspected someone had nicked your login until this gag.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:28, Reply)
glad to put things straight again

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:30, Reply)
I don't do enough creatively
once I got "sober" a few years ago I wrote half a friggin novel
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:31, Reply)
I went to art school.
I was good. What I'm like now is anyone's guess.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:32, Reply)
My brother has done not so much as a sketch since he left art school.
He was put off so much by the experience he has no interest at all. This is a real shame. Mind you he's even more of a cantankerous old cunt than I am – he announced a few years ago that he 'doesn’t like fiction' and has stopped reading novels at all. I think he’s IRL trolling our mother in a low-key, long term way. We used to do that a lot as a team, back in the day.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:42, Reply)
some people are just boring

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:43, Reply)
Not like us, eh Krizzle?

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:48, Reply)
With me, drugs and life got in the way.
I've been trying to get myself back into producing something for years but the muse seems to have left me.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:48, Reply)
I got really into graffiti
after my psychedelic phase - I always loved it in the 80s and thought I'd give it a try as a style, in the mid 90s. I ended up not too bad - outlines only though. Pens and pad - no walls and trains and paint. Eff that shit, yo.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:51, Reply)
graffitti art
is largely for trendy camden-inhabiting benders. HIghly over rated and not nearly as edgy or dangerous as people claim it to be
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:59, Reply)
I'm not bad at the arts
although a bit shit at drawing from life - I was embarrassingly bad in life drawing lessons at college and uni.

My housemate once spent the whole lesson drawing the guy's cock in very precise detail. He was a bit of a ego so he'd always stride around in his nothings looking at the pictures. He was a little taken aback with that one
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:36, Reply)
+f

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:45, Reply)
oh J :(

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:45, Reply)
You are
Algeon Winston Spencer Castleray Razzamatazz

AICMFP

('Scuse spelling)
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:50, Reply)
^ Sorry, new POTD is here.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:52, Reply)
i don't get it


or understand the post
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:55, Reply)
It's a Lenny Henry gag.
You must remember 'OOOOOOOKAAAAAAYYYY' if you got those Stu Francis quotes the other day.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:57, Reply)
I'm sure I used to watch My Henry
but I don't rememebr that
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 18:00, Reply)
*googles*
ahh, Tiwas. That was on The ITV. We didn't watch The ITV
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 18:03, Reply)
I can toot like a flute

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:46, Reply)
POTD

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:48, Reply)
My reply to K
Is more clever ^
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:53, Reply)
It's superb.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:54, Reply)
faback?
fone? fego?

Oh, farts.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:49, Reply)
Yes, things are that bad.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:52, Reply)
I fear for the future.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 18:00, Reply)
Me too.

(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 18:05, Reply)
I used to write and play guitar.
I "used to" because I stopped. Probably because I wasn't very good.
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 17:36, Reply)
I can draw cartoons
alt q: I think tax is a fact of a functioning society
(, Tue 17 Jan 2012, 18:13, Reply)

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