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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 837, 836, 835, 834, 833, ... 1

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Marry me, chumps!
ha! turn me down and you all owe me gloves.

alt: what is the stupidest/unlikeliest traditions

also - evening!
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:31, 154 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
I am owed so many freaking gloves...

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:39, Reply)
I'm gonna need more arms

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:41, Reply)
haha jokes on you cavy i dont have a winkle jokes on you

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:44, Reply)
CURSES!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:45, Reply)
id play with my sausage all day if i had one

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:47, Reply)
thus is the alure of cock
which in turns explains the state of human civilisation
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:51, Reply)
They're pretty dull after the first 27.4 seconds, depending on if you've left your pringles tube on the radiator or not.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:00, Reply)
Rosie, I gotta tell you this, I nearly fucking puked in the corner shop.
You know when people say "Ewww, it made me sick" when they smell or see something, normally it doesn't make 'em sick. It makes them uncomfortable. It makes them uneasy. Well, this fucking dirty fucking old fucking dirty man nearly made me throw up in the shop.

He stank of piss and then after a minute he stank of shit. Fucking drunk. I can't fucking stand drunks... that ain't people who drink, that's drunks, two different things.

It's the same one that tried to hug me the other week, he ain't short of a few quid, at least not tonight. He pulled out a wad of notes and I saw a few pink in there.

Dirty fucking cunt, I said it last time, and I'll say it this time, I hope his piss stained pants freeze to his rash ridden legs.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:57, Reply)
Eeeewwww!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:00, Reply)
It's fucking grim, Stunned, fucking horribly grim.
He was telling some girl how beutiful she is and everyone was thinking "thank fuck that ain't me" and he took a step forward and this tall fella stepped in the way so the drunk goes "You're a big fella, you her boyfriend? You're much better looking at me. Look how beutful your girlfriend is", so they ran with that. Then he tried to buy the lottery tickets for some old lady counting out her change.

I had to step pass him on the way out, and it was narrow, and oh christ he fucking stank of piss and shit, that shop is gonna smell for hours.

I hate people like that, no sorry, no pitty. If you're in your late 50s and so drunk you don't notice you've shit yourself, then finish the job or quit it.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:08, Reply)
I feel bad for them but equally
Fuck off, stinky!
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:23, Reply)
Nah', I doubt it's only his life he's fucked up. Addiction is a dessease, totally believe that, but if you got a broken arm you go to the doctors, you don't go about waving at strangers as if nothin' is wrong.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:45, Reply)
a colleague of mine
teaches on the not-quite-special-needs bit at the college and had to run out to gag as a student with a very very very runny nose refused a hanky and just kept slurping up the snot flow
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:02, Reply)
What Stunned said^^^^

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:05, Reply)
i thought that was building up to a massive bit of grim then
turns out it were just some old cunt who smelled of toilet. i drink in the 'spoons ffs. disappointed here man
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:07, Reply)
Nah' man, you flush a turd and it goes away, this guy's shit has been there a _long_ time.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:10, Reply)
*orders Cavy a new pair of oven gloves*

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:52, Reply)
Joy division ones?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:56, Reply)
Of course!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:23, Reply)
A very good evening to one and all.
I might go back to the pub and abuse Jimmy Bullard some more.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:53, Reply)
SPURNED!
err, have a lovely time
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 18:57, Reply)
I'm afraid I cannot marry you, soz.
What sort of gloves would you like?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:03, Reply)
fine, you can have my bike gloves. looks like I won't be needing them for a good while

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:04, Reply)
:(
are you going to have to have surgery?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:06, Reply)
prolly not dunno yet

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:07, Reply)
sucks - how did you fall off then?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:08, Reply)
coz i is a spakka, bassicaly

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:16, Reply)
Banned?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:06, Reply)
You don't want me as a husband, Cavy, believe me
in fact, you should be buying me gloves as a thank you for doing the decent thing here. Black leather, please. Proper murderer's gloves. Just the ticket.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:09, Reply)
I'll get me sewing kit

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:10, Reply)
The sort of gloves a Capri driver would wear?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:11, Reply)
I'd fucking love a Capri

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:14, Reply)
I Do!
not wish to marry you either.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:28, Reply)
gutted!
worst leap day all year
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:31, Reply)
I know what you mean
Of the 6 women to propose to me today, only two of them were models. The shame.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:34, Reply)
Right.
I need a dose of motivation otherwise I'll watch the football at home and not the gym.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:32, Reply)
GO GO GO GO GO
I'm off to steampunk night in an hour or so
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:34, Reply)
What the hell is that?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:36, Reply)
She dresses as a Victorian robot

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:37, Reply)
bathosphere crew member
we have a vague background invented about almost being submarine pirates, but it turns out the others aren't larpers and thus don't care to talk 'in character'

Perhaps I should robot up my costume
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:40, Reply)
damnit! I can't find my jacket
Do you think a purple velvet cloak will be OTT?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:49, Reply)
NEVA!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:51, Reply)
An evening of nerds in stampunk costumes
listening to steampunk music and talking about nerd things
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:37, Reply)
what is steam punkj music?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:39, Reply)
it's pretty vague,
there are a few bands calling themselves steampunk. Abney Park are one of the more popular ones, my friend used to be in Clockwork Quartet and is now in PocketWatch. It tends to be victorian inspired rock. Usually with cellos or banjos.

they also sometimes play things like Holst's The Planets or War of the Worlds
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:42, Reply)
I thought it would be like "pirate metal"...

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:50, Reply)
I don't think they'd shirk from that
although I can't remember hearing them play any

abney park:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPH1OoTobtk
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:52, Reply)
Utter crap the second he started singing, ok until that point.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:01, Reply)
i vote crap all the the way

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:03, Reply)
whatever, I'm off to put my corset on

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:04, Reply)
Fuck off spakkers

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:08, Reply)
evening time is nice time






cunt flap
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:09, Reply)
I will find you and squash you

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:11, Reply)
i'm sure you could chunky

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:13, Reply)
And id shit on your mum

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:13, Reply)
Evening fuckos!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:36, Reply)
EVENING!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:43, Reply)
OMG HAIRSPRAY WITH JOHN TRAVOLTA IS ON FILM-4 TONIGHT !!!!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:46, Reply)
Is what one would say if he was a homosexual.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:46, Reply)
Great!! I can have a big shit night in with my gay friends

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 19:47, Reply)
Yet another example of your need for a mental health examination.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:11, Reply)
evenin' big lad

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:14, Reply)
Oi Oi
How are things?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:14, Reply)
not bad, weather up hereis a little chilly
got beer,but can't be arsed to make food, may have pate on toast for supper
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:16, Reply)
Making beef stroganoff at the moment. Going through an 80's food revival at home.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:18, Reply)
nice and pretty easy as I remember
beef, onions, paprika, cream?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:20, Reply)
Yep. Sour cream though and a bit of garlic.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:24, Reply)
watching GI Joe
stupidest film ever
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:05, Reply)
I think I've spotted why your marriage failed

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:15, Reply)
Evening time is nice time apparently.
You cunt.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:19, Reply)
It's part of my free online therapy
I helped biggers so much she finally had a much needed mental breakdown
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:23, Reply)
Was it you who made her leave?
what did you do?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:25, Reply)
What happened there? I missed all that.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:29, Reply)
He did nothing, much as Rory would like to claim otherwise.
Met up with her for Sunday brunch a couple of weeks ago and she's good, just v busy. She'll be back. Soon hopefully.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:36, Reply)
She's just gone let's leave it that
Let's just try to remember the happy times that we all had together
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:37, Reply)
you
feel guilty
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:39, Reply)
What you and I know as biggers is now gone, robbed by diazepam four times a day
She always had a cup of Internet tea and pretend cake to hand for all of our troubling times :(
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:42, Reply)
I hope she carries on reminding herself that she has breasts

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:40, Reply)
LOL FACEBOOK FRIEND DUMPED AND RESULTANT TANTRUM
You and al are more alike than you'd care to admit. Best check your hairline tonight
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:45, Reply)
I would only be upset if darth deleted me to be honest.
I have lots of hair and I'm not an attention seeking cunt, I'm just fat and not as clever as some people on here.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:46, Reply)
That's more honest than most on here, I find that very sexy
I'd b4sh jizz on your face
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:50, Reply)
It's lucky I'm charming and witty

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:52, Reply)
less honest

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:59, Reply)
Scott Parker looks good.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:20, Reply)
unlike your mum
who looks like a flesh eating virus lives in her face
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:21, Reply)
Ha ha. Nicely done.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:25, Reply)
Oi! Don't make me get "that memory stick"

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:28, Reply)
Stop talking about your penis.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:32, Reply)
NEVVVVER

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:36, Reply)
That is simply called 'dragons tooth'

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:39, Reply)
conan the destroyer

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:40, Reply)
That's my anus

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:41, Reply)

cdn.maxim.com/15501-16000/15545_alienGenitalia_sarlaccianPitMonster_l1.jpg
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:42, Reply)
They used George's own asshole for that shot

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:43, Reply)
More like an iguana than a dragon I reckon.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:41, Reply)
The biggest iguana ever!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:42, Reply)
geko

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:42, Reply)
Heh.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:45, Reply)
You've not seen my mum or seen what effect a flesh eating virus would have on her face so that is why your insult failed.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:27, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:31, Reply)
So is Boyce engaged then?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:52, Reply)
Who knows? Hope so

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:52, Reply)
I'm afraid I can't marry you, my dear
on account of already being married.

I have a few odd gloves around the place, for some reason. I think they're kind of like socks in that regard.

alt: all superstitions are stupid until you figure out where they came from, then they sort of make sense. Like not putting umbrellas up inside houses, in case you knock over a lamp or a lighted candle and set fire to your home. That sort of thing.

Now then, why is all the football on ITV these days? I'm sick of looking at Adrian Chiles' stupid fat face.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 20:53, Reply)
Sorry cavy, I'm already married
And I don't own a pair of gloves.

Where did everyone go?
I went to outside tonight for the second time this year and you all seem to have abandoned the Internet in my absence.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:48, Reply)
Also, farewell to Davy Jones
A pop star who Battered always looked up to.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:51, Reply)
I know his daughter, very sad
Also, in your face monty
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:54, Reply)
Monty is just gutted that it wasn't David Jones.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:57, Reply)
Why?
Was he going to take the contents of his locker to cash converters.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:00, Reply)
And then he saw his face...

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 21:59, Reply)

face knees
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:00, Reply)
So Davy really has
Caught the last train to clarksville.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:02, Reply)
For Pete's Sake

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:09, Reply)
Tork about bad jokes...

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:11, Reply)
I just imagine St Peter at the gates
Singing, 'here he comes.....' and doing the walk.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:28, Reply)
Oh, I thought I was invisible tonight.
All these Mokees jokes are just taking teh Mickey...
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
heh

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:34, Reply)
Have this before I go to bed
www.b3ta.com/board/10705987
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:37, Reply)
Wonderful.
What have you done this evening Tangles?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:39, Reply)
I have been round to my fellow bandmate's house
To review the current state of the album we are trying to record.
Did you make it to the gym, or did football win?
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:41, Reply)
I went to the gym.
But England lost. Not that I care.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:43, Reply)
Oh well
There are other teams out there you could follow instead
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:47, Reply)
I do.
Bristol City. Sadly, they lose more than England.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:48, Reply)
I hear Manchester United are quite popular
And I think on the international stage Brazil are supposed to be good.
Hope this helps.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:50, Reply)
Not massively.
But thanks for trying.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:51, Reply)
England Cricket....

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:49, Reply)
Are they good?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:51, Reply)
They're a passion and a love and a lifestyle
Yes they're good. The fiasco on sand dunes in the middle east last month is irrelevant.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:57, Reply)
Still ranked number one!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:00, Reply)
They'll keep it this year
And there'll be no more tests on the dunes.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:05, Reply)
Have you got a few quid Cavy - like, enough to keep me in a dissolute lifestyle?
I could be up for a marriage of convenience.

Another 12 hour day. Kids - self employment really fucks you up.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:10, Reply)
And the boss is a cunt.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:15, Reply)
The boss IS a cunt
I'm taking on daft jobs that I'll make no money on then getting home and wondering why I said yes.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:22, Reply)
You've gotta keep busy.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:26, Reply)
But also
keep busy make money
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:27, Reply)
As you know
I was on the bones of my arse a few months ago.

Now I've got more work than I can handle. The thing that worries me is if it dies off again.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:33, Reply)
Well you pay yourself a sensible amount, not what you earn
So you've got a reserve to fall back on, should you have a quiet month.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:35, Reply)
I made £175 in November
I'm not doing this to make a killing, I'm doing this for an independent life.

At the moment it's bouncing between extremes.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:37, Reply)
As long as it isn't bouncing cheques!

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:38, Reply)
There are certain big name agents out there
With a marked reluctance to pay. I invoice at the end of the month although I've not had chance to do so today.

Red bills will be going out on Friday.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:41, Reply)
The reluctant payers probably think you need them than they need you.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:42, Reply)
They're right
Although the biggest culprit is a huge name in this area who have to call me on a regular basis because their regular provider lets them down.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:45, Reply)
Well it sounds like your 'drop everything' approach is the right thing to do.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:48, Reply)
It makes a lot more work for me
But I'm getting a reputation for reliability now, and I know that a lot of my regular clients are passing that on.

To put what I've done today in West Country context, I've finished a job in - say - Frome, then gone straight to Gloucester for another.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:54, Reply)
How many pints did you have on the way?
Which is a proper west country enquiry.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:56, Reply)
I stopped at my house for an apple and a bag of crisps.
And a big sedge.

Nil pints.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:59, Reply)
If the apple came in a pint glass, you get points.

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:01, Reply)
A nice round green one
Bedtime - out to the Dales for 09.30 tomorrow.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:04, Reply)
Emerdale?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:07, Reply)
I wish
Emmerdale is filmed about 20 mins drive from my house.

Stainforth. Look it up.

Night.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:15, Reply)
Will you be watching Make Bradford British tomorrow?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 23:17, Reply)
So why did you say yes?

(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:26, Reply)
Potentially lucrative new client, today
I suppose you might call it a loss leader. I covered their arses on a very short notice emergency job with my "never say no" approach.

It may lead to more and I shouldn't sulk.
(, Wed 29 Feb 2012, 22:31, Reply)

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