I have just talked a friend out of having an affair.
Midlife Crisis, have you had one? Know someone who has? Thinking about buying a convertible car? That BMW S100RR motorcycle? Tattoo’s?
www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/sep/29/10-point-guide-to-beating-that-midlife-crisis
I have developed a lot of grey hair but am determined to grow old gracefully (just for men can GTFO, how do you cope with the passing of time?

Alt: What last made you laugh so hard you hurt yourself? Mine was the men’s 100m qualifications when Tyson Gay just had the word GAY written on his chest.

Alt:Alt: What last got you so angry you almost hurt somebody/something else ?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:51, 123 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

i am almost constantly in a state of midlife crisis
no fancy cars, but I had a piercing, a tattoo, I've taken up various things, just to stave off stagnation, boredom and age
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:55, Reply)

None of them worked though, did they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:03, Reply)

it all fills the time before death

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:04, Reply)

My sporadic eyebrow hairs are now long enough to curl down into my eyelashes, Lamont-lols
Alt: I laughed a lot on Saturday night, but I was pissed enough to fall aleep on the bog

altalt: I don't get that angry
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

I've started cutting mine
fuck yeah !
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Sometimes the hairdresser des them, but it appears to be a losing battle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:08, Reply)

i went to the barbers the other week
and he just did it, didn't ask, just combed it out and clippered the buggers. i was dumbfounded!one one hand, the cheek of it! on the other hand, fuck me, they're so rampantly out of control the barber just assumes they need clipping so i don't walk into stuff..
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:37, Reply)

Should have let him have an affair then told his wife.
Then loled
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

He was acting like a prick Chompy
The grass aint always greener.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:04, Reply)

To be honest, he's going to ignore your advice and do it anyway.
People never take advice about penis stuff.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

and here you have summed up the root cause
of pretty much every problem humanity has
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Penises?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:08, Reply)

'penis stuff'

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:09, Reply)

Do NHS Direct offer advice on penis stuff then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Shit tons.
Men are scared of people touching their penis. It won't just go away tangled
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:09, Reply)

I was hoping more for advice on getting people to touch it :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:13, Reply)

dip it in diet coke

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:15, Reply)

OK, done that.
Now what?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:19, Reply)

It's his choice friend -book and face-reunited have a lot to answer for

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:11, Reply)

I have been having an ongoing midlife crisis for the last 5 years.
Alt: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMHhy-mGndI

AltAlt: Does not apply. I am centre of calmness at all times.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Recently? Nothing.
Alt alt: never. I don't really get angry.

I think I'm not old enough for a "mid life" crisis, but I constantly feel as though I'm having one little crisis after another. Also, you're fucking shit, I hate you, I hate your stupid username, and I think you're stupid.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Although, if I win £148m on the Euro lotto tonight I will be ordering one of these tomorrow
www.jaguarspeedster.com/
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Does wanting to shag an old girlfriend again count as a crisis?
I'm not going to, not worth the drama (and I'm rather happy with the current missus), but I heard her sing again last night for the first time in years, and it sent me a bit round the bend.

Alternatively, I'm not too concerned with getting older, as I'm one of the oldest 24 year olds you'll ever meet, I prefer quiet nights in a nice pub to loud places, things like that.

Alt: The speeches at my brother's wedding at the weekend, they were excellent.

AltAlt: Everything that has happened so far this morning, I'd say.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 11:59, Reply)

Yay!!!
*votes*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:03, Reply)

I had a mid-life crisis bought for me
my other half bought me a Ferrari drive for my 40th, which was awesome, and slightly scary (it rained, 400hp in the wet.....)
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:00, Reply)

I'm driving an Aston Martin Vantage V8 on the 24th!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:04, Reply)

\o/
that would have been my choice, but I wasn't complaining.
That or the Gallardo they had as well, sounded amazing.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

York airport
I cannot wait!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Should be room to get up to a good speed there...
Mine was at Three Sisters and it's a bit short, still got up to about a ton though, and the noise, oh man, the noise!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

I was only saying to my 13-years-younger-than-me girlfriend the other day,
as I was pulling on my skinny jeans, I said 'blokes who have mid-life crises are fucking pathetic'. I mean really, grow old gracefully FFS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah, cos you're such a picture of growing old gracefully.
With your stringy little pony tail and your ridiculously large record collection, and your MASSIVE DRUGS paraphernalia. Nah, you're a walking poster boy for growing old gracefully.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:05, Reply)

The joke











Your head
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

No, I got "the joke" it just wasn't funny.
Or maybe it was and I just don't care? I'm in a shitty mood and expect better humour from the likes of you lot. Thus far tonight I am sadly disappointed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:09, Reply)

DYAAKY it's the only answer

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Seriously considering it.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

A steady campaign of internet
Bullying will cheer you up no end
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:15, Reply)

Nah, not in the mood for it today.
You're all too shit for me to bother.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:17, Reply)

You Deacon, Poppet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Hahahhahahaha
first click of the day
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:06, Reply)

You're 26?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Nope, too busy minding my own fucking business

(Kid Presentable, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:04, Reply)

kp,
voice of reason, in a world of beakering.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:11, Reply)

I sayin' nuttin'

(Kid Presentable, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:24, Reply)

HAHAHA!!! HIS NAME IS GAY!!! LIKE A HOMOSEXUAL!!!! LOL!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:04, Reply)

ITS JUST AS FUNNY IF HIS NAME WAS GAYE AS WELL
HAHA FUCKING HOMOS
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

You really have to work to get me that angry.
I hurt all manner of people accidentally, mind.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:07, Reply)

kroney was the rock upon which others broke themselves on

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:08, Reply)

that was in a morgan freeman voiceover as well

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:09, Reply)

i'm still a youngun,
so in answer to your alts, this guy: www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/olympics/19154306

I haven't hurt anyone in anger since i was about 21, i used to be a bit punchy when drinking, naughty boy.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:09, Reply)

I done a lol

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:11, Reply)

i like the commentary guy totally about to crack up, and then realise that's probably not appropriate on TV.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Hahahahahaha

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

FECK!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Arse! Drink!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:15, Reply)

Huh. An ambulance has just rolled over outside my office.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:10, Reply)

!

(Kid Presentable, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:11, Reply)

pics please

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:11, Reply)

For those that are on my FB
There is one.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

well that's not very inclusive is it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Nope!

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:25, Reply)

i have duly nicked it
and circulated it to my friends who used to work with me in that building
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

CAN I SEE THE PICTURE PLEASE?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

i'm not clever enough to post pics
but kroney will cave if you nag him hard enough or show him your tits
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

well, you're as bad as he is.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:49, Reply)

he is being mean
i am just thick
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

Here you go Windo:

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

proper lol.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

I'm going to put a second one up soon.
Just so you know.
( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

you're not nice, you know that, not nice at all.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:55, Reply)

oh, thanks kroney,
this is the worst form of bullying so far
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:20, Reply)

you wait til janet is UNstepped

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

i'm scared swipey,
although i get the feeling the mods will be watching her like a hawk. I reckon we run a sweepstake on how long it takes for her to get re-stepped.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

she does bully you
bullies you good. but maybe you deserve it, did you ever think of that? eh?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

she loves me really,
she gazzed me once, and it wasn't an insult. That practically makes us best mates.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

the worst bully on these boards is Swipe.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

shut it loser

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

2.0, right here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:57, Reply)

what did she get stepped for anyway?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:50, Reply)

posting a bunch of shed jokes as soon as qotw re-opened.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

so posting a red rag to a bull then?
ah well. a week is soon over.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

you shouldn't have farted so hard

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Not going to help?
nope, just post a apathetic message on the internet...
(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Ugh, it's like three floors below.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

plus ambulances are
full of the kind of people who know what to do in the situation
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:15, Reply)

Go to hospital?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:16, Reply)

And ill people.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Nobody on it, it was on its way to a call.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:39, Reply)

ambulances drive themselves now?
how do the paramedics get to the scene then?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

robots

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:52, Reply)

'P-RACTICE'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 13:05, Reply)

Did you rub its belly?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

this actually amde me laugh...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:15, Reply)

£250 quid on YBF, right there.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:51, Reply)

Does knobbing someone young enough to be your daughter count? Barmaid at the local, 22 years difference.
Before you start, im over 25. I fely happy, and a dirty old bastard at the same time.
Alt, can't really remember, I'm still waiting for something interesting to happen in the Olympics. Although I applaud Boris Johnson, who told the French to "put that in your pipes and smoke it", after their premature comments about our paucity of medals.
Alt alt, nothing really.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:12, Reply)

You fucked a 4 year old?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:14, Reply)

You fucked a 5 year old?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Morning Aggy. How's Maccland?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Not great at the minute, but that's work related
Once August is over, things will be back to normal.

Yourself?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Yeah ok. Flooded pipes yesterday, bummer, but fixed it up last night.
King of the bodge job!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:36, Reply)

you fucked a 6 year old?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:16, Reply)

you fucked your hand again

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:17, Reply)

You lied on the internet?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:33, Reply)

It's pathetic, but I was watching a repeat of The Inbetweeners last week and the bit where Simon is trying to talk dirty and blurts out "I'm going to fuck you in the fucking fanny, you twat!" cracks me up still.


I don't get angry, I'm always angry. No, wait, I'm confusing myself with The Hulk again, sorry.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:18, Reply)

scarpe!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:20, Reply)

He's scarpered

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:51, Reply)

You're correct
The Inbetweeners really is pathetic.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:22, Reply)

i fucking love the inbetweeners
"i'd rather be a buswanker than drive that yellow piece of shit"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:25, Reply)

It's funny.
But I couldn't watch a whole series.

Maybe there should be a companion show about the rock & emo schoolkids.

All Morbid Angel, the Get Up Kids, and just for AA, Green Day. It would have to be screened at the end of September though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:45, Reply)

right, fuck the lot of you /ac
I'm going to study. And drink. Maybe not in that order.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:24, Reply)

i have a convertible, but i've had one since i was 27, so it doesn't count
if i need surgery, i'll have it. but GOOD surgery. no stretchy face.

alt: my friend being a moron.

altalt: the tube. this morning. 30 mins stuck in a hot dark crowded tunnel and when teh driver finally spoke to us, some stupid cunt let her cunting child SING all over the top of the announcement. i have become a lady who tuts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:25, Reply)

i'm sure you're allowed to punch children in the face on the underground.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:46, Reply)

There is a girl on that "Thelma's Girls" tv show who looks like a young you.
I think her name is Victoria. She's proper thick though, so I knew you two aren't the same person. Plus if you sold your flat you could buy pretty much everything including contents on the land she lives on... Twice over.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

i've never seen it, hang on...
www.google.co.uk/search?um=1&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=843&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=%22thelma%27s+girls%22+victoria&oq=%22thelma%27s+girls%22+victoria&gs_l=img.3...19360.20297.0.20344.9.7.0.0.0.0.125.548.5j1.6.0...0.0...1c.XUlqn57QCM0

which one gonz? if it's the ugly bint with pink hair, i will hunt you down and bake you into a pie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Can't see her at first glance on my phone, I'll find a picture when I get home.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

He means the one with the blue hair and the beard.

( Kroney, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 13:12, Reply)

Hercules hasn't died yet.
He's hanging in there.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:42, Reply)

i wish him a peaceful passing.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:47, Reply)

I want the little man to pull through.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:48, Reply)

What has Battered got to do with poor wee Hercules here?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:53, Reply)

i know you do,
but the rest of us want you to be upset, and then make inappropriate jokes about what to do with his still warm corpse.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:54, Reply)

LOL

(Kid Presentable, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:58, Reply)

AIDS can take some time to finish you off

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 12:58, Reply)

My dad is 60 something and is trading his Beemer for a Porsche.
Alt: my mate jack garrotting himself with a clothes line.
Alt alt: today, meatheads in the gym who do sod all but preen themselves and get in the way.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 7 Aug 2012, 13:10, Reply)