Happy Birthday Blousie!
I remember several years ago me and Blousie got fucked up on cooking sherry and brasso and decided to head for Bristol to try and find Banksy and tell him how shit his shit graffiti vandalism is. As we got off the train at Temple Meads a copper approached us and told us to hand over the booze, Blouise said "its fuckin brasso pork chop, now fuck off would you". Next thing I know we're being bundled in to the back of a police van by four coppers, one now had a broken nose and another a large cut above his right eye. Blouise was screaming "Do you know who the fuck I am?" Next morning I wake up in a cell with a fucking splitting headache. A copper opens the cell door and just says "Come on, get up". I stagger out of the cell and he takes me to the front door and says "I don't want to see you again" I see Blouise sitting on the wall outside the station with a cheesy grin on her face. "How did you get away with that?" I asked "Oh I just sucked them all off behind the bins at the back of the station" she replied with a chuckle. We headed home agreeing it had been a great adventure.

Never did find Banksy though.

No Question simply share your 100% true memories of Blousie.
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 7:05, 91 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

There first time I met BGB she had just finished participating in a bukkake party to entertain a load of homeless people
Wiping syphilitic sperm out of her eyes and off her chin she did a massive fanny fart and asked me to buy her pint. Which I did out of shear admiration for her determination to give a bunch of tramps a good time.

Top girl.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 7:58, Reply)

Pfft! what happens in Bristol, stays in Bristol.
I thought we agreed on that.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 7:59, Reply)

Yeh but I never told them about the russian blokes and the knock off vodka
and how they drank a whole bottle out of your jacksie.
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:02, Reply)

I just still can't believe you thought I was Russian!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:13, Reply)

Well, you do have a bull-necked 'workhorse' type appearance,
a Neanderthal forehead and a lumbering, imbecilic way about you with no visible intelligence. It was an easy mistake to make.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:34, Reply)

You're just trying to get away from the fact you were the other 'russian', aren't you?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:36, Reply)

No.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:42, Reply)

*de-flounces*
Happy birthdy Blousie

*re-flounces*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:23, Reply)

Thanks hon!

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:29, Reply)

np

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:59, Reply)

I shall never forget the time
when Blousie and I infiltrated a Moldovan people-smuggling operation being run out of an industrial estate in Wigan. Her in-depth knowledge of Moldovan culture and language was invaluable, enabling us to penetrate ‘Mr Big’s’ intimate circle without detection until it was too late. Poor Mr Big. He was never the same after that.

PS Happy Birthday, Bigglesworth.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:31, Reply)

Fanks!
That's Moldovan for cunt btw!
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:36, Reply)

I had no idea!
Have a lovely day, don't listen to the bunch of fanks on here, they're all retarded.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:37, Reply)

you massive, gaping fank.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Have you not died yet?
Such a shame.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Does Mr Big = Dave Whelan?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:41, Reply)

I cannot be arsed to Google so please fulfil their role
and tell me who that is. Thanks in advance!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I can tell you in advance you won't appreciate it
It refers to the mentally deficient owner of DW Sports, and Wigan Football Club
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:43, Reply)

I see.
Brilliant joke!! Officerofl!!!LMAOroflololol!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I'm sure you both have penetrated a few Mr Big's intimate circles over the years

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:02, Reply)

aight B girl.
I cannae link you to any wicky wicky. But go and look up NWA Express Yourself on YouTube.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:34, Reply)

I'll never forget the time that Blousie was volunteering at my local church group...
Always known as an upstanding member of the community, renowned for her cake baking skills, her trestle table was always the most popular at the village fête.
It was as a blushing young choirboy that I first encountered this pillar of the community. Whenever we took a break at choir practice she was always on hand with some freshly baked biscuits and home made lemonade.
It was only later in life that I discovered the true service that she provided for us all, not one of the choristers in that period was interfered with by our priest - an amazing achievement for the early 80s. It transpired that while we were tucking into our snacks, good old Blousie was dressing herself as a boy scout and giving the priest handjobs behind the pulpit.
The randy old god botherer was so drained that he never had the energy to molest any of us.
Not only this, but I think it is fair to say that every single one of us lost our virginities to her over the course of that endless summer.
Gorblessya Blousie and all who sail in yer!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn't into arses. Not today.

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

"Akabusi!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at that mong with your cock out".

Akabusi slowly turned around and saw BGB in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

As ever Akabusi's cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.

Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone BGB, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

10/10.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Fraid not, not his own work.
I'm afraid it's a "See me after class" in red pen.
( Peej, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I never tire of these.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Me and beegeebee cybered internet tea and cake once
it was shit
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I first met Blousie in 'Nam. She was was operating under the cover name Pang Li.
We had been in the "shit" for a couple of months and both had the thousand yard stare. A big jar head Marine captain had given us the dubious honour of leading the rescue mission of some French officers who were caught behind gook lines.

Needless to say, I took one in the buttocks and Pang carried me out of there tucked into her bra strap.

You saved my life that day, Blousie. Happy birthday.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Kroney must have a massive freezer

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Funnily enough, he was one of the French we were rescuing.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I remember when she joined an elite fighter pilot training school
but was considered dangerous, a bit of a maverick. She fought the system, played volleyball and rode a throbbing motorbike everywhere. Somehow she passed the course even though her best friend was tragically killed in an ejecaculation accident that caved in his skull.

luckily she still had time to shot down some muzzas and save America from the brown people.

the end

ps there were also many bummings
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:53, Reply)

What the fuck is an 'ejion acula'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

you tell me you drug addled old crusty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

this is the worst start to a thread i have ever seen and i'm going to kill myself

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

"Robert Dyas" have a deal on "JML" knives
if you want to do it cheaply
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:57, Reply)

what's with the "quotation marks" you prick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)

I think you mean "prick"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 8:59, Reply)

I think you like "prick"

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:00, Reply)

you're alright i suppose

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

u2
xxxx
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:02, Reply)

A story of love, intrigue and moist porcine products - by Al, aged eight and a half.
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1317149
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:02, Reply)

He's so poetic.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:05, Reply)

ok, cos you all don't realise how shit you are i'm gonna give it a try
so there was this one time when i was bosley from charlie's angels right, and the angels were darth, BGB and hattie jacques (this was before tv was invented so it didn't matter that they were all ugly), and anyway this one job we had we had to steal like some hosages or shit from like a nazi prison camp full of semi naked black guards with awesome weapons of mass destruction.

and anyway right we broke in and POW they only had a fucken HULK, and the HULK uppercutted BGB in the tits, right into space, right and then they fucked each other in the arse, cos BGB's got a clitoris like a lady hyena (lady hyeanae have a nine inch clitoris/birth canal) right? and all the hostages and nazis died cos of the HULK and BGB spunk drowning the whole fucken world.

and even so, this story is more believable than Psychochomp having a stripper girlfriend. Even if she does have a eastenders face
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Well you tried and that's all we can ask from you.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:10, Reply)

and then you had a HULK baby right
and the HULK baby shat the moon
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:13, Reply)

hahahaha!
Last bit is class
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:15, Reply)

Hahahahaha.
Shat the moon.

Also, what is an Eastenders face?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:24, Reply)

watch a few minutes of eastenders then look at the baronesses profile pic
you'll see what i mean
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:28, Reply)

EASTENDERS FACE
i1.cdnds.net/12/12/300x225/soaps_eastenders_linda_henry_2.jpg
www.tvthrong.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/june-brown-pic-getty-300x213.jpg
2.bp.blogspot.com/-2U4ArMUKvQY/ToirKytY3uI/AAAAAAAAAAw/LsDKj855uQg/s1600/closeup.jpg
nowmagazine.media.ipcdigital.co.uk/11140|0000069ce|3932_Cheryl-fergison.jpg
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Chompy is dating Dot Cotto, who is also a stripper?
Well i never...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:34, Reply)

exactamundo
i heard she's a prostitute too
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Who knew MK was so interesting

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

He's been double dating with Darth and his not very attractive girlfriend in the shining metropolis of Norwich

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:42, Reply)

That'd be a table to watch from afar

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:43, Reply)

they should team up with AA and his chubby girlfriend
i bet next to each other they'd all seem prettier
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

You'd better get your order in before them though

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:49, Reply)

There should be a modelling show put on at the next big bash basharoo

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:49, Reply)

AA's girlfriend alsways fills up on rolls before the starters arrive :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:50, Reply)

I'd rather double date with Darth and his not very attractive girlfriend than AA and his pudgy one
I'd vomit having to sit opposite two matching pudgy faces
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:52, Reply)

+ with scraggly beards

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:55, Reply)

This is mental, Darth hates chompy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:45, Reply)

There's not much to do in Norwich, so he's reduced to scraping the barrel already

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:48, Reply)

All just internet banter
They laugh it all off later in Nando's when they're out double dating.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:49, Reply)

this post is terrifying

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:50, Reply)

Having never met Ms Blouse I cannot comment
Though her titgazzes are of the highest quality
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Happy Birthday BGB!
I met her in Hong Kong when she was married to a Russian Intelligence officer, and she tipped me off that there might be a high-ranking Soviet mole in the British Intelligence Service.

Sadly I didn't give a shit, though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:18, Reply)

does anyone know of any good websites? this ones shit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Go on the Daily Mail site.
I bet you'd get some top level reaction on there.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:25, Reply)

kl thx

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:28, Reply)

https://www.facebook.com/index.php?lh=Ac9mkY2l7r9PUPc1
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:25, Reply)

no, BGB
NO
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Awwww! I so wanna be your facebook friend.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:31, Reply)

do you like horses?
If so i know just the place
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

i have never a horse

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)

met?
ridden?
sucked off?
eaten alive?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:30, Reply)

not even accidentally a horse?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:35, Reply)

between you and me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

there is a horse?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

sometimes there is on one

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Schroedinger's sex horse

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Giddy-up.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

oh, menage a horse.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I DO !! I JOINED THIS ONE YESTERDAY COS IT WAS WELL SHIT HERE
www.sra.org.uk/home/home.page
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:33, Reply)

i don't get it
are you filing a complaint against me?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

i found it more entertaining than qotweaking yesterday

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:41, Reply)

shitting a cheesegrater would be more entertaining

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:42, Reply)

wrong kind of soliciting?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:43, Reply)

no, you're confusing me with your mum
an easy mistake to make
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:44, Reply)

My brain just exploded
trying to work out how many ways that could be wrong
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 9:56, Reply)

mainly that you are now thinking about haveing sweaty sex with rory

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 10:00, Reply)

that explains it!
pass the mind bleach, please.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)