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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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That thread was bollocks.
So, Wednesday, yeah? Wi-cked.

I keep being forced to watch sports. It's really starting to grate now. By which I of course mean GO TEAM GB.

Q: I got my third 'good morning' in as many days from Boris Johnson today. We are now best mates, as I see it. Who was the last 'famous person' you saw and were they a cunt?

Alt: Why you no rissen? As I understand it, some little people have been cheating at that most pathetic of 'sports', 'badminton'. I think they should be forced to collect cockles in Morecambe Bay to atone for their transgressions. How would you deal with this yellow peril?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:26, 202 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Fuck off with your "GO TEAM GB" shit.
And Aussies can fuck off with their "AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE" crap too.

In fact everyone can fuck off.

How are you? I'm awesome.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:29, Reply)
I'm shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:29, Reply)
Now then, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you're not that bad.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:30, Reply)
He really is.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:31, Reply)
I read this in the style of Sir Jimmeh Saville.
You don't know who he is.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:31, Reply)
So the style of a dead necrophiliac nonce. A lovely start to the day eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Don't forget the friendship with Sutcliffe!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Monty's?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Jimmy Saville's

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:44, Reply)
It's actually "AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE, OI, OI, OI!"
But I guess it makes sense coming from someone whose countries medal tally is a paltry 4 to our 6.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:36, Reply)
*country's
You oaf.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Also, given that I don't really have any interest in sport, attempting to niggle me over the olympics isn't really going to be all that successful.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Thanks um... Rory?
Oh, sorry. Cheers Plumpdoozer.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Fuck off Monty.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:34, Reply)
OH RIGHT. I'LL JUST FUCK OFF THEN SHALL I.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:35, Reply)
nah,
You're alright really.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:43, Reply)
and in answer to your question.
Jeremy Paxman.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I like him.
His book 'The English' is excellent.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:53, Reply)
i don't read "books"

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:59, Reply)
I see.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Then what do you do with them?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Oh fucking hell, I'm hungover
I think the last famous person I saw/met was probably Marcus Bischoff, the singer from one of my favourite bands.

Alt: Kill their dogs, and make them eat them.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:36, Reply)
He's well famous.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Aside from him, it's been years.
I saw several bands last year, does that count?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:44, Reply)
I'm sorry, but no.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:46, Reply)
Hmm, damn

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Alt: compulsory work camps. In Milton Keynes.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:37, Reply)
We have a large chinese community.
Most came over when Hong Kong was given back.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
In the Chinese swimmer doping row - as I've just said on /board
It's being defended on each side by Dick Pounder and Wang Dong.

Sometimes the jokes just puriliate themselves ...
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:38, Reply)
Keep trying all the different boards.
You're bound to find someone who thinks you're funny eventually.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:41, Reply)
I think I'll just stick to this one.
You seem to like me.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:43, Reply)
Offtopic is a trusty haven for qotweakers during these difficult times

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:47, Reply)

t
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:52, Reply)
duing?

(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Tusty?

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:54, Reply)
'qotweakes'?
Are you Samuel Pepys?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:56, Reply)
qotweakes??

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:56, Reply)
No hurry, son.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:59, Reply)
can we just pretend i didn't fuck that up the first time?
Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I don't think anybody noticed
No need to worry
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:04, Reply)
I get it now, thanks!!!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:05, Reply)
I saw nothing untoward.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:09, Reply)
qoweakers?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
It is.
I've been made to feel especially welcome here.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Are you still here?
I thought you'd be hawking your tedious 'rude foreign names' story over at /links by now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Yes, sorry - Dick Pounder is a perfectly viable name and I shouldn't mock him for it.
It's nothing short of cultural insensitivity.

I never had you down as the PC sort, Monty.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:57, Reply)
I never had you down as the complete spastic sort, Vag.


Actually I totally did.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:58, Reply)
And in other news
You're gay for spastics.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:01, Reply)
Oh man, what a zing
There'll be no coming back from that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:07, Reply)
No wonder he's so well-loved.
More putdowns than Battersea Dogs' Home in the weeks after Xmas, that one.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Morning.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:40, Reply)
It certainly is.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:41, Reply)
Only a couple of months
Until London bash. What venue have you chosen? Some of us need to start planning stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:48, Reply)
I'm seriously considering just having it in a pub
and fucking off the music idea. Last year's was great but I was barely able to say two words to people. Maybe that's why it was great.

I really like the Capt Kidd in Wapping and it's fucking huge with a nice river view and the beer is cheap.

But are you not staying at mine anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:52, Reply)
The Captain Flid is in the middle of nowhere.
That pub near you was quite nice.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Which one?
The one we went to with Foggsy (RIP)? The Sebright?

It's out of control with hipsters now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:57, Reply)
It might have been, yes.
Come up with some pub options.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Fuck it let's go there then.
We need
a) chairs
b) drinks

As long as these requirements are covered I am happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:05, Reply)
can i come?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:07, Reply)
But of course.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:10, Reply)
i'll wear my best trousers and my cleanest tshirt.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:16, Reply)
You'd better.
Otherwise it's PE in your vest and pants for the whole evening.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I could probably handle standing for short periods of time.
But I agree that drinks are essential.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Done.
Get the calendar updated!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:15, Reply)
IT IS DONE

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Have you booked the place to keep out the riffraff
or will we be mingling with the Hackney hoi-polloi?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
It's going to be a free for all.
That might be a good thing, keep the gene pool fresh and all that.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
We'll have scared everyone else off by 9

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:42, Reply)
...minutes past 7.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Invite him out for a beer Saturday next
I, for one, would like to go drinking with the man. I am one of those that thinks he's putting the bumbling fool act on and is secretly a highly cynical career politician who knows what makes him popular.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:47, Reply)
He'll be torn between hobnobbing with the Worlds elite or being sat with some wankstains down a shit pub whilst they tell their tales of haiving teh last and final laugh
decisions decisions
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:49, Reply)
Not really much of a decision
I am excellent company and sometimes I scratch the worst of the wankstains off with my nails. Which I then sniff, obv.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I think he got in for 3 reasons
1. Not being Ken Livingstone

2. Being a "celebrity" that people have seen on the TV

3. Not being Ken Livingstone
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I saw myself in the mirror, I'm famous and a cunt
The disgusting cheats should be paraded naked around the olympic stadium whilst the spectators pelt them with faeces from each of the 204 competing nations.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Thy went a bit northern there, didn't thee

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:01, Reply)
No one has ever heard of the celebrities* that I am definitely bessie mates with.**
I'm set for a really shite Wednesday.
I am currently trying to arrange a product recall for some wrongly labelled goods from some rude Scousers.

Alt: Send them to Liverpool to work for these Scouse cunts.


*Well, talented people with a modicum of fame in their field rather than celebrities.

** Er, have been in the same pub as or at best a friend of a friend.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:08, Reply)
I have been completely won over by the Olympics. Plus they have all three channels on at the gym.
A,
see Vorderman regularly around Clifton. Totally would, and i see Joe Jordan in the gym lots.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:19, Reply)
I saw local newsreader Becky Jago in Sainsburys earlier this year
She was buying some oven crunchies and fish fingers. I'd say she was missing some mushy peas there or maybe that's just me.

Alt: Apparently falling off a high platform into water and copying the fucker stood next to you is a sport, at least they have a bat in badminton.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:25, Reply)
BECKY JAGO??????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING??????

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:27, Reply)
NOPE, F'REALS

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:28, Reply)
No they don't.
It's a racket.

Also, mushy peas are fucking vile.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:33, Reply)
This here is an opinion on the internet that I disagree with
Mushy peas are best when you add a healthy dose of vinegar when they're heating up
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
A mysterious fluid has appeared on my keyboard
Is it coming from me? If not, then who? Where is it coming from, and why?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Also, met several famous people in my life time
But the most recent sighting was in London a few months ago when I walked past Eastenders star Jill Halfpenny.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Would.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Likewise
Also, she's shorter than I thought she would be.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:31, Reply)
That's works for me.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I was the same with Rachel Stephens
Never fancied her when I thought she was tall. Is that weird?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Perfectly normal
For a nonce.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Oh boy
I keep falling into this trap don't I. SHEESH!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:41, Reply)
No, it's natural to prefer women that you can beat up

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I don't want to beat her up
I just want to cover her in butter and use her as a loofah
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Surely covering her with butter would render her ineffectual as a loofah.
I would think that you would need something to make her more abrasive.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Wow, I really haven't thought this through
Maybe I'll just have sex with her. Seems less complicated.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Battered's a midget. I suppose you fancy HIM now.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I'd fuck a midget
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, right?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:41, Reply)
How do you know I haven't?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Woah
You just blew my mind
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
I also just blew your dog, but we'll gloss over that.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:00, Reply)
That wasn't my dog....
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Just as he 'glossed' over you.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
It's certainly got a wet nose now, I can tell you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I much prefer her father, Shakin'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I'd hide behind HER green door!
Or...something
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:54, Reply)
I'd like to see Jilly Halfpenny's thruppenies.
DO YOU GET MY PRE-DECIMAL CURRENCY SLASH COCKERNEE RHYMING SLANG JOKE????
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Cor, I'd spend half a crown on HER shillings I tell you!

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:32, Reply)
I'd fucking groat up her florin ANY DAY!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Pervert

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I'd 'Albert' her 'Square' alright!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:35, Reply)
I'd 'Bike' her 'Grove' and no mistake etc.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:35, Reply)
She'd be saying 'Ah cannat see, man' after I'd finished with her I CAN TELL YOU.

I'M SUGGESTING THAT I'D SPUNK IN HER EYES WHILST ALSO REFERENCING THE PAINTBALL-RELATED BLINDING SCENE FROM 'BYKER GROVE'!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Ooh Byker

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Hasn't your drink and drug addled lifestyle rendered you impotent?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Ask your wife. And all her friends.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:39, Reply)
i saw her in "abigail's party" the other night
she was good.

my companion declared her a MILF.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:41, Reply)
A MILF, eh?
Does a MILF have to literally be a mother, or is it an age thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
on the pornography, it appears to be anyone over 19 :/

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Oh, Porn
When will you learn?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
to be fair if i grew up on a council estate, 19 would be the age of most of the mums i knew

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I have a relative
that recently found out that someone that was in her year at school has recently become a grandmother. This relative is only 34. :(
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:53, Reply)
i'm 34 and i'm a great uncle 3 times over, but then i guess i'm the youngest of my family
bit pointless me saying that really
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
I found it interesting, Q.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
it was inaccurate, T
I'm not a great uncle, i'm just an uncle.

and a bit of a twat
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Being a grandparent at 34 is ri-goddamn-diculous

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:07, Reply)
not my area of expertise
but himjim of this parish assures me that pumas are women between 30-40 and cougars are between 40-50 and MILFS are between 30-50.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
What's 50+?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
'damned sexy'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:48, Reply)
i hope you're sitting down for this
GILF
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:48, Reply)
But what if you're not a Granny?
I find this naming convention flawed
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:50, Reply)
if you want to fuck someone who is old enough to be your granny
you've got enough problems without worrying about the legal definitions. imho.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:54, Reply)
GILF

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I heard it's like a greggs steakbake cut in half and filled with gravel

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Well I like a bit of aggragate

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Check the tips of your fingers.
Are they leaking?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Well that was my first thought too
but they seem fine
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Listen, sorry about that. Won't happen again.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Oh SURPRISE SURPRISE
I turn my back for a second and Monty wanks on my stuff. BRAVO!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:32, Reply)
Soz. I mean it. Sozzers.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:34, Reply)
i preferred the 'sorry TH' comment you deleted :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Sorry QH

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
H?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Don't offer him drugs

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Yeah go on, just a 'ten bag' though OK?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Does anyone want to buy a DVD player?
Tenner?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
i don't understand your urban narcotic colloquialisms :(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Sorry QO

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
cheers TH

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:44, Reply)
You yawned didn't you, and you didn't cover your mouth did you. Sicko

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Hmm...it's possible

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I assume you saw a video of a washing machine being crushed and oil leaked from your eyes and you were confused

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:54, Reply)
You wait
As soon as I see the Wizard and he gives me a real heart, THEN you'll be sorry!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
i hung out with the queen on saturday, she's an alright sort
bit rowdy for my liking, but there you go.

alt i think you need to start taking a more positive stance on thing, especially when it comes to being druggled
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:43, Reply)
my hamstrings hurt, monty
that hot sweaty yoga was better than i thought. but my hamstrings have decided to disagree some 24 hours later. twats.

i can think of several people who should GO.

my firm acts for a few famous people, tend to see them in reception. not that i do any work for them. my cases are all A Landlord -v- A Tenant.

alt: how can you cheat at badminton??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:45, Reply)
Alt: attach a shuttle to your cock.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:49, Reply)
We've only really had one famous customer, an ex-footballer
However, we make cards to send out to famous people regularly, only this week we had to do one for a certain long distance runner.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:51, Reply)

runner clara
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Ah, Pigeon Street
Alweyz in r hartz
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:00, Reply)

You make "man the fuck up you street shitting cunt" cards?
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:13, Reply)
No, not her

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Alt: they deliberately lost, or something.
I'm surprised you have hamstrings. I would have expected Quornstrings from your sort.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:51, Reply)
maybe that's why they gave out on me
not enough meaty stamina
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
alt: apparently they deliberately chucked the match.
think they won the first two games in their league, so they were already through to the knockout bit no matter what, but if they won the third as well they'd have to play their own second team next, putting one of them out, so to avoid this happening (and to save their energy) they played badly on purpose, hitting the net etc.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:52, Reply)
cheating cunts
staple gold medals to their cocks and make them run through moss side.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
not a new idea though
in the paper it says they've been doing this sort of thing for ages.
Football teams often rest key players in a similar situation, however their replacements don't generally try to lose....
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:58, Reply)
ah now i see it
blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/tomchiversscience/100173755/london-olympics-2012-were-the-badminton-players-too-stupid-even-to-pretend-they-were-trying/

i LOL'd slightly at the comments.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:12, Reply)
playing badly doesn't even come close to describing it though
it was like how a 3 year old would throw a match if you told them to.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:59, Reply)
weirdly, it was boris johnson.
he was lovely, and quite sexy in real life.
(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:50, Reply)
I bet his pubes have exactly the same haircut

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Well I bet they're different. £10.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
you'll need to get some photos then, not the ones where you are wearing them like a moustache

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:04, Reply)
i bet his bumhole bumbles when he guffs.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:56, Reply)
He's great. Anyone who fails to recognise this is a spanner.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:55, Reply)
and sexy, right?

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:56, Reply)
He's shorter than I thought, but I'm prepared to bum him, just for you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:58, Reply)
tomorrow morning will be your 4th date
bumming will be fine
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:01, Reply)
It'll be our fouth date this week alone.
In total it's about 12. We should be at the teabagging and angry pirate phase by now.

MAYBE HE DOESN'T FANCY ME RSWIPE. Maybe I'm doing something wrong!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:03, Reply)
remember you only show off cleavage OR legs
not both at the same time.

this might help.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Oh shit. That'll be it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:12, Reply)
roll your shorts up tomorrow OR wear one of those gay t-shirts and press your elbows together as you run
i guarantee he'll ask for your number
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:16, Reply)
i quite fancy him
not really sure why
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:57, Reply)
He's charming, slightly clumsy and (unlike so may others in his profession) doesn't seem to be full of bullshit
He does exactly what it says on the tin.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:59, Reply)
sure, in the world of politicians he's a solid nugget of shit in a sea of liquid diarrhoea
but if we're talking celebrity crushes, he's an odd choice. still, i would.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:00, Reply)
He's not conventionally sexy, sure
But I totally see why women would go for him. Most women over the age of 15 see that muscles and a pretty face aren't everything. But hey, what I don't understand about women could fill a barn.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
brains and sense of humour
the rest is just detail.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:08, Reply)
TAXI FOR HAWKING

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:10, Reply)
or that bloke in 'Mask'

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Or both at once!
Imagine that!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:13, Reply)
some freak on here will be doing exactly that

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:15, Reply)
that'd make a great film only with zombies and dinosaurs too

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:17, Reply)
In a giant spaceship
Jeepers, that'd be awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:19, Reply)
meh, he can leave the mask on

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Unbelieveably that's a 'joke' in the film

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I though he only shagged the blind girl so what difference would it make?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:31, Reply)
I can see that actually
I bet he has that boyish clumsiness about him
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:57, Reply)
OH FINE
Hi TH, how are you today TH? Oh, I'm fine today Janet, THANKS FOR ASKING!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:05, Reply)
don't be so NEEDY.

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Did you salute him again?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Not today. I thought I'd vary my greetings so I went for a jovial wave this time.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Take pom poms to work tomorrow and do him a 'cheer'

(PsychoChomp, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:00, Reply)
OK, sure.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 1 Aug 2012, 10:02, Reply)

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