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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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 You have £10 and 30 minutes before you die.
	You have £10 and 30 minutes before you die.You must use that time to spend and enjoy the money, not to do any soppy bollocks like kissing loved ones goodbye before you snuff it.
What would you buy?*
Alt: Do you believe that the UK economy is growing? (based on your own experiences not industry data).
*Try to avoid obvious answers like beer or drugs.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:38, 210 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
 I'd buy a mocha coffee.
	I'd buy a mocha coffee.And a loaf of bread. I would sit in a park near a lake, and feed the bread to the ducks/swans/birds and enjoy something that I can never normally drink.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:42, Reply)
 And because it is foreign they distrust it inherantly and suspect it is stealing their jobs.
	And because it is foreign they distrust it inherantly and suspect it is stealing their jobs.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
 Watch out, he might go for your daughter he doesn't really understand that percieved size is relative to distance.
	Watch out, he might go for your daughter he doesn't really understand that percieved size is relative to distance.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:58, Reply)
 in a soup tin, obviously
	in a soup tin, obviouslyput the tin in a seperate metal container of water to add the authentic smokey taste too
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 I'm caffeine intolerant - it makes me get migraines bad enough that I basically lie in a ball with a throbbing head and a strong desire to throw up.
	I'm caffeine intolerant - it makes me get migraines bad enough that I basically lie in a ball with a throbbing head and a strong desire to throw up.So I avoid it like the plague. I can't even eat a lot of chocolate without the same reaction. It fucking sucks
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:01, Reply)
 It doesn't kick in that quick mate!
	It doesn't kick in that quick mate!I have about 30 minutes before the caffeine starts making me sick... so if I have only 30 minutes to live, I should be able to get off scott free!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
 Probably is yeah.
	Probably is yeah.Although speaking of experiments, I get to dissect a cane toad tomorrow. BLOOD AND GUTS EVERYWHERE!!
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 I remember dissecting a Bulls eye, it pops and black liquid comes out I did a :S
	I remember dissecting a Bulls eye, it pops and black liquid comes out I did a :Sbut they kind of bounce if you throw them at people.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
 I've had a cows heart thrown at me.
	I've had a cows heart thrown at me.that was a bit nausea inducing.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:13, Reply)
 i don't care how much you weigh, you shouldn't be dating 13 year olds
	i don't care how much you weigh, you shouldn't be dating 13 year olds(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
 i still won that argument, and to be fair the picture didn't stop it
	i still won that argument, and to be fair the picture didn't stop it(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
 If he wants me to draw him a picture, then he'll have to pay.
	If he wants me to draw him a picture, then he'll have to pay.I'm not doing them for free anymore.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
 I'd have a couple of pints in a sunny beer garden and chat to people
	I'd have a couple of pints in a sunny beer garden and chat to people(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:47, Reply)
 Ok, I'll edit it to 'do you believe that the UK economy is growing, based on your own experiences not industry data'
	Ok, I'll edit it to 'do you believe that the UK economy is growing, based on your own experiences not industry data'(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:49, Reply)
 The economy is likely to bump along for teh rest of the year without significant growth
	The economy is likely to bump along for teh rest of the year without significant growththis is caused by factors both foreign and domestic and I don't believe it's something that can be artifically fixed by government policy. So we might as well MTFU and get on with life.
My clients are spending far more this year than last year.
*sore arse*
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:51, Reply)
 Not if external markets are suffering and affecting our exports/currency etc
	Not if external markets are suffering and affecting our exports/currency etc(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 course they can,
	course they can, there's valid reasons not to do it, such as it not solving anything in the long term and it'll screw over other countries and they might get a little shooty.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:21, Reply)
 he wants to give you some of his man fat Rory
	he wants to give you some of his man fat Roryit would be impolite to refuse
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:59, Reply)
 i'd pay battered's wife for all the times i've chucked one in her
	i'd pay battered's wife for all the times i've chucked one in hershe's had me on a tab for the last 6 years
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:50, Reply)
 i'd give it to women's refuge, i'm all about helping out battered's wife
	i'd give it to women's refuge, i'm all about helping out battered's wife(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
 I would buy a present for my daughter.
	I would buy a present for my daughter.Sentimental post is sentimental.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:54, Reply)
 I'd go and buy a cheap cleaver
	I'd go and buy a cheap cleaverand then when death comes near me I'd rip his tits off.
Alt: Why would I be concerned about belief in something that can be tangibly proved one way or the other?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 10:57, Reply)
 what's that got to do with the use of the word "believe" though?
	what's that got to do with the use of the word "believe" though?Also, the internet is 97.9% porn, 2% fuckwits and 0.3% people who can't do maths.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:03, Reply)
 If I were a disease, I'd be priapism.
	If I were a disease, I'd be priapism.Which isn't a disease, but whatever.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 that shows a massive fucking lack of ambition
	that shows a massive fucking lack of ambitionif you're going out in the 30 mins you might at least hit the crack.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 Considering who it is, this is about as ambitious as you might expect.
	Considering who it is, this is about as ambitious as you might expect.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
 Do one spastic, you're a fucking moron and in serious danger of taking the Internet seriously, monumental prick that you are.
	Do one spastic, you're a fucking moron and in serious danger of taking the Internet seriously, monumental prick that you are.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
 you've got 30 minutes
	you've got 30 minutesyou could at least try talking to other people.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:26, Reply)
 darling, who could enjoy themselves on a tenner?
	darling, who could enjoy themselves on a tenner?gimme a grand and i'll think about it.
i am seeing a huge rise in insolvencies as i deal with the property elements of them. based on that experience alone, and no other factors, NO.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:06, Reply)
 Why would she want a tenner up her arse?
	Why would she want a tenner up her arse?She only wipes with £20 notes FFS
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:09, Reply)
 insolvencies are almost certainly delayed though.
	insolvencies are almost certainly delayed though.I'd put them a year or two behind the actual "economy" in so far as one thing can be described as the ecomony.
I reckon you're seeing the fallout from 2008-2010
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
 I could be
	I could be but I seriously doubt that the timescale of economic downturn - business failing - filing for bankrupcy - dragging through the courts - eventually passing the property issues onto Swipe's lot happens in 5 minutes.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
 I would like to complain about the lack of citations in the strongest possible terms.
	I would like to complain about the lack of citations in the strongest possible terms.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:16, Reply)
 i think your all wrong
	i think your all wrongthe economy's great, we didn't have any recession it was all just a conspiracy
the only reason swipe has so many insolvenicies to deal with is because she works for a shit company with shit clients
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:26, Reply)
 mine or the gf's?
	mine or the gf's?i wore mine on sunday and had a gunfight with my nephew but he refused to die even though i clearly shot him first like a million times so i stopped playing with him after that.
the gf hasn't worn hers since the fancy dress party last year :(
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:41, Reply)
 oh i dunno, i assume so
	oh i dunno, i assume sowe're both just having fun and still spending alot of time together
soz, i know you wanted to ask me out again :(
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:43, Reply)
 you asked me out ages ago and i said no remember?
	you asked me out ages ago and i said no remember?EDIt wait and i'll find the gaz
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:45, Reply)
 
	 Sent to rachelswipe:
re: alright rachelswipe?
thats alright, my girlfriend probably would have been a bit cross about it anyways
(Quinten Oftiweak Official Counsellor of B3ta, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:10, reply)
in reply to:
re: alright rachelswipe?
shit, i'm so sorry, i think i might have led you on here.
firstly, i am out on wed night.
and secondly, i'd rather stick red hot pins in my eyes than date a b3tan.
i do hope you can sleep at night after this cruel rejection.
( Quinten Oftiweak Official Counsellor of B3ta, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:09, reply)
in reply to:
Sent To rachelswipe:
alright Quentin?
is 7.30 ok for our date at benares on wednesday night?
I'll be wearing aw hite suit so i'll be easy to spot
can't wait! see you there
x
(rachelswipe cock fairy, Mon 12 Dec 2011, 16:03)
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:48, Reply)
 you published a GAZ?
	you published a GAZ? you broke the LAW, man. next you'll be posting people's real names and workplaces.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:07, Reply)
 i'm seeing administrators taking advantage of the law to screw landlords
	i'm seeing administrators taking advantage of the law to screw landlordsthat's for sure
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:10, Reply)
 I hope you will be buying me a decent bottle of champagne on Saturday.
	I hope you will be buying me a decent bottle of champagne on Saturday. (, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:08, Reply)
 Smuggle some decent booze on board, that's what I'm planning on doing.
	Smuggle some decent booze on board, that's what I'm planning on doing. (, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
 Jeff kindly listed the drinks menu the other evening
	Jeff kindly listed the drinks menu the other eveningI believe they have wine and champagne. You can buy Moet in Wetherspoons, ffs.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:28, Reply)
 
	 www.whiskyminiatures.org.uk/img/G%20H%20Mumm%20Brut%20Champagne.jpg
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:11, Reply)
 aaarh man, my pc was going dead slow all week
	aaarh man, my pc was going dead slow all weeki uninstalled some shit Apple stuff running in the background and some HTC thing that was on here for god knows what reason and its ok now
Apple are cunts
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:12, Reply)
 I'd kill the motherfucker in my office that WON'T STOP FUCKING COUGHING!
	I'd kill the motherfucker in my office that WON'T STOP FUCKING COUGHING!What's even more annoying is that it's only ever one cough at a time, about half an hour apart. Drives me up the fucking wall.
This has been going on for weeks now.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:19, Reply)
 Give em a break, they do have to look at your face
	Give em a break, they do have to look at your faceyou're the winner there aa
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:22, Reply)
 He doesn't, he's on the other side of the office, behind one of the desk seperator things (cannot for the life of me remember what they're called)
	He doesn't, he's on the other side of the office, behind one of the desk seperator things (cannot for the life of me remember what they're called)However, you do have a point there.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:27, Reply)
 Maybe they have a terminal disease.
	Maybe they have a terminal disease.So be nice and make them a nice cuppa, laced with rat poison.
Re office shit, I've had to install a net nanny that blocks, amongst the usual porn and racism, Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. I'm sooooo popular. Obviously, I ahven't installed it on my own system. other wise I wouldn't be able to waste time on b3ta.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:25, Reply)
 There's a filter here blocking facebook, youtube, and a forum that someone used to spend hours on
	There's a filter here blocking facebook, youtube, and a forum that someone used to spend hours onIt's turned off from time to time though, so it's not too bad.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:29, Reply)
 It's even banned Popbitch,
	It's even banned Popbitch,which is a bit sad.
Edit, how were your gigs last week?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:34, Reply)
 Excellent, thank you
	Excellent, thank youParkway Drive were superb, but I was very tired, so didn't end up pitting for them. The fact I had to keep hold of my bag didn't help. Andrew WK was absolutely incredible, the most fun I've had at a gig in years.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:36, Reply)
 I'd not heard of him before you mentioned him last week.
	I'd not heard of him before you mentioned him last week.Bit heavy for me I'm afraid.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:42, Reply)
 He's only really known for a couple of tracks, and they came out 10 years ago
	He's only really known for a couple of tracks, and they came out 10 years agoWas an absolutely excellent gig though
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
 I don't think it's bollocks
	I don't think it's bollocksI think it's a financial system that manages the flow of money around and in and out of our country
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:51, Reply)
 You might benefit from some research into ‘question marks’ and what their use of, and absence of, denotes.
	You might benefit from some research into ‘question marks’ and what their use of, and absence of, denotes.Plus, DYAAKY.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:52, Reply)
 You're obsessed with bollocks.
	You're obsessed with bollocks.Why don't you just go and get a mirror and spend the afternoon looking at your own.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:52, Reply)
 I have a team of eunuchs to do that for me.
	I have a team of eunuchs to do that for me.It's the one expense I simply refuse to cut back on.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:59, Reply)
 'Speaking as a recently-created eunuch - and a Welsh one to boot....'
	'Speaking as a recently-created eunuch - and a Welsh one to boot....'(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:04, Reply)
 A question of morals for you.
	A question of morals for you.If an upper management person comes to a meeting at a site, and drives their own car (lotus) rather than their company car, BMW. Should I be annoyed?
I'm annoyed at them but don't really know why.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:53, Reply)
 I wouldn't want a lotus.
	I wouldn't want a lotus.But still, you're given a car to use for work, friggin use it.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
 It's their personal choice how they spend their money.
	It's their personal choice how they spend their money.Would you feel so annoyed if they spent their money on having horses or on a second home?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:56, Reply)
 Horses are for betting on, not for owning.
	Horses are for betting on, not for owning. Did you see there was a runner in the grand national called Weird Al? Ha ha.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:05, Reply)
 Nope, all I knows it that 2 of the poor buggers died, beyond that I have no interest.
	Nope, all I knows it that 2 of the poor buggers died, beyond that I have no interest.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:13, Reply)
 Nope, but I don't gamble as a rule nor do I find horses interesting per se
	Nope, but I don't gamble as a rule nor do I find horses interesting per seBut I know the National is famous for killing a few each year, so it's kind of interesting to speculate how long they will continue to do this.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
 Depends if they are going to claim mileage for using their own car.
	Depends if they are going to claim mileage for using their own car.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 11:57, Reply)
 Smear your shit all over their windscreen, and yourself, in protest.
	Smear your shit all over their windscreen, and yourself, in protest.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:00, Reply)
 That's it. Finished.
	That's it. Finished.That's the beauty of my plan - simple, and quick to execute.
Now just sit back and wait.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:03, Reply)
 Ah. There are still some finer details that need ironing out, it seems.
	Ah. There are still some finer details that need ironing out, it seems.Soz.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:06, Reply)
 Post your shitty clothes to AA.
	Post your shitty clothes to AA.He'll clean and iron them and then post them back. You know what those Welshies are like, they love that stuff.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:11, Reply)
 would you be annoyed if they went for a run rather than use their corporate gym membership, too?
	would you be annoyed if they went for a run rather than use their corporate gym membership, too?(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:04, Reply)
 I think it's just because I hate people earning more than me.
	I think it's just because I hate people earning more than me.I have a biology question for you.
So I want to heat up my beer from 17C to 21C, is that enough to shock it, and if so should I do it slowly? Or is just moving it from the kitchen (16C- 17C)to the airing cupboard (21C) and leaving it enough
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:07, Reply)
 That shouldn't bother it in the slightest.
	That shouldn't bother it in the slightest.however fast you do it.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:10, Reply)
 That's what I thought,
	That's what I thought,I think I'm being far too delicate with it to be honest, I'm not making cancer drugs.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:14, Reply)
 I also have a moral question.
	I also have a moral question.If I am driving on an empty motorway and there is somebody driving in the outside lane at a steady 65mph when the middle and inside lanes are empty is it acceptable for me to come up behind them and flash my lights at them or to overtake them on the inside?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:16, Reply)
 Just drive in the lane you should be in (the inside)
	Just drive in the lane you should be in (the inside)at the speed you want to. if there is nothing directly in front of you then what's the issue if you happen to undertake someone 2 lanes away? they are driving without due care and attention anyway.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:18, Reply)
 some people have a funny idea about what constitutes a "moral"
	some people have a funny idea about what constitutes a "moral"in your case, the law says that you have to undertake them whilst mooning and slapping your asscheeks. it's more of an anal dilemma really.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:18, Reply)
 Inside in that scenario. As long as you don't endanger anyone else.
	Inside in that scenario. As long as you don't endanger anyone else.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:19, Reply)
 That's what I thought.
	That's what I thought.Happens most mornings as the M1 going out of London tends to be almost empty at 7am - the majority of the traffic is heading the other way.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:21, Reply)
 Pull over to the hard shoulder and immediately smear yourself in your own shit.
	Pull over to the hard shoulder and immediately smear yourself in your own shit.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:22, Reply)
 What you need is a Tupperware box of shit in your glove compartment,  so you can do both.
	What you need is a Tupperware box of shit in your glove compartment,  so you can do both.Forward planning, you see?
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:25, Reply)
 No, he's pulled over simply to smear himself in shit.
	No, he's pulled over simply to smear himself in shit.His car remains in full working order. That's the beauty of this plan.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:24, Reply)
 No, he's just smeared himself in shit.
	No, he's just smeared himself in shit.His brain is in full working order.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:31, Reply)
 How to fuck up a country
	How to fuck up a countrywww.economist.com/blogs/americasview/2012/04/argentinas-oil-industry
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:27, Reply)
 They're being really fucking stupid at the moment aren't they?
	They're being really fucking stupid at the moment aren't they?I'm going to boycott their beef and black pudding* to REALLY SHOW THEM.
*I'm not really.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:31, Reply)
 I'd get myself up to the heighest steepest point I could get too, like, the top floor of a tall building.
	I'd get myself up to the heighest steepest point I could get too, like, the top floor of a tall building.And I'ld masturbate to the thought of quintin doing your wife, and then at exactly 29m55s, just as I start to come, I'd jump off whatever I'm on, and hope I'm dead before I hit the ground.
No, even better, keep the steepest point bit, but I'll actaully be doing your wife, from behind, over the end, and then the moment I jizz at about 29m45s, I'd push her off, and hope she hits the ground at 29m55s.
(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:28, Reply)
 You'd be better off spending the time preparing yourself for the punch in the face you're going to receive in Bristol on Saturday.
	You'd be better off spending the time preparing yourself for the punch in the face you're going to receive in Bristol on Saturday.(, Wed 18 Apr 2012, 12:36, Reply)
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