Shiny New Thread Time
sportscow's Problem Thread

Post a problem and invite other b3tans to help
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:53, 129 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I haz spent £187k of monies I don't have
How can I get back in the black?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:54, Reply)

hang around Brixton in a 'Frankie say relax' t shirt

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Sell your oak flooring

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Is this for your 1 roomed hovel?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:10, Reply)

I keep getting online bullied by rachelswipe
Please help me :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Grow some balls
This message sponsored by rswipe
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Tell her to pick on someone her own size

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:57, Reply)

she bullies me and mmps too
she needs to get laid, dozer. we just don't have anyone man enough for the job

:(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:00, Reply)

The sheer amount of cock on this board should have her frothing at the clopper

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:09, Reply)

the samples i have tasted on here
would not encourage anyone to go back for more.

shudder.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:15, Reply)

I think we need more details

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:17, Reply)

fucks sake swipe

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:18, Reply)

i'm just saying that some people should be more fastidious about their personal hygiene, Q
i'm sure you can relate to that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

Cheesy cockrings

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

there are rastas bopping around jamaica
with shorter and less tangled dreadlocks than some guys have on their balls.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:21, Reply)

Oh, you are all class.

( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

i know

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

even so "the samples i have tasted on here"
is one of the most objectionable things i've ever read on here

there are many things i'd rather not know
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:21, Reply)

haha your brain is being too literal
but do enjoy the image of cold milky spunk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:22, Reply)

see i wouldn't mind if it was this b3tan
www.flickr.com/photos/james_godwin/7280110672/in/pool-b3tabashes

or even this one
www.flickr.com/photos/james_godwin/7280114378/in/pool-b3tabashes

but cos they're actually attractive i doubt they'd ever feel the need to whore out their seedy grot stories to a bunch of strangers on the internet :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:25, Reply)

That second one reminds me of Christina Ricci

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

wankbank that shit, yo

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:27, Reply)

I haven't seen fluffles post in ages.

( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:27, Reply)

hahahaha
you've never read any of their /qotw stuff then.

poor old Q. always at the back of the Q.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:27, Reply)

i'm not about words, swipe

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:28, Reply)

i had some nice arancini for lunch
we were wondering if they were always in balls. i thought you might know, but you weren't around when your faux-italian-ness might actually have been useful
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:29, Reply)

always in balls as far as i'm aware
you should never forget about the balls, very important tip that
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:34, Reply)

I don't think the second one is a b3tan.
I think it's someone's other half.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:28, Reply)

let him know i'd smash that
cheers
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:29, Reply)

Me too, at the same time aswell.
We'll have to roll a dice to see who gets what hole.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:49, Reply)

You've not been here nearly long enough, Q
that's not even in the top fifty.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:23, Reply)

i think it was more to do with how i envision swipe's appearance, and that of the male b3tans she's no doubt swallowed the spooge of
rather than the act itself
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:26, Reply)

urrrrgh, stop thinking about me
i've spent precisely zero time envisaging your appearance, and that's how it's staying, you online weirdo.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:28, Reply)

i don't mean to, its jsut you say something and a picture pops into my head
of a manatee clumsily using its mouth to suck off a long dead hippopotamus, that kind of thing
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:30, Reply)

you need to see someone about that
you say something and i yawn a bit, that's all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:32, Reply)

yeah having an imagination is awful

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:35, Reply)

*brandishes masters degree in creative writing from oxford university*
*rolls it into a V shape*

*flicks it at quentin*

suck on that bitch
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:36, Reply)

Lot of sexual tension in this sub thread.
Quentin, you didn't move to Australia five years ago, did you?
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:36, Reply)

never been to Aus
wouldn't mind a trip though, but tehre might be australians there, ruining it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:38, Reply)

we could pay him to go now

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:48, Reply)

i'm open to offers

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:57, Reply)

AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT YOU

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:38, Reply)

you'd be v surprised
hopefully one day fairly soon, you will be.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:43, Reply)

i just read your QOTW answers
you are a terrible, terrible writer

so you'll probably be every bit as successful as EL James
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:49, Reply)

omg quit stalking me
now this may shock you. but how i write on /qotw is NOT how i write in real life. you utter plumsucker.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:20, Reply)

I have a fucking ignorant, stupid, irritating and intentionally difficult client
Can I kill the miserable Scottish cunt?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:56, Reply)

McYes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:57, Reply)

is it me?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:06, Reply)

+ you're looking for
*makes unconvincing clay bust of PD*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:11, Reply)

I seem to spend more time on here than I do on my job
Should I delete my account and kill myself?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 15:58, Reply)

No
You post witty retorts
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:07, Reply)

yes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:07, Reply)

I'm getting conflicting advice here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:10, Reply)

I have a question.
You know dildos and butt plugs and whatnot, right? You can get luminous ones. Why? It can't be so that you can find them in the dark because the sort of activities you'd be using them for will require an external light source of some description like a table lamp, for example. You're certainly not going to require the area into which they shall be penetrating lit.

So why the need for luminosity? Extra size, flavouring, texturing, all this I can see a practical purpose for but not luminosity.

Help me OT, you're my only hope.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:00, Reply)

Why not?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:01, Reply)

I want a reason.
I can't operate in a world in which there is no reason.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:02, Reply)

*throws badge at DA*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:19, Reply)

I like those glass dildos you can get, so you can right inside someone's bumhole if you combine it with a little keyring light.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:05, Reply)

I don't.
What it you trip over and smash it? Doesn't bear thinking about.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:05, Reply)

Safety Ass

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:07, Reply)

I don't think they're actually glass, they're probably perspex like most glasses lenses

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:07, Reply)

IS IT

( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:08, Reply)

I dunno dude, why don't you just go buy some, you're a grown up.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:09, Reply)

+IN YET?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:09, Reply)

I don't think I could stand up if I had one of those in my arse, might be able to squat a little bit, but I won't have enough hight to do any damage.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:11, Reply)

So you can waggle them round threateningly in the dark prior to "entry"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:08, Reply)

This is the best answer so far.
I weep for humanity.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:12, Reply)

dude, those are light sabres

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:16, Reply)

The horse is strong in this one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:17, Reply)

My inner circle has been penetrated.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:08, Reply)

Sounds painful
How?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Suicide bomber at a secret meeting :(

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Fucking NHS cu(n)ts

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:10, Reply)

I can't stop buying records
There were two delivered this morning and I ordered another three at lunchtime.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:15, Reply)

You need Roy Castle

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:16, Reply)

i have to go running this evening
my trainers are giving me blisters. but i can't be arsed to go to westfield first to get new trainers.

you courier me some?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:17, Reply)

Carrier pigeon dispatched

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:18, Reply)

i really don't believe you
you didn't ask me about size, colour, style, price or address.

hmmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

IZ IN YUR WARDROBE MEZURIN UR CLOTHES

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:21, Reply)

TRAINERS
NOT CLOTHES
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:22, Reply)

MEH
IZ WEARIN UR BRA AS A HAT
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:29, Reply)

MEZU WEA
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:23, Reply)

I don't have enough girls for our match tonight
should I get one of the more effeminate of the guys on my team to wear a skirt and hope we get away with it?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:17, Reply)

No

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:18, Reply)

OK, but then we'll have to play with only ten
despite having bloke substitutes. This will disadvangate us. I hope you're happy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:19, Reply)

I am, yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:20, Reply)

If you feel more comfortable in a skirt badge, you go for it.
You don't need to invent cover stories. Skirts on men are acceptable in Scotland.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:19, Reply)

I'm unlikely to fool anyone.
despite my best efforts, tangles.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:21, Reply)

kilts are not skirts.
Honest Guv.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:24, Reply)

I'll do it. I've got great legs.
Hairy, but shapely. I'm fucking shit at hockey, mind.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:25, Reply)

That's twice you've fagged it up about your legs!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:27, Reply)

And it won't be the last!
I've got a good arse, too. I'm too polite to mention that, though.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:28, Reply)

Toilet wall says otherwise, garcon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:29, Reply)

Well you know, that's different.
You don't criticise Wonderbra for advertising on motorway billboards, but you'd think it a bit crass if they did the same thing live on your High Street.
( Kroney, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:32, Reply)

I was wondering if I could lick the bicycle seats off of the sweedish female team's bikes, when they're finished with them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:31, Reply)

throw tacks on the track and lick them mid race

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:33, Reply)

Good plan - fresher then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:34, Reply)

I have 99
Where should I start?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:37, Reply)

seriously annoy a woman
make it a round 100.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:37, Reply)

One of the easiest things to do.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:38, Reply)

is a bitch one of them?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:39, Reply)

I've cleared my desk should I stay till 5pm or should I leave now?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:38, Reply)

just fuck off now

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:44, Reply)

Can we talk about something else please?
Zombies or summat?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:46, Reply)

Hi
don't worry, I'm here! zombies, you say
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:49, Reply)

Yes, I love them.
'Brains'

See, I just quoted one of those excellent films which I love so much, due to their not being completely shit and for student irono-spastics.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:54, Reply)

zombies
very rarely say 'brains'. This proves you are ignorant in the ways of the undead.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

They're made up.
They never say anything ever you spanner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:02, Reply)

yeah
but do they say it twice?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:03, Reply)

Yes. They are the 'New York' of rubbish fictional bogeymen.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:04, Reply)

They're made up.
They never say anything ever you spanner.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:02, Reply)

What's your favourite MMO?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:50, Reply)

Well, Marine Management Organisations are all great
but I have to say THE Marine Management Organisation is probably my favourite. At the moment, anyway.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:53, Reply)

I can't picture zombies getting up a ladder so I think a treehouse is your safest bet in the vent of zombie apocalypse
You'd have to get food and water with an arrow and string or something. Or just get a boat and head to an oil rig with a fishing rod and a filtration thingy.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Shiny Toy Guns!

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:50, Reply)

I seem to be coughing up a lung
does anyone have a spare?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:51, Reply)

You don't want mine, love.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

i pretty much assumed that
anyone else?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:56, Reply)

I'm off to the swimming baths tonight
should I spend more time swimming, in the sauna or in the steam room?
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:52, Reply)

I'd say sauna, seeing as you are clearly a predatory homosexual.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:55, Reply)

Thing is right, I wouldn't mind a bit of sly cock in the sauna
but do you have to wear a special wristband or wink three times to initiate teh sexy tiems? Sitting around looking wistful and sweaty gets you fucking nowhere kiddo.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 16:58, Reply)

I cannot say I'm an expert on the etiquette of bumming in saunas. Soz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:01, Reply)

Why not?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:03, Reply)

I just barge on in there without so much as a 'by your leave'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:05, Reply)

You do seem like a confident sort
There must be some sort of signal though, maybe I should take a torch with me tonight
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:09, Reply)

I'd suggest having a large bunch of keys on your belt but that's a problem in a sauna.
No idea if that's an urban myth, that one - it may well have been made up by someone at my school about one of the teachers who had a large bunch of keys and was therefore 'definitely a bender'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:14, Reply)

Thanks man, I'll give it a go

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:18, Reply)

Don't forget to report back!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:22, Reply)

Too right buddy, I'll 'facebook' you yeah?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 18 Jul 2012, 17:24, Reply)