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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Forget football
two guys are having a meeting next to my desk and one of them just said "I've been trying to solutionise this..."
I think you mean SOLVE you cockend. How should he be punished?
Alt: What business-speak / grammar fail gets your goat?
AltAlt: I'm actually really interested in what you're having for lunch, honest.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:46, 191 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
two guys are having a meeting next to my desk and one of them just said "I've been trying to solutionise this..."
I think you mean SOLVE you cockend. How should he be punished?
Alt: What business-speak / grammar fail gets your goat?
AltAlt: I'm actually really interested in what you're having for lunch, honest.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:46, 191 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
altalt
we have a stunning roof terrace here, so we are all heading up there for lunch in about 3 mins. hoorah!
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:48, Reply)
we have a stunning roof terrace here, so we are all heading up there for lunch in about 3 mins. hoorah!
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:48, Reply)
I don't actually like salad dressings.
As I've grown older, vinegar repulses me.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
As I've grown older, vinegar repulses me.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
Mine had
sweet chili hummous, mature cheddar, cucumber, lettuce, smoked ham, spinach, salami, branston pickle.
I tried to work out how much cheaper my homemade sandwich was than one from Boots but gave up as it was depressing. Then I factored in the cost of my time and felt better about it.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
sweet chili hummous, mature cheddar, cucumber, lettuce, smoked ham, spinach, salami, branston pickle.
I tried to work out how much cheaper my homemade sandwich was than one from Boots but gave up as it was depressing. Then I factored in the cost of my time and felt better about it.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
He should be tied to a chair and slowly beaten to death
with a hardback copy of the OED.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)
with a hardback copy of the OED.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)
Many irk me, but "Blue Sky Thinking" really irks me.
The best I have ever heard was "Let's shove this up the duck and see how it quacks." I'm not sure what it meant, but I liked the creativity of it.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
The best I have ever heard was "Let's shove this up the duck and see how it quacks." I'm not sure what it meant, but I liked the creativity of it.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
Hey DiT! Hey! Over here DiT! Over Here!
Are we going to watch the terrible David Haye vs Derek Chisora fight round at your house in July?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Are we going to watch the terrible David Haye vs Derek Chisora fight round at your house in July?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Fuck no.
Everything about that fight is horrible. The only decent outcome is that they both spontaneously combust and burn to death.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:00, Reply)
Everything about that fight is horrible. The only decent outcome is that they both spontaneously combust and burn to death.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:00, Reply)
You and your wife should come to my house for dinner some time, though.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
That's an excellent suggestion.
I will take you up
...
...
on that offer.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
I will take you up
...
...
on that offer.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:03, Reply)
Do you want to get beer this evening?
Maybe something to eat, a few candles and then...
NO! It's not a girl, it's al, it's not a girl, it's al.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
Maybe something to eat, a few candles and then...
NO! It's not a girl, it's al, it's not a girl, it's al.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:04, Reply)
I would, really I would, only I'm meeting tangles for a pint and some live music.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:08, Reply)
You filthy tart.
Stop trying to steal him away from me. I have enough trouble with his wife.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Stop trying to steal him away from me. I have enough trouble with his wife.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
You're such an awful person, taking enjoyment out of my PAIN and MISERY.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
You should get your own back on him by making some friends
then you could rub it in his face.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
then you could rub it in his face.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Take yourself down to the Union Bar and get one!
You say "Hi Bruce."
They will say "Hi Sheila!"
Then you will all drink beers and talk about Koalas.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
You say "Hi Bruce."
They will say "Hi Sheila!"
Then you will all drink beers and talk about Koalas.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
We don't have a union bar.
There are union clubs, but no union bars. And I don't like clubs.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
There are union clubs, but no union bars. And I don't like clubs.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Then they'll hop into a 'Ute' and go to the beach
(or to murder English hikers on the motorway)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
(or to murder English hikers on the motorway)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
Defenestration sounds like an appropriate and mild punishment
sorry I meant a solutionised approach to making savings for the firm.
Alt Alt: Chicken.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)
sorry I meant a solutionised approach to making savings for the firm.
Alt Alt: Chicken.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:09, Reply)
Not bad thanks, yourself?
I've been in Ireland looking after siblings while mother gallivanted off.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
I've been in Ireland looking after siblings while mother gallivanted off.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:18, Reply)
Shocking behaviour
was she doing the wild thing with strangers in alleys?
I'm pretty good thanks, looking forward to Donnington, shame you can't make it. Have you got a job yet?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
was she doing the wild thing with strangers in alleys?
I'm pretty good thanks, looking forward to Donnington, shame you can't make it. Have you got a job yet?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Off to a wedding in Poland
so I assume and hope not. Yeah it's a shame about Donnington wish I could make it. I don't have a job :( but my brother phoned up yesterday boasting about having two the bastard.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
so I assume and hope not. Yeah it's a shame about Donnington wish I could make it. I don't have a job :( but my brother phoned up yesterday boasting about having two the bastard.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
It's not office jargon, but when my boss's wife asks if he's going to 'come with' I want to cry.
Can you really not spare the time to say 'me' at the end of that?
You 'mutton' WHORE?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Can you really not spare the time to say 'me' at the end of that?
You 'mutton' WHORE?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:21, Reply)
I get a proper knickers in a twist
about diarise, really fucking pisses me off.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
about diarise, really fucking pisses me off.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:15, Reply)
I wouldn't watch that Indiana Jones film with Sean Connery in it, then.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:19, Reply)
I can smell your jealousy from here.
At least I hope that's what that smell is.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
At least I hope that's what that smell is.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Steak sandwich with chips and a pint of Doom Bar
I love the pub on a sunny day, but it's bloody blustery.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
I love the pub on a sunny day, but it's bloody blustery.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:23, Reply)
The feeling of my stubble on her butt cheeks reminds her of her 'partner'
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:39, Reply)
The grammar of raising the last sylabble up slightly, as if it's a semi-question.
Or Australian, very annoying. It's pretentious, annoying and not very clever.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
Or Australian, very annoying. It's pretentious, annoying and not very clever.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:24, Reply)
I stuck AQI into Google, and got this...sounds about right.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Qaeda_in_Iraq
Always wondered whom was behind bad soap operas.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Qaeda_in_Iraq
Always wondered whom was behind bad soap operas.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I have to say I find the slightly more parochial Australian accent intensely irritating.
A lot of you sound lovely, but it's the ones with the nasal twang who sound permanently surprised at everything that comes out of their mouths that really grates on my ears.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)
A lot of you sound lovely, but it's the ones with the nasal twang who sound permanently surprised at everything that comes out of their mouths that really grates on my ears.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I fully admit that I occasionally do it, but it's usually only when I'm thinking.
And I don't, to my knowledge, have a nasal twang. That's a Queenslander specialty.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
And I don't, to my knowledge, have a nasal twang. That's a Queenslander specialty.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:01, Reply)
Isnt it something to do with
The younger generations having a poor education and therefore not having the confidence to make a statement and therefore going up at the end of the sentence means that they dont have to stand by the statement.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
The younger generations having a poor education and therefore not having the confidence to make a statement and therefore going up at the end of the sentence means that they dont have to stand by the statement.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Eh?
I think it's just to do with where you're from. School is compulsory until you're 16 - and from then until you're 18 you either have to be at TAFE (technical college), in an apprenticeship or at highschool. S'nothing to do with your education.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I think it's just to do with where you're from. School is compulsory until you're 16 - and from then until you're 18 you either have to be at TAFE (technical college), in an apprenticeship or at highschool. S'nothing to do with your education.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I was being disparaging about the YOUTH of today
but it was a theory that someone came up with, by poor education I dont think they were refering to the actual qualifications but that schooling now is often about passing the exam as opposed to a wider preperation to adult life.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
but it was a theory that someone came up with, by poor education I dont think they were refering to the actual qualifications but that schooling now is often about passing the exam as opposed to a wider preperation to adult life.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Well them too.
And the South Australians. And the Western Australians. Seems to be only Victorians and Tasmainians and ACT'ans who don't generally have the twang.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)
And the South Australians. And the Western Australians. Seems to be only Victorians and Tasmainians and ACT'ans who don't generally have the twang.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:06, Reply)
The ACT'ans are too busy watching porn and visiting sex shops to question anything.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:10, Reply)
I've just had the most dissapointing orange ever.
It was all dry and rubbish. Like DiT's mum.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:28, Reply)
It was all dry and rubbish. Like DiT's mum.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:28, Reply)
I think the smartie machine provides more now it's nearly empty than it used to when it was full.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:35, Reply)
isn't it smarty? like a smartypants?
doesn't make sense to me as 1 smartie, many smarties
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
doesn't make sense to me as 1 smartie, many smarties
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
preb - an element-binding protein
riefing - a sailing manouever
yeah, i guess so
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
riefing - a sailing manouever
yeah, i guess so
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Surely solutionise means
make into a solution, a solution being a liquid with something dissolved in it, so clearly he was off for a wank?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
make into a solution, a solution being a liquid with something dissolved in it, so clearly he was off for a wank?
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:51, Reply)
My company has 'behaviour ambassadors' and 'value champions' and other such life-draining pish
Anyone using these kind of expressions in anything other than an ironic manner near me or my colleagues receives withering stares and raised digits in return.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Anyone using these kind of expressions in anything other than an ironic manner near me or my colleagues receives withering stares and raised digits in return.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 13:54, Reply)
staked out over a patch of bamboo.
alt: yesterday, someone, with a straight face, suggested we have a 'washup' with the 'stakeholders' to avoid the document disappearing into the 'ADMINISPHERE'
if i'd had my fucking honda accord, i tell you, it would have been a fucking bloodbath. organs all over the shop. wave after wave of massive-drugs-crazed supermodels minced like sausagemeat. nothing left. total, all-out destruction of the species from the ground up.
altalt: fucked the gym and my usual protein turdshake off so i could work through lunch and sod off early. ate a shitwich and some fruit from tescos. probably for the best. protein shakes give you a secondary workout when they leave the system, i've been dropping bricks all week.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
alt: yesterday, someone, with a straight face, suggested we have a 'washup' with the 'stakeholders' to avoid the document disappearing into the 'ADMINISPHERE'
if i'd had my fucking honda accord, i tell you, it would have been a fucking bloodbath. organs all over the shop. wave after wave of massive-drugs-crazed supermodels minced like sausagemeat. nothing left. total, all-out destruction of the species from the ground up.
altalt: fucked the gym and my usual protein turdshake off so i could work through lunch and sod off early. ate a shitwich and some fruit from tescos. probably for the best. protein shakes give you a secondary workout when they leave the system, i've been dropping bricks all week.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:12, Reply)
tracey was just saying she wears a kids size chelsea shirt for 11 year olds
and everyone was amazed that it would fit her and i said that its probably because kids are so fat these days
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:16, Reply)
and everyone was amazed that it would fit her and i said that its probably because kids are so fat these days
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:16, Reply)
No, it's because the kids are really near, the shirts just appear large.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:18, Reply)
You do realise that unless you are a professional athlete a protein shake is about as useful as Monty's drenis?
And even if you are a professional athlete, very few of them actually bother with them, preferring instead to get their protein in the regular way, via food.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
And even if you are a professional athlete, very few of them actually bother with them, preferring instead to get their protein in the regular way, via food.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
That's why I added the second bit.
If you'd read my answer fully you wouldn't have made your stupid comment.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:22, Reply)
If you'd read my answer fully you wouldn't have made your stupid comment.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:22, Reply)
i had a search and found a message where you asked about his dribbling penis
i think druggled i better
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
i think druggled i better
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
Oh FFS you witless spastic.
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1625266
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1625266
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:25, Reply)
yeah i went back to poppet's thread and saw that
druggled i better
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
druggled i better
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:26, Reply)
Cheese and colesaw sandwiches and a lie down in the park.
I think I've caught the sun, I feel a little dizzy now.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
I think I've caught the sun, I feel a little dizzy now.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
Cheese and pickle baguette
and three pints of Amstel down the Quayside
Get the fuck in
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
and three pints of Amstel down the Quayside
Get the fuck in
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:17, Reply)
\o/
So do I
Marvellous down next to the river. Only trouble was, I had to return
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
So do I
Marvellous down next to the river. Only trouble was, I had to return
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:23, Reply)
I found booze.
but it's sweet booze and I have nothing to mix it with. And I'm too classy to drink it straight from the bottle.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:24, Reply)
but it's sweet booze and I have nothing to mix it with. And I'm too classy to drink it straight from the bottle.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:24, Reply)
I have a choice of either Bailey's or McAlisters Whisky
No ice. No milk. Nothing to mix it with.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
No ice. No milk. Nothing to mix it with.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:27, Reply)
Not in my building.
and I don't really feel like scraping off the build up off the inside of the freezer.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
and I don't really feel like scraping off the build up off the inside of the freezer.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
FFS
You aren't trying here
Shove the bottle in the freezer for 20 mins
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
You aren't trying here
Shove the bottle in the freezer for 20 mins
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:30, Reply)
No.
I have bread, two apples, two bananas, and half a dozen muesli bars. and a couple of tins of soup. This has to last until wednesday next week.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
I have bread, two apples, two bananas, and half a dozen muesli bars. and a couple of tins of soup. This has to last until wednesday next week.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:31, Reply)
fucking fruit salad baileys
why do i have to think all of this up for you?
chop the fruit, pour on some baileys like it's cream, job's a goodun
you owe me £75 consultation fee
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)
why do i have to think all of this up for you?
chop the fruit, pour on some baileys like it's cream, job's a goodun
you owe me £75 consultation fee
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:33, Reply)
if you can unbolt it and break the chains holding it to the wall, you're welcome to it.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:37, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:37, Reply)
thanks, i'll have that to cover some of the flight costs and admin charges
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:40, Reply)
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:40, Reply)
Man up poppet.
Get hammered and entertain us with drunken posting while we're all at work.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Get hammered and entertain us with drunken posting while we're all at work.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:29, Reply)
you are like a siamese twin
whose brother got the brains and the looks
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)
whose brother got the brains and the looks
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:46, Reply)
Altalt:Turkey salad sandwich, an orange and some grapes.
Followed by a Calipo.
Alt: "I'll ask the question" rather than "I'll ask our supplier if he can do that" (or similar) irritates me. I think it's because an old boss used it constantly and she was a prune-faced harridan who stank like a manky fag-end stubbed out in a pile of woe.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:32, Reply)
Followed by a Calipo.
Alt: "I'll ask the question" rather than "I'll ask our supplier if he can do that" (or similar) irritates me. I think it's because an old boss used it constantly and she was a prune-faced harridan who stank like a manky fag-end stubbed out in a pile of woe.
( , Fri 25 May 2012, 14:32, Reply)
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